Title: I Won't Say

Author: Cassidy304

Pairing: LightxL

Rating: T

Genre: Humor, fluff, romance - with a touch of emo-ness and Serious Matters every now and then, but I promise I won't let them take over!

Warnings: Yaoi and delightfully AU after the end of Yotsuba Arc. Oh yeah, and spoilers.

Summary: Having found out L's name, Light decides (not bothering to ask L's opinion) that while L will always be Kira's enemy, he can still be Light's boyfriend. So naturally he's supposed to spend Christmas with L and his family at Wammy's, right? LightxL, AUish

A/N: Firstly, let's just ignore that this is very late to be a Christmas fic. If it makes you happy, you can imagine it's for next Christmas and I'm, for once, very early! Secondly, I'm not British and I'm not Japanese. I have no personal experience of how they celebrate Christmas, duh. And thirdly, I really have to warn you that I'll be a slow updater. Either I'll come down with a writer's block, or Real Life will eat all my time, or my laptop will finally meet a noble end in a cruel battle against a monsterous virus, or I'll just plain forget to update or whatever. Trust me, something's always gonna come in the way. I'll just have to ask you to bear with me. ^^;

That established, let's move on to the fic. :D The paragraphs in italics are flashbacks (from a particular rain-roof-and-our-heroes scene). Naturally, because this is humor, I'll be trying to be funny. I hope you know the meaning of "sarcasm"...

Chapter 1

Wondrously Irresponsible

"Light-kun, I am one hundred percent sure that you are Kira."

A silence. Only rain filled the air between them.

Light Yagami smirked. "Well, L Lawliet, I believe you are correct."

"L, you have a message in your inbox."

L glanced at his former Kira suspect from the corner of his eye. It didn't go unnoticed by him that ever since finding out his real name, Light had made sure to use it whenever they were alone. "I will read it later," he said quietly.

"It's from Roger," Light said persistently. L flinched as he felt his chain-mate's hands settle gently (but very persuasively) on his shoulders, and attempted to withdraw from the contact, only to find the grip adamant.

"I will read it later," the detective repeated, slightly louder, focusing on ignoring the hands.

"It's about you spending the Christmas at Wammy's."

L turned to look at the younger man, incredulous enough to let it show on his face. "Light-kun read my e-mail?"

The teenager shrugged and removed his hands from the smaller man's shoulders in order to cross them across his chest, looking slightly smug. "I might have taken a look."

"Is Light-kun aware that it is against the law?"

"As far as I'm concerned, so is confining a person for fifty days, putting cameras into his house without permission, and chaining said person to yourself."

"... Point taken."

They spent a moment in silence, but it was far too short in L's opinion. Soon enough Light was addressing him again.

"Are you going to read the message?"

The raven-haired detective turned to look at him, and his eyes questioned whether he had heard the first two times he had answered the question or not. "Later," he repeated once more.

"Oh, no. Now. I don't want to print it and personally hand it to you because I know it would be a very high security risk to have such messages in physical form, but I will do it soon."

Slightly alarmed and more than slightly defeated, L logged into his mailbox – wondering how Light had come to the possession of all six of his passwords (maybe they were floating above his head as well, just like his name?), considering that even Matt hadn't been able to hack through them... or at least, he hadn't been caught doing so – and started to read Roger's message, already knowing what it would say.

Just like he'd thought: he was expected at Wammy's orphanage in a few days, for while there was nothing regular about L's visits to his old home, Christmas had always been an exception to that rule. Roger, who had always been like an uncle to the detective while Watari had played the part of a father figure, said in his typical very polite manner that he was welcome in the most fortunate case that he could possibly afford to take a break from whatever he was currently investigating. He also said that in the very unfortunate case he was unable to attend the party, Mello and Matt had sworn to take the detective's stuffed panda (and Near) hostage, and to prevent Roger from sending the packages of English sweets and tea L was accustomed to receiving once a week.

The threats were, of course, usually unnecessary. This time, they were worrying. He really wanted to go – of course he did, or else his source of English sweets would run dry (for Watari always sided with Roger against him)! And, well, he did miss the kids – but there was no way Light would let him go. Or rather, Light wouldn't let him go alone. As much as they were still chained and Light was officially L's suspect, it was now L imprisoned by his own chains.

And while it would have been alright in his opinion to drag an unsuspecting Kira suspect to Britain to spend the Christmas with Wammy's Freak Show, Open 24/7, it was a whole another matter to drag a suspicious Kira to the place where L had grown up and where his successors were still growing up. And to let said suspicious Kira drag him there was twice as unthinkable...

"I'll start packing," his brains registered Light saying.


"For what?" L inquired, fearing the answer.

"Why, we're obviously going to England," Light stated with a smirk.

Damn it.

"Um. Excuse me, everyone?"

Eyes turned to look at L, who had turned his chair away from his computer to address his co-workers.

"I have been thinking," the tiny detective started with the slightest hesitation, shooting imaginary daggers at the auburn-haired young man sitting next to him, "and I have reached the conclusion that we have all worked very hard for a long time, and have deserved a little... break."

More hesitation. Break just didn't belong to his vocabulary unless it had the word cake attached to it.

The members of the Task Team were making their disbelief apparent as well.

"Ryuzaki, that's a wonder-" Matsuda exclaimed enthusiastically, but was interrupted by Aizawa.

"What an irresponsible thought!" the man yelled, slamming his fists to the coffee table.

"... wondrously irresponsible, that's what I was going to say," Matsuda finished hastily.

Chief Yagami was frowning."Ryuzaki, please explain your thoughts to us. I admit that a break would do good, but I really doubt that Kira will take a break from his crusade just because it's Christmas."

"Oh, but he will," Light piped up. "We figured -"

"Light, you're in this with him?" Chief Yagami lifted his brows.

"I most certainly am, Father," the teen nodded, and L found himself almost muttering, 'You'd better!' "You see, we figured that we could send one more video to the Sakura TV, pretending to be Kira, and saying that because Christmas is a celebration of peace and forgiveness, Kira will cease from judging criminals for Christmas time, but will punish all the crimes committed during that time later. Kira will be forced to keep the promise he hasn't given, because if he doesn't, he will lose his face in the world's eyes."

"Oh, that's right!" Matsuda's face lighted up again. "But," he added in confusion, "if we can stop him from killing for a week or two, then why not send a tape in which we say that Kira will end his judgment for good?"

"Obviously, he would find a puppet to send a tape in which he tells that the one we sent was fake and such thing will not happen," L replied. "But he will not turn this one down, because even though he will immediately see the plot, he will see this as a chance to win more people to his side."

"Can we afford that?" Aizawa asked, still angry but slightly hesitant now.

"Affirmative," L nodded. "I also believe that you all have families and friends you wish to spend some time with," he added, knowing that this would be all he needed to say to convince Aizawa, who, unlike anyone else in Task Force, had small kids. Aizawa's expression softened at that, and Light shot a quick glance at L to remind him of the remaining part. It was time to move for the kill... figuratively speaking, of course.

"... Including me," the detective muttered resignedly, turning his eyes to the floor to avoid seeing the victorious gleam in Light's eyes. Damn that Kira... Not only did he plot against himself, which was absurd enough in and of itself, but he also had to make those plots seem like they were L's ideas!

Chief Yagami looked surprised again, but if L had looked up, he would have seen something akin to fatherly amusement in his eyes. "Ryuzaki, are we to understand that you came up with this plot so you could spend Christmas with your family?"

"As a matter of fact, Light-kun was the one to 'come up with the plot'," L just had to reveal, avoiding the actual question, and decided to face the police chief's wrath all the way now that he was at it. "I was going to ask you for a permission to lend your son for a week, actually."

"Ex... excuse me?"

L made sure to radiate murderous aura to his right side, where Light resided. This was going to be dangerous at best – and embarrassing at worst. "Yes," he said, purposefully softening his eyes and allowing a touch of (perfectly genuine) uncertainty show in his voice as his acting skills kicked in. "You see, Yagami-san, I told the truth when I said that Light-kun is my very first friend. Since – since I know that the Japanese don't celebrate Christmas nearly as much as they do New Year, I have asked Light-kun if he'd like to come to England with me if I paid his tickets, and he has agreed. I will, naturally, return him home in time for New Year's celebration."

Or as soon as we have landed, preferably, L thought wildly to himself, imagining knocking the pompous teen out with a... a... with whatever he could reach at the time, stuffing him into one of their bags, and sending him right back to Japan. Without the 'fragile – handle with care' sticker...

Yagami looked slightly taken aback, glancing at his son. "Light, have you agreed to go with Ryuzaki?" he inquired.

"Yes, Father," Light admitted. "Christmas is as important in his culture as New Year is in ours. I thought it would be fitting to spend Christmas in his home, and New Year in mine, since we are best friends – and can't really be separated anyway," he chuckled, holding up his shackled wrist.

Noticing his cue, L gave him a carefully planned apologetic smile. The eyes behind that smile said either "Light-kun is going to die at very young age, probably as the very first victim of a detective-gone-chainsaw-murderer." or "Light-kun is in for a night flight, not a chance at window seat or any Christmas presents, and babysitting the kids at Wammy's."

Light was willing to bet on the latter: it seemed just like L to pick the cruelest option for him...

"Oh," Chief Yagami was saying, considering it for a moment before nodding and smiling in approval. "Well, if that is the case I don't see why I would disagree. It's about time for Light to get to see another island besides our own." There was an uncharacteristic grin on the man's face, and Light could almost hear his thoughts: what a good boy Light was, taking poor, socially handicapped Ryuzaki under his wing! How lucky it was that Ryuzaki was also so intelligent – Light had always seemed so miserable without anyone quite smart enough to understand him! How sweet of Light to accompany Ryuzaki to his childhood home, since it was clearly very important to the detective!

L, in turn, could read the thoughts from Light's face. He cringed.

Yes, how sweet of him indeed!

Silence hung heavily between them. The rain was no longer the only thing that chilled L to the bones.

"How did you find out?" he whispered.

Light shrugged. "What makes you think I would tell you?"

"Because... you are going to kill me in any case." It stung to say it, but there was no way he could elude death this time.

But Light – no, Kira – was shaking his head. Smiling. "No, L Lawliet. On the contrary. I will tell you how I found out your name – and Watari's as well. From now on, I will tell you everything, and you will do the same. Because I am not going to kill you."

Uh huh. Here we go again. :D Anyways, I'd really appreciate if you let me know what you think - otherwise I'll never get any better!