Disclaimer: not mine.
Rating: eh. kiddie.
Notes: Rocks fall, everyone dies is the cliche. But what if the rocks falling fall on the Doctor? This is an attempt at Nine. We'll see how it works, eh?

Writing on the Wall
by ALC Punk!

The Doctor was walking innocently down a corridor when all of a sudden a bunch of rocks fell on him.

"You mind if we fall and everybody dies?" they asked him.

"Well, yes, actually," he managed, despite the trapped lungs and the sudden and desperate urge to pee. "I do mind. And so might everyone else."

"Pity," replied the rocks without remorse. "But it's got to be this way. Our mum never loved us, you know."

"I know. And your da, he couldn't be bothered t'see to you, yeah?"

"Yes." The rocks were silent for a moment, "You sure you won't enjoy being crushed beneath our combined weight?"

"I'm sure."

"Huh."

Silence fell again. The Doctor spent the silence shifting about, trying to get at something in one of his pockets. But his arms and hands were firmly held down, and finally, the rocks spoke again, "Why do you wriggle?"

"Well, I'm a creature that moves and I like to move."

"We like to move."

"I noticed, and kickin' rock style you have, too."

Rocks can't blush, though they can get molten. They didn't quite achieve that level of heat, however. Though one or two did feel a bit of erosion occur. "Very nice of you to say," they finally said.

"Well, I like rocks," he replied cheerfully.

"That's very kind. And here we are, crushing you." Suddenly, the rocks felt rather beholden to him, though they weren't going to stop now they'd started. "Is there something we could possibly do to make your death a little easier?"

"If you could just let me get my hand free--just a little bit." The rocks shifted, and the Doctor grinned madly at them, "That's fantastic, that is. Thanks!"

"Oh, you're quite welcome," they replied cordially. Really, he was most gracious for a man being crushed to death.

"You know, what I don't understand is, why you're tryin' to crush me when there's so much more to life."

The rocks seemed to take offense at that, and all wriggled and wobbled, before finally spitting out, "It is our function."

"Well, there are others things you could do--nobler things."

"Like?" They sounded guarded.

"Well, holding up a wall, in war time. That's pretty noble."

"Ye-es." The rocks sounded uncertain.

"Being part of a mountain that reaches to the sky, or a child's first toy, or part of the steps to a monument, or--"

"Enough." The rocks sounded confused, "You have... given us much to think of, Doctor."

"I like to lend a hand now and again. 'Course," he continued, "I like to walk while I'm thinkin'. Have you ever considered the effects of motor function on the little grey cells?"

The rocks almost wriggled, a little amused, "We have no little grey cells, Doctor. We just have rock."

"Well, yeah, but some part of you has a brain now, doesn't it? Otherwise, you wouldn't be havin' this conversation with me. And if you have a brain, you have little grey cells. Unless you're from Gagravar Seven, but you're from Earth."

A titter from the rocks, which was strange to hear, "Of course we are from Earth, Doctor! There is no other place we could be from!"

"So, hang on, are you saying there's no other intelligent life out there?"

"Not rock-life." This answer was rather stiff, and there was a slight rumble of discord from the pile of rocks.

"Ahhh." He said. "There are many schools of thought on that, are there?"

"Ye-es." A slightly different, friendlier set of rocks replied. "It seems rather odd to consider ourselves the only intelligent rock-life in the universe. Why, if that were true, we would be destroying the last of our species right now."

"Well, you are, you know." The Doctor said quickly.

"Are what?"

"Destroying the last of my species."

The rocks tittered, "But you're a human, there are many of you! You're legion upon the Earth."

"I'm not, actually. I'm a Time Lord, and I'm the last one in the entire universe." His voice changed, turning sad, "Without me, no one will remember Gallifrey."

"Sad indeed, Doctor." The rocks said quietly.

He patted them, "No need to worry, though. I'm sure someone will remember me. There are some on this planet who have the capacity to learn, the strength to be more than their antecedents. 'Course, it all takes more evolution than I've got time for."

"Tell us about other planets, Doctor." Requested the rocks, suddenly. They sounded almost polite.

"Well, there's a hundred billion million quadrillion of 'em. And some of them are dusty, some damp--most have a north, a'course. Some even have rocks."

"Rocks..."

"Yeah. Some of those rocks held up walls in citadels, civilizations that aren't there anymore--no one remembers them, either."

"It's so sad," sighed the rocks. "We shall never get to see such marvels."

"Oh, eh, mebbe not. You never know, y'know. Maybe someday this planet will blow apart and you'll be hurtled billions of light years into the distance. You'll pass stars, planets, galaxies before you find a new home. Think of that, eh?"

The rocks did not reply for a long while. Then they subtly began to shift, sliding against each other very gently until the Doctor suddenly found that he had more than a little wiggle room. He could get free if he simply worked at it. Given his nature, he did, and he poped out like a cork from a bottle, tumbling to the floor before bouncing to his feet.

"What was that all about, then?"

"We wish to see the stars, Doctor." The rocks replied simply.

"Ah. I see." He bent down and brushed a hand over them, feeling the grit under his palm. "And no more crushin' people?"

"There are better things we are suited for, Doctor. Walls to uphold, castles to stand beside, swords to help forge." The words were almost poetic.

"Good luck, then, with that." He straightened and turned.

"Goodbye, Doctor."

"'Bye!" He left swiftly, ignoring the dust on his clothing in favor of a swift retreat to the TARDIS.


"There you are!" Rose called accusingly as he rounded the last bend. "I been waitin' ages."

"Yeah." He grinned, "Sorry 'bout that. Had a bit of an argument with a wall. 'Course, I won."

She smiled, "That's good." Her hand caught his. "So, where we off to next?"

The Doctor shoved the small stone he was carrying in his pocket and pulled out with the TARDIS key, "I was thinking one of the moons of Metebelis Three. Great ice caves, and you can watch the blue planet turn purple in the sunset."

"Sounds cold."

"We'll wear our warmest gear."

The door shut behind them, and the TARDIS engine began wheezing and groaning a moment later. Two moments after that, the dust swirled around the space the TARDIS had occupied.

-f