Summary: (HPNar) What if the translation spell wasn't as reliable as we thought? One shot.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter (© J.K. Rowling) or Naruto (© Kishimoto Masashi).
Lost in Translation
"One of the many barriers between cultural understanding is language."
"– protect them for a year," finished Tsunade, as she eyed each of the four ninjas before her. "Any questions so far?"
"Ano sa! Ano sa!" voiced up the one with blonde hair. "Where did you say the mission was again?"
He was rewarded with a powerful punch to the head.
"Baka!" shouted the female of the team, looming threatening over her cowering teammate. "Don't you listen to Hokage-sama at all! She said it was in Sukottorando!"
"Itai..." whined the ninja as he rubbed the tender spot on his head. "Demo... Sakura-chan, I'm hungry."
He was deemed lucky that she didn't aim him at the window.
"Sakura, leave Naruto alone," said Tsunade, sighing from frustration at their usual antics. "Naruto, the mission is in Sukottorando at a magic training school by the name of 'Hoguwaashi School of Witchcraft and Wizardry'. Got it?"
Naruto, still despairing at his harsh treatment, nodded meekly.
"Good. Now, you'll be leaving in about two minutes. I trust you already packed?" The four answered by showing their backpacks. "Good. Now, I want all of you to take a hold of this."
Taking something from under her desk, the blonde woman threw it in the direction of the oldest of the four, who blinked in surprise at the abnormity of said object.
"An old boot?" he asked as he held the vile object between his index finger and thumb, in the furthest distance his arm could reach.
Sasuke, the last member of the team and the closet to the man, scrunched his face up in an expression of pure disgust, and took a few steps back.
"Just grab it already!" snapped Tsunade when she saw that none of the other three were making any moves to take a hold of the boot. "It's not like the porutoki is going to eat you!"
"Yes, porutoki," she gritted through her teeth. "It is your means of transport to the school, and if you don't grab it in the next minute and a half, you'll be left behind."
This prompted the three to hastily grab the boot. Clear expressions of revulsion could be seen on all four faces (even Kakashi's mask couldn't hide it).
"But how does it work?" asked Sakura after a while.
Tsunade shrugged. "How would I know? Magic, I suppose."
Before any of the four could yell at her for trusting such a lack in information, a violent tug was felt and Rookie Team Seven disappeared from the mission office, greatly startling the blonde woman.
Meanwhile, in the Headmaster's office at Hogwarts...
"Albus, I usually trust your judgement, but this time you've really taken this too far!"
Albus-ridiculously-long-name-Dumbledore listened patiently as the deputy of the school continued to chew his ear off.
"But to hire ninjas of all things!" shrieked McGonagall. "Are you out of your mind!"
"I believe you aren't the only one who has said I am such," cut in the Headmaster, further infuriating the woman. "Do not fret, Minerva. All I ask is that you see them for yourself before judging them based on other's assumptions. Only then may you continue to wildly proclaim that all ninjas are evil incarnates of Voldemort."
Well, that shut her up.
Dumbledore took advantage of the silence and happily popped a lemon drop candy in his mouth, all the while ignoring the violent twitching coming from McGonagall's eyebrow.
A few minutes passed and the silence was broken by a piercing scream and someone shouting, "Kimi ga korosu!"
Within that second, four figures suddenly appeared in a heap on the carpet, all of them clinging onto a battered old shoe. Two of them in particular were vocalising their complaints (as Dumbledore assumed) in their own language.
"Baa-san ga shinraisuranai!"
"Naruto no baka! Sore wa watashi no ashi desu yo!"
"Ah! Gomen ne, Sakura-chan!"
Dumbledore managed to force himself to tear his eyes away from the amusing scene ("Dobe, furui kutsu o kaihou.")("Urusai, Sasuke-teme!") and couldn't help but chuckle at the disbelieving look present on McGonagall's face before turning back to the group.
"Welcome to Hogwarts!" he said with an amused smile, gaining the attention of the four ninjas. "I trust your trip was enjoyable?"
The ninjas blinked in confusion.
"Ano sa!" said the blond. "Anata ga wakaranai!"
Dumbledore blinked. "Oh, I apologise. I've forgotten that you don't speak English."
Brandishing his wand, he was about to wave it when he noticed the tensed stances of ninjas. "Do not worry; I am merely going to perform a translation spell on you."
Though the ninjas didn't understand what he was saying, they recognised his soft tone and relaxed a bit, though remained wary.
Jerking his hand in a series of flicks, the old wizard muttered, "Reddo Lingua: Japanese to English," before abruptly pointing it in the direction of a suspicious white-haired adult.
A shimmer of gold light erupted from the tip of his wand and encircled the alarmed ninja. It then split into three clusters and each absorbed into the man's eyes, ears and lips. The younger three ninjas watched in curiosity as they watched the man merely stand there, an overwhelming expression on his face.
"Kakashi-sensei?" the female said warily, taking a cautious step closer to the man.
The three didn't have long to ponder over the effect of the spell before they too were hit with it. Dumbledore and McGonagall waited as millions of words became to swarm the ninjas' minds.
The moment only lasted for a few seconds before the four stumbled backwards, their eyes glazed slightly.
"Do you understand me now?" asked Dumbledore, hiding his nervousness. That spell had only recently been developed and Dumbledore had to admit that this was the first time he needed to use the spell. Apparently, the spell had backfired every time it was used by others and was constantly under construction. Dumbledore, when he decided to hire the ninjas, took it upon himself to reconstruct the spell himself. It wasn't a surprise everyone else stopped their own efforts, foolishly confident that Dumbledore could do anything.
The raven-haired youth warily opened his mouth and formed unfamiliar words.
"English I little understand."
The wizard, witch and three ninjas blinked owlishly.
"Sasuke-term-that-insults, what you speak?"
Dumbledore dropped his head in despair. It looks like he failed too.
"Steamed-fish-paste-cake, understand not. Sasuke-suffix-for-close-males you insult?"
"Cherry-blossom-suffix-for-close-females, you sense not make. Why you about food speak?"
The female, unable to stand the weirdness of her own speech, turned to the oldest of their group in hopes for some form of intelligence.
"Scarecrow-teacher/doctor/instructor, you us understand?"
The man merely gapped in disbelief and confusion.
"Scarecrow-teacher/doctor/instructor, are you healthy?"
That did it. The poor man collapsed, too overwhelmed by the strangeness around him.
"Scarecrow-teacher/doctor/instructor!" shouted the blond and the female as all three younger ninjas instantly went to catch him.
"Che," scoffed the raven-haired youth. "Pathetic this is."
The blond nodded. "I you understand not, but your meaning understand."
McGonagall, who had been staring at the group in disbelief, turned to catch the worried glint in Dumbledore's eyes.
"Albus, do you have an explanation for this?" she asked, her eyes narrowed in suspicion at the startled old man. The three conscious ninjas heard and, though they didn't understand her full sentence, they caught the drift of it, added by her accusing tone.
Dumbledore chuckled nervously. "It would seem this is my fault," he said sheepishly.
"Hmm, you think?" McGonagall bit back sarcastically.
Dumbledore winced visibly.
"Excuse me?" The wizard and witch blinked in surprise at the only grammar-corrected phrase used by the female ninja. "We like this forever stay?" Well, so much for grammar.
"Do not worry," assured Dumbledore when he managed to decipher her jumbled message. "The spell should wear off sooner or later."
Several weeks later...
"We like this still speak!"
Dumbledore looked at a harassed McGonagall, who had been dragged by a certain blond ninja to say the password due to his faulty speech pattern, and asked, "Are you still firm in your belief, Minerva?", referring to their previous conversation.
The elderly witch stared at the youth before her as he continuously proclaimed that his name was not food (as she would assume).
"No... they're much worse."
Japanese to English Translations
Kimi ga korosu! – I'm going to kill you (female)!
Baasan ga shinraisuranai! – Granny can't be trusted!
Naruto no baka! Sore wa watashi no ashi desu yo! – Stupid Naruto! That's my leg/foot!
Gomen ne, Sakura-chan! – Sorry, Sakura!
Dobe, furui kutsu o hittsukamanai. – Dunce, let go of the old shoe.
Urusai, Sasuke-teme! – (You're) Noisy, Sasuke! (Correction by Kuroi Arashi & Atatakakunakatta)
Anata ga wakaranai! – I don't understand you.
AN: Hmm … I'm not quite sure if the Japanese is right. It should be, but I'm not native Japanese so I can't be too confident. If there is anyone who is fluent in the language, can you please tell me if it's right? It would be very much appreciated.
I hope you liked this! Reviews are very much appreciated!
Fun Fact: If you type "porutoki" in Google, Naruto pops up as the searched word instead.