A Bleach Fanfic
By: weirdcoffeeholic

Disclaimer: Me don't own Bleach. Grimmjow is MINE though. *evil laughter*

Author's Note: *runs away after being chased by an angry mob*

Okay, what happened to me? Yes, I'm still alive and breathing. I've just been busy with school and paperwork and all. Being an intern SUCKS. I've been working on this chapter for a couple of weeks now since the beginning of the old Chapter Nine was lost when I got my laptop reformatted.

Another Irrelevant Note (for the girls): Whenever I have my periods, I look for weird food. Does anybody else share this symptom with me or am I just as freaky as I think I am?


In my head there's only you now.
This room falls on me.
In this world there's real and make-believe,
This seems real to me.
You love me but you don't know who I am,
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand.
You love me but you don't know who I am.
So let me go.
Just let me go.

- Let Me Go, 3 Doors Down


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Rukia Kuchiki
I never thought this day would come: That I wish I'd get sent to a private all-girls boarding school in Norway. Sarcasm included.

Byakuya Kuchiki and 4 others like this.

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Tatsuki Arisawa
You're not just short. You're not just a freak. YOU ARE A LOSER.

renji DA MAN abarai
aww rookie whats the matter? :(

Byakuya Kuchiki
Ah, I've been waiting for this opportunity my entire life.

Rukia Kuchiki
Tatsuki: I got it from you, bitch. Renji: You'd be totally idiotic if you think I'm talking to you. Byakuya: GO AWAY.

Tatsuki Arisawa
Do you know the frikking meaning of "over-reacting?" Try Googling it.

Rukia Kuchiki
Okay, as much as I'd like to talk to you right now, I refuse to discuss this matter on a public networking site where the entire Senior Class (and my brother) can read it.

Tatsuki Arisawa
IM me.

You have added Byakuya Kuchiki to your Blocked Users.
You have added Renji Abarai to your Blocked Users.

ChappyFreak88: What the hell do you want, bitch.

ur_worst_nightmare: I don't get it why you're spazzing out over something so effing shallow.

ur_worst_nightmare: My freakishnessless doesn't get it.

ChappyFreak88: Well, think of it this way.

ChappyFreak88: It's like you're really excited over a supposedly uber-cool birthday present that you just can't wait to open it.

ChappyFreak88: And then when you ripped it open, you found out it was underwear.

ChappyFreak88: And they didn't even fit you.

ChappyFreak88: After that, you found out it was the perfect present someone else was looking for.

ur_worst_nightmare: What the fuck are you talking about, freak?

ChappyFreak88: You're about as sensitive as a mountain boulder!

ChappyFreak88: I don't even know why I'm talking to you!

ur_worst_nightmare: So you're, like, disappointed that your KSA (ew!) turned out to be the most obnoxious guy you've ever met?

ChappyFreak88: *insert nodding smiley here*


ChappyFreak88: Because I'm NOT.

ur_worst_nightmare: Oh, right. Your suicidal thought of Norwegian boarding schools has nothing to do with your midget emoness.

ChappyFreak88: You're hurting my feelings.

ChappyFreak88: Fuck you. :'(

ChappyFreak88 has signed out.

ur_worst_nightmare: EMO KID! I SHUN YOU!


Because I Want To


Ichigo nearly dropped his really awesome Egg McMuffin.

"What the hell—!"

Ikkaku Madarame's head glared at him under the 7am sunlight. "Dude, I was frikking sleeping!"

"In the trunk of my car?"

"Yes, do you have a problem with that?" he asked as he snuggled back in. "And could you shut the hood please?"

"Get out," Ichigo hissed.

"Make me, Strawberry boy."

"Abarai! Hitsugaya! Asano! Kurosaki! Zaraki! Team one!"

It took him around exactly two days before he finally admitted to himself that he didn't know everything there was to know about women. Yes, it was a well-renowned fact that almost the entire female population of underclassmen was after him, but just like any rule, there would always be those effing exceptions to his never-before-failed general impression of ladies.

e.g. Rukia Kuchiki A.K.A. Cinderella. (He winced at the thought.) That she-man midget who recently just started blinking in his mental radar built especially for girls. Ichigo had found it totally shell-shocking that they had been together in the same city, much less the same school, his whole life and NOT know that 'she of very masculine vocal chords and underrated lack of growth hormones' existed.

(But then again, he never really had good memory of names and faces. Hell, he couldn't even remember most of the girls he dated. They all looked frikking the same!)

"Kurosaki, get your head in the game!"

He off-handedly caught an incoming basketball in his hands and passed it to the nearest power-forward.

Come to think of it, he did have hazy though still recallable kindergarten memories of a rabbit origami he threw in the rubbish bin after recess.

So that was her! No wonder she talked to/looked at him like he was a totally insensitive asshole.

Which he was, actually. And he secretly blamed Renji for it.

It didn't help at all that whenever he shut his eyes, all he could see were snowy mountain tops, small, white, furry mammals, a full moon, and purple eyes the size of bowling balls. (Come on, how many chicks out there actually had purple eyes? The midget didn't even look like she was wearing contacts!

Do they actually have contacts the size of her eyes in the first place?)

That lingering thought made his stomach do a three-sixty.

He wasn't a man of emotion to begin with, but he knew her eyes were always full of spunk just like she was. They always sparked with must-I-put-up-with-idiots-like-you-when-I-can-do-this-on-my-own, especially during their Bio period. This was the sole reason why he was so fucking disturbed by the way she looked at him yesterday when they passed each other in the hallways.

He had never seen them so… round and… unsure… and purple.

Damn it.

"Oy, fag! Heads up!"

Ichigo's deep thought of a girl he wasn't supposed to be thinking of in the first place was the reason why he was at Gym Class but felt like he was somewhere far, far away.

"Kurosaki, please prepare for impact," Ikkaku droned over the megaphone.

It was also the reason why he didn't see the Spalding basketball that was about to collide with his oh-so-perfect jaw.

"What the fu—Oompf!"


"That was promising." Tatsuki looked like she was run over by a ten-wheeled ice cream truck.

Yoruichi smiled slyly, making her look like a feline femme fatale. "Really? Well, Physics is nothing once you get the hang of it."

"Glad to hear someone's having fun in that hellhole-slash-classroom. But thanks for some of the answers."

"Heh. You so totally owe me a mocha shake for that."

"No problem, toots. I'll double the treat if I pass that fucking exam," Tatsuki said as she rammed her books into her chaotic locker. "Kyoraku almost caught me looking at your paper. Screw that old drunken geezer—"

"Woah, easy. They got hidden cameras and microphones all over the place, you know."

"They do?"

"Yes, you didn't know? They wrote that in the student handbook." Yoruichi colored her lips with caramel glitter-gloss and instantly looked like a Vogue cover-model.

Such unknown information took the tomboy by surprise. "We have a handbook?"

"Yes! I've read the entire thing the night before I transferred." She smacked her lips together and grinned. "Hey, I gotta go. It's my turn to set-up stuff in Chem. I'll see you around, okay?"

The other girl gave a nod. "Right, see ya."

Yoruichi winked and then effortlessly cat-walked into the crowd of bickering students.

Why the hell can't I look like that?

Tatsuki couldn't help prying open her rusty locker door and gawking at the mirror taped behind it.

She hated her hair- the way it stuck out at odd angles no matter how many times she brushed it. She hated her skin- the way it looked pale no matter how many times she tried to get a tan. She hated her shoulders, her nose, her—

Wait, since when did I care about how I looked?

Her Blackberry vibrated angrily in her pocket.

To: ur_worst_nightmare (Arisawa, Tatsuki)
From: ChappyFreak88 (Kuchiki, Rukia)
Sent: October 25 at 11:46:33
Subject: Hmm.

Wanna have a sleep-over? Byakuya's away on another one of his business trips and won't be back till Sunday.

I ordered Domino's pizza.

Chappy is awesome,|

Tatsuki was typing up her reply when a slip of paper fluttered down from Yoruichi's locker.

She picked up the scribbled note and read.

Hey, Soifon. – Flash


Everything's going well. I'll be having dinner with Ichigo Kurosaki this Saturday while he's wrapped around my slender, perfectly-manicured finger.

Wow, you sound confident. What about those mindless devotees of his?

Oh, don't mind them. Little details, little people. Nothing I can't handle.

Tch. I don't get it why so many girls are drooling over that Naruto-look-a-like. He's not even that hot.

Well, he's not, but his credit cards look sexy.

C'mon, he's not that stupid either. I've never seen him fawn over ANY girl before, and I've been in the same school with that guy since kindergarten.

Do not doubt me and my capabilities, Soifon. I make Fergie look so 2008.

What're your plans anyway?

There's this really cool grilling place I've been dying to try downtown. I think it's along 8th Street—

The rest of the message was conveniently torn as though it knew it was giving too many details to a nosy on-looker.

Yoruichi and Kurosaki on a date.

This Saturday.

The same orange-haired heartthrob the midget's gaga over?


Hey, this isn't so bad.

After a few minutes of quiet thinking, she came up with one conclusion:

No, actually this is BAD.

What the fuck do I do?

To: ChappyFreak88 (Kuchiki, Rukia)
From: ur_worst_nightmare (Arisawa, Tatsuki)
Sent: October 25 at 14:24:09
Subject: 'Hmm' your face. WE HAVE A CODE: RED.

I repeat, CODE: RED.

Sure, I'll drop by around seven-ish.

Keep the pizza warm till I get there.

And take a bath. I know you don't take showers when you suck up at home.



Rukia felt like her heart was crushed into pretty pink confetti.

But of course, being an heiress to the noble house of the Kuchiki (Population: 2 people—her and Byakuya), she chose to appear nonchalant, poised, dignified, and well-mannered. There was no way, in this dimension or the next, that she of seemingly-royal blood was going to screw up every drop of dignity and respect in her body just because some tall, gangly boy with orange hair decided to go out with a really hot Halle Berry look-a-like.

No, she wasn't jealous.

Jealousy was for the common people.


To give in to such unruly behavior was simply unacceptable.

Rukia hiccupped. "Gimme the vodka."


"I said, gimme the vodka." Rukia hissed threateningly as she slammed a Royal Flush on her bed. "Ha! I'm just awesome at this game, `cha think, bitch?"

Tatsuki handed her the half-empty bottle and wrinkled her nose. "That stuff tastes like shit. How can you even drink that? Beer is love, my tiny friend."

Rukia hiccupped and her cheeks grew redder. "Would you believe that I've never drank vodka b-before? I mean, I was looking around Byakuya's stash of really expensive wine when I found this little baby here—" She hugged the bottle like a teddy bear. "—You'll get used to it after a couple of glasses—"

"So much for upholding the Kuchiki's name." Tatsuki shuffled and dealt the cards again.

"It's officially off."

"Huh?" The tomboy arched her brows. "Was it ever on?"

"Well, it could've been on in an alternate d-dimension where good and happy things happen to me."

"Welcome to reality, then."

"Tatsuki, my lovely, bitchy friend… He asked her out and I am out of the picture. See? There's nothing wrong because they l-look good together." Hiccup. She then made weird gestures with her hands. "Carrot-Top and Catwoman. Don't you think they make such an adorable c-couple?"

Though I think Strawberry Shortcake sounds better.

Rukia took another swig from the bottle, stood up and twirled in a sissy manner. "I remember in kindergarten when everyone in class, including you, picked on him 'cause of his hair, and I was the only one who talked to him 'cause I thought it looked really cool. He n-never had many friends either, but that was before he met Renji and everybody else in first grade."

"I also remember the BTS dance. He was amazing that night—Oh, shit. I sound like I just had sex with him—No, what I m-meant was, well, it's probably a night I won't forget ever. It's not everyday you get to make-out with a really hot masked g-guy, particularly a masked Ichigo Kurosaki in a really sexy tuxedo. Damn, he looked really good in that coat of his. Black and red are definitely his c-colors—Showed off his really awesome hips—" Hiccup.

"And! And! His family's just to die for—His dad's this really funny perverted doctor who runs a clinic right next to their house, and he has the cutest little twin s-sisters—well, the other one wasn't as nice as the other, but she was okay, too—" Hiccup. "They're a really nice bunch, though I wouldn't say the same about Ichigo."

"I keep on wondering why they named him 'Ichigo' anyway. He doesn't look a bit like a strawberry. But he did taste like strawberry punch when we kissed, heh." Rukia downed a considerable amount of vodka again. "This stuff's good, you know, you should try it—"


"Oh God, I'm so sorry 'bout that—"


"Oh, there goes my pre-digested d-dinner—"



"—insensitive fag on the entire planet."

Ichigo, who was sweating his ass off on the treadmill, nearly fell on his ass. "You talking to me?"

"How the hell could you have done that?" Renji asked as he set down his barbells.

"Done what?"

Renji made a face. (A really annoying kind of face that made Ichigo want to rip off his spiky eyebrows for.) He looked at the other boy as though he didn't understand English. "You-turned-down-really-pretty-hot-chick-just-few-minutes-ago-you-fucking-idiot."

The Carrot-top huffed and sped up. "Look, I don't like her, okay? I think I should get to decide who I go out with and make sure I actually like the girl, buffoon."


"Since when did you care about feelings?"


"I'm taking that new girl out tomorrow," he blurted out.

"What? That cute girl with the summer tan? Damn, was about to lay my Renjiman moves on her. Why the hell do you always get the good ones first?"

Ichigo sweatdropped. "Because I'm cuter, sexier, smarter, faster—"

"Wow, says the Virgin Ichigo," Renji supplied for him.

"Shut up, dickhead."

It was at that moment that he regretted his hormone-induced decision of asking Yoruichi out, and he all but blamed his masculine impulsiveness. Why, why, why did he even do that? Sure she was hot and all that jazz, but she just wasn't… quite what he wanted.

What exactly did he want? It was a lesser (smaller?) form of the ideal girl he dreamed of, nay, fantasized over when he was but a wee boy. Someone simpler, probably with short, black hair, and amethyst irises, someone… smaller in general.

Renji was right. Since when did he care about feelings in the first place?

Since I found out she existed, since I kissed her, since I couldn't get her out of my head—

"Anyway, I was thinking of surprising Rukia with this really, uhm—how do the girls call it—totally fab rabbit jacket I got from eBay. Frappy the Rabbit, I think."

Perfect. Just frikking perfect.

If his math skills (which weren't admittedly too good) didn't fail him, there were approximately twenty-five girls for every twenty guys in his school, which was why he was trying hard to figure out how slim the chances were in such a big, big world.

Such a fucked up situation like this (two best friends liking the same girl) was a natural phenomenon any adolescent male encountered at least once or twice in their miserable lives, he concluded. That was, of course, based on chick flicks he secretly watched behind his perverted father's back.


It wasn't fate. It wasn't even serendipity. Or coincidence.

It was just… high school romance.

And he wasn't going to let it get to him.

"Chappy." Ichigo glared as though what he heard was eternally offensive. "It's Chappy the Rabbit."



Tatsuki answered with a very determined nod.

"That's stupid."

"Hello? That's the part where you say, 'It's effing brilliant! Tatsuki you're such a wonderful friend!'"

"Er… No." Rukia popped an Advil in her mouth. Her migraine was killing her. "I hate them both, okay? But… Sabotage? Bitch, we're in the twelfth grade, not junior high school."

"I'm guessing you have a better idea? You must store something in that freaky brain of yours." Tatsuki asked as she digged into her Frosted Flakes.

Rukia rolled her eyes. "I can't think with my head pounding, you bitch."

"Then let's do this! Let's make their date a living hell!"

"Err… I'll have to think about this."

Tatsuki leaned over across the table and raised her spoon for emphasis. "Remember: He took away your precious first kiss and your equally precious second one."

Rukia closed her eyes in contemplation.

"And after all that, he's gonna take that new girl out to that barbeque place you love so well—"

"Alright, fine already!"

"Gimme a pen and paper." Tatsuki's eyes sparkled dangerously, and Rukia recognized it. It was that same gleam in her eyes before her really big karate matches. And it meant one thing.

Ichigo Kurosaki was going down for the win.

"White Rabbit. Do you copy, White Rabbit?"

"Copy, Crouching Tiger."

"State your location, White Rabbit."

"Er… I'm right beside you?"


Rukia sighed. "You know, there's new technology today which they call 'cell phones.' Repeat after me, bitch: Cell phones."

"No Blackberries." The other girl was busy fumbling in her closet for something un-Tatsuki-ish to wear so that people wouldn't recognize her once they execute Operation: Ichigo Kurosaki, Kiss My Ass.

"But why—?"

"Because Walkie-Talkies look cooler."

"Aww, bitch, you're going through all this for petit moi. That's so sweet of you. You care for me—"

"Ew, no! I'm just—"

"Don't deny the obvious, bitch. It's okay—"

"Fuck you! I still don't forgive you for puking on me last night—! No, NO! Get away from me! Keep your filthy midget hands off me—No hugging! NO HUGGING—!"


You have 216 new notifications.
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Ichigo Kurosaki
The first kiss stole the breath from my lips. Why did the last one tear us apart?

Momo Hinamori, Zaraki Kenpachi and 26 others like this.

View all 72 comments.

Keigo Asano
Has anybody seen my Diablo CD?

Ikkaku Madarame

Ichigo Kurosaki
Cueball: Read my middle finger.

Zaraki Kenpachi
Don't worry, dude. Plenty of other fish in the sea.

Ichigo Kurosaki
Ken: That sounds so weird coming from you.

renji DA MAN abarai
dude you totally quoted that from mayday parade.

Toshiro Hitsugaya
Momo, I know I'm such an ass, and I'm a walking failure at life. I need you. Behind every genius boy is a really cute girl in buns rolling her eyes. My life has no meaning now that you left me. (16 people like this.)

Uryu Ishida
Answers for Physics homework is now up on my page, losers.

Momo Hinamori
I need a man, not a boy.

Ichigo Kurosaki
Momo: Couldn't have said it better myself.

Tatsuki Arisawa
Momo: LOL.

Yoruichi Shihoin
;) :D :3

Ichigo Kurosaki
Shiro, Momo: Get a fucking room.

Enter a name or e-mail: Rukia

Rukia Kuchiki
City of Karakura
Karakura Private High School

(Wait a second.

The sister of the Byakuya Kuchiki?


Fuck me.)

Rukia Kuchiki
AquaTimez rocks my world.

Orihime Inoue and 8 others like this.

"My stupid son is now an internet predator!"

The next thing Ichigo knew, his face was conveniently flattened against his laptop screen with his father's foot. Quick enough, he reached out, grabbed Isshin's arm and threw him across the room.

"What the hell was that for?"

Isshin collided with the bedroom wall. "Ah! Your reflexes improved, my son!" he muffled.

"Screw this—!"


October 24
In my room with a clock that ticks incessantly
With my bitchy bestfriend who's trying to help me make my life somewhat a little less sucky

Dear Journal,

For what it's worth, I'll confess.

I l—

I lo—

I lov—

Damnit, even my fingers refuse to write such an anomaly.


At least, that's what I think. Tatsuki believes otherwise.

But, well, she's a bitch, so after today, I won't be taking advice from her again. HA!


In less than an hour from now, we'll be executing our perfectly brilliant plan of Ichigo Kurosaki Must Die.

(Well, no, we're not actually gonna kill him, don't be stupid.)

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you,

Been here all along, so why can't you seeeeeee?

You belong meeeeeeeeehhh~

So what if she's prettier than me. (I'm smarter, I bet.)

So what if her skin's to die for. (Pale is the new tan. Whatever.)

So what if she's got legs as tall as I am. (Oh my Kami, I just insulted myself, didn't I?)

So what if she's got bigger boobs. (I… I… I, uhm. Screw this!)

So what if.

*insert evil witch laughter here*

Your master, she who has a really mean left hook,

"Hey, I have a favor to ask."

The voice on the other line giggled like the schoolgirl she was. "Sure, Tatsuki. What is it?"

"Okay, listen closely…"


Author's Annoying Note: Haha. I wonder who she was talking to? Next chapter! The much-awaited date! I'm not gonna make any promises though, but I will update this in a few weeks. (I've already got the next chapter's draft written, so sue me.) :D