Disclaimer: They're not mine; if they were Series 2 would have been very different.
Nick shook his head as he finished reading Stephen's joke e-mail, A Guide to Dating a Lizard Girl. Stephen always did have an odd sense of humour.
Still, it had been a funny read. And Stephen wanted a reply. He didn't dare, did he?
He glanced over to where Claudia was curled up in a chair, reading a novel. With the television on, a habit he would never understand. She wasn't paying him any mind. He could probably pull it off. So he hit the Reply button and began typing.
A Guide to Dating a Civil Servant
1.) Don't let her wear a skirt on days you know a dull meeting is scheduled - it's very distracting.
2.) On second thought, ignore the above advice; said distraction prevents death by boredom.
3.) Make sure you do the paperwork, no matter how tedious. Not doing it gets you in a lot of trouble.
4.) It's OK to ramble about prehistoric creatures. When she's sick of listening she'll kiss you to shut you up. This leads to activities far more interesting than science.
5.) When Lester's being an asshole, suggest feeding him to the next predator that comes through an anomaly. She'll laugh and be in a better frame of mind, especially if you agree to take care of the paperwork from Lester's death.
6.) Teasing her about your first meeting makes her blush. She's cute when she blushes, so tease her a lot.
7.) Don't bother trying to argue with her; one look from those big brown eyes and you'll do whatever she wants.
8.) Don't do anything stupid like get her caught in a paradox. It may make you realize how much she means to you, but it hurts like hell.
9.) However, if you do end up doing something that stupid, the moment you put it right and get her back is the best moment of your life.
Nick finished typing and sat back to read over what he'd written. His last two weren't that funny, but a couple of Stephen's hadn't been either. He didn't think it mattered, especially since they were true.
The phone rang. "Hello?" Nick answered.
"It's Stephen. Did you get the e-mail?"
Casually, Nick left the room, not wanting to raise Claudia's suspicions. "Yeah. Very funny. Does Abby know?"
Unfortunately for Nick (and thanks to female solidarity, also for Stephen), Claudia did overhear those first few sentences. Closing her book, she went over to the computer, peering at the screen. She grinned at Stephen's list, but her eyes narrowed dangerously when she saw Nick's.
Did he think he was some sort of comedian? Well, she would show him. And for good measure, she'd just send this to Abby - once she'd added her own list.
Quickly she printed a copy of the e-mail, folding the paper and tucking it into her book, where it couldn't be seen. When Nick came back in, she was curled up in the chair once more, looking as though she hadn't moved an inch.
"Who was on the phone?" she asked absently.
"Stephen. He was checking to see if I'd gotten an e-mail he sent me."
"Oh, was it important?"
"No, just some university stuff."
"Sounds fascinating," she said dryly.
"Oh yeah, very," he replied, clicking Send and shutting the computer down. Behind her book, Claudia smirked. This would be fun.