A/N: WAH! The final chapter! How very sad for all of us… But hey, I've got a whole life of torturing you with my ChainShipping-obsession, and just imagine how much worse it'll be when the seventh movie, in which it'll be revealed that both Adam and Lawrence survived and have had mad, passionate sex for the past five movies while everyone else has just been tortured, comes out! XD
13: Let the Game Begin
Leigh's standing in front of the doors to the Sundance Festival.
It'll be hours until Saw opens. They show the horror movies at night, and it's just three PM, but he wouldn't be able to stay in the hotel room if he tried. He woke up at six this morning, barely able to stand since he fell asleep about two hours earlier but just as unable to stay still, unable to eat, and unable to talk. To anyone but Adam.
Even though Adam isn't his anymore. He's moved on. He's not Leigh's to analyze and to change all he wants anymore, he'll have other people to do that now. It hurts him a little bit.
I haven't gone anywhere, man, Adam says quietly, and Leigh has to lower his head so people won't see him smile. They probably already think he's crazy enough for standing in front of the building and stare at it with childish wonder for twenty minutes.
I know. I just miss the days when it was just the two of us. It feels like we've drifted apart.
Oh, for fuck's sake, stop talking like that, Adam moans, and Leigh grins stupidly again. You make it sound like I'm going to be sent to a goddamn research lab, and there won't even be any real reviews on this thing.
He's right about that. The only Sundance movies that get reviewed in the papera are the ones that make it past the festival, like Resevoir Dogs and Blair Witch Project, and Saw won't exactly be one of those. Not a lot of people will watch it, and the ones that watch it will probably be just like Cary predicted them. They won't study it, feel it and carry it with them. It'll be just another gory horror movie.
They'll just notice the blood, sweat and tears that's on the screen. Not that that's an invisible mist over it.
But the reason Leigh is this nervous is that he still knows that it's there. He knows the story behind the story. And God knows it's not a pretty one.
He lost so many things on that movie set. And he still doesn't know if he's gained anything.
Yes, you do, Adam scoffs, and Leigh realizes that as much as he loves Adam, he does miss the time when he could have one single thought that wasn't talked back at. You got a new boyfriend, didn't you? And this damn movie made, even though it won't really be a blockbuster. You're just complaining because you're scared of what's going to happen next.
He's right again.
Leigh has barely gotten used to talking with American accent. Adjusting everything else to this, living here, without Corbett, without James, seems like going in way over his head.
You won't leave me, will you?
For God's sake, we've been through this.
Then he feels the hand on his shoulder. He doesn't have to turn around.
"Hey, man," he says, actually pretty casual, that hand seemed to take away most of his nervousness.
"Hey," Cary says and stands next to him. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Leigh says and shrugs. "Just a little nervous."
Cary nods. There's a pause.
"It'll be fine," he then says and squeezes Leigh's shoulder. "Even if this one doesn't make it to the Oscars, it's… It's still your first movie. And it's better than most others."
Leigh smiles modestly.
"Thanks. I know. It's just a bit scary."
Cary's hand took away the nervousness, but it's placed something else there. Something hot and wobbly, melts the pricking ice inside.
"I was terrified, too," Cary says. "When my first movie premiered. And I was even younger than you, I was, like, twenty-two, but trust me, that's not nearly as scary as what happens after that. When you have to try not to be jaded, or lazy."
Leigh chuckles and sends him a fake accusing glance.
"That's not really helping," he says smoothly, and Cary laughs.
"Don't worry," he says, and his fingers graze over the strands of hair in the back of Leigh's neck. "It happened to me, but it won't happen to you, I'm sure of that."
Leigh nods. The ice within that he thought was just nervousness seems to have been something else, more like the expectations, the fear, everything he knows might be but doesn't dare to hope for. But either way, when it melts, it's so hard to keep down, it wells up, almost chokes him, too big for his body to hold.
"Have you talked to James yet, by the way?"
"No," Leigh says and tries to calm the trembling hands in his pockets. "Or, I called him this morning and asked if he'd be here, but I guess that's not what you're referring to."
"Not exactly, but I guess that's a progress," Cary says. "You think you'll be okay?"
"Yeah," Leigh says with a shrug, and he means it. "Or… Yeah, I think we will."
"He's like a big brother," Leigh continues. "This cocky, annoying, full-of-himself-big brother. He's so used to boss me around, me doing something for myself is completely new to him. But he won't be able to ignore me forever, he knows that, too. Things will be alright if we just give it time."
"Good," Cary says and squeezes his shoulder again.
Leigh knows he's smiling. Even though he can't really look at him right now.
"Have you talked to Lisa?"
Cary sighs. His smile fades out.
"No, I haven't. It's harder than I thought. But I will."
He pauses for a second.
"I still love her, you know," Cary says, and Leigh has to look at him. "I'll always love her. But I've already decided that I love you more."
Leigh smiles, even though it gets harder with every second.
"That's good enough for me," he says, and tries to turn his face away, but Cary's already noticed.
"Leigh," he says, half concerned, half amused. "Are you crying?"
Leigh runs an impatient hand under his eyes. The tears are hot and searing, and they come way too easily, but he still does his best to keep them down. If he's going to cry, he doesn't want to do it because he's nervous. Let's have some limits to the girliness.
The problem is the name on the film program. That's the biggest obstacle he has to overcome right now, because it makes his vulnerability so obvious. And they're handing it out right now, on the festival.
The title is right there, for everyone to see.
See that they're playing his movie. Because Saw is his, despite what he's telling himself. And even though he's not really allowed to call it his own anymore, it'll still mean enough to him to make it feel like it is.
It'll always be what got him here. To all these new problems that have to be dealt with. The new happiness he has to feel without knowing how long it'll stay.
"It's my movie they're going to play in there," Leigh says and nods towards the door, and Cary understands. Leigh doesn't have to say anything else.
"I know," Cary says, and his smile comes back. "Scary as hell, isn't it?"
Leigh chuckles through the tears and nods, and Cary thinks that he'll never forget the way Leigh looks right now. With the impatient wiping of the tears, the sly grin despite it.
And the best part is, he'll probably get to see it so many more times. They'll do enough great things together in the future for there to be a possibility of that.
"You want to go inside?" Cary says and tugs on Leigh's arm slightly. "It'll be hours until we have to go watch ourselves getting tortured, there has to be some movies to see before then."
Leigh smiles slightly, takes his hand and hopes no one will notice, and then starts walking towards the gates, into the building where his previous life will only be a whisper in his ear and the future will be rolled out like the red carpet before him.
Aaaaand CUT! Another completed fanfic! Damn, I'm so proud… They grow up so fast! Anyway, I hope you had a good run! Let me know what you thought of it! Love ya!