I own my own thoughts, but I do not own InuYasha but Rumiko Takahashi does = ^ D
Author Note: This is post manga. Well, kinda. This is based off of Chapter 558. If you HAVEN'T read it or stopped at anime episode 167, well then this contains spoilers. If you want a recap or want to look at manga issue 558 you can go here .com/Inuyasha/558/01/. (:^D) Arigato!
With every silly, wishful fiber in my soul I reached. A soul that with reverence I remember, because without her, I wouldn't be reaching right now. I'm reaching for light, I'm reaching for warmth and new found compassion. I'm reaching for my happiness.
And, it's there. In the darkness was a patch of light and within that light was my happiness. My heart dared to hope with this outstretched hand, that I could finally hold this glimmer of desire in my hands...my heart.
Blazing amber eyes edged in something I couldn't quite put my finger on, determination....a smile? He is here. Waiting on me? No...Yes, I laughed a gleeful laugh in my head, a delirious laugh of pure joy. He is here. I have never seen anything more beautiful in all my days until this moment.
As he pulls me up out of the darkness and into the light, a sharp yet delicious tingle starts at my toes shoots up my spine and rains butterflies all over me. I feel as if I'm floating. This could all be a dream, something that after counting day after day and day of being perpetually stuck in "my" own world, this was something my spirit concocted to quell the torrents of delirium in my chest. But as my eyes adjust to the light surrounding me and I take a step towards my first true decision in three years, I know without a shard of doubt that this is real.
I don't look down, and I rest my foot on the edge of the Bone Eater's Well; my connection to this surreal reality, that was my second home for so very long. I sigh. I keep my eyes focused on my very own Inu no Taisho, my salvation, my very heart. To break the connection as I stare into something my heart has longed for, seemed sinful to me, but the choice isn't mine and I drag my eyes to his lips.
I'm not the smartest demon. I'm not the smartest human. I'm not the smartest anything. I rush into battle with my companion at my side, its gleam comforts me as I abandon battle tactics and concentrate on whatever threat plaguing us at the moment. Kirara, Sango. Miroku, Shippou. Even that damned Sesshomaru. These people I cherish. They are my friends. They are my family. But Kagome has my life. Kagome IS my life.
I rattle on to Kaede-baba in words that I don't completely recognize as my own. "I'm not the only one Kagome is important to, after all" . I understand my words. But I don't like them. I don't needs words that make sense when they take Kagome away from me.
At night is really the only time that I can be honest with myself. Sango and Miroku would aways look at me. I can see it traced in their eyes. The constant worrying if I'm okay. I'm not. They wonder if I'm lonely. I am. I've accepted that Kagome is in a "better" place, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.
Looking out into the countryside, near the lake, I bite back a sigh. I've done this "soul" searching, life contemplating routine everyday. It took one whole second as I descended back into the well, back out of modern Tokyo and back into what Kagome constantly called my time ; Sengoku Jidai. A whole second for the relief that she was okay to jump kick itself into an emptiness I never felt before. Not even when Kikyo died, had I felt so hollow and, sadly clique-y, incomplete.
I owe a lot to Kikyo. She enlightened me on so many things that my many years on earth had failed to teach. To trust humans, simply. To let down my guard, to explore the human feelings that I more than often considered the weakest point in me. She helped me remember that. My mother wasn't weak so in essence that side of me wasn't weak. She embraced the human side of me fiercely. I loved Kikyo, more than she'll ever know. But sincerely, I believe that all things happen for a reason. I met and cared for Kikyo so that I could fall for Kagome. Kikyo was born to lead me to Kagome. However tragic that may sound, its Kismet.
And it took me a whole second as I fell into darkness again towards my own time to realize that. To realize that no one has stood by my side through with such intensity and devotedness. Without question. Loyal and pure. No one but Kagome. She is the reason that I'm walking about, free from that tree. She is the reason I am able to continue all of my tough facade talking. She released me. She saved me.
I picked up a rock and pitched it across the lake I was standing in front of. I look over into the lake, and the reflection that greets me isn't one I flinch at. Kikyo wanted me to be human. Kagome wanted me, respected me, loved me...just as I was. She was my rock in every single way. I didn't fall for Kagome because of her personal traits that compared to my former love. I fell for Kagome because she was the single route to my salvation and through her heart I was set free. Surrounded by loved ones and family. I have a FAMILY...Miroku...Sango....Shippou...Kaede. I would have nothing but an eternity bound to Goshinboku if Kagome hadn't' saved me.
And I miss her. I miss her. Never has my human side forced me to such humbleness as the ache in my heart when I realize that she wasn't standing at my side. I NEED Kagome. But every morning I wake up putting on this false apathetic face. "Feh" I'll go. Every three days I go to Bone Eaters Well wishing on a star that obviously doesn't grant wishes. The Bone Eaters Well refused me.
But as I placed the twins on the ground to "slay" Shippou, I knew I wasn't mistaken. The smell of fresh sakura flowers and mint passed my nose. Kagome. Kagome. Kagome. I have never in my life commanded my feet to take me so fast in my life. Towards the Bone Eaters Well. Towards my life. Towards my happiness.
Although her scent was fresh in the air, I slowed my approach. For the first time in as long as I could remember, I was apprehensive. Maybe I was going crazy. It had been three years. Why would she just appear after all this times? But what difference was this than any other time that I had dared to hope in my visits to the well. How different is that? But if felt different.
So I reached.
I reached with my human side. I reached with my hanyou side. I reached with my heart.
And she was there. I'm InuYasha. Instances like this, where I'm completely overwhelmed and overjoyed at the same time, don't happen often. But this was definitely one of those times. She was there. As I pulled her up back into my life, all I could see was beauty No, beauty doesn't describe it. Perfect maybe. My Wakahiru-Me...my everything.
The only thing I could say was her name. " Kagome." It had rested on my lips for so long...
"Were you waiting?"
That is NOT what I wanted to say to him. I wanted to tell him he was beautiful. Amazing. Everything I wanted. My future. Someone that, regardless of what stood before me, I would lay down my life for without hesitation. Someone who has my very soul across time. If I were to die today and miraculously be reincarnated AGAIN, I would be drawn to him. I was made to love him.... And I would love him time and time and time again without question.
That's what I wanted to say. But the only thing I did was collapse in his arms. I could stay inside his arms, his protective embrace, and never move. His scent of wonderful surrounded my senses, destroyed any doubts I had about this decision to abandon THAT world and join him here. Regardless of our fate here together, I am here at his side forever. As a friend. As a lover. I am here.
Later that day after I reconnected with my "family" across time, we all sat quietly in Kaede's hut, nobody saying much of anything. Worn out from the twins antics but soaking in all the love and information that I'd miss from the last three years, made me smile in every way a person could smile. InuYasha hadn't said much to me, but kept his eyes trained on me the entire night. It took everything in to control my cheeks from turning the color of apple blossoms.
I was now wearing a miko's attire that had been left for me in the hut that I have been given. Haha...my very own house at eighteen. I think I've done very well for myself. I continue to laugh as I looked down at my garbs and smiled again. I've actually always wanted to wear this. Content, I said my good nights to everyone, hugged my little nieces, kissed Sango on the cheek, patted Miroku on the head and waved Shippou off. InuYasha abruptly stood as I turned to leave. I look back at him and used my smile as a welcome to follow and left the hut.
I just wanted to enjoy the sound of her voice. The sweetest song, a melody that controlled my thoughts and pulled at my heartstrings. Even when she yelled, I wanted to run to the highest mountain and hug myself in happiness. Knee slapping, laugh out loud, tears and smiles happiness. I would never let anybody ever SEE me do that, although. She caused that in a hanyou who, once upon an era, only held feelings that ranged from selfish to....selfish. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the way she played with Niaoki and Kohyame. I cherished that moment as if they were my own. And in that moment, I realized that is what I wanted. Exactly what I wanted.
I snapped out of my haze of what tomorrow COULD hold as Kagome kissed Sango on the cheek goodbye. I stood, she was leaving. Paranoia set in watching her walk away, because regardless of what provisions had been set up for her, nothing guaranteed her staying...forever. And that's what I needed. Kagome at my side; forever. I followed her smile out the hut without saying my goodbyes. They understood the rudeness. Yes, I, the terrible reckless mannered hanyou, had learned manners in her absence. I took leave of those manners tonight, but nonetheless I KNEW them.
I supposed that we were going to her hut, but I was proved wrong as she walked by her hut and continued east into the woods. The moonlight had a crazy way of making her glow like some celestial being and her miko clothing played with my mind into thinking of Kikyo. I grunted at the image, because it was one I wasn't particularly interested in looking at. As I opened my eyes fully, allowed my amber eyes to lock onto her frame and I was greeted at what three years had done to Kagome. As a girl she was lovely but as a woman her whole aura spoke of perfection. I watched the gentle but assertive sway of her hips and admired the confident glide she attained with womanhood. THIS was a miko I follow into hell.
So caught up in the admiration that I didn't' realize where we had ended up. Goshinboku. I laughed. Exactly where we met. She had been silent in her small voyage to the God Tree but softly called out to me once we reached the tree.
"InuYasha?" She reached up and caressed the scar. Always back to this tree. Always observing the scar.
"Hai, Kagome?" I approached her and stood behind her and looked up at the scar with her. I resisted the temptation to wrap my hands around her waist and burrow my head in the crock of her neck. Inhale her.
"I want to apologize Inu" Kagome sighed. "I wanted to be with you InuYasha. I have to admit that..."
"Stop saying stupid things Kagome, it was for the best"
Kagome laughed. " Best for who InuYasha? It took me all of a second after I saw you disappearing down that well that I didn't want you to go. But you were gone. And because of my fear. Because of..."
Kagome sighed. "--maybe I was tired. We fought for so long. I just wanted to SIT down for a minute. But I didn't think it would result in you leaving and me not being able to get to you again. That was not my wish." Kagome took a sit on one of the massive branches of Goshinboku and looked up at the moon. "I wanted to be with you, InuYasha. Every. Single. Day......"
I placed my hand on her shoulder. How could I tell her that I visited that well every three days in her absence... without sounding absolutely ridiculous. How could I tell her that I carved her image, remembered her scent, memorized the color of her eyes, laughed quietly to myself in remembrance of the glint of "evil" in her eyes that preface "Osuwari". How could I tell her I missed her...how could I tell her that I...
I'm not good with words, okay? No, not at all. My words are terrible, I'm rude and I never say what I'm thinking, and I think a lot. My mind is always racing, yet I, more than not, choose to ignore my thoughts. I'm a hanyou of action, dammit. Action...
I was chattering away like a damned fool. I wanted to show him how much I've grown, how mature I was. How elegant my speech sounded. Show him how refined I had become, better than his Kikyo. And here I was chattering away like some little shoujo. Kuso. But I stopped when I noticed something in front of me. InuYasha. He was staring at me. His eyes were searching for something in mines. I heard him exhale and I expected him to call me a stupid wench for my mindless talking but he didn't.
He reached down and grabbed my hand and with the caress of a lover, something I've really never felt from InuYasha, felt him lift me from my sitting position into his embrace. I watched his bright golden eyes darken to rich amber as he contemplated his next words...
I would have missed it, for he said it so softly. I blinked. Then I stopped breathing. And then I did a combination of damn near fainting and doing the monkey god dance, to which he laughed and quietly called me an idiot. I have waited so long just to see those beautiful hanyou lips say that. I reached up and touched those divine lips and brought my fingers back to my own. I just wanted to taste his wonderful. He chuckled and gently pushed my hands away. The next thing I knew that taste of wonderful was replaced with heaven as he lightly placed his lips on mines and sealed the deal. What the deal was, I wasn't quite sure. But I knew it involved me. And I knew it involved him.
What was the word? Great? No. Not at all. Glorious? Yeah I'll take glorious any day. I grunted as I felt a handful of my haori gathered in her hands and in reaction to her, I deepened kiss. If I knew this is what it would be like to kiss Kagome, I would have done it the very instant she removed that arrow. All I wanted to do was laugh and cuss. But I didn't, this wasn't the time. I had spoiled thousands of moments of possibility by doing or saying something stupid. I wasn't going to do that at this moment. Not at all.
I knew what I wanted to do. I knew exactly what needed to be done. To secure her never leaving my side. Never leaving my life. My soul needed her. Her soul needed me. This was our fate. To meet under the circumstances that we met. To go through hell, literally, and high water. The gods tested our strength of wills to survive. And that we did. Survived every trial and tribulation thrown at us. And now it was time for rest. Time for what we never had time for in the past.
I smiled in her eyes and then held her steady in front of me. With ever ounce of seriousness I could muster, with fond recollection learned from watching worldy men court ladies, I looked down at my goddess. "Kagome. I want to be with you. I always have, but I ain't smart, so I never said nuthin'. Gomenasai. B-But you make me happy Kagome. Stay here. Stay with me, by my side. Don't ever leave me. I need you."
Kagome looked flustered but sighed out "I'm not going anywhere InuYasha..."
But I couldn't take a chance on "anywhere". I shook my head, grunted and put a clawed finger across her lips. "No Kagome....with me....forever." I didn't know how else to say it. I needed her to know that I literally wanted her by my side for eternity. As my mate. And I watched in a matter of seconds as emotions flashed across her face. One of confusion. One that hinted of uncertainty. One that scared the hell out of me, but finally one ending in understanding and what sparked of happiness.
A smile appeared on her face. "Hai, InuYasha....Hai."
I shrugged. " Feh, Took ya long enough to get it. Good thing I knew you'd say yes before I asked"
The smiled still played on her face as she smoothly began to say "Osuw..."
My face split in a grin as I swooped her up and jumped to a higher branch of Goshinboku, so that we could face the moon. "You're mine now Kagome. And I'm yours."
That concreted our bond. As we spent the night quietly near Goshinboku, InuYasha had made me his mate. Soon after that we cemented our bound with an official ceremony. Although I knew InuYasha was knowledgeable in the ways of the Inu in regards to mating, the ceremony honored me and his human mother. We ended up giving Miroku the honor of tying our bonds. We weren't exactly sure if marriages were listed in his duties, but half the things Miroku did as a monk weren't listed as his duties. So who better than the monk, eh?
InuYasha was under the impression that the well was closed off, but I explained to him my desire to see my family would grant me travel. That's what got me here, my desire to see him. I could see the panic in his eyes, in his mind the well still feeding into his insecurities of me leaving him. I would spend as much time as he needed to make him understand I was here to stay.
InuYasha and I eventually visited Mama, Sota and Ojii-san. We allowed Ojii-san to bless our union. Mama even brought me a dress for the sake of pictures. InuYasha, however, as much he loved me, would never be able to get through a modern Japanese wedding ceremony. Laughing, I know I didn't want to do that to him or my family. Sota was entirely too pleased to be able to call his hero, onii-chan, and Ojii-san now knew he could officially kill InuYasha for all the damage to the shrine he had caused over the years.
We return home.
Things are also going to gradually change. And from now on. I'm going to live here. Along with InuYasha. And Let our Days grow old together. InuYasha and I, are bound to tomorrow.
Heeeee! I'm so happy. That was my first. And this stupid *love you * made me wait a FULL 48 hours to post it. Like it...Love it....Hate...coool. It was just great to write it.