You are cordially invited to celebrate the wedding of
Artemis Fowl the Second.
On July the fourth at six o'clock.
The Fowl Manor
followed by a reception.
Please R.S.V.P by the 25th to Mr. Artemis Fowl.
"So, the geniuses finally got together." Mulch Diggums, ex-convict and previous assistant to Holly Short and Artemis Fowl on many of their escapades, grunted as he scanned the invitation.
"I believe it would be genii." Foaly reprimanded, rolling his eyes.
"Oh, shove it Foaly." Mulch sneered. Foaly, ignoring the previous jibe, added, "Well yes, he must be what? Twenty seven now?"
"Who's twenty seven?" Holly Short asked as she entered Foaly's 'den' as she likes to call it.
"Um, my cousin. Ambrose. Yes, he's quite young that one." Mulch grumbled as Foaly desperately tried to hide the invitation in one of his many drawers.
"Hn, okay then what's that you're trying to hide Foaly?" Holly inquired.
"Ahem, well it's just one of the blueprints for one of my, ahem , uh new inventions...yeah." he replied lamely.
"Way to go, Foaly." Mulch sniggered.
"Hand it over." Holly commanded, holding her hand out.
"Um, no I don't think you want to see it because um well I just d-"
"Do you want me to take it by force?" Holly suggested, her eyes glinting at the thought of it.
"W-no." he gave in, pulling the paper out of the drawer and handing it to Holly. As Holly scanned over the invitation Foaly and Mulch slowly inched further away from the infamously violent elf.
"So, what's the big deal?" said violent elf asked as she mindlessly flicked the invitation to Foaly,
" Er- well we thought that you and still hadn't gotten over Mudboy." Mulch explained.
"What do you mean? There was absolutely nothing to get over." she stated, crossing her arms over her chest and assuming the 'don't get me mad' position that nearly everyone was familiar with.
"Oh, I don't know. Maybe the fact that you and Fowl share each-other's eyes, have gone through many life-or-death situations, oh and have swapped spit." Foaly casually explained.
"N-wait, how did you know about that?" Holly demanded, her eyes blazing.
"I have my ways." Foaly replied mysteriously, in that frond awful calm voice he has. She was about to retort when she decided against it, instead stomping out and slamming the door.
"Hm. Well that went well." Foaly observed once he was sure that Holly was out of earshot, Mulch just rolled his eyes.
"Mudboy...earth to mudboy..." I exasperatedly said into my fairy communicator...for the billionth time.
"Hello?" a feminine voice chirped from the other end, her blushing face and wet hair quickly coming into the frame.
"Uh-hi. Oh, Minerva nice to see you again-are you blushing?" I asked, not out of rudeness but simply because I'd never seen Minerva blush.
"W-see I w-" Minerva stuttered, something that no genius ever does, until a shirtless Artemis with only a towel around his lower body came into the frame.
"Oh, um-yeah sorry to interrupt. Not that I thought that you were doing anything! Well, not like you're not doing anything because-um yeah I'll go now. Nice talking to you!" I quickly said, looking everywhere but the screen the whole time. I quickly flipped my communicator off and sunk even further into my chair. My heart, for some reason, had begun beating at least ten times faster once Artemis came into the frame.
"Holly, it's Mulch again...so I was wondering if you were thinking of coming to the wedding with me n' Foaly...I mean because you have to R.S.V.P by Saturday and you know how little Arty is with his 'planning' and such."
"Uh, yeah. I'll go." I replied.
"M'kay, well don't forget a gift!" Mulch replied, his voice fading as he walked back down the hallway.
Beep. Beep. Beep. I flicked on my communicator and looked at the I.D, Trouble Kelp.
"I need to vent. Please tell me that we have to track down someone...maybe a troll." I offered hopefully.
"Sorry, not this time Short. I'll send you the files but we're looking for a Rigsby Trout. He's another pain-in-the-ass genius with an I.Q nearly as high as Fowl's now. Get Fowl to give you some background on the Trout, I had him keep tabs on the kid." Trouble said, waving and flicking his screen off after he had talked.
"Perfect. Freaking perfect." Holly muttered as she dialed Fowl's number.
"Good to hear from you again, Short." a fully-clothed and Minerva-less Artemis said.
"Yeah, about that...so I was calling because I-" she began.
"Wanted to R.S.V.P, right? Yeah Mulch and Foaly already did that for you." he finished for her, thinking he knew the answer.
"No, I actually needed background information on a Rigsby Trout." she replied, a bit irritated by the interruption.
"Oh, right. Yeah, he's quite the upcoming man. He's nineteen and his parents, Lilah and Alex Trout, are highly regarded in the literary community, both having earned both the Pulitzer and Nobel Prize. He was expected to excel in literature but surprised everyone by, at the age of thirteen, earning a Nobel Prize for his works in the scientific community. He's trained under some of the finest physicists and scientists in the world."
"So, he's a genius. Big whoop-de-doo. What does that have to do with me?" she asked.
"He was testing a draft of a new-and-improved radiation detector and he came across a mass of hazardous radioactive material in Russia. He made a note of it but continued his search. A week or so later he came across another region of hazardous material in Antarctica...see where I'm going?"
"All of the stations of LEP." Holly groaned.
"Yes, well he used his connections, did some research, two years of it in fact, and concluded that they were coordinates that always happen to have the same amount of activity every year for the past one-hundred and sixty years." Artemis stated, raising an eyebrow indicating for Holly to 'finish the puzzle'.
"So let me guess, he did more research on those locations, read some folklore, and has come to the conclusion that there are mythical beings below Earths' surface."she replied exasperatedly.
"Correct, Holly. Now not only has he concluded this, but he has convinced a family friend to 'loan' him some equipment usually only used in the army and special forces. Now, he has nearly double the resources that I had when I started my investigation. He also has enough information on fairies to keep them, well you guys, at bay until he is done with his experiments."
"Great. So now what?"
"Well, I've scheduled a meeting with him and you're coming with me."
"How's that going to work?" she asked skeptically.
"Oh, just Foaly's new growth serum, some new clothes, and really good acting." he triumphantly replied.
"Oh, Hell no." she growled.
"Most definitely yes, Ms. Short." he replied formally.
"So what am I going to be, huh? Basically everyone knows that you're with Minerva, it would be bad for your reputation to have a kid by now, your only friends are world leaders and businessmen, you can-" she continued, only to be interrupted by Artemis.
"You're going to be my secretary and niece. My nineteen year-old niece from France. One that has tanned skin, copper hair, dark brown eyes, and just so happens to have a crush on Rigsby." he gave a smug smile and smirked.
"WHAT?" she shrieked.
"Now, now, Holly. I know that you've been dying to replace Kelp as commander and he's going on an undercover mission in Peru soon so maybe I could pull a few strings if you could do this." he offered suggestively.
"Fowl." she growled.
"Come on, Holly. I'll give you whatever you want." he pleaded.
"Well..." she pondered.
"Well what?" he demanded.
"Do you think that you could get Butler to get me a new gun?" she asked excitedly.
"Yeah, the works?" he asked, fully knowing the answer.
"Yup." she replied, as happy as a schoolgirl.
"See you tomorrow." he replied cheerfully.
"What? Artemis Fowl you did not just hang up on me. Damn." she muttered, returning to her normal demeanor and heading to her house to pack.
The Next Day
"Fowl, you better get your pansy-ass over here before I knock down your sixteenth century door!" Holly hollered.
"I'll have you know that this door is from the fifteenth century." Artemis replied pompously as he opened the door.
"Oh, such an important fact. Thanks for informing me, Einstein." she retorted.
"Nice to see you too." he replied, trying to contain his laughter as she trudged in, dragging her suitcase behind her.
"Not in the mood, Fowl." she growled, glaring daggers at him.
"Fine, fine. So how was your flight?" he replied sweetly.
"Oh it was just peachy." she replied sarcastically.
"Here, let me show you to your room." he said as he grabbed her suitcase and headed up the stairs, motioning for her to follow. He led her into a hall, passed what seemed to be a million doors, and finally stopped at a white door. He opened it, ushered her in, and placed her things on the floor.
"I've got to hand it to you, Fowl, you really know how to treat a guest." she remarked as she took in the vastness of the room.
"Only the best for my guests." he replied, bowing lowly and chuckling as she chucked an orange, from her complimentary fruit bowl, at him.
"Get out of here." she said playfully, tossing an apple at him and laughing as he ducked and scrambled outside. She smirked and plopped her suitcase on the bed, starting to unpack.
"By the way, welcome back." Artemis said, poking his head into her room and smirking as she fumed at him for startling her.