Disclaimer: I don't even know why I'm writing this. It does look more professional though...

A/N: This is just a cute little story that I wrote to lighten up my mood, it can be funny if you want it to be. Basically, everyone's gone hunting but Emmett. It's probably going to just be 2 or 3 chapters. Enjoy!


A mass of unknown mush is basically flung at my tray by the lunch lady. I knew I should've brought lunch today, this thing probably is older then I am. I grab an orange and head over to pay. Emmett's laughing by my side, looking at my lunch.

"Bella, even I know that's disgusting." he chuckled.

"That'll be 3.00." the lunch lady says in a bored voice.

I reach for my wallet, but Emmett first hands the guy a bill.

"Emmett! I can pay for my own food." I protested.

"You don't have any money in there Bella, Alice told me you left it at home." he said in a matter-of-factly voice.

"Very funny, I'm not taking a 500 dollar bill." she said.

500 dollar bill?

"Why don't you put it in her account? I assure it's an authentic one, I bought about 40 of them from some collector dude." Emmett said.

She grunted a yes, and waved us on. Emmett and I walked to where the Cullens usually sat, and he had some explaining to do.

"Why did you pay him a 500 dollar bill? Now I owe you 497 dollars, what the heck Emmett?" I asked, while poking the brown lump on my plate. I swear to god it just twitched. I think I'll just eat the orange.

"Bella, Bella, Bella." he said while waving his finger. "I actually don't know, I just lied to the dude, but what's ours is yours to share. Besides, Edward can make that much in an hour by stripping."


Suddenly, the orange piece in my throat was stuck, and I couldn't breathe. I put my hands around my neck to show a very scared Emmett that I was choking.

"I was just joking Bella!" he cried as he walked behind me and hit my back.

It was still there. I bet my face was purple now, I couldn't breathe. A huge blow struck my back, and out flew the piece of orange. Ow, Emmett hits hard. Look at the pretty stars....

Emmett POV

Oh my god.

I just knocked Bella out. Edward is totally going to rape me when he comes back.

Bella's head was lying on the table, and her eyes were closed. At least she wasn't choking. As I poked her cheeks, I realized that everyone was staring at us. I stood up.

"Bella was choking, so I hit her, and apparently I hit her too hard, so she's unconscious right now." I said calmly while shrugging. I don't think they were convinced, but people started to look away. Wow, that was really awkward.

I grabbed her by the waist, took her bag, and just walked out. It was kind of like holding a rag doll, she was all limp and her hair was falling forward. Maybe I'm holding her wrong, oh well. Bella was so light that I suddenly wanted to throw her in the air and catch her again.

My phone ringed, and I flipped it open.


"Emmett, if you even TRY doing that, I'll burn your stash of Hannah Montana CD's under your bed, AND, I'll tell everyone about your guilty pleasure of humping pictures of the Village People." Edward said menacingly.

Wait, how did he know about that?

"I didn't hear the magic word did I Ed-"


"Okay! Jeez. Seriously, don't tell anyone that." I whispered.

"Just keep Bella alive, and I won't." Edward snapped, and then he hung up.

When I got to the nurse's office, the lady stared at me as if I was a something to eat. Gross, she's like 70, and she's wearing a hot pink jumpsuit with green circles sewn everywhere.

"Hello, there. What's your name?" She said slowly as she tried to push her saggy boobs toward me. "How may I help you today?"

The grandma was licking the top of a pen and twirling strands of badly dyed blond hair around a finger. Hahaha, she's a pedophile, just like Eddie.

"Well, my girlfriend here fainted. I think she needs to lie down, and I should go with her." I said.

She immediately straightened up, stopped licking the pen, and almost looked disappointed.

"3rd door on the left." she muttered.

After I carried Bella to a room and she was lying down, I got bored, like really bored. I'll look through her bag.

A few moments later, I found myself looking at a leather bound notebook. Mostly, Bella just talked about Eddie, school, her family, and us. I still don't get how he can spend 8 hours just watching her sleep.

There also was a little bag that looked liked a pencil case. Inside were plastic tubes, I think Rosalie told me that they were tampons. She wouldn't tell me what they do, and told me 'to figure it out myself.' Huh, wonder what they do. Tampons. That's a funny word. Tampons, tampons, tampons. I need a life.

It took me about 5 minutes to learn how to open it, and in the end, it was just a little cotton thing on a string. Bella stirred, but still didn't wake up. I stared at her nostrils, and immediately it all came together. I opened two and shoved one up each nose. Wait, my vampire instincts are telling me that something's not right. Oh, I get it. I pulled it out more so all of the string was out of her nose. This didn't look very comfortable, Bella looks like a weirdo.

So bored. Suddenly, I thought of the most brilliant idea ever that would leave Eddie speechless. MUHAHAHA...... I truly am brilliant.

A/N: Cliffie! Want to see the next chapter? REVIEW!!! I take anonymous reviews, so please, click the little button, and we'll all be happy. Besides, I'm not posting the next chapter until I get 20 reviews. Muhahaha... I truly am evil.