A/N- Loosely (in the loosest sense of the word) inspired by the Smiths song 'That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore' so props to Morrissey for the title. First forays into fanfiction, so please give criticism in the nicest way possible. Rating just to be sure...for language mostly and possibly later chapters. Please feel free to indulge in the Potter merch and Potter-themed treats at the bottom as you review! Hope you enjoy! Thanks.
Harry paused. Lowering his quill he slowly got up and looked around.
'I know you're in here' he whispered into the quiet of the library. In reply, Harry heard the footsteps advancing closer towards him.
He counted under his breath '1…2…3…' on the 3 he swung around, wand at the ready. The footsteps stopped. As Harry peered into the darkness, he could make out not one but four figures in front of him. He took a step forward. They took a step back. He advanced again, and again they retreated. Harry sighed.
'You know this joke isn't funny anymore,' he paused again to toss the hair out of eyes and raised his wand.
Harry awoke shaking and sweating, he scrambled up, straightend his robe and glasses and looked around taking in the familiar scenery.
'I'm…I'm in the library…what am I doing here?' he stammered – not quite realising he was talking aloud.
'Exactly what I was wondering Mr Potter,' said the stern voice of Madamn Pince coming from a few shelves away, 'shouldn't you be in class…I sincerely hope you aren't trying to skip, when Professor Du…'
Harry cut her off just as she rounded the bookcase in front of him.
'No! No! I mean no, I'm not skiving…I was looking for a book…for Potions research…we're doing a project and I…' Harry broke off.
Madamn Pince raised an eyebrow and stared at him quizzically. A smile played about her lips as she said 'In your pyjamas Mr Potter?'
Hermione and Ron looked at each other nervously as they waited outside Snape's dungeon with the rest of their house and the Gryffindors.
'What do you thinks happened to him, Ron?'
'I dunno…maybe he's sick…we didn't have time to check the hospital wing remember?'
'But…what if he's been expelled…you know for…'
'Enter!' boomed Snape's voice from within the classroom. Hermione started to walk through the door and collided with Malfoy who had been sprinting down the torch-lit corridor. They landed in heap at the doorway much to the laughter of the other students, particularly the Gryffindors. Professor Snape strode the short distance from his desk to the doorframe and glared at his least favourite pupil.
'10 points from Gryffindor for knocking over a Slytherin and a further 10 points for being late. Now get up and take your seat and don't forget to apologise to Miss Granger, Mr Malfoy.' Snape swept round, his cloak billowing and walked back to his desk.
'Sorry.' Malfoy mumbled as he looked at the floor. Inside he was fuming how dare Snape, force him a pureblood, to apologise to this filth. He continued to scowl as he walked to his seat and pulled out his book.
Hermione looked at Malfoy, then Snape with a bewildered look on her face. When she finally made it to her seat, Ron just stared at her 'What was that all about?'
When Harry had initially reached the portrait hole, he had felt a wave of calm wash over him. Having escaped Madamn Pince with a warning he had bolted for his dormitory in order to change before anyone else saw him. As he had been running through the corridors, he had tried to figure out why he was in the library and why he was in his pyjamas. Mad ideas such as kidnap, (Who would kidnap me and hide me in the school library?) had drifted through his mind before he had realised the easy explanation staring him in the face.
I was sleepwalking! Of course! He smiled to himself and shook his head thinking of how hilarious Hermionie and especially Ron were going to find this.
However, now 2 minutes had passed and the calm feeling he had been enjoying since arriving at the portrait hole, had been replaced with one of panic.
After greeting the Fat Lady with 'Asparagus tips' (apparently she was on a health kick) she had simply screamed and several trolls had appeared from nowhere fully prepared to beat Harry to within an inch of his life.
'Slytherin Scum!' the Fat Lady had yelled at him. 'I'll be reporting this to your Head of House and Dumbledore, make no mistake!'
Harry had then found himself ushered down the hall by several trolls who had glared, grunted and gesticulated wildly at him before returning the way they had came.
Harry's gut instinct was to go to Dumbledore, but decided instead to find Ron and Hermione. It was only then that he realised he was late for Snape's Potions class. My day just keeps getting better and better.
Hermione was floating on air. She had never felt this valued before and certainly never expected to be treated with anything even approaching approval for answering correctly in Professor Snape's class, let alone actually be asked to give potions advice to the other students.
'Miss Granger, if you could show the class your completed potion and possibly help others who are…' Snape paused to look malevolently at Malfoy '…struggling.'
'Yes Sir. Um…If brewed correctly the Draught of Peace should shimmer. If your potion turns black or dark grey then you've added to much hellebore and you'll need to…'
As Hermione explained in detail how to achieve the desired result, Harry was standing outside the door wondering whether he should go in at all. He was still in his pyjamas having been afraid to try the portrait hole again, and the designers of the garments had obviously thought a wand pocket was unnecessary for sleep-wear. Figuring he would be trouble for being late anyway, he knocked on the door and walked into the classroom in what he hoped was a confident manner.
The scene before his eyes shocked him. Hermione appeared to be leading the class while Snape sat at his desk, marking scrolls and occasionally adding extra comments to Hermione's explanation. Realising his mouth was open; he quickly shut it and walked towards Snape's desk.
'Midnight stroll again, Mr Potter?' Snape asked without looking up, catching Harry off-guard.
'Umm…oh you mean, well, I can explain, well no, I can't…I'm sorry I'm late Sir, but…I…I…I was…' Harry stammered out, all the while trying to come up with a plausible explanation.
'Never mind Mr Potter,' Snape said, raising a hand to stop Harry. 'You're here now, take a seat, I'm sure Mr Weasley can tell you what you've missed.'
Harry glanced over at Ron, expecting to see him in fits of laughter at his apperance and got another surprise in what seemed to be a morning full of them.
Ron was taking notes.
A/N-What oddness will occur next? Is McGonagall the giant squid? Will Hagrid suddenly downsize and will Malfoy get a staring role in the next chapter? Hmmm!
So what did you think? Please review. Thank you.