A Girl Once Named Leah
By: Natilie Sawada
A/n: I was super inspired by "Nothing to Lose" By: BabelFish42 Go check it out. Tis amazing. Mine won't turn out nearly as good as her Leah POV story, but I'll try. Lol
Doesn't take place during any book or scene specifically, except this is after Sam leaves her for Emily, she turns into a werewolf, and her dad dies.
Time passes. Slowly but it does.
Even when each tick of the second had aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise.
Even for me.
Luxury of time? Not something I ever got.
Life didn't give me time to try and heal. Not in the least. Not one second.
I try to stick a pin in my hair to keep my bangs out of my face. Why the hell did Paul have to claw right there and chop of my hair so it would annoy the hell out of me until it grew out again? Dammit, ugh.
I kept poking my self with the pin, too. Stupid mirror.
My eyes were dark today. Like they usually were. Because it was usually raining.
And of course it was going to be cold. I always had to run patrol when it was raining.
I grabbed my jacket and nothing else and walked out of my bedroom, my stupid annoying bangs in my eyes.
"Hey, Leah, where you goin?" It was my kid brother. I kept walking without even turning around to face him.
"Go away, Seth." I heard the light pata-pata of his feet as he followed me down the narrow carpeted hall.
"I just wanna know where you're going."
"Patrolling," I said briskly, pulling my coat onto my arms and heading towards the door.
"When you gonna be back?" I turned, glaring, at him. But something paused the comeback burning like acid on my tongue.
They were so…innocent. So childlike and expectant and…clear.
Unclouded--like mine used to be.
"Is that any of your business, kid?" I spat the acid words at him so they wouldn't keep burning my tongue. He coiled back from the hate in my voice.
But that's what I did, right? Leah the bitch. The bitter harpy girl whose sole purpose in life is to torture the ones around her.
It was just easier that way. It's better people hate me than pity me. Hate brings you up to their level, makes you an equal.
Pity makes you lower than the sole of their shoe. And I hate it. I absolutely hate it.
So, it's what I do. I lash out at everyone. Spit the acid burning in my chest at them to try and make it go away.
Give them even the smallest taste of the pain I dealt with everyday.
The pain inflicted by the wounds time hadn't given me a chance to heal.
"Well, have fun then," Seth said, bringing me back to our little living room, turning to retreat back into his room. "I hope you find a bloodsucker to rip up. See ya later, Lee-Lee." I heard his door shut.
I caught myself before I flinched at the name. I clenched my hands into fists, but that didn't stop them from shaking.
I needed to get outside. Now.
I wrenched open the door, busting one of the hinges in the constant anger that caused the need to rip things.
Crap. Well, that was twenty bucks wasted. Dammit.
"Me too, kid," I muttered angrily as I slammed the door behind me.
A little ways into the forest I undressed, slinging my jacket, shirt, and shorts over a tree branch. I wasn't wearing any shoes. I never did except to school.
I stood for one moment in the forest, completely naked, closed my eyes, and breathed, as my anger dulled for a moment.
I felt the cold air rush over every inch of me, feel the soft earth under my feet.
Smell the dampness of the soil and the trees.
Taste the air on my tongue.
And most of all. Hear the forest. Hear the simultaneous silence and blaring noise that assaulted my eyes.
Hear the emptiness in my head. That was the best part—no strike that, the only good part about being human.
Why couldn't I stay like this forever. Or better yet melt into the earth and the trees and the air.
Become one with the forest and the sky so that I wouldn't have to think anymore; wouldn't have to feel anymore.
I sighed as I felt a dew drop drip from a leaf onto my nose, and my bangs fall back into my eyes.
But of course, life is never that easy. Moments like that can never last. Time keeps passing. Even for me.
It only took me about five seconds to fully morph into my wolf form.
Five seconds, and my entire being was altered beyond recognition.
That's all it takes.
Time passes. No matter how much, or how little, it changes people.
Self loathing is often a common emotion among those who come to this realization. Take me for example.
My paw pounded on the earth as I darted through the forest—fast as bullet, silent as a ghost. The wind whistled past my ears, flattening my ears against my head. Thank God no one else was running today.
Before Luck and Fate decided to gang up on me and proverbially rain on my life (because it did that literally already) I had been a different girl. So different even I was surprised we were the same person once.
Its useless thinking about back before my life got screwed up. I realized that eventually. But not before I'd come to hate to naïve sweet little girl I used to be.
I'd come to hate everything she stood for, everything she did, the way she talked, the ways she walked, the way she acted around people, the way she laughed and smiled…
I pushed my legs harder, narrowly dodging a tree.
Well she's far behind me now.
That stupid, naïve girl named Leah Clearwater. The one who thought fairy tales could come true, even on a small reservation on the Olympic peninsula. The one who thought happy endings were real. The one who thought life would always work out somehow.
Well that girl sure as hell isn't me now.
I don't frickin' know who I am anymore.
That was really fun to write.
I made a banner for this story cuz I found this super sweet pic for it. Here's the link. (but erase ALL the spaces, i'm only doing that so that it'll show up and T_T)
http:// i518. photobucket . com / albums/u348/ jasper_holic/ A Girl Once Named Leah .jpg? t=1230532059 Take a look and tell me watchya think along with the story ^_^
Please comment! Reviews might earn a visit from their favorite Twi-Guy at their window tonight…? lol