I Never

By: I Agree

Gently he twisted his wedding ring around his finger, staring sightlessly at the more than likely important papers lying on his desk. A pair of spectacles lay, equally forgotten, on top of those papers. Next to his hand was a near empty glass of the very best of youkai strength vodka money could buy; the fifth one of the night. He hadn't been able to concentrate on his work for over three weeks now and his work was suffering for it. But he couldn't help it, he hadn't been able to concentrate on anything since he… well, since then.

He'd met Kagome nearly five years prior, and, after only a month of dating, and proposed both an engagement and a mating. She, to his immense pleasure, accepted immediately. They were married and mated after a turbulent engagement of two years.

Their marriage wasn't perfect. His Kagome was a passionate, headstrong woman who put her heart into everything she did. She angered easily, and was quick to chastise anyone she felt was wrong. Including him. All this coupled with his inability to bend to anyone's will and his desire for everything, including his home, to run to his specifications made for a rather interesting relationship.

However, his little miko was quick to apologize, and even quicker to forgive. She never allowed anything to keep her angry for long, claiming it too exhausting to stay angry over such a small transgression. And, for her, and only her, he was willing to bend. She was his wife and mate, his everything. If he did not go out of his way to do the things she wanted now and again to keep her happy and content, then he was a failure to her.

But then… for his transgressions, he supposed he was a failure.

Standing abruptly, Sesshou-Maru grabbed his glass and stalked over to his little bar. Grabbing his favorite drink, he poured himself another, brushing away the thought that under normal circumstances, he would never abuse his alcohol this way. But he couldn't help it. This was the only way to keep the guilt away, the only way to make him feel less terrible for what kind of monster he turned out to be.

Taking a rather large swig of the vodka, he looked to the clock, cringing when he found that, once again, he was nearly three hours late in getting home. Growling low in his throat, he tossed the rest of the drink, glass and all, into a wastebasket, ignoring the sound of shattering glass. With angry strides he crossed the room to his closet, pulling out his coat and slipping it on. This was the fifth time he would be late getting home in the past three weeks. He knew his wife was forgiving, but she was no fool. There was only so much leniency in her for continued wrongs.

"M-Mr. Taisho?"

Sesshou-Maru ignored his assistant, moving over to his desk and sweeping his papers haphazardly into his briefcase. It was Friday, he could catch up on his work this weekend. Sure he was spending less and less time with his wife over the past weeks, but he needed to get his work done too. He needed to be able to provide for the wife he continually let down. Shaking the thought off, he pressed the button on his intercom to reach his secretary, "This Sesshou-Maru is ready to leave, have them bring my car around."

He didn't wait for the answer, barely hearing it as he put away the supplies he had used this day.

"Mr. Taisho, I thought I heard glass breaking."

Biting back the growl of annoyance ready to erupt from his throat, Sesshou-Maru glared at the woman standing in the middle of the room. "Leave Kagura."

Instead of intimidating her like it was supposed to, his angry demand merely seemed to strengthen her resolve. Her shoulders straightened from their meek hunch and her head took on a more upward tilt. Sesshou-Maru grimaced. He'd thought he'd gotten rid of this defiant manner of hers.

"Mr. Taisho, I will not leave." Her tone was firm, demanding. He didn't like it. "We need to talk about-"

"This Sesshou-Maru has no time for you." He glanced around his desk for his glasses, frowning when he could not find them.

"Well you will make time!"

He merely glared up at her, plucking his eyewear off of the floor and slipping them onto the bridge of his nose. Unfortunately she took his silence as a queue to continue.

"My feelings for you-" A growl from him, startled her, but she regained her composure as he passed, "Sesshou-Maru I know you feel something for me!"

He blinked back the red in his vision, willing himself not to kill her. "I feel nothing but distain for you, Miss Wind."

He walked out before she said anymore, before she said something that would make him kill her. While the police couldn't do much to him, he being the most powerful and influential youkai living, they could still cause an inconvenience for him if he decided to kill the woman in his own office. He preferred not to be distracted any further from his work. Plus he was sure the bloodstains wouldn't come out.

He handed the valet the usual fifty dollar bill before getting behind the wheel himself and slipping into traffic. Driving was a reprieve, it allowed him to concentrate on nothing else but driving. It allowed him to clear his mind of all things but the road before him. But he regretted, on this night, that he lived so close to his office.

He found Kagome in the sitting room, a picture of loveliness. Sleeping in the rocking chair he'd had made for her some years back, her body glowing with the light of the fireplace. His eyes dropped down to her stomach where the firelight accentuated her pregnancy.

Instantly the stress of the day faded away and he dropped his briefcase on the floor. Silently he crossed the room, dropping to his knees before his lovely mate and gently pressing his elven ear to her stomach. The sound of his child's fluttering heartbeat warmed his own heart and he could not help the contented sigh from escaping him. His child, the little creature no one thought could possibly exist between a tiny miko and a great daiyoukai. His little miracle. Given to him by this little slip of a woman whom he had…

A soft hand buried itself in his scalp, and, upon looking up, he found citrine eyes gazing lovingly down at him. "You're home late again." She said softly, running her fingers through silk hair, "I tried to wait up for you, but I'm afraid I just get so tired lately."

He smiled a bit, rubbing her distended belly, "It is of no consequence."

"How is our son?"

An eyebrow rose in amusement, "What confidence have you which makes you sure you bare my son?"

Kagome smiled mysteriously, "Woman's intuition, my love."

Her endearment made him falter. Her love. And he… His eyes closed in shame, his arms wrapping securely around the tiny woman. Should he confess? Should he tell her of his sin? Would that get rid of his guilt? His shame?

"Sesshou-Maru? Are… are you alright? You smell like vodka again. Is it that bad at work?" Her voice was soft, concerned, and he couldn't help but be angry with himself.

"This Sesshou-Maru… must confess, Kagome."

"Confess?" Her voice was amused, "To what? What did you do?"

"Work has been… slow for the last few weeks."

She was silent for a moment, during which he heard her heartbeat strengthening, overtaking that of their child's. Barely, he refrained from whimpering like a chastised pup. She was going to leave him, she was going to hate him and purify him.

"Sesshou-Maru…" Her voice was subdued, cautious, "Last week, I got a call from your assistant. Miss Wind. She said," she took a deep breath, "I didn't believe her really, you aren't the type to… well… Sesshou-Maru, are you having an affair?"

His head snapped up, irises rimmed with bloody red, "That woman-"

"Alright," she interrupted immediately, her hands soothing as she ghosted her fingers over his markings., "I didn't think you were that kind of male. Though, I must admit I worry about not exactly pleasing you when I'm seven months pregnant."

He nuzzled her stomach, "You have never been more appealing to me."

Her fingers played with his hair again, soothing his frayed nerves. "Then, what, my Lord, is your reason for staying late at work and drinking so much? You've never done this before."

"The other day, this Sesshou-Maru realized a small detail in our marriage is off."

Her heartbeat was quick still, and her voice was breathless. "O-off?"

"This Sesshou-Maru… I never told you. I never told you one word of my feelings."

"Sesshou-Maru-"

"I never told you I love you."

He heard her gasp a bit, her hand in his hair freezing. The stronger heartbeat he was hearing skipped a beat. He didn't say a word, waiting for her anger. But after only a moment, her hand continued its petting, and her heartbeat returned to normal. He was content, and confused, enough to stay there, his head on her stomach. But after awhile, it was too much, he needed to know.

"You are not angry?"

His Kagome giggled, causing him to look up into mirthful blue eyes. "I always knew you really wouldn't say anything like that to me. You've never really heard those words before, so you wouldn't see any importance in them."

He argued, "Every woman wants those words, and you say them often enough."

She nodded, "Yes, it would be nice to hear it, but you show it so much better than anyone I've ever know. So I'm happy."

Sesshou-Maru smiled, leaning up to touch his lips against hers, thankful for his little woman. It seemed that his anguish over the last few weeks was unprecedented, for, while he never told her he loved her… he never really needed to.

---IA---

This has been in my head for far too long!

Please Regard Me Kindly,

I Agree