He missed him. No matter what he did, said, thought, or felt, the memories clothed him like a second skin. Of course these thoughts only made him ached for his real second skin. The one that set his own on fire each night. The one that had left him behind, cold and lonely in the darkness of his bedroom.
The only warmth left came from his tears. They streamed down his temples and burned his ears as he gazed at the ceiling. It was the only spot he could look at with some calm, but he quickly remembered why he could not look at the walls and at the many treasures he had.
"How could you leave me?"
He covered his mouth, scolding himself for finally admitting the reason for his pain. At the same time, his heart filled with shame. He knew better than to blame him. It was not his fault. But he was in the phase where he was searching for a reason, someone responsible for his sorrow. Of course there wasn't a person who had done this to him. What happened simply had to. He was living in a dream and as beautiful as it was… It was only a dream.
Now, he had returned to reality and all he could do is weep. For himself. For his love. For everything he had lost. Everything that was ripped away from him, including his outer skin, his second one. The only one that mattered to him.
He contemplated about killing himself. Perhaps then he could join his lover. And why not? There was nothing in this world that mattered.
He rolled to his side and more tears fell as another dose of guilt filled him. He still had his friends.
Jonouchi, Anzu, Honda.
How could he forget them? They were always with him. Since the very beginning and still remained. They had not abandoned him and he prayed they never would. He needed them now more than ever and of course they offered whatever comfort they could. He begged for forgiveness. As much as he hurt, he would not selfishly leave them. He would not pass on his pain to them.
He often shook his head when he remembered something. The touch of his love's hand. The deep crimson of his eyes. The way the colour of his eyes used to veil them when his love still dwelled within him, as he gazed at him through his reflection. He was so beautiful. He shook his head, to chase the memory away. It never really worked, so he tried to distract himself. Play a game, other than the card game they both loved. The card game that brought them together and then broke them apart.
Perhaps it was his fault after all. He could have won. He should have! If he really loved him, he wouldn't have just gone along with what he was told. That whole situation, his situation was a game. And he always won. Always! But which was more important to him? Yugi or what was on the other side of those doors? Which prize did he want more? The afterlife or Yugi? Well, his choice was obvious. He chose to lose, and lose Yugi. Throw him away for what?
"Are you happy?" Yugi murmured. "Are you? Are you happy now, at my expense?" He had won the duel and lost everything.
"Jerk!" Yugi started to cry. "You're such a jerk!" He began to move about the room, and grabbed whatever he could get his hands on threw it to the ground. His hands tore through everything. His tears now fell over his cheeks. His eyes and nose burned red. For several minutes he served his rage. He reached for his pendant and pulled it over his neck, set on adding it to pile on the floor. He lifted it over his head, preparing himself for the crash and the dismemberment of his beloved millennium puzzle.
Why should he continue to wear it? Even keep it for that matter? It used to symbolize everything. Their bond. Their love. Their hearts existing as one. But now it meant nothing!
"He doesn't care!" he sobbed. "If he did, he'd be here! He never would have left!" The puzzled slipped from his fingers.
Yugi watched his puzzle tumble and jumped forward. He fell to the floor with a thud and caught the puzzle in his hands.
"Yami… Atem… Love!"
He hugged the puzzle tightly to his chest. He couldn't destroy it. No matter how angry, how heartbroken he was. It was still his. Even though he was no longer with him, it did not mean he no longer loved him. The fact the puzzle stayed with him was proof. It also reminded him that his love would never fully disappear. Not completely. It was painful now, but one day, maybe he'll be able to look upon his lovely memories and smile.
There was no shame in knowing he loved someone, more than the world itself. No shame in knowing he was loved back. In his memories he would always be holding Yami's hand, kissing his lips. Embracing him tightly on the coldest of nights, much like this one. In his memories, they would always be together. Always.