I don't own these characters or the ridiculously over-used plot device this fic is based on and in the spirit of the holidays I'm not making any money off of them either.
A Kim Possible X-mas Carol
By, Clayton Overstreet
"We wish you a merry- Aaaah!" An electric sound and the smell of ozone filled the air.
"Shego!" Drakken bellowed. "Stop zapping the carolers!"
Shego pulled her finger off the big red button and turned around. "Why?"
"It's the holidays," Drakken said. He was setting up some snacks and a sleeping bag in front of the communication screen. He was preparing to watch the Hank the Snowman special like every year. Around the lair the henchmen were decorating, though all of them had long ago given up hanging stockings. "You know my policy. Even I like to spread a little good will this time of year." He hummed a Christmas tune he had heard on another television show. "-you're better off dead, I'm telling you dude…"
Shego snorted and walked up to the control panel. "What is wrong with you?" She hit some buttons. "The rest of the supervillains are working on a way to steal Christmas. And here you are, being nice." The screen flashed around the world. "Look at this. Gill is rebuilding that army of killer snow men from the water at the lake." On the screen Gill in a bobble hat and sweater built a snowman. Then he spit glowing green goo in its face. The gunk formed a twisted jack-o-lantern face that twisted itself into an evil grin.
The screen flickered to another scene. Motor Ed was underneath a red sleigh with his tools. "Your cousin Ed is in the middle of trying to steal the propulsion system from Santa's sleigh." It flickered to an army of twisted monsters. "DN Amy's army of giant mutant reindeer is invading New York…"
Drakken cleared his throat. "Give it a minute." Standing up he put the same images on split screen. A second later Kim possible dove out of the sky onto Camp Wannaweep along with Ron and Rufus. Gill's eyes widened as Kim and Ron, not wasting any time this year, unhooked the nozzles for the flamethrowers strapped to their backs. He dove into the lake just in time to avoid the wave of fire that vaporized some very surprised looking snowmen. Ron was singing. "But the fire is so delightful…"
A jet came into view overhead and dropped down a rope for them. Kim called out, "Happy Holidays!"
In New York a dragon, and actual dragon, started fighting with the giant reindeer. And winning.
Meanwhile Ed heard a soft sound, like the jingle of tiny silver bells and slowly slid out from under the sleigh. He looked up at Santa Clause, who looked remarkably like Tom Hanks, and a bunch of elves holding large candy canes like baseball bats.
"Uh, merry Christmas Santa dude? Seriously?"
Santa took off his gloves and cracked his knuckles. They were tattooed with the words NAUGHTY and NICE. Then he picked up a large bag labeled COAL and began swinging it like a ninja. An Elf said in a high voice, "You're getting a stocking full of whoop-ass for Christmas."
"Ho… ho… ho…"
Drakken turned the screen back to his television show. "The last guy to successfully steal X-mas was Jesus. Let it go Shego."
She glared at him and then exte4nded her hand to the screen. It exploded in a flash of light. She kept pouring it on until Bah-Humbug was etched into the stone wall of the lair. Then she turned around and stomped back to her room. Just before entering she extended another hand and set a wreath and one of the henchmen on fire too.
Drakken sniffed. "And she wonders why we always want her to play the Grinch in the henchman play."
Shego sat back in her bed and glared up at the ceiling. "The holidays stink." Here she was, free of her brothers and in a position to know for a fact that Santa Clause existed. She had need him beating the snot out of a man with a mullet not an hour before. Sure she knew she was not going to get anything for the holiday, but you would think knowing about it would mean something. Even seeing Ed get his teeth bashed in by a pissed off elf hadn't brightened her night.
Outside the wind around their mountain hideout blew loud enough to be heard through the stone walls of the cave. It was thirty below outside and even in her room deep in the heart of the mountain, Shego could feel the cold.
To tell the truth, she was having some serious doubts about her life. For the last four years she had worked for a supervillain. In that time the only thing they had really accomplished was to spend millions of stolen dollars on failed attempts at world domination, saved the world with her arch enemy (who she had also spent one Christmas with), and was working for a guy who would not even send her out to rob a bank at the time of year when they were most full.
"Maybe I should give up and go back to being a super hero," Shego muttered. With a sigh she wrapped her blankets around her and closed her eyes.
Then from outside her door there came a loud clatter and Shego leapt from her bed, hands glowing, to see what was the matter. She raced to the door, lickety split, and as it hissed open she said, "You'd better not have come for me too Saint Nick!"
The lair was empty and dark as could be. No henchmen around, no Drakken by the busted TV. Shego looked all around, but could not find a trace of what had made the loud sound. Then from the side came a flash of pink light that lit of the lair that dark X-mas night. A figure from the shadows appeared and made Shego flinch. The intruder was green just like the Grinch.
"Warmonga," Shego snarled, extending her hands. The alien smirked holding up her power staff. Then Shego frowned. "Wait a minute. You're dead."
"Right," Warmonga said. Shego looked closer and saw that it wasn't just Warmonga's staff glowing. The alien was covered in glowing pink bands. "What are you doing here?"
"Since I died on Earth, after failing in my sacred Lorwardian duty to enslave this world, I was forbidden a place in my proper afterlife. Instead I am shackled here, with bindings made from the pain and suffering I caused others." She took another step and Shego realized the glowing bindings around Warmonga's body were slowing her down. Shego took advantage of this weakness to shoot a blast of fire at her. It passed through Warmonga's body like she wasn't even there.
"What do you want?" Shego said. Nervously she stuck out a hand and touched the ghost. Her finger passed right through. "Whoa, you really are a ghost… unless Drakken's got some sick ideas on what to do with holograms.'
Warmonga frowned. "You helped defeat me and now you're questioning your life. I won't have myself dishonored by having my conquerors declared whiny crybabies. Especially the one who defeated me twice." She sneered. "I had defeated Kim Possible, this world's greatest hero. Both times. Each time she only survived with your help. I consider you my greatest enemy. And while I may be destined to spend eternity imprisoned on this pitiful world, I refuse to allow the one who defeated the great Warmonga to embarrass herself and by extension, me!"
Shego smirked back at her. "And what are you going to do about it Casper?"
Warmonga looked confused, clearly not getting the reference. "Tonight you will be visited by three ghosts…"
"Oh no," Shego groaned. "I have so seen this special. I do not need three spirits showing up and explaining to me where I went wrong and how to mend my ways."
Warmonga smirked. "You act as if you has a choice." She started to fade. "Expect the first ghost when the clock strikes one." And then she was gone.
Shego frowned and looked around the cave. On the remains of Drakken's control panel she saw a digital display. "Five minutes until one…' She shrugged. "Well, this is hardly the strangest thing that's happened to me." She headed for the kitchen and got a cup of coffee. Either she was insane, dreaming, or was really about to be visited by three ghosts. Any way you put it a cup of coffee seemed like a good idea.
Fifteen minutes later Shego was beginning to actually believe she had been sleep walking and imagined Warmonga's appearance when the first ghost showed up. She was dressed in a white dress with tiny pixie wings on her back. And she looked just like DN Amy. "Sorry I'm late. The fast food drive-thru is open until one AM and I just had to get something to eat."
"No, I'm the ghost of Christmas Past." She sighed and pulled a hot apple pie out of the bag, stuffing it in her mouth. "As a spirit I can take on any form I want and we've found that familiar faces help."
"Right…" Shego said.
"Don't knock it sweetie, I've been doing this for five thousand years, even back when Christmas was Horus's birthday back in Egypt. Of course back then the true meaning of the holidays had less to do with good feelings and more to do with blood sacrifice."
"Whatever, can we get this over with? It's one fifteen in the morning and I could use some sleep."
"That's the attitude we're looking for," Amy said and pinched Shego's cheek Then she ducked as a flaming plasma ball almost took off her head. "Okay then, let's go…" She waved her hand and suddenly the room began to spin and darken.
When the lights came back on Shego gasped. They stood in a living room. Outside it was a bright sun-shiny day in Southern California. Two parents sat in chairs watching their children unwrap presents under a plastic tree. The woman, dressed in a pink rode, was a dead wringer for Shego, except her skin was a healthy pink color and her hair was cut short. She was pregnant and her belly was huge. She sat on the lap of a man with brown hair sitting in a large chair.
"It's my old house," Shego said in a dull monotone. "Wow… surprise."
The three kids were sitting around the tree and the biggest was passing out presents to his younger sister and brother. He wore a blue sweater and looked around sixteen. Shego wore green. And the other brother, the only one with their father's hair, wore purple. "Herman." He kept that for himself. "Melvin." He handed it to his brother. "And Shelly." Melvin snatched that away too. Next to the tree a shocked Shelly Go stared in horror.
"Melvin," Shego's mother snapped. "Give your sister her present back."
"I want it!" He said. "Mine! I was good all year. Not like them. I'm the only one who should get presents!"
"Melvin," his father said in a rumbling tone.
Frowning Melvin handed his sister back her present. Shelly took it, stuck out her tongue at her brother, and unwrapped it. It contained girl's underwear. She sighed and tossed them to her brother. "Here Melvin, you can have it." Everyone else laughed.
Unseen by any of them the real Shego said, "I never could stand that creep." She watched her young self, looking cute and innocent at five years old, open other presents. Most of the contents were pink. Shelly held up a princess Barbie doll and looked at her mother. "Mommy, Santa brought me princess stuff again."
"That's because you're out little princess," mother said. "And you look so cute in pink."
"I hate princesses! All the girls in school wear pink. It's creepy."
"You'll like it when you're a little older," Her father promised. "When you start liking boys."
Shelly frowned and looked down dejectedly at her new toys. Herman came over and offered her one of his toys. "you can play with my GI Joe ninja! He has kung-fu grip!"
"I want Kung-fu grip!" Shelly said, happily reaching for it.
Herman held it out of her reach. "Only after you help clean up this mess." He indicated the torn wrapping paper and boxes all over the place.
"I don't have to do what you say," Shelly said.
"Yes you do," her mother said. "He's your big brother and he knows what's best."
"Besides," Herman added. "I have to go to work."
Shelly frowned. "You have a stupid job."
"I know, but it pays for my car," Herman said. "And I'll only be working at the Mexican restaurant for a few more months and then I'm going to get a real job."
Shego snorted. "It's always been that way. Mego tries to take my things and Hego bosses us all around." She pointed to her mother. "And then mom released those two terrors from her womb and they spent most of their free time messing with me every chance they got just because it was funny."
The ghost nodded. "I know. In fact one Christmas…" The room changed. This time Shego was looking at her teenage self. She was green now and in her living room. She was talking on the phone in her chair in Go headquarters.
"Really? I would love to come here your band play today. What did you decide to call yourselves? The 'Oh Boyz'? Nice! I'll see you in five minutes."
Suddenly her brothers came barreling down the stairs in their superhero uniforms. Hego said, "Sister, hang up the phone! We have an emergency!"
"According to my police scanner," Mego said. "Someone is trying to rob the Go city bank."
Shego put the phone to her chest. "Do you mind I am talking to my boyfriend! Handle it yourself." She looked stubbornly up at them. "Do you know how hard it is for me to get a date? This is the only guy I know who isn't afraid of being held hostage!'
Hego came forward, chest outstretched. "Shego, we're a team. And more than that, we are family. You know what's right."
The real Shego growled in her throat. "I so wanted to kick his ass!"
But the past Shego sighed and picked up the phone. "Look I have to go. My brothers…" Hego reached over and hung up the phone with his finger. "Hey!"
"To the jet!" He said firmly. Shego sighed and let the phone drop. They raced to the jet. And a moment later they took off.
A moment later Shego and the ghost stood outside the bank, watching as he past Shego and her brothers tied up the robbers. Hego smiled as reporters appeared from every direction and began shouting questions. He held up his hands for silence. "My family and I are just happy to help!"
"Yeah, it's fun!" The twins shouted in unison.
"Of course, I do most of the work so you really should be thanking me," Mego said.
Behind them Shego rolled her eyes. "Show offs." She pulled down her sleeve and checked her watch. "Oh man, I'm like an hour late." She leaned over to Hego as he tried to fairly answer the questions being lobbed at them. "Hey bro, do you mind if I take off now."
"Just help load the money back into the vault before we leave and then you can go."
Shego groaned louder, but she went back and started carrying the bags of money back into the bank. The whole building was empty. Everyone else was outside listening to Hego. Her brothers, who were supposed to be helping her, weren't. Mego was busy telling people how great he was and the twins were taunting the tied up villains.
Something caught Shego's eye and to her surprise she saw her boyfriend and his friends walking past along with a strange man in a suit and a bunch of pretty girls in skimpy outfits. Dropping the money she ran to the door.
"I'm telling you boys, you're going to be big, the man in the suit said. "A real smash. Now that you've signed the contract it's all yours. Just follow me this way and we'll get in my private limousine and never have to come back to this two bit town again."
"What about our stuff?" One of them asked.
"We'll buy you all new stuff," the man promised. "Though if any of you have girlfriends I suppose we could swing by their places and pick them up. Nothing impresses a girl quite like fabulous wealth."
Shego's heart leapt. She started to call out, but then as a group, the boys all said, "Nah!" And then they disappeared behind the building.
Shego stared in growing anger. Her fists clenched and she ground her teeth together. If she had gone to the concert she could have been with her boyfriend on their way to wealth. Her brothers hadn't even given her any credit, despite the fact that she did most of the work. Her hands burst into flames. "That is it."
Shego, the real one, watched her past self head back into the bank. A second later there was a huge explosion. Cries of astonishment filled the air from the other side of the building. "The money is gone! Something exploded in the bank! Where's Shego?"
Shego chuckled and looked at the ghost. "My first heist. I ended up blowing it all on fast cars, a private jet, and real leather clothes, not that pleather stuff Hego paid for out of his checks. Then I tried it again and eventually met Drakken when we both tried to steal the same diamond." She laughed louder. "Mostly I joined up with him to piss off my brothers. It was a better job than Hego ever had." The darkness returned.
Shego found herself back in the kitchen of the lair. Her coffee, what was left of it, had gotten cold. She looked down into it and sighed. "Still, I could have just gone on to a solo hero career. Look at me now. What have I got to show for it?" The microwave beeped and she turned to see that the time display read 2:00.
"Well lassy, I could always show ye what ye've got today." She turned and saw Duff Killigan dressed up in a flowing green robe with white trim. "But I got te warn ye now, you may not be too pleased."
"Can we just skip it them?" Shego paused, looking at the robe. "Uh, you don't have a couple of children under there do you? Because I always thought that part was a bit creepy."
"Ach, no. It's bad enough that I 'ave to do this job every year without a couple of little brats frozen to me thighs!" He frowned. "And truth to tell, they got they got rich and renamed themselves the Olsen twins."
"So lass are ye ready for your magical tour or Christmas Present?"
"Would it help if I said no?"
"If ye were me would you take no fer an answer?"
"Yes," she lied.
"Nice try." He whipped out a golf club and swung. "Fore!" The club cut through the air and suddenly they were somewhere else.
Shego groaned. "Go tower again?"
Her bothers were just coming through the door. Hego said, "Man am I beat."
"No kidding," the twins said.
Mego added, "Why does every crook think it's a good idea to dress as Santa Clause to rob people on Christmas. I swear if I see one more Santa today robbing people I'm going to scream."
"Let's just rest and enjoy the holiday," Hego told them. He walked over to the giant video screen where they had hung the stockings.
Shego was surprised. "It looks like they put one up for me."
"Every year," Duff confirmed solemnly.
"Do you think Shego will come by?" One of the twins asked hopefully.
The other one said, "Christmas hasn't been the same since she left."
"But if she doesn't, I still keep her presents, right?" Mego asked. "I got her a mirror I'm just sure I'll… uh.. .she'll love."
"Mego," the others chided him.
"Aw, they miss me. Their sad little faces." Shego beamed happily. "They're miserable!"
"Keep in mind, ye were always the one who did whatever it took to stop the fighting, especially on the holidays." Duff told her.
Shego nodded. "I remember. In about five minutes they're going to be at each other's throats. Can we leave before I have to hear that? It's two in the morning and I am so not in the mood for that."
"Okay then." He swung his club once more. "Oops, sliced it."
It took a moment for her to recognize where she was, but Shego eventually got it. "We're at Kim's school. I haven't been here since that time I turned good."
"Exactly,' Duff said.
"Why is it open on Christmas?"
"Walk with me and I'll show ye," Duff said. The sun was suddenly shining through the windows. In the distance they could hear people. They came out into the school cafeteria. Teachers and students were everywhere. "Every year for the holidays the school opens itself up as a soup kitchen. All the staff and students are encouraged to come out and feed the homeless."
"Oh look, there's Kimmie," Shego said, her eyes lighting up. Kim stood behind the counter, pouring soup into some bum's bowl.
"Aye," Duff said. "And if ye were a good person you'd be here next tae her, scooping food for the poor too." He pointed to the bum in front of Kim. "And next week, that man is going to go to jail when Kim stops him from robbing an old lady for her wallet."
Shego frowned. "Thankless prick."
"Aye, but ye know
what Kim would be sayin' to that.
"That it was the right thing to do," Shego said, rolling her eyes. "Well no thanks I've had all I can stand of thankless helping. I mean I helped stop Warmonga, but did anybody give me any money? An island to call my own? No! Drakken gets a medal and then they forget all about us. And Kimmie here never sees a dime or reward money, even though I happen to know I had a three million dollar bounty on my head the last time she caught me." She glanced up. "Oh look, Kimmie's under the mistletoe."
"So?" Duff asked. Shego went over and Kissed Kim on the lips. "She canna feel it!"
"I can," Shego said. "That's the point."
"So is that why you want to turn good then?"
Shego blushed, looking at Kim. "Well I can't help but wonder sometimes, you know? If I had stayed a good guy when Electronique zapped me would Kim have ended up with that loser sidekick of hers?" She nodded to where Ron was passing out rolls next to the rest of Kim's family.
"Ach, you're so sweet I think I'm goin' tae puke," the ghost said. "If that's the way ye feel then I can't help ya. Catch." Shego reacted without thinking and caught the golf ball he threw her. It began to beep.
"You son of a…" The ball exploded. Everything went dark.
Shego woke up in a hole in the ground. It was not the first time she had been blown up or woken up in a crate. It took her a moment to notice that this hole was rectangular and taller than she was. Standing up Shego jumped out of the hole, landing like a cat. Looking around she saw that she was in a graveyard. Turning back to the hole, she saw that the tombstone was hers. "Here lies Shego. A woman of true bravery and courage taken before her time. She was truly loved and will be missed."
A figure in black detached itself from the shadows behind her. Shego glanced out of the corner of her eye and saw Monkey Fist in full ninja clothes. "Such a touching sentiment, really."
"The ghost of Christmas Future?" Shego asked.
"What do you think?" He undid the top of his outfit. Inside his chest was nothing but bones. Monkey ninjas were trapped inside, reaching out towards her and screaming awfully.
Shego felt ill. "Suddenly I see why Stoppable hates monkeys." The ghost smiled and closed his top back up. "So what is all this? You're showing me my future if I don't give up my evil ways? I'll have a funeral and nobody will attend?"
"Quite the opposite actually," he said. "This is the site of your grave if you turn good. You seen, superheroes, as you well know, don't have much of a long lifespan. Oh sure you might come back to life later, but you still tend to die rather young. In this case your long time lover refused to let you be cremated."
Shego blinked. "Kimmie?"
"Indeed," the ghost said. "You turned good and became her new sidekick. Ronald of course left to pursue his destiny as a monkey ninja master, moved in with Yori at the temple, and raised his baby sister and his own children into what will one day be known as the saviors of mankind. The greatest heroes in history.
"You took over as Kim's sidekick."
"Partner?" Shego said. "You mean partner, right?"
He shook his head. "You know you were never interested in being in charge. Too much responsibility. While you were cooler than Kim's last partner, you still weren't in charge. Then one day a villain took aim and shot Kim in the back. You saw it and jumped in to take the hit for her."
Shego frowned. "Which one?"
"Does it matter? If one misses another one tries again later. And as a good guy you can't just go around eliminating possible threats to you and… Possible. If not this one then another or another will try. Eventually someone will succeed."
"Well that was vague and unhelpful."
"I am a ghost of the future. It can always be changed. I could show you a thousand possible outcomes. Somewhere you became good and then could not get Kim because you refused to steal her from Ron. Or where Drakken eventually turns on you and kills you himself."
Shego frowned. "He'd never have the balls."
"Not yet," the ghost said. "Twenty years from now? Who knows?" The tombstone vanished. A white sheet wrapped around a body now lay in the hole. Drakken and his henchmen were shoveling dirt in. His hair was white and he had three fresh scars across his face.
"Boss was this really a good idea?"
"Bah, I'll just clone her. Preferably a version that obeys me without any back talk!"
Shego kicked out, trying to push them into the hole too, but as before they did not even know she was there. Turning to the spirit she said, "Tell me, how can I prevent this to come to pass?"
The ghost threw his hand over her shoulder and smiled. "That is up to you." And the darkness swallowed them up.
It was Christmas morning. At Go Tower the brothers were just settling down to watch Snowman Hank when the room caved in. Shego repelled down on a line and landed in front of their tree. In a moment she whipped out a gun and fired at all of them. A blue ray shot out and encased the four of them in ice.
Hego frowned. "Sister, this will never stop me!" The ice began to crack.
"Just slowing you down Hego!" She pulled out another gun and aimed it at the presents. A net shot out encasing all of them.
"Hey, some of those are mine!" Mego shouted as she began ascending with the stolen presents. Hego broke free, but by then Shego was out of reach.
"And now they're mine! Merry Christmas!"
Hego said, "Con-sarn it! She is getting away!" He ran to his control panel and turned on the crime computer. "We'll find her and… what's this?" There was a warning light in the corner. He pushed the button and a news reporter appeared.
"I repeat, Shego has seized control of Iceland! Using a device that she claims has stolen the powers of three time traveling ghosts Shego may have indeed gained ultimate power." The screen showed Shego laughing on top of a hill as a trembling populace presented her with the rule of the country.
Drakken, standing next to her, said, "I can't believe…" Shego hit a button on a small controller on her belt and sent a jolt of electricity through his body. "Sorry Master."
The reporter said, "Since this is an act of war, technically there is no law against taking over another country. While frowned upon Shego-land, as it is now known, has been accepted as a real country."
Hego frowned. "It seems she's prepared for this. We may need some help."
"Let's try Kim Possible," the twins said.
"Good idea," Hego said, reaching for the button to call Kim's communicator.
"I was just about to suggest that," Mego put in.
Kim's face popped up on screen. "Hey Hego. I thought you might be calling soon."
"Indeed, my sister has gone too far this time."
Kim nodded. "I know. But the thing is Wade isn't sure there's anything we can do. Shego came in and took over Iceland so fast last night that nobody had time to object. And a few people like the idea of her being in charge."
"Surely if we free Drakken from her control, Shego's evil regime will crumble," Hego said. "What she's doing to him can't be legal and she is using his technology to pull this off. I just know it."
"Help Drakken?" Ron asked.
"Ron, we really should. After all, he may be our arch enemy but he's still a thinking human being."
Before Hego could say anything else Dr. Possible said, "Kim, look here. It seems you have one more present." Hego couldn't see it, but the rest of Kim's family seemed to pass it to her. When it got on screen he saw a thin box with green and black wrapping.
"Hold on a second Hego. It's kind of tradition that I can't do anything until I open all my presents with the family." She ripped off the wrapping paper and opened the box. "Oh my… it's gorgeous. "She pulled out a silver and gold necklace with a large emerald in the middle of it. "Ron, help me get it on." They watched as Kim held back her hair and Ron clipped it into place.
"Sure. I mean I guess you're right about Drakken…" Suddenly the emerald began to glow and Kim's eyes flashed brightly. "On second thought…forget it. Let Shego have it. In fact, let Shego rule the whole world!" She let out a low moan and smiled. "I love Shego."
"Kim?" Hego asked.
"KP?" Ron said.
"Kim?" Her family asked.
Kim dropped the communicator and ran for the door, opening it and heading outside. Ron snatched it up and ran after her, along with Kim's family. From the open door they could see Shego's hover car swing by, Shego and Team Go's presents still hanging under it. As it swung by Shego bent down and took Kim's hand, pulling her up into a passionate kiss. And then they disappeared into the sky.
And Shego exclaimed as they flew out of sight, "The world will be mine! Screw wrong and right!"
I love stories where the bad guy wins. Merry Christmas everybody!