disclaimer: not mine.
Pairing: Helena Cain/Felix Gaeta
Setting: pre-series
Length: 1000 words
Rating: R, suggestion of porny bits, het sex, language, adult situations.
Notes: I was poking around and came across a note about ilanabean42's favorite BSG pairing at the time being Cain/Gaeta. And then, well, when I was stuffing checks this afternoon, my brain went roaming free. Apparently. (title is a Hole song, iirc)

Use Once and Destroy
by ALC Punk!

Felix Gaeta is nineteen, carefree, and drunk. When his classmates (all third-year cadets like him) dare him to approach the woman at the table in the back, he does it. After all, she doesn't look too scary from here, she's kinda hot, and he could use the four hundred bucks.

As he gets closer, his drunk brain finally recognizes the woman. For an instant, he almost reconsiders. But that money is a sure thing, as long as he sits down with her and doesn't get punched.

Newly-minted Commander Helena Cain doesn't look like she wants company, unfortunately. But Felix didn't make it where he is without taking a few risks (or memorizing every officer training handbook there was), and so he drops down in the seat across from her, anyway. "I have a tattoo," he says, before she even looks up. Not like it's a real tattoo, of course. One of the girls on the fourth floor drew it on him while he was sleeping. But it's all he's got, in the state he's in.

Cain blows out a lungful of smoke, not even looking at him when she replies, "I don't."

Pleased that she hasn't told him to piss off, Felix misses the obvious disinterest and props his elbow on the table with a smile. "Wanna see it?" He's trying for a leer, but not really succeeding.

Another mouthful of smoke and Cain looks at him, her eyes hard. She waits until he's stopped leering and is seriously considering getting up and running for his life before she asks, "How much?"

"Pardon?" He didn't squeak, he's sure of it. It's just that he might have.

She nods at the group at the bar, watching them with avid eyes and occasionally making ribald jokes at Felix's expense. "Your friends. How much did they bet?"

Uncomfortable at getting caught, but still drunk enough not to really worry, Felix shrugs. She doesn't know him, she can't wreck his record at the academy. "Four hundred." Enough to cover food for the rest of his year with a little left over to spend on anything he pleased. It was totally worth it.

"Not bad." Cain admits. She stubs out her cigarette and stands. "You'll do."


Her lips twitch, "You do know how to have sex, don't you, cadet?"

Felix could never in a million years have imagined this situation. He doesn't stutter, though, when he answers, "Yes."

"Then let's get to it."

Maybe she's trying to scare him off. Maybe not. She does scare the frak out him, though. And his mother always told him that if you never confronted yourself and your fears, you'd miss out on life. He stands. "There's a motel--"

"I know," she says, cutting him off and nodding towards the door. "Follow me in two minutes."

He doesn't think about why she's suggesting that until much much later, when it occurs to him that fraternizing with an Commander could ruin his chances at the academy. He'll never get a chance to thank her, though.

Afterwards, he's exhausted. Lying in the bed, the sheets soaked and pulled free, Felix considers whether he's ever been this tired after sex before. Probably not, and probable not ever again, either. He's never had sex that ended up with the sheets pulled out of their hospital corners. Cain (he can't think of her as Helena, though that's her given name) lit a cigarette and passed it to him while she went to wash in the tiny bathroom. Felix thinks he should maybe do the same, but he can't be bothered to summon the energy to get up.

He's still there where she left him when she returns and starts dressing. So he turns on his side a little, and continues smoking the cigarette, trying to work up the energy he's not sure he'll ever have again.

There's no need to talk, and he watches her dress, because it's something to do. He's going to be sore, come morning, and he's not sure he dislikes the idea. She was harsh and demanding, putting him through his paces and making him feel almost inadequate while he tried to learn--and when she climaxed, it gave him a sense of power he'd never expected.

At that moment, her eyes wide and her breath stuck forever, she seemed vulnerable and weak. Open. Commander Cain was no longer in control and that scares him a little.

Felix wonders about the power someone could have over her at that moment.

It's not something he wants, and he thinks it's her fault he's even thinking about it.

"Sir--" he's not sure what he's going to say. But he feels like he should say something, anything other than let her leave without a word.

Buttoning her tunic, she shakes her head, her expression uncompromising. "I hope the money was worth it, cadet."

She's gone before it finally hits him that what he feels is almost shame. He was a commodity: his friends paid for it, and Commander Cain used it. Curling on his side, he winced as the scratches she left on his flanks stung with the movement. She'd done it, laughing at the stupid fake tattoo, her nails and fingers pulling it into ragged pieces. Not enough to leave scars, of course.

In the morning, he thinks he'll stop feeling sorry for himself.

After all, she really wasn't a woman he'd want to cuddle, anyway. And he did win the frakkin' bet.

On top of which, it had been good sex. Commander Cain might have forced him beyond himself, might have clawed and pushed him, might have cursed at him until he considered gagging her. But she'd also climaxed, and then coaxed him to his own, her voice almost gentle, her mouth next to his ear and her lips just brushing his skin.