Yep, that's right, I am, sorry about the dark nature of this chapter, I guess it was more of an insight to Bella's life at home after horrific stuff had happened to her.

Sorry this update has taken so long to get out, and sorry it's so short too, but I'm proud of it, and I finally am motivated enough to update it. But it's now half midnight and I'm going to sleep.

Thanks for all your support. It really does mean a lot to me.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters.

Now, on with the chapter!

Bella POV

I awoke the following morning, the first thought I had was 'what the hell happened last night'. I then started to feel the pounding in my head. I was naked. I was abandoned. Then it dawned on me, I was raped.

There was a beeping inside my head, I groaned and rolled over to get the strange noise out of my head. I sighed a breath of relief when I thought it had stopped, I half smiled and went to go back to sleep. Then the beeping came back, louder this time, more impatient than the last time, more intolerant of my need to sleep. I tossed around in my bed before I realised it wasn't in my head, it was my alarm ringing. 6 o'clock already? Phil will be up at any minute now and he will need his breakfast. I won't look at him, I won't talk to him. I need to get away from him.

I got out of my bed, feeling a little sluggish. The nausea had begun to kick in and I ran to my little bathroom to vomit. Nothing came up, I let out a sigh. Today will be the day; today will be the day I leave. I start to the main house to make breakfast. The fresh air hits me like a ton of bricks, but in an odd way it feels good. I want to put this fresh morning air into a jar and keep it with me forever.

As I walk into the house I immediately smell the cigarette smoke in the air, the alcohol bottles that had been left out, the girl's hairspray. I think briefly about letting one of the cans on fire in the house and running away and pretending I wasn't here. I briefly let myself feel the freedom that would bring. The moment is short lived as I fall over an empty bottle. When Phil met my mother, he seemed like such an amazing man, but he turned out to be such a criminal. He promised my mother everything when she was dying, but did exactly the opposite of what he had promised.

"Bella, is my breakfast even on yet?" Phil's voice rang through the house, piercing the silence that I'd allowed myself to hear.

"I'm starting it now." I shout back politely, 'I wonder what I could put in his breakfast that will make him suffer a little bit, for all he's done to me.' I quietly think to myself. I quickly brush off the thought and carry on. Breakfast, and then I need to get ready for school. What do I have today? I couldn't remember, my schedule is the same as Alice's; I'll just follow her today. I mean, what could really go wrong?

Then, just as I was finishing his breakfast, Phil came storming down the stairs, probably hungover. "Good morning, Sir." I whispered politely, loud enough that he could hear, but not so loud that I had to lose my dignity for having to call him sir. I put his food on a plate ready for him to eat and set it in front of him, waiting to be dismissed.

"My two princesses have a very important audition today, so they're sleeping in and only going to school when they need to, so you go off without them today, I know how you rely on them for a lift everyday." Phil told me in a harsh voice. If only he knew his two 'Princesses' haven't ever driven me to school. Alice refused and so she came to pick me up everyday. I tried my hardest to think of what audition they could possibly have. The more I thought, the worse my headache got.

"Well, if I could be excused, I can get ready for school myself." I asked, sheepishly. He nodded, obviously unconcerned about anything I said. I smiled at the freedom I'd have for another 7 hours. I longed for school days since I'd have time where I didn't have to see my family. I also loved learning. I loved knowing about different people, how the world works. If I couldn't get in to do Dance at college, then I would certainly be doing English. There's something special about leaving your world behind when you read a book. The way you get to escape your reality for just a few moments. I live for those moments sometimes.

Knowing what last night had brought onto me, I knew today was going to be difficult. I knew today was going to be a "bad" day. My mood was already starting to decrease from its already rock bottom state. Whoever said that once you hit rock bottom the only way is up, well, they were just wrong. Rock bottom is definitely not the worst. Life will drag you through hell before anything gets better. I put some leggings on and a loose tee, just in case I need to dance at all today, I have a feeling I won't be dancing though. I open my drawer and look inside it. My pills are sitting on top of everything. Old sleeping pills from after my mum had passed. Inside the plastic container there was a note with a little bag of pills. I remember exactly what the note said;

'Dear future Bella,

I know life has been hard, it has been for quite sometime now, don't give up, never give up on our dream, the dream I made for you. The dream you've always wanted. Think about what it will be like when you finally get out of this awful place. Think of how wonderful your life could be.

Though, if life with Phil and his evil daughters is too much, in this pouch there are enough pills to kill you, take them before you go to sleep and you won't feel anything, the world will take you in your sleep. That is always the best way to go, in my opinion.

Just think though, my dearest future self, how bad do things have to get before you think of an overdose. Think of the people that love you. The people that will love you. You want a career in dance? Go get it, don't take these pills now. Don't take these pills ever.

Lots of love,

Your overly affectionate past self'

I almost cry thinking of how low I had been then but somehow could still be strong enough to not want to die. To know that there was something worth living for in this life, I just hadn't found it yet. I close the drawer, I wasn't going to take them, not today, I will get out of this situation. I will find somewhere new to go. I will start my life fresh again, where no one knows who I am, or where I've come from. I just want to be me, and I just want to dance. I start to feel a little more optimistic about everything, but it all comes crashing down when I look over at my bed, the empty alcohol bottle. Why did he torture me like this? What sick game is he playing with my head? Is there even a reason he hates me so much? Would anyone ever love me? All these questions circle my head and it makes me feel sick again.

'Well,' I think to myself, 'this is going to be a very long day.'


What do you guys think? I'm sorry it's lame, but without writing in ages this is the best I've got.

Hope you all liked it anyway.

See you Guys soon!