Author's Note: Awww.. this is the last chapter. So sad... But it won't be the last of me! Nuh-uh! Thanks for reading it throughout the time and for reviewing. Special shout out to everyone who reviewed! Holaaaa! (That's the shout out. hehehe). Especially to kerrybell and Elliptical who reviewed, I believe, to all four chapters! Whooot! Everyone else is just as awesome! Thanks a lot guys! (Oh, and hi to Kayla. HI!) Oh, and as for randomness, I wish I moved at lightning speed! NO! Vampire speed, because they totally move faster than lightning!
Disclaimer: I'm not impossibly fast and strong. My skin is not pale white and ice cold. My eyes don't change color (like Edward's do) and I don't sometimes speak like I'm from a different time. I don't never eat or drink anything. I do go out in the sunlight. And I'm not a (say it. out loud) Vampire. . . Noooor do I own Twilight much to my dismay.
Five People Edward Cullen Has Killed: Chapter Five: Isabella Swan
Once I had returned to Carlisle, I vowed to him and myself that I would never take another human life. A few years after my return and the guilt of killing those people, despite how horrid they were, still got the better of me. I didn't think that I would ever overcome the burden of emotions that came along with all of the people I killed in that span of a few years, but with the great help of my family, especially Esme and Jasper, I was able to go on.
Sure, decades later it would haunt me from time to time, but I was able to overcome it.
Jasper especially knew what I was going through. Not only because of his talent with emotions, but because he had killed many humans during his time--many more than me.
When he first arrived, after I got over the initial shock and frustration with the other, shorter and more annoying newcomer Alice, he told his story. We all had plenty of time to talk and get to know each other, seeing as we never slept. It was hard in the beginning, with him struggling and all, but once he was able to bear it, we--Jasper and I--were able to really talk. We probably helped each other more than anyone else did, with the possible exception of his wife Alice. We freed each other from the pain and regret that came because of killing.
To each other, we renewed our promises, once again, to never kill a human.
When Isabella Swan stepped into my life, though, I started spiraling. Fast. I'd never felt something so intense before. Her blood, her scent... it was all very threatening to me, the way it allured me. It was tempting me to lapse in my very strict diet once more--to break the promise I had made many times over.
But I didn't want to be a monster.
That was when I decided to leave. I ran off, once again to Carlisle and Esme's dismay. But this time I didn't run off to stalk and kill. This time I ran away from killing. I knew that if I stayed there where Bella was that I would cause harm to her, if I didn't kill her the very next second I saw her and took in her scent, that is.
After an extended time of hunting mountain lions and what not, and after some coaxing from my family, I returned to Forks.
But I wasn't going to let myself kill her. I wasn't going to let Alice's vision of me turning her come true. Nor was I going to drain her small, fragile body of its warm-scented blood.
After a while, I worked up enough self-control and tolerance to her. But it was too late; I had fallen in love with her, and that was something my self-control couldn't keep me from. I couldn't stand the thought of being away from her. And so I didn't. I stayed as close to her as I could, whenever I could. I didn't intend on leaving her ever until the violent part of my world collided with her world and, with the help of her misfortune and luck, landed her in the hospital.
It was all my fault, her being in the hospital, all broken. From that point, I vowed to do whatever it was to keep her safe and it seemed to be the smartest idea to leave. As much as it would hurt, it would be for the best. This way she would be out of harms way and I wouldn't have a hand in her death, keeping my promise.
But Bella seemed to think differently.
She immediately rebuked my idea. The hurt I saw in her eyes--it made leaving her not worth it. So I was to stay for as long as time would allow.
But too soon, my world collided with hers once more. Something as simple as a paper cut put her in grave danger. Danger of once more being killed.
And, very much like the last time, it was my fault.
The saying 'the third time's a charm' haunted me after that night.
I wasn't going to let there be a third time.
So I did the only thing I could do without killing her or her soul, or so I thought at the time. I put on my poker face and ripped a hole in her chest. And I left her. But I knew it was for the better. At least, I had to keep telling myself that.
The time apart was brutally painful to me. No number of distractions could keep her out of my thoughts. No matter how hard I tried, everything led back to her. Bella. My one and only, true, love.
It was eating me up on the inside. The pain was almost as treacherous as the fire that consumes your body during the transformation from human to vampire, mortal to immortal, only I'd go as far as to say that it was worse. The duration was longer, if not eternal.
And that was when I heard it from Rosalie.
Alice had seen Bella jump off a cliff and into the dark, ice-cold ocean water beneath her. And then her future disappeared. Bella was never seen to resurface, instead she drowned to death. Gone in an instant.
In response, I cried out in agony and withered to the floor, tearless sobs wracking my body.
Had I not left her! She wouldn't have died. She wouldn't have had to commit suicide.
In that moment my chest's hole ripped deeper and wider until it completely took over me.
I had planned from the first time she endured her near-death experience that if she died, I soon would too. And there was only one way I could properly die, only one plausible punishment for being Bella's cause of death. And that entitled my trip to Volterra to visit the Volturi.
Now, I stand waiting, in a shaded alleyway, the same setting of where I stalked and killed many of the others, awaiting for the clock to strike to reveal my God-like figure. The Volturi are so stingy on the rules, they'll have no other option than to kill me for breaking their precious guidelines.
So here I stand, eyes closed, hands out from my side, palms up, as if I were meditating. I stood, remembering all of the lives I took. I think of the people I saved by ending those wretched lives. I thought of my family, even, but never once about how this would hurt them. Just only of how I love them. How much they helped me.
But most of all, my thoughts were centered on Bella.
Thoughts and pictures of her jumping off that cliff fluttered through my mind. I could only imagine how the wind would feel brushing past her, how the water would internally suffocate her, the salt from the water being forced down her throat burning. I wondered what her last thoughts would be. Would they be of me? I shuddered at the thought of her newly pale, lifeless body floating down to the bottom of the ocean floor, pushed under by the waves and out to sea, only to be brought back up, face down, floating in the dark, lonely waters. If only that could be me and not her. Never would I want her to have to experience such feelings, such experiences.
Oh, Bella. My Bella. My love. I am so very sorry for what I put you through. Bella... I thought to myself as the clock's chimes rang through my ears.
Better, brighter thoughts flashed through my head in seconds. I imagined for the last time her rosy cheeks igniting upon my touch. I imagined her smile, her laugh. I smelled her smell, exuberant and warm. I envisioned her hair, the way it flowed down her back, over he shoulders. I relived the moments while she slept, hearing her whisper my name in her sleep. I listened to her melodious voice flow from her warm, full lips. The feeling of her gracious lips on mine. . .
When I heard her voice back, I was sure I was in my own personal heaven. And so I opened my eyes, searching out the eyes of my angel.
And cue page 452 of New Moon!
A/N: In case you missed that, Edward was in Volterra about to step out into the sun when the clock started chimed twelve so the Volturi would have no choice other than to kill him. That's when he was thinking of the people he killed, Bella included. Also, if you note, Bella said "His expression was very peaceful, like he was dreaming pleasant things." (New Moon, Chapter 20, page 451). So basically, it was meant to be that when she walked up, he was thinking of the good memories of her... incase you didn't catch that! I hope you did!