Blair lay behind him, watching the rise and fall of his body as he slept. She could still feel the tremble of his body from when he silently fell apart in her arms. No words had been exchanged; just her clinging tightly to him, partly to reassure him she was there and partly to reassure herself that he was here. He hadn't said anything either, just leaning against her in the most defeated way possible. Somehow they had ended up lying down on the bed and slowly his trembles had subsided as sleep overtook him. She had removed her arms from around him, in order to ensure his full comfort in what she was willing to bet was his first real sleep since his father's death. Now as she lay behind him, she resisted the urge to reach out and touch him. She wondered when was the last time he ate, or showered or anything else the resembled a normal day to day routine. She made a mental note to ensure he showered and ate tomorrow morning.
It's downright maternal.
Blair rolled her eyes at the memory of Nate's words. It wasn't her being maternal; it was her being in love. She, for some reason, had fallen for this broken boy before her and now all she wanted was for him to be okay, to make it through the night, the day, the week...and everything else he encountered in his life. If it was up to her she'd hold his hand through it all, stand by him like she promised. But she knew Chuck, and she knew that Chuck Bass wasn't going to be proud of himself when he woke up and realized he had needed someone. He would push her away, do things to hurt her, all with hopes that she'd leave him alone. Blair knew that him coming to her wasn't the beginning of something easy, but the beginning of an upward battle against Chuck. She inhaled deeply; she was up to it though. She would stand by him through anything, even if it broke her.
With that, Blair felt her eyes fluttered shut, sleep finally overtaking her.
Chuck woke with a start. His eyes rapidly moving around the room in the dark, attempting to determine his location. But it was his nose that gave it away as the scent of Chanel No.5 overtook him. Blair. He swallowed, wondering how long he'd been here. He turned slowly, facing her. As his eyes adjusted to the dark he was able to see the lines of her face. She truly looked like an angel, lying there in a silk dress, her hair swept around her face beautifully. He felt his chest tighten as he looked at her. He loved her, more than he wanted to admit. But more importantly, she loved him. On some level he had always known that, but hearing it, having her clutch his hand tightly as she uttered those three words...Chuck Bass was way too selfish to deny how wonderful that had felt, despite his verbal reaction. Despite the day he had been having, at the back of his mind her voice had been echoing and when Lily had spoken to him at the penthouse he left on a whim for Blair's, Lily's words still ringing in his ears.
Charles, I beg you. Please don't turn away from the people who love you. They're the only chance any of us have. And you father never learned that, I hope you do.
His father was flawed, just like him. Chuck had always known that. He also always knew that he would hurt people the way his father did, because despite how hard he strived to be his own person, he was very much a replica of his father. But in light of his father's death he had become scared...not of death itself, but of leaving behind no one who cared (besides a bitter son of course). Bart Bass was dead and no one really gave a fuck. Chuck didn't want that for himself and with Lily's words ringing in his ears he had showed up at Blair's. He realized now that this was a mistake, a lapse in judgement. Because despite how he felt for her and despite how she felt for him, Blair didn't need this. She didn't need him pulling her down and she didn't need to get tangled up in his disastrous cycles. She was prim and perfect, organized and in control. She wouldn't be able to handle him falling apart; she shouldn't have to deal with the heartbreak that will occur when she saw him with the numerous women he knew he'd hook up with at the next chance. He was afraid she'd relapse. He wondered if was too late, if her declaration of love for him and the words that had accompanied it was Blair at her most honest, and that despite his wishes Blair would follow him to his darkest depths and burn herself along the way. He couldn't have that, he wouldn't let her suffer. He'd have to fight her, force her to believe she was better off. He'd disappear for a bit and return with a flock of women. It would hurt her, but only once and this beat the amount of times she'd get hurt if she stood by him.
Newly motivated he sat up slowly and ran his hands down his suit and then through his hair. His eyes fell on her desk and he picked up a pen and jotted down a quick note. He moved back to the bed, placing the note on the space where he had slept. He inhaled deeply, pushing back tears he didn't realize he had. Unable to stop himself, Chuck leaned forward and kissed her forehead gently. He straightened himself and moved towards the door.
"Chuck?" She said, her voice filled with sleep.
"Go back to sleep Blair." His voice stern.
"Only if you join me." She responded with equal determination, and he heard the sheets shuffle around and then her bedside tables light turned on.
"That's not going to happen" Chuck said, his hand tightening on the doorknob.
He heard the sound of paper being rustled and then, "Because you're leaving?"
"Chuck, look at me."
Chuck swallowed and fixed a stony expression on his face as he turned to face her. His heart fluttered at the sight of her, illuminated only by the soft light and looking stunning in her dress.
"Where are you going?"
"I don't know."
Blair's lips formed a tight line, "Chuck-"
"Just go back to sleep Blair"
"But you'll leave." She whispered.
Chuck nodded, "It's better this way, you don't need this in your life" He indicated to himself, "I'm just going to fuck your perfect little life over Blair"
"It's a little too late to consider that now Bass." Blair said, her eyes tightening with purpose, "I love you-"
"You'll get over it."
"Excuse m e?"
"Don't pretend it isn't possible Blair, you got over Nathaniel, didn't you? Maybe it's time to rekindle that flame"
"It'll be easy Blair, what you always wanted, your prince, your happily ever after, Nate can give you that."
"I don't love Nate! I don't think I ever really did."
Chuck snorted, "That's bull."
"No, no it's not Chuck." Blair said, standing now, "What I felt for Nate was a childhood infatuation...not love"
"And what you feel for me is?" Chuck said sceptically.
"Chuck, I love you...this," Blair indicated to them with a wave of her hand, "Is real, it's my happily ever after. It's not ideal for most but it is for me, I...I don't know how else to explain it, I love you Chuck, I love you."
Silence overtook them. Chuck stared into her eyes and he knew despite his words that this was it; 15 years from now he'd probably be waking up next to Blair Bass, their kids sleeping peacefully in the rooms next door. He knew she was his happily ever after but right now, at this point, he knew he didn't deserve it and that she deserved so much better than him right now.
"I'm not...I can't..." He struggled to find the words.
Blair moved towards him, capturing his hands in hers.
"You're going to fight me, I can see that. Despite how you know that somewhere this is it, you are going to fight me. You'll push me away, flaunt your call girls in my face and probably say things to me that will break my heart but Chuck, you won't break me. I told you I would stand by you through anything and I meant it. I'm not going anywhere. I will fight you till you let me in Bass, if it's the last thing I do...do you understand?"
He pulled his hands from hers and moved away, "You're making a mistake."
"I could say the same to you." She said evenly.
He turned to look at her, and they fell into another one of their heavy silences.
Blair nodded, "Fine."
He shook his head slowly as he looked at her, pain visible through his expression. He turned the doorknob and was about to walk out of the door when he felt her grab his hand, "Blair-"
"Do you remember?" She whispered softly, "The day we teamed up to bring Vanessa down Chuck? And you came to claim...me?"
Visions of Blair in her red lingerie filled his head and he closed his eyes as his heart beat quickened slightly.
"Do you remember what you said to me that night?"
Chuck knew exactly what she meant, but said, "'If you thought that was long, you have no idea what you're in for'?"
Blair pursed her lips and shook her head, "Not quite."
She looked at him, her eyes wide and her hand tightening around his.
"...Then I believe you must be referring to "Three Words, Eight Letters, Say them and I'm yours""
Blair nodded, a smile appearing on her face, "I said them Bass...so...you're mine, and if you think Blair Waldorf doesn't take care of what's hers you're sadly mistaken." Blair released his hand, "You can walk out of this room and as far away from me as you want but you will always be mine Chuck."
Chuck's jaw tightened as he realized the truth of her words. "Goodnight Blair."
"Goodnight Chuck, I love you."
With one last fleeting glance, Chuck turned and left, destination undetermined.
But with his returned route already planned.