Why Jacob Is Better Than Edward:

If you had a Jacob poster in your room: A fly lands on it. You can't see it because Jacob's dark hair disguises it. The fly leaves through the window without you ever realizing it was there, and nothing goes wrong.

If you have an Edward poster in your room: A fly lands on it. Because Edward's hair is shorter, the fly appears against the backdrop of white mist. You notice it, and jump over and smack the wall with your hand, killing it. You wash your hands. When you reach to dry them, you realize how dirty your towel is and put it in the washing machine. As you're closing it, you accidently slam your hand between the lid and the lip. It begins to bruise. You put an ice pack on it, but then you fall asleep. When you wake up, you realize you have frostbite, so you drive to the hospital. On the way there, a car swerves toward you and collides with you. You do not survive. So now, you're dead, and all because you had an Edward poster as opposed to a Jacob poster.