Why the fuck was I still in this mortal realm? I ask myself this every time I enter South Park High. This was a waste of my precious time…but I had to do it. Father forced me to stay here to prove that pure evil could coexist with humans without complete mass chaos…. or whatever. Everyone acted like I had no self control. If I wanted mass chaos then I'd make it, but I didn't wasn't trying to stay in this godforsaken town (literally) any longer than I had to. Of all the places to be forced to stay in the world, Father chose South Park…South Park…Where it's a fucking frozen tundra….all the time. Thanks Dad. I hated the cold and missed the cozy and tormenting flames of Hell.
I've only been here for a week…or eight years or something. Time was such a human thing. All I know is that I've been here too fucking long. I had first arrived in the 3rd grade and now I'm in the 11th. All I had to do was graduate and it'd be all over. Satan, I wished this would go by faster. Every year I had to observe the human anatomy and change my appearance according to my "age". I purposely made myself taller than my peers though; I had a thing for towering over my future subjects. It's not like everyone in town didn't already know I was the son of the Devil; they just never discussed it either out of fear or stupidity. I would probably choose the latter though; an alarming amount of South Park's residents were blundering idiots. Humans in general were pretty boring from what I observed. All they ever did was talk about trivial things all day long "Omg! I forgot my homework" and "Did you see what she wore yesterday" and "Honey, bills came in. No dinner tonight, again" It made me sick. Sadly, that's all I had to do: go to school and put up with this shit without killing anyone. Easy enough. I've gotten this far, right? Only one more year to go and I'd be back sitting on my comfy throne of corpse and brimstone….man I missed my chair.
School had started an hour ago and I was on my way to my first class. What? Father said I had to finish school, not pass. Besides, school was too easy. Most of the history taught in Government class: I've lived through. A majority of the "natural" disasters discussed in my Environmental Science class: I've created at least once. And I was born before "Math" was even created….like I said easy. Easy, but consequently boring. The only class I did have trouble in was art. Satan, how I despised art. The art instructor said I couldn't grasp the concept of what was "beautiful"…what was "pleasing to eye"… which was not the case. My art was incredible. Yet with everything I made in that class, her reaction was the same: A face of pure horror. I mean, the look of terror on a mortal's face always brings me joy, but I was getting pretty goddamn sick of her disgust with my creations. Really, how could she not like my sculpture of an infant piercing his mother's heart with his father's severed arm? It symbolized parental betrayal…which was beautiful. The retarded thing about it was that she would never permanently kick me out of her class, like I hoped she would. She was determined to make me understand what was "beautiful". I really didn't care what she did…but all the same, it was getting a little irritating.
I walk into my first class while our instructor was up teaching. Everyone turned to face me but soon faced back forward as soon as I was identified. I walked past the teacher to my seat in the far back corner without saying a word. The teacher resumed his lesson as soon as I sat down and kids got back to taking notes. This was how most days started; even the teacher was smart enough not question my whereabouts. Not that I'd kill him or anything, I still wanted to go home, y'know. Something was different today though, a disturbance in the atmosphere. I turned my head to see a person sitting in the desk beside me. I chose to sit in the corner to remain away from them and now one of them was close, too close. I looked again to identify the kid who decided that they fuck with me today. It was a round faced little male with a crop of unkempt brown hair and eyes to match. The boy glanced up at me and quickly looked back down onto his desk; that reaction wasn't very surprising. Suddenly, he grabbed his pencil, quickly scribbled something on a sheet of paper, and slipped it on my desk. I stared at the small sheet for a moment. Not only did this human invade my space…he was writing me stupid little notes! Cautiously, I picked it up. "Sorry!!" it read, "Teacher made me sit here cause I was talking!" I was confused… so I read it again. Why in the world was he telling me this? I didn't even ask. The boy was staring at me from the corner of his eye wearily waiting for a reply. I really didn't care that much where he sat…but I certainly wasn't going to write him a note back saying "That's OK! Lol!! I Was Getting Kinda Lonely Anywayz!"….Nope. Not going to happen. The son of Satan never writes "Lol" on anything for any reason. The boy was still watching me anxiously as I sat there glaring at the piece of paper between my fingers. I sighed and the small note combusted into flames in my hand. I observed the fear that crept into the boy's face as he watched me dust the ashes off my desk. He turned pale and took a huge gulp. Slowly, he turned to face toward the front of the class, shivering, and placed his head down on his desk. Was he really that frightened? I laughed a little to myself; this human was kind of intriguing….maybe even amusing in a way.
"Um. Damien." The teacher had the guts to utter my name…"Could you please refrain from creating fire in the classroom? It's very distracting." I sighed and threw my middle finger into the air, which was…for some reason…offensive to humans... I would have just set him on fire, but as I've said before: I'm not screwing up my chances of going home. "Why do I even bother…" the teacher muttered rubbing his temples, "Alright Damien, you know where to go…" I pushed back my seat and prepared to head for the principal's office…as usual. As I crossed the room, I heard the teacher speak again. "And you Mr. Donovan! Fist talking and now you're sleeping in my class? Well you can go right along with him." I cringed. Great, now the frightened little sheep had to tag along.
"But sir! I wasn't-"
"I don't want to hear it Clyde! Go!" I turned to watch "Clyde's" wide dreading eyes shoot towards me. He reluctantly stood up from his seat and trudged toward the door. I swear I could see his knees shaking. "This time today, Clyde" teacher commented and Clyde quicken his step. I gazed at him waddling towards me and decided this could be the most amusing trip to the principal's office I had ever taken.