Okkay dearies! Fizzwizzler here and this is my total crack story! So the other day i was talking with my wife (idiotwhocantthinkofapenname) and this is what happened. And believe me when i say, the begining was a real conversation we had....

So I wrote this story...

idiotwhocantthinkofapenname: AND I HELPED!!!


Once upon a time there were two retarded fan girls who were arguing over the phone….

"You're not just using me for sex, right?" a girl with shoulder length black hair with brown bangs asked into her receiver.

"Not all the time." A girl with choppy black hair and red streaks running through it answered boredly.

"You love me, don't you Scar?" Avril asked her best friend Scarlet on the phone.

"Only on the weekdays, love." Was Scarlet's casual reply.

"Then, what about weekends? Don't you love me then?" Avril asked in a worried voice.

"Eh, barely. It's more so just lust, like an extreme need for your body." Scarlet said true fully as she made a sandwich for dinner.

"Well you're just gonna hate me come this weekend cos I'm going on a bod-boycott!" Avril announced proudly.

"I hate to break it to you, love, but you're going to have to sleep at some time." Scarlet said an obvious smirk in her voice.

"So you're going to rape me?!" Avril said in a shrill squeak.

"Rape? No, I'd never rape you. You'll want it." Scarlet said as if it was obvious. Which to her, it was.

"I'd only be willing if you were L. Which you are not." The girl said in a stubborn voice as she crossed her arms over her chest, even though nobody could see them.

"I'm willing to make this into a threesome…." Scarlet said in a smooth voice in complete seriousness.

"Well then. I've got to go babe, I'll talk to you tomorrow." Avril said as she headed towards her bed room.

"Wait, hun before you go, I just want to know: Do you like… scary movies?" Scarlet asked in a suddenly dark tone.

"Huh, what the hell are you talking about Scar?" Avril asked with her eyebrows furrowed.

"You know perfectly well what I mean." Scarlet smirked.

"Will you tell me what you want already? I'm really tired." Avril said with a heavy sigh.

"I want to see what your insides look like." Scarlet barely whispered into the phone.


"I'm inside the house…" Scar whispered again.

"What?! How did you get in here? Have you been stealing my keys again?" Avril asked in an annoyed voice. Sometimes Scarlet was just too much to handle.

"Look behind you!" Scarlet screamed. Gasping loudly Avril spun around, only to see that there was nothing there. "Haha, made you look!" Scarlet giggled before she hung up.

Avril woke up the next morning with a pounding headache.

'Must be those new pillows' she thought lazily.

Bright morning sun shone fiercely into her eyes which she made a half hearted attempt to cover. Looking over to the side of the bed she noticed Scarlet sleeping peacefully.

"What the hell Scar, how did you get in here? And why are you naked?!" Avril squealed as Scarlet began to wake up.

"What the hell are you talking about? You let me in, and I totally hit that last night. L's here too." Scarlet said as she lazily rubbed her eye before pointing behind Avril.

"Why is L here?!" Avril squealed as she looked back at said boy who was awakening from one of his rare times of sleep.

"Hey, I offered him a threesome and he took it in a heart beat." Scarlet shrugged nonchalantly as she sat up, covering her chest with the bed sheet.

"She's right." L shrugged as soon as he was fully awake.

"Oh my god! I'm sorry dude, but I seriously need some oxygen!" a deep voice screamed as a shirtless red head popped out from underneath the bed, gasping for air.

"Get back under the bed fag!" Mello yelled as he pulled Matt back under the bed.

"That's not what you said last night…" Matt purred from underneath the bed.

"Ok, I lied. It was more like an orgy." Scarlet shrugged as if it was no big deal.

"Yeah and Light was here too, but he had to go write more names in his Death Note or some crap." Matt said as he reappeared from under the bed, this time with a cigarette hanging from his lips, Mello trailing behind him. "You crazy kids and you're god complexes."

"You do realize that Light is older than you, right?" Mello asked in a bored tone.


"So there was pretty much a giant Death Note orgy in my bed last night, and I slept through it?!" Avril asked in an upset voice

"Yeah, pretty much!" The three boys in or under the bed nodded in agreement.

"So you means every important person in Death Note except Near, were in my bed last night having an orgy?" Avril yelled again.

"Didn't we just go over this like two seconds ago?" L sighed heavily, obviously getting aggravated.

"Be nice, she's slow." Scarlet scolded as she thumped L in the back of the head.

"And Near is here, he's just chilling in the closet right now." Matt said as he blew out a puff of smoke "I'll never understand that kid."

"Get out of the closet you albino whore!" Mello yelled towards the closet door.

"But it's comfy in here!" A voice that belonged to said albino called out from the closet.

Avril felt her eye begin twitching, "Oh my Kira, this is like one of those horrible Death Note fan fictions where the main character pisses off a gypsy and gets teleported to some psychotic Death Note nightmare."

"Could be worse, could be the Naruto world." Scarlet informed her, shrugging.

Avril shuttered. "You have a point." the very thought of sharing a bed with any of those ugly ass boys and pedophilic sensei's sent shivers down her spine. Well...maybe Gaara...

"Wait a minute! You mean to tell me I'm not a virgin anymore!?" Avril bellowed.

"Ummmmm yeah. Sex tends to happen when one is in an orgy." Scarlet stated simply.

Avril shook her head frantically "wh-what!? Well who the fuck did it!?"

"That'd be me." L confessed.

"AND I HELPED!" Scarlet added. Avril looked at her best friend and the young girl shrugged. "I'll take sloppy seconds so long as you don't take it as rape."

"That was...very kind of you?"

"I thought so." Scarlet muttered grumpily.

Avril blushed. "Ummm...I'm hungry."

Scarlet nodded in agreement. "Yeah me too."

"Really?" Matt asked, "I'm still kinda full from that after orgy snack last night."

"Don't question me." Scarlet demanded sharply.

"Ok let's go get some sugar in you guys." Avril instructed thereby preventing an inevitable argument between the two teens.

Night came and it was time for the Death Note characters to go home.

"Bye! See you guys later! Come have an orgy with us again real soon!" Scarlet called cheerily. Avril winked at L and Scarlet shot her a death glare.

"You're not cheating on me with that sexy hunk of man are you?" She asked suspiciously once everyone had left the room.

"I don't even want to hear it. At least you actually got to see him naked." Avril grumbled. "I mean seriously, couldn't you have woken me up?"

"YUP!" Scarlet chirped brightly.

"Well then why didn't you?"

Scarlet shrugged. "The thought just never really crossed my mind...wait a minute...Light left this mourning to go do world domination type stuff...and I only remember saying goodbye to Matt, Mello, and L...soooooo...:"

Avril's eyes shot open. "Nears still in the closet!" The two girls raced to Avril's room where the young sheep's beloved closet was located.

"Near! Everyone left! You need to get out of the closet!" Scarlet yelled.


Avril sighed. "Come on Near, I need that closet for doing...closet like things..."

"No way! You're friend violated me!" Avril shot said girl a bewildered look. She merely shrugged

"You know how I get around sheep."

"Ok then...ignoring that for now...Near! Come on please! Come out of the closet!"

"No! Usa-chan and I are in our comfort zone!"

"Usa-chan?" Aril asked. Inside the closet Near affectionately stroked the rabbit faced thong with the pompom on it's but that Avril had been wearing the night before and L had taken off with his teeth while in a drunken sex urge, whom Near had dubbed Usa-chan.

"Come on Near come out! I'm not going to think any differently of you! L's not going to think any differently of you! You need to just come out of the closet!" Scarlet demanded.

"I don't care what you think! You gave me STDS YOU WHORE!" Avril's eye began twitching.

"That wasn't me that was Mello! I was the one that did those kinky things with the handcuffs!" Scarlet screamed.

Near seemed to contemplate this for a moment before calling back: "No! Go away! The great and powerful Oz has spoken!"

Scarlet and Avril stared at each other. "I think that all toy diet is finally getting to him. Poor baby." Scarlet observed

Avril let out a loud groan and pounded on the door. "Alright Near! That's it! If you don't come out of the closet then we're gonna come in there and get you out on the count of three! One! Two! Th-"

Avril's words were suddenly cut off when a chibified Light crashed through her closet door, carrying an equally chibified Near under his arm. "Lolz! I AM GOD! Omochikaeri!"

Avril stared at Scarlet and Scarlet stared back. "Was that?"

Scarlet nodded her head. Both girls caught a glimpse of the bunny thong with the pompom on the butt waving in Near's hand, just before he and Light disappeared out of sight.

Get it now?

okk, well Avril's charactor design (and name) were bassed off of my coauthor's character Avril from Bouken Desho, Desho!? (.net/s/4371157/1/Bouken_Desho_Dehor). and the personality was based off of her.

and Scar were bassed off of my character Scarlet from The Way You Do the Things You Do (which I have not posted yet, so don't try looking.). And the personality was based off of me!

oh and Omochikaeri means "I want to take you home."

idiotwhocantthinkofapenname: Let's play some Tetris Mother Fucker!!!