A New Life, Old Memories but Never Forgotten
A/N: This is just a little something I thought I'd try out. I know there are very few Heartbeat fanfics out there, so I thought I might just post this story that I wrote a few weeks ago, playing on the Gina/Phil storylines. It sort of follows on from somewhere after the episode 'Oscar's Birthday', so it contains a few spoilers for those who may not have seen series 17 or 18. It focusses mainly on the death of Phil and how it would affect Phil mainly, if he was reincarnated and lived in the modern day, but kept having flashbacks of his true love with Gina. It's very different to what I usually write, and I'm not sure what the response will be, but try and see where I'm coming from :). Ok, so enjoy, comment and read on.....!
He didn't remember her, the life he had before, yet he was sure he existed. Common sense told him he was crazy, it was just the life that he wanted, but all day and everyday it followed him, a sadness hanging over his head, lingering in the back of his mind, telling him to be sorry for what he had lost.
Still he convinced himself that he was slightly insane, he figured that it was a creation of his imagination, but something wouldn't allow him to let it go, something told him something was missing, something that he couldn't have.
Every now and again he would sit in his room alone, or at night he would lay next to Emma and try and remember, explore his mind for any trace of another life, cautiously, making sure he made nothing up, that everything was from memory.
He seemed to remember a woman, dark hair, beautiful eyes, a love that was so deep nothing in the world could have been more wonderful. It was so perfect, he realised, that it could be nothing more than fantasy, a creation of his ideal life, a life, he discovered that was without Emma.
The thoughts were so beautiful, so loving, yet so destructive and so powerful, so thought provoking. They made him angry, and sad, and regretful. He only wished he knew more.
As he fell into a world where his mind was dominated by the vision, he grew distant from everyone. His marriage, that had never been the perfect match, began to fall apart, and in a few months he was single again. He had become almost convinced that the thoughts were more than that, a memory, possibly, conscience, likely. He contemplated visiting a professional, a psychologist or something, but he didn't want to be cured, if it was real, he didn't want to let her down by losing the one link he had.
Months passed, life went on, he dated other people, he fell in love, he fell out of love, but she, the woman of his mind, his life, never left him.
One night he lay there, once again thinking about his past life. He felt himself be carried away on his thoughts, to his created world where he would try and remember. Tonight he felt himself on his death bed, the last few moments before, he believed, he had been catapulted into this new life. He saw his wife, held her hand, felt his breath getting weaker, felt himself want to ask about someone....
His wife left. But no sooner had his heart dropped, it skipped a beat as she returned, carrying something in her arms – could it be...? It was, a small child, his child, light blonde hair...he was perfection, yet that sadness still lingered in Phil's heart...He felt himself begin to cry, and slip away into death in his mind, putting his arm around the pillow that he had grown accustomed to sleeping with, imagining it as his wife from his previous life.
It was weeks later. He was watching TV, well, less watching than flick from channel to channel, catching glimpses of each programme: "..and we move onto...", "...thanks to Harry....", "...car insurance from...", "...ooooh a narrow miss there from...", "...a vowel please...", "..who is the weakest link? Is it Gina...". At this name Phil froze. It was such an uncommon name these days he hadn't heard it in a while, but now it seemed to mean something. The woman on the TV looked nothing like the woman in his mind, his wife from his last life, but that was irrelevant, it was the name he'd been looking for, her name had been Gina.
That night, he lay thinking about what he always thought about. He had made a pact with himself: he couldn't keep living so much in the past. He felt he had let his family down before by dying, but in this life, it appeared, he had let had let his current family down by living. Tonight, he decided, would be the night that he let Gina and his son go.
Again he was on his death bed. She was there, his son was there. He leaned forward and touched his son's face, tenderly with one finger. Then he knew. His son's name was Daniel. Daniel Oscar. Something had been wrong with him....He couldn't remember what...He looked up at Gina, a tear was running down her face. She knew that he was dying, that he was going to leave her, Phil, too, found himself crying.
"I never meant to let you down." He whispered. "I never meant to hurt you. I love you, both of you, I will always love you, watch over you, care for you and protect you. Wherever you go I will always take you with me. I will never forget you, and my death can never hut you as much as it pains me to leave such a wonderful family behind. I'm scared and afraid of being alone, but you will always have each other, and you will always have me." Phil leant up and kissed Gina and his son. She smiled. All this time she had never spoken, but now her heard her voice:
"This, Phil, is your son." She held the baby towards him. "His name is Philip Oscar." It was so unexpected...he had thought his name was Daniel, the name Philip Oscar didn't ring any bells. He felt himself fade, felt himself die. Then it made sense. He saw his grave, besides Daniel's. Saw Gina holding Philip looking over them both. Then he fell to sleep, leaving behind thoughts of his past life, except the occasional wondering of whether or not it had been a figment of his imagination or not.
But Gina didn't forget the days she had spent imagining Phil beside her, imagining what she would have said had she been there as he took his last few breaths. She hadn't forgot the day she finally came to terms with his death, stood by his and her son's grave, holding their new gift in her arms, introducing their son. She hadn't forgotten the words she heard but believed to be her imagination. No, Phil speaking to her, telling her that he would always be with her...that she had not forgotten.