Dimension Jumping for Idiots
Disclaimer: Sadly enough, I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of the other series mentioned.
Warnings: OOC, Cracktastic
AN: This is the compulsory list fic that every writer needs to do at least once. I tried to pick unusual crossovers.
"So… alien robots?" Xander questioned, elbowing Andrew in an attempt to keep him from staring.
The biggest bot, Opti… something or other, gazed at them appraisingly. "We are autonomous robotic organ-"
"Yeah, yeah. I got that," Buffy interrupted and glanced around. "But seriously, alien robots?" Her attention flickered from the not-quite-as-big yellow one to the huge black dude with the cannons.
"And what was that earlier? A giant droid deathmatch or somethin'?" Faith kicked at the remains of another robot.
"Maybe it was a mating ritual," Andrew piped in, practically vibrating with excitement. "Just like in the Next Generation-"
Xander gave up all attempts at subtlety, stomping on Andrew's foot to shut him up. Willow beamed from her spot next to the green-yellow bot with the grandpa voice, talking a mile a minute. Dawn blushed as the silver one winked at her and did a little dance. Oz studied the leader, who gazed back evenly. Buffy and Faith both yawned. Giles just removed his glasses and started cleaning them with the edge of his shirt.
"Really, Dawn," Buffy said wearily. "This is getting kinda tiresome."
"Well, it's not so great on this end either." Her sister gestured for emphasis. "It's not like I can wave my hand and say 'Abracadabra', and we'll just dis-"
"Hey! This one's not my fault. Who knew there was a world full of dead people?" Dawn crossed her arms over her chest and hunched over.
"But at least, they got us outta there in enough time," Xander inserted. "I thought Faith and that guy with the spiky hair and bells were gonna tear the place apart."
"Yes," Giles acknowledged, "but now, we're stuck at this… establishment." His eyes drifted around the store, noting the shadowy corners.
"The Urahara Shouten is always happy to welcome potential customers," the weird guy in the stripped hat commented from across the table. "Tea?" From some strange dimensional pocket, he produced a kettle and cups and a fan.
"Please," Oz spoke softly. He happily sipped away as those around him argued and sniped at one another.
The blond in the hat seemed to delight in taunting Andrew. "Does your head feel heavy? It shouldn't because it's so empty," he sing-songed.
"Shut up, you perverted geta-boushi," one of the teenagers – Ichigo – ordered as a short chick whacked him on the head with his own fan.
"Her… I like." Faith gave a predatory grin, glancing at Ichigo. "And you're not so bad either, big boy."
Ichigo's eyes widened, cheeks turning a fascinating shade of red as he spluttered. The cat lady, Yoruichi, narrowed her own eyes as Faith leaned in very close to him and whispered something in his ear. The poor boy looked ready to explode. Especially when the brunette's hand disappeared underneath the table.
"Alright, Kisuke," Yoruichi stated as she stood up. "Let's see about getting them home." She watched as Ichigo tried desperately to get away and added in an undertone, "Or just away from here."
(Legend of Zelda)
"Geez, does this guy ever talk?" Buffy inquired with a gesture to the blond dude in leggings. "And what's with his weird shadow? Not to mention horrible fashion sense."
Faith gave him an appraising look. "I don't know, B. He's got his good points." She eyed his muscles like Buffy would a new pair of shoes.
Giles ignored them. "Forgive us, your highness. We're simply trying to go home. I'm not certain we can help you with your problem."
"And yet, you appear in my bedroom, just as Link brings Midna in near death. Then, your red witch saves her." There was a peculiar cast to the princess' eyes, as though she knew some big secret. "Not only that but she manages to return him to his true form."
Willow blushed. "It wasn't all that hard."
"We've had experience with wolf-human thingies before," Dawn admitted with a glance at Oz.
Oz just gave a vague smile. He couldn't help but notice the glowing triangles on the hands of both the princess and her champion. Or the fact that Link was gazing back at him with a vaguely interested expression. They lifted eyebrows at each other as the discussion behind them turned fierce and heated.
"We must save Hyrule," the blonde princess declared. Zora or Zelma or something like that.
"Pfft." Buffy gave a derisive snort. "Only one country?"
"We can do that before breakfast," Xander put in with a crack of his neck.
"It's like a role playing game," Andrew continued. "Just like Final Fantasy or Dragonlance-"
Dawn was quick to interrupt. "How often have we told you that you can't hang out with us anymore if you keep going all spastic nerd? Geeky nerd is fine. Even nerdy geek. But D & D is drawing the line."
Andrew pouted. Dawn shook her finger at him. Willow bit her lip and shifted on her feet. Giles went to clean his glasses. Buffy crossed her arms. Xander adjusted his eyepatch. Oz just waved goodbye to his new friend. Zelma – or was it Zelda? – watched them for a long moment before sighing in defeat.
"Fine. Please be gone from this place." The triangle on her hand glowed brighter as she made a shoving gesture.
Then, the Scoobies were flying.
(The Dark Knight)
"Want to know how I got these scars? You see-"
Buffy punched him in the face. "No, you sicko. And quit looking at my sister like that, pervert."
He slumped to the ground as she hit him again for good measure, white make-up smearing on the concrete. Buffy dusted off her hands with satisfaction. Nearby, Oz tilted his head to the side.
"A bat… it watches us."
Willow shrugged when Andrew and Giles turned to her. "I have no idea."
But a man suddenly stepped out of the darkness, dressed completely in black with little ears pointing up from the mask on his head. Xander, lover of comics that he was, felt as though this scene should be familiar. However, for the life of him, he just couldn't place it.
"Who are you? What are you doing here?" the mysterious man demanded in a harsh voice.
"Hey, bat boy," Faith shot back. "We should be the ones askin' questions here."
Giles rolled his eyes as Andrew clutched at his arm. "We're merely travelers, passing through when this man accosted us." He indicated the unconscious man on the ground, knives visible in his hand.
The bat guy seemed taken aback. "The Joker?" He blinked as though not quite certain what to do.
In the meantime, Oz gazed at the cover of a magazine on the stand nearby and then glanced at the costumed man. His eyes narrowed with sudden enlightenment.
The bat dude nearly flinched. And the tension in the air spiked exponentially. Dawn leaned forward to peer at the magazine cover, only to throw her arms into the air.
"That guy! He's like filthy rich. Handsome. And apparently fights evil without any sort of special ability. As if I didn't feel inadequate enough already," she muttered with a flick of her head. "That's it. I officially hate this world. Come on, mojo. Get us out of here."
And much to the bat man's confusion, they disappeared in a green flash.
(Kyou Kara Maoh)
"So you got sucked into this world through a toilet, and they made you king?" Dawn couldn't possibly believe it was that easy. Like Cordelia all over again.
Yuuri rubbed the back of his head. "Basically." He let out a nervous, little laugh. "This sorta thing happens to me all the time."
That got some raised eyebrows.
"Have you ever died and come back to life ?" Buffy asked skeptically.
Yuuri shifted. "In a way."
"Transformed into an animal of some kind?" Xander questioned, trying not to look at Oz.
"No," the boy admitted, "but I do have an alter ego who likes to make dragons out of water and write justice on everything."
Xander looked at Buffy. Who looked at Dawn. Who glanced at Faith. Who shrugged at Oz. Who blinked at Willow. Who stepped on Andrew. Who bumped into Giles. Who rubbed his forehead.
"Okay," Xander decided magnanimously. "You're officially strange enough to join our club."
"Wait," Willow interrupted with a finger on her chin. "Didn't you say that you could go back to your own world at any time?"
"Well, yeah… but…"
Buffy grinned, showing every one of her perfectly white teeth. "That's great! Do you mind giving us a lift?"