Author's note: Shade, Rune Dogi, Zephyrs, and Zeryll are my property. If you try to steal, I'll sick Zurg (with a law degree) on you faster than you can say CURSE YOU BUZZ LIGHTYEAR! And I mean it too.


Me: Overruled

Zurg: Craters...

Zurg--I'm cold, I'm alone, and I'm clinically insane. Help me?

*XR comes with big mallet*

NOT that kind of help!

*XR sulks* Awww, I never get to use this attachment

The Z tower rose above the urban wasteland, looking particularly foreboding in the hellish atmosphere, where only black smoke broke up the blood red sky. Inside the dome of this demon-inspired architecture was a single room, bathed in all things purple. Purple curtains. Purple pillows. Purple carpet. Purple flooring underneath the shaggy carpet that you can't see anyway, but colored just the same. And each item in this room was monogrammed with a yellow Z, their sharp sides standing out against the sea of indigo, the color of royalty and resign.

Within this monstrously large chamber, seen only by one pair of eyes, lay a tortured soul curled up in a bed as large as a comet, making him seem all the more fragile. This alien, trapped in a foreign world, was the Evil Emperor Zurg himself. His normal battle armor hung in his ginormous closet, (he liked to make up words; it was one of the perks of being an evil emperor you know), along with thirty other exact replicas, identical to the last millimeter. Instead, he donned a lavender nightgown, complete with a funny little hat tipped in a ball branded with the letter Z. (He sowed it himself when no one was looking. Finally his Martha Stewart needlework classes were paying off).

And through his satin attire, one could see him as he really was; not a man hiding behind a mask, or a robot constructed by some mad scientist. No, he was an alien, all of him, glowing mouth grill and all.

And boy, was he buff. Muscles rippled underneath his tall form (he had to keep in shape to be so swift when wearing that bulky armor). His silver horns gleamed in the soft light, tearing his pillows to shreds every night. And his red eyes, with their sinister yellow pupils, were closed, shielding the rest of the world from his cruel gaze, and him from theirs.

But Zurg was almost unrecognizable for one reason; instead of his usual cocky grin on his face, an expression of terror dominated his features. His brows were knitted in fear. For all his "evil" plots and self-proclaimed reputation for being the embodiment of evil, he still found reason to be afraid of the night, not for its shadows or lack of light, but for the demons within his mind, clawing through his subconscious.

Zurg slept twisted and turned beneath his violet covers, almost strangling himself with the knots of velvet and lace.

In his nightmare, Zurg was where he always was; on a cyan asteroid, standing still as if frozen in time, with powdery white dust coating the ground. The whole perfectly spherical mass was silent, as if it was holding its breath, or took its last one years ago. Gangly trees twisted into the air, no leaves, only gnarled white branches resembling sun-bleached coral. Off in the distance, Zurg could barely make out a crystalline temple, dull under the distant starlight. Zurg, now dressed in his signature look, sprinted away from the structure, trying to escape the hated destination that grew closer and closer with each stride he took.

"Why does the universe pick now to defy the revised laws of physics?" Zurg whined.

"Cease your incessant complaints, subordinate," an eerie voice popped out of nowhere.

"What? Who said that? Show yourself so I may blast you with my HYPER DEATH RAY!" cue the dramatic pose, with one finger waving in the air.

"That won't work on me, and you know it, nimrod," the voice let out a shrill version of laughter.

"Ion blaster then?" Zurg searched for the right weapon.


"Plasma ray?"

"Not quite."

"Rubber chicken?"
Zurg was thrown to the ground by an invisible force, smashed against the grainy land underneath. "Are you kidding me? Honestly, you're not even a real challenge, in brawns or brains. You are no fun at all," you could just hear the frown in his voice.

"Why me?" Zurg was flabbergasted.

"Remember your past, oh soft one?" a creature cloaked in shadows hissed with vehemence.

"Who are you calling soft one, you garbage-loving grub? I'm the Evil Emp-" his intro was cut short.

"Silence, you pitiful weakling!" the dark voice commanded. "You're not evil. Not even naughty. Merely mischievous at best."

Zurg's voice grew quieter, almost childlike, "What do you want from me?"

"Oh stop your whimpering, sniveling coward," the voice was cruel. "With your memory repressed, I can't torture you half so well. And besides, it's not you I'm after."

"Then why are you pestering me so?" Zurg demanded to know, while lifting himself off the ground, dusting his cape absentmindedly.

"Because I'm bored, and there's nothing else better on Z.V.," the psychotic finally stepped out into the light, revealing a man dressed in an entirely white outfit, with his masquerade mask covering his eyes and nose, leaving his wicked smile to strike dread into the remains of Zurg's heart. Long white hair stuck out from the creature's head, like a halo of sorts; the feathered strands twisted to and fro. His joints, chin, and nose were sharp, making him appear like he was carved out of marble with haste, and yet, with such precision that it made every girl drool over his exotic form. The man wore thick gloves on his hands, with claws spread out in a menacing manner. And his torso and lean legs were swathed in gleaming robes, the edges embroidered in Arctic fox fur. The fabric covered every inch of his skin, save for his face. "You should have stuck with Time Warner Cable," the man disappeared from view yet again.

Zurg turned around to face the source of the noise. He turned about in all directions, but couldn't see anyone for miles around.

"Down here, Einstein," the voice was projected from the earth.

Zurg looked at the floor and jumped at least three feet into the air, away from a pool of dark matter twining around his feet. "GAH! What IS that stuff?"

"Nothing of importance," the masked man shot out a ray of white light at the shadows, causing the dark vines to dissipate, whimpering as they retreated into dark crevices. "Now onto bigger weeds…"

His white boots crunched over the skulls of countless species, from Jo-Adians and humans to Tangeans and Chlorms alike with such ease, that one would have sworn the bones were crafted from paper. Zurg had a gut feeling that his head wouldn't stand much of a chance either.

In the blink of an eye, the spirit grabbed Zurg's throat with astounding speed, holding the taller of the two opponents into the air. "It's all your fault."

"What the halibut did I do?" tears streamed down Zurg's face. He knew he was going to die. Or was he already dead?

"You gave her ideas," the monster flung the poor emperor far across the land, shattering the light blue crystal surrounding the hallowed temple, as he plummeted into darkness.