Ranma the Forever Man

"Well, here it is." Death stated, gesturing over the vast ocean that they floated upon.

:"Your humor is dryly noted," Kodachi responded, looking over the side of their small ship, as if trying to see the land that lay leagues beneath them; buried for millennia under the depths of the Guistess Ocean, "Well, how far back do you believe we traverse?"

"This is your call," Death stated, "I'm only here to provide you with the means."

The eternal gymnast quirked an eyebrow, "It almost subtly sounds as if you will be bowing out of this venture."

The Grim Reaper snorted, "I can't be displaced, at least for any significant amount of time. Really bad things start happening when I am. Plus, you will need a conscience of origin."

"So that we can return to our prop-... to this time," Kodachi deduced. "Then, I suppose that Xian Pu and I-"

"It is SHAMPOO!" The Amazon growled, "If you insist on humiliating me as your captive, the least you can do is grant me the dignity of my proper name."

"Which I do," Kodachi responded casually, "For I refuse to play a hand in that distasteful jest that your 'mother' devised.

"Our names are a proud heritage, regardless of your blasphemous beliefs!"

"One of your most revered names, 'Douche', is a term from my time that describes the equipment used and process to which women sanitized their vagina by which cleansing fluid was ejaculated to within for rinsing out various unsavory pathogens from our system."

Shampoo's expression remained blank, as Death tried nearly in vain not to break down laughing.

"Is that why Mother always laughed?" Shampoo asked in a meek voice.

Kodachi used the flat of Excalibur's blade to knock Death upside the head, silencing him. With a sigh, the raven haired woman relented, "I suppose it no longer matters. It is a dead term from a time long gone. If it has meaning as a name now, so it shall be." Changing the conversation back to the correct track, Kodachi once again peered into the water, "I suppose that Shampoo would require my assistance in breathing?"

The Grim Reaper rubbed his temple with a sour expression, glaring at Kodachi, "For a quad-centennial year old woman who just gave a remarkably intelligent definition just a few moments ago, you aren't all that bright. We are floating over the near center of the Guistess, where the Nile was."

"I see, how courteous of you," Kodachi graced, choosing to ignore the insult, "If I recall from studies, that would put us... right within the waters of the Nile when we arrive to whenever, approximately a meter or so."

"We're in the middle of an Ice Age," Death stated, "The sea level's much lower than your time."

Kodachi nodded in understanding, and looked up to find the portal to their destination open twenty meters above them. "And how is it we will contact you when we are ready to return?"

"Just shout, I'll bring you back when you call." With a nod in grattitude, Kodachi looked towards the portal once more. Shampoo yelped, as the gymnast grabbed her around the waist, and launched them both to the blue circle that would take them


I never did tell him of a destination, yet he had the portal prepared for us. I suppose it was not necessary, as we were both previously agreed the best place to discover answers behind Soul Swallower were when it originated. Learning about the cursed weapon would tell us what effects it has on its welder, and possibly its creator could also tell us how to circumvent the effects.

The only issue is hoping we hit within the temporal vicinity of Soul Swallower's origin. In hindsight, taking Xian Pu along was not the most necessary of actions, as her life span may very well fall short of when I may even truly begin this quest. Nonetheless, I am more than honest with myself to admit I would dearly miss her companionship, even if she remained dead set in attempting to slay me till her dying breath. I won't be bothered to entertain the notion of her succeeding.

Hmm, I never would have expected this trip to last so long. Being robbed of my sense of sight and hearing would prove quite vexing, if not for the sense of touch that remained. I could feel Xian Pu tensing, obviously unsure if fighting my embrace would be the best of ideas. I doubt she would fare as well as I had if she had become accidentally temporally displaced.

It is not the first time I wonder why was it that Death could not simply send me back to my own era. Now I merely presume it to be some technicality in some quasi-metaphysical rulebook that bars him from putting me back where I had once belonged. Even considering the ease of which I was 'supposedly' traveling back in time, there must be a reason.

I have been telling myself that for almost two centuries. I'll explain that to myself once more to pass the time of this journey.


The humidity belayed the sun-scorched desert sands that grew deeper and deeper in color, just as they reached the banks of a seemingly out of place river. The dark soil bordering it was the work of the two rivers' blessing; the east born brother bringing fertile soot and dirt the southwest to enrich lands along its longer western brother that would have been impossible to inhabit by most life.

From the murky gray waters that flowed steadily southwards of the westernmost river, a mop of raven locks ripped from its sun-glittered surface, spraying droplets to reflect the solar light like mercurial diamonds. With a gasp of sweet air, Kodachi quickly dove back into the depths of the powerful river, moments later surfacing with her companion in her arms. She had not thought that they would emerge within the waters of the Nile, so the issue with attempting to breath once they emerged where they needed to be became problematic.

Kodachi herself found it a situation easily rectified, and understood if Shampoo wasn't as quick as she was in this realization. Fortunately, they had not been under long enough, but Shampoo had inhaled several breaths of water before she had been pulled to the river bank.

Not quite finding it in any distaste, the gymnast brought her mouth to Shampoo's in order to jump start the girl's breathing...

"Why must you always molest me when you think my guard is down?"

"Good, you are well," Kodachi replied, nonplussed.

Shampoo sat up, coughing in fits. Kodachi gravitated between helping the other girl, and letting her suffer. The larger mass of thought happened to stem from being accused of molesting the young woman. Well, truthfully, she could well be guilty of that, but that was beside the point.

"Where are we? Where have you taken me?" Shampoo demanded, vexed with once again being forced to accompany her arch-nemesis. This would put a damper on any attempts to kill the woman, since she was not sure if she would be able to get Death's attention to return back home.

"I thought you could benefit from a history tour," Kodachi responded, "For where we are, this is a land long... long lost before your time; an era that only left vague clues of its existence even in mine."

"Your history does not interest me, it is not Amazon history." Shampoo stated, glaring at the ancient and youthful looking woman with great defiance.

"Must you be so melodramatic all the time?" the gymnast retorted in a vexed tone. "If you wish to return home, let us simply begin our journey so we may finish it that much sooner."

"Agreed, once we are done, we shall return to our proper place so that I may kill you for this latest transgression."

"One-track mind," Kodachi muttered. "I suggest we head north until we find civilization. If we're fortunate, we may find somewhere that Latin is a known language."

"Latin?"

"Ancient language of the Romans. They might be of interest to you for they were the originators of the first Amazon tribe," Kodachi tilted her head, "or had that been the Greeks?"

"Shall we go now?" Shampoo urged, not particularly caring about 'obviously' falsified information. With a roll of her eyes, Kodachi began their trek up the River Nile.


Books, scrolls, parchments, and many other items of scribe formed mountains few men would ever dare climb in the vast space of darkness that seemed to go on forever. In the midst of it, stood a table with one occupant sitting at it. For longer than it cared to consider, the figure had remained at the table, digesting literature after literature, storing it all within an eidetic mind that would hold all this information for all time if time ever came to an end.

For several hundred years, this figure had diligently worked at its task. It buried itself in knowledge, forcing it to forget its pain and loss that was unbearable for a being even of its age. There was nothing that would bring it out of its studies, nothing that it would derail its quest for knowledge.

For the first time in centuries, it paused, noticing a lack of sensation. With a focus on trying to consider what it lost, revelation dawned on the figure.

"It can't be..." the figure murmured to itself, finding its own voice trembling with concern and fear, "I... I can't feel Kodachi..." The petite figure stood up from the table; palms flat against the wooden surface. For centuries she had kept reading and reading, hoping to ignore the pain of the husband she lost, and she had succeeded. Now, she could not ignore the loss of a cherished part of her past.

Akane could not ignore death of Kodachi.