Lelouch is dead.
Of course, that was to be expected. He was mortal, after all.
But why? Why is it so painful?
"Do you love Lelouch?" Kallen's voice still haunts me, and part of me wonders, is it true? Could it be that I'm in love with him? With Lelouch?
I don't know. Maybe. But then, why did he not fulfill his promise to me, to make me smile when I died? I wonder what he would have said if Kallen hadn't interrupted…
Everyone dies eventually. Six hundred years of experience has made me understand that.
Oh my. Tears are falling…
Why? Why am I crying? Could it be, Lelouch? I wonder why his death makes me sad. I have seen many people come and go, but…I only feel this said when you die.
Lelouch, why? Why didn't you take me with you? I have always wanted to die. Ever since the beginning, it has always been my hope, my dream, not yours.
Why? Why is this so unfair? I wanted it so much, but I could never have it. But you, you who never desired death…you have it so easily.
Is it because of this that I am so sad?
I think not. So why?
C.C.'s eyes snapped open as a shower of glass hailed down upon her, flinching as the scattered shards slit her hands and face. Her hands still clasped before her breast, C.C. rose from her kneeling position before the church altar to face the pair of knightmare frames that had just smashed through the roof.
"What do you want?" she asked flatly, her voice betraying none of the confusion she felt. These were Nunnally's knights, were they not? What could the young empress want with C.C.?
Pzzzt. The sound of a com turning on. Meanwhile, the cockpit of the other frame slid open, and a man not a day past twenty-five leapt lithely onto the ground.
"Her highness, Empress Nunnally vi Britannia, wishes to see you," the first frame crackled out.
The man who had left his frame seized C.C.'s hand, ordering her brusquely, "Come, now!"
What does Lelouch's sister want with me?
They brought C.C. back to the remnants of Pendragon and marched her into the reconstructed audience chamber of Britannia palace. There, on the throne, sat Nunnally, gazing impassively at the trio even as C.C.'s two guards lock-stepped her to the head of the room. Both bowed deeply.
"Leave," Nunnally said, not kindly but not arrogantly either. They saluted smartly and hurried out the double doors, pulling them shut as they left.
Nunnally sighed. "C.C.?" she said.
C.C. looked at her in acknowledgement.
"Were you the one who gave the geass to onii-sama?"
For a moment, C.C. wanted to say no, but she felt compelled to tell the truth to Lelouch's last living relative – well, the one that counted, at any rate. Mutely, C.C. nodded.
"Why?" Nunnally demanded.
"I needed him to fulfill my wish."
"What wish?" Nunnally said, almost hotly.
C.C. hesitated, then admitted, "I wished for death."
"Why did you choose onii-sama, out of all people?" Nunnally asked, her voice strained and thick with emotion.
"I…" C.C. averted her eyes from Nunnally's face. "I don't know."
"You don't know?" Nunnally shrieked. "You don't know?!"
"I don't know," C.C. repeated.
"You are the reason that my onii-sama is dead, and you don't know?"
C.C. remained silent.
"I…I hate you!" Nunnally cried. "You are a..a…a witch! I hate you for taking my onii-sama way from me!"
Patience cracking, C.C. retorted, "The feeling is mutual. I never liked you much either. Lelouch always cared for you more than anything else!"
"C.C.!" Nunnally gasped. "Did you love onii-sama?" she asked in disbelief.
Why is everyone asking me this? C.C.'s left eye twitched violently.
"Hmpf." C.C. narrowed her eyes at Nunnally. "I don't know."
"How could onii-sama love you?" Nunnally said. "You are right – he only ever loved me."
"How would you know?" C.C. said. "Lelouch believed me more than he believed in you. He even lied to you, these two long years!"
"It was for my own good. Onii-sama did it for my sake," Nunnally said.
"No! He did it for the world's sake!"
"Lies," Nunnally shot back. "Onii-sama loved me more than he did the world."
C.C. could feel her ire rising; when did Nunnally become this annoyingly dense and possessive?
"How would you know?" C.C. baited. "Lelouch always stayed at my side. We even kissed twice, you know?"
"That's impossible," Nunally said. "Onii-sama always tells me how much he loves me."
"He told me he would make me die smiling!" C.C. said.
"He was only pitying you!"
The words wrenched a gap in C.C.'s heart. "How would you know? He doesn't tell you anything; he only lies to you!"
"No!" Nunnally shut her eyes. "You're lying, you witch!"
"He once told me that if I'm the witch, then he is the warlock."
"We even sleep together in the same room."
"Guards!" Nunnally called. Two figures materialized from off the stage of the antechamber. "Arrest her!" she demanded, pointing a quivering finger at C.C.
"Yes, you majesty!"
C.C. had dinner in a detention facility that night.
I never liked Nunnally. Lelouch treated her like a queen or a goddess, spoiling her and catering to her every whim. The only part of her I ever liked were her eyes.
Those violet eyes, so much like the ones Lelouch had.
I think…I love Lelouch. More than anything, I love Lelouch. He treated me well, and even when I lost my memory, he held me dear.
I also think…I understand why I did not like Shirley either. I always felt a smidgeon of jealousy for her. The same goes for Kallen, except I think she envied me more. She, too, loved Lelouch.
In this prison, I come to realize many things.
My memories, they continue.
My memories, with Lelouch, with tears, and with smiles – they all exist in my memories.
Lelouch, I loved you. Still do. More than anything. More than myself.
Why didn't I realize it until now? Why didn't I tell him? I should not have let him die. I would have asked him to stay with me, for all eternity.
But I've killed him. I've destroyed the life he was meant to have. Fate would not spare even him to me, my warlock, my Lelouch.
Winter, spring, summer, and fall…time. It passes so quickly, but never quickly enough. Lelouch is not returning – will never return. I've never loved anyone before, and I will never love anyone again. Lelouch – he is always on my mind.
Lelouch. Why did you die? Why did you leave me alone? I can't remain this way forever…
The guards never saw her anymore. She was the invisible wraith huddled in the corner of a white-lit facility in her white asylum garb, gazing glassy-eyed at the white walls.
Thus, it was a simple matter for her to one day just…disappear.
They never noticed. Soldiers never did.
C.C. shielded her eyes as a bright blast of sunlight blinded her vision. It had been much too long since she set foot outside the palace. Exhausted and numb, she staggered along the palace walls, with one hand supporting her weight against the stone and mortar.
Suddenly, a shadow fell across her path. She looked up in surprise, and her mouth dropped open into a little "o."
"It can't be…" she muttered incoherently, before her mind finally gave way as fatigue seized hold of her body, and she pitched forward into the strange man's arms.