As far as he was concerned, Zeke had never hated his English teacher more than he did at that second. As he lay on his bed, a notebook perched on his stretched legs, he had to fight the urge to hit something - or some ONE - while he attempted to write his letter to his new "pen-pal". Try as he might, he could not think of one single thing to write to her, except to tell her that no, he was not gay. And, truth be told, he was sorely tempted to say that he WAS gay, just so that her brother's stupid little fantasy would have zero chance of happening.

Unfortunately, he could not deny that this girl had piqued his curiosity. For one thing, it seemed that she actually had a strange knack for guessing the appearance of others, and that was just cool. And second, she seemed to have somewhat of a personality - no matter how odd it was.

Groaning loudly, he dropped his head against the wall behind his bed, attempting to beat a couple ideas into his mind. After trying this several times, however, the only thing he could concentrate on was the pounding in his head, which was not helping to boost his creativity. Deciding that this was, in fact, not the best thing to do, he slowly got up off of his bed and sauntered over to his desk, grabbing his phone and punching in Virgil's number. If ANYONE could help him with this, it would be Lover-Boy, seeing as he was always going on and on about his AMAZING advice on the fairer gender. As the phone rang, he sat back down on his bed, casually noticing how he was crushing his English notebook and how, if he really thought about it, he really didn't give two shits because Virgil WASN'T PICKING UP HIS DAMN PHONE, and if he didn't hurry up, Zeke would get on his motorcycle, ride over there, and beat that boy's scrawny little-

"Hello?" Virgil's voice cut through Zeke's little daydream like a knife, startling him just enough to fall off of his bed with a rather loud 'thump' as the phone flew from his hand.

As he quickly scrambled to his feet, mumbling a few choice curses as he knocked his notebook to the ground, he grabbed the phone and nearly shouted, "Virgil, why the hell did you take so long to answer your damn phone?!"

"Um, I was kind of busy doing homework," Virgil responded, sounding more than a bit confused.

"What's your problem?"

"I…uh…" Zeke paused. How was he going to approach this situation delicately? He rarely asked for advice concerning girls. If he said this wrong, Virgil would no doubt get the wrong idea and decide that he - Virgil Fox - had LEVERAGE against Zeke. This was to be taken quite seriously.

"How do you talk to girls?"

Well, THAT certainly went according to plan. As he sat there for a moment, holding the phone away from his ear while listening to Virgil die laughing, he could feel his face heat up as his temper began to flare.

"Virgil, just shut up for two seconds and let me talk!" he barked in the general direction of the apparatus in his hand. The laughter on the other end began to quiet, and soon it was silent.

"Done yet?" Zeke was attempting to remain calm, but he knew that if Virgil so much as chuckled again, he wouldn't be responsible for his actions.

"Yeah. Sorry about that, dude. It's just… you…asking how to talk to girls…" Zeke could clearly hear Virgil attempting to hold back another bout of laughter and he grit his teeth.

"If you mention that tomorrow, I will personally beat you to death with a wrench. Now LISTEN," he hissed, sounding quite deadly, through clenched teeth. His threat was met with dead silence, which he took as a sign to continue.

"Okay, so you know how Mr. Johnson made that stupid assignment where we had to, like, have a pen pal? Well, I got his girl named Julie, an' she asked-"

He paused, wondering how to word this next part and why he had decided to call Virgil instead of Charlie. At least Charlie would've been sympathetic…

Sighing, he decided to just be blunt.

"Well, she asked if I was gay, and that's just…thrown me off? Yeah, I guess that's the right way to say it. An' now I just…don't know how to respond and I swear to God, Virge, if you even MENTION this to anyone at school, even if you don't say any names, I will run you over on my bike and then put you in a cheerleading outfit and-"

"Okay, okay, I get the point," Virgil hastily cut him off and Zeke smirked. He knew that bringing up "The Incident" was a low blow, even though Virgil tried to act like it didn't bother him anymore.

"I guess talk about…stuff? Maybe say how you like bikes and shit like that, you know? Oh, man," Virgil suddenly sounded panicked.

"Listen, dude, I gotta go. Stephanie is coming in like…five minutes and I have to get ready. Call me later!"

And the line went dead. Zeke stared at the phone in his hand, his jaw almost sitting on his chest. THIS was the fantastic advice that Virgil kept saying he was capable of giving?

He was going to Charlie next time.

Sighing, he grabbed his notebook and threw himself backwards onto his bed, tossing his phone carelessly onto the floor. He was going to break that thing someday…

Shaking his head, he opened his notebook once more and, pausing only briefly, began to write.

What up, Julie, he started.

I'm Zeke, which you already know.

I guess I should answer your question. No, I'm not gay, but I don't think that your brother's little "fantasy" is ever going to happen. But if it ever DOES happen, be ready to shove a motorcycle helmet onto your head. No damn pony's gonna take ME anywhere.

Anyways, I read your letter and that description of me was pretty good. The only thing you got wrong was my eyes. I have blue eyes, not brown. Just, you know, so you know.

I guess it's only fair that I ask you a couple questions now. I want to know what you look like, so if you could send a description or something, that would be awesome.

And I guess, are you a senior? 'Cause I am.


He looked at the letter he had just scrawled and sighed. It would have to do, he supposed. At least he wouldn't get a failing grade.

Getting up, he loped down the stairs and into the dining room, searching around for some type of envelope. He wanted to find one quickly, before his uncle came back and saw-

"Whatcha got there, Zekey-Boy?!"


"It's just a letter to my school pen pal. She wrote me a letter and I have to reply," he said stiffly, finally finding and envelope and shoving said letter inside before his uncle could ask anymore questions.

"Ah! So it's to a GIRL, huh?" his uncle raised his eyebrows a bit suggestively before letting out a hearty laugh and slapping Zeke on the back.

"Go easy on the lil' lady, alright tiger? Don't want her falling all over you too fast! And, uh…"

He leaned in towards Zeke, motioning for him to come closer.

"If you ever get to 'the deed', don't forget to use protection, 'cause I don't want no little Zeke's running around. Got it?"

"Aw, c'mon!" Zeke's face was bright red as he quickly backed away from his uncle, who was having a hearty laugh at his mortified nephew.

"I'm just kidding! Go on, go back to whatever it is you do up in that black hole of a room," he cried, shooing Zeke back up the stairs, who was all too happy to go. Finally getting up to his room, he snatched up his backpack and unzipped it.

"You are way more trouble than you're worth," he grumbled to the letter before shoving it into his backpack and flopping back down onto his bed, hoping to erase all memories of the previous conversation.

A/N: What is this?! An UPDATE? Oh golly gee!

I had a lot of fun writing Zeke in this chapter. I hope he isn't too OOC, but if he is, please feel free to tell me.

In a review.

Review plzthnx?