Title: Ace of Cakes: Japan
Universe: Antique Bakery
Theme/Topic: Antique Baker and the Holidays
Rating: PG-13 for innuendo and cake peen.
Character/Pairing/s: Tachibana, Chikage, Ohno (mentions of Eiji)
Warnings/Spoilers: Crack, pointlessness, random and OOC.
Word Count: 1,555
Summary: Tachibana buys presents and headaches ensue.
Dedication: sazabe's request on my holiday request meme! I added something else you love too. Kind of. Sorry this involves Christmas and is…well, late for Christmas. LOL
A/N: I don't know. LOL I haven't read the series in years. I AM SURE THE KOREAN MOVIE WILL BE A+ AWESOME THOUGH. Anyway! 1.5k left! I CAN DO THIS.
Disclaimer: No harm or infringement intended.

When Tachibana buys the DVDs it isn't meant to be a creative way to present some sort of a challenge or a criticism or a wacky new business plan to Ohno at all; he honestly just picks them up for the guy because it's Christmas and of the two things in this world he knows for certain Ohno likes (baking and no-strings-attached gay sex), anything related to the baking will obviously beat out the gay sex stuff, hands down.

Besides, Tachibana wouldn't even know where to start and what to look for in terms of the gay porn stuff in the first place; he's never bought and never will buy anything of the sort, and that one time he got drunk and picked up that yaoi magazine at the 7-11 doesn't count, because for one thing, he'd been drunk, and for another, that guy on the cover had looked suspiciously like a really cute girl.

But enough about that.

The point is, he buys the DVDs for Ohno for Christmas because they are about baking (he can tell because the word "Cakes" is in the title, even though the guy on the cover looks more like a plumber than a baker). In short, it is a harmless looking enough show imported from America about a place that makes cakes in funny shapes and sizes for people of funny shapes and sizes; the shop girl he talks to in the DVD store highly recommends it for anyone who likes to bake. Which is good enough for Tachibana; he picks the box set up without thinking much more on it and gets it gift wrapped at the shopping center's guest services kiosk just in time to hand it to Ohno on Christmas eve, along with the scarf he found for Chikage at the same mall, and the new apron he bought for Eiji, for whenever he decides to come back from Europe.

Ohno lights up at the beautifully wrapped box the moment he sees it; it figures that a fancy symmetrical wrap job done by gift wrapping professionals (girls) would be all it takes to set his heart aflutter.

"Don't get all weird on me," Tachibana warns him, as the patissier takes the present from him and tucks it under his arm, eyes glowing and cheeks pink from what better be the slight draft wafting up from under curbside service barn door.

"Right," Ohno murmurs eventually, looking at the ground, "thank you, Tachibana."

Tachibana clears his throat, stands up a little straighter, and says, "No problem."

Really, that went a lot better than he thought it would. All calm and professional like. Nothing weird or gay at all.

Except for the part when Chikage ruins the whole tastefully understated (and not gay) mood of the affair by wrapping his arms around Tachibana and sobbing, "I love you, sir!" at the top of his lungs while clutching his scarf box like its contents is all of the collective riches of the world.

Tachibana sighs as Chikage buries his nose into his shoulder and Ohno laughs a little; he tells them both to hurry up and finish closing shop, because it's the saddest thing in the world to have to be stuck at work on Christmas Eve with a pair of idiots like the two of them.

He goes home a little after nine, once they finish wiping down the tables and making preparations for tomorrow. He tells himself not to think any more about any of it, about the presents or the stupidly happy looks on their faces or the way Ohno and Chikage had thanked him again, on his way out the door.

Because it really isn't a big deal at all.

The next day, it becomes a big deal.

"Unbelievable," Tachibana hears Ohno clucking to himself as he bustles around the ovens the following morning, "No artistry! No respect, no beauty." Pause. Sigh. "And what a dreadful base. Not delicious at all."

Tachibana just figures it's some sort of gay-sex-with-no-strings-attached thing, one of those parts about Ohno's life that will never make sense to him. He decides to ignore it as per usual and starts taking down the chairs instead, because as long as Ohno bakes then Ohno can mutter all the crazy shit he wants to himself in the kitchen. Maybe he just misses having the kid around to listen.

Then Chikage shows up wearing the scarf Tachibana gave him, the big idiot blustering on and on about how soft it is and how wonderful it is and how master sure has good taste in clothes. Tachibana rolls his eyes at him and tells him finish wiping down the glasses and get more sugar and honey to refill the table caddies with.

Chikage jumps and bows and scurries off to do what he's told.

He comes back a few minutes later, with his arms full of sugar and honey and a weird expression on his face. "Master," he starts, looking awkward in his vest and apron and still wearing the goddamned scarf, "I think something is odd about Ohno-san today."

Tachibana snorts. "There's something odd about Ohno everyday," he replies by rote. "And take that scarf off, would you? You look stupid."

Chikage hastens to comply, and in so doing, drops half of the honey packets and a canister of rock sugar all over the floor. "Sorry!" he yelps, and is instantly down to pick them up even though he's still sort of tangled in his scarf.

Tachibana thinks he can feel the beginnings of a headache coming on, which, he supposes, is fitting for Christmas morning, as it is probably going to be one of their busier days.

He helps Chikage pick up.

"What I mean is," Chikage tentatively murmurs again a few minutes later, when they're done picking up sugar from the floor, "something is odd about Ohno-san today that even I think is odd for Ohno-san."

Tachibana blinks and thinks about what that could possibly mean in the horribly awkward world of Chikage-speak. "What, is he talking about boobs?"

Chikage turns pink. "No, but…"

Tachibana blinks again. "Worse?"

"Different?" Chikage poses, clearly playing it safe.

Tachibana remembers his headache. "Just…sugar. Honey," he reiterates to his old charge, and gestures to the canisters that Chikage hasn't managed to spill yet.

In the meantime, he goes to check on Ohno.

When he walks into the kitchen right before they're scheduled to open, he promptly comes face to face with a 175cm statue of a man in full ballet regalia, captured gracefully in mid-leap.

Made entirely of cake.

His headache starts to pick up.

"Um, Ohno?" he starts, and thinks there's probably a good explanation for this. Somewhere.

He decides to ignore the fact that Mister Ballerina has a fully sculpted…package.

And that it is in his face.

"Oh, Tachibana!" Ohno flutters from the stool he is standing on, delicately wiping sweat from his brow as he finishes piping gold trim on what Tachibana can only assume is the embroidered trim to Mister Ballerina's very tight costume. "What do you think?" the patissier asks brightly.

Honestly, Tachibana isn't thinking much. "Why?" he manages eventually, when he takes a step backwards and has his face out of Mister Ballerina's…package.

Ohno continues expertly piping embroidery. "Well, I was watching those DVDs you gave me last night, and honestly, I was just horrified."

"Horrified. Really."

Ohno nods. "I mean, people actually eat those people's cakes! They were so…clunky. So unrefined. And they looked like they tasted awful. I doubt those people studied anywhere in Europe before just opening up shop like that."

"Huh," Tachibana replies, when he sees Ohno start to add something thin and glittery looking to the trim around Mister Ballerina's arms. Sugar?

"Exactly! And so I watched five or six hours' worth of the first season…"

"Did you sleep at all last night?"

"What? No. What I mean is, well. I watched them work for a while, and I realized that I could easily do much better if I just tried it."

"You did."

Tachibana kind of wishes he'd read the synopsis for this whole Ace of Cakes thing before he'd bought it, because clearly it did something weird to Ohno's head.

"So, here is my first attempt!" Ohno finishes after a moment, and adds some darker icing for the shadowing around the side of Mister Ballerina's…package. "Well? Much more artistic, don't you think?" He folds his hands in front of his face and looks straight into Mister Ballerina's pretty-boy face. "And he's delicious as well. A very good recipe."

Tachibana never thought he'd ever actually live to see a union of all the things in this world Ohno loves.

"Cake art!" Ohno glows, "We can be the Japanese Ace of Cakes! It's a brilliant idea on your part, I think" He smiles and puts his hands on his hips in satisfaction. "I think my next will be a full scale replica of Michelangelo's David. Won't that be inspiring?"

As he talks, Tachibana notices how his eyes shine with artistic inspiration and…gayness. Lots and lots of gayness.

"It's as if," Ohno continues, deeply moved, "this is what I was born to do."

"Right," Tachibana answers eventually, while taking a series of very slow, very steady steps backwards, until he is at the door and sliding back into the relative safety of the shop's floor while Ohno continues to titter to himself about making life-sized cakes in the shapes of naked bishounen.

Tachibana's headache is pounding full force at the back of his head by the time he starts brewing the first round of coffee that morning, and he decides that for next year, Ohno is getting a goddamned scarf, just like Chikage is.

Because as of right now, gay-sex-with-no-strings-attached and baking stuff are both officially off-limit presents.

Especially since they both—unbelievably— seem to involve the possibility of Tachibana getting a penis in his face.