Just a few things to be noted before reading this; the first being that the characters are out of character. I know that's usually to be expected with a comedy story but thought I'd put that out there anyways :) And the second, this story doesn't precisely follow Shippuden but I believe that'll just add more to the story. With that said, enjoy!

Kazekage Quirks

The dry winds blew through the village, stirring up even dryer dirt and reminding everyone who was out at that early hour of the morning just how much they could use a good downpour.

In a large house in the middle of the village, a red-headed teenage boy sat at a kitchen table, sipping a cup of tea.

"Morning, Gaara," Temari said, grinning broadly to her youngest brother. "How'd you sleep?"

"I didn't." Gaara replied shortly. "I don't think I've slept a day in my life…unless you count those few minutes when we first when to Konoha…but that Naruto kid put a stop to that."

Just then, a loud thunking could be heard as Kankuro came down the steps, not wearing his usual black ensemble or the purple markings on his face. "Morn, guys" he muttered. He ambled over to the stove where there was a steaming pot of water and poured some into a cup, added a teabag, a few spoonfuls of sugar, stirred it to perfection, then plumped down into a seat next to Temari.

"So, what do you plan to do today, lil bro?" Kankuro asked Gaara. The latter only gave him a slow and tired blink.

"I need to go to the office," he finally said, taking a long drink of his tea, finishing it off. "Need to have a chat with the jounins here about this village's security. Plus, there's a million and one papers I need to have faxed off and on top of it, I need to make sure my secretary has picked up my Kazekage outfit from the dry cleaners. Not that I really wear it…"

With a weary sigh, he stood up, putting his cup in the sink as he passed. Throwing on a long black coat at the door, he slowly opened it, the dry air greeting him.

Though something was different. The air smelled…weird, foreign…was that…? Could it be…?


Gaara looked up to see the dark clouds rolling across the sky. It had been weeks since the last rain and the village was desperate for just a few drops of moisture.

All along the village, doors opened and people stuck their heads out, faces heavens-ward. And then it happened.

The first drop fell.

In a flash, everyone had pots, pans, vases, shoes, anything that could retain water was brought out to catch the few precious particles of precipitation. Some of the people even fought with each other over where was a better spot to stand to catch the rain.

Gaara sighed and began his walk to his office, quietly enjoying the cooling water. It seriously had been too long.

He passed the normal street vendors, selling off their few wares to any tourists dumb enough to visit their thirsty village.

"Sand! Get your sand! One ryou, one pound of sand! Come on folks, where else are you gonna get sand of this quality? Wanna build your own private beach? You'll need sand! Dirt not producing crops to your satisfaction? Sand will do it! Kids having behavioral issues? The sand will straighten them out in no time! Come on, this is a limited time offer so buy now!"

If Gaara had eyebrows, he would have quirked one just then.

After he'd been walking for about ten minutes, he grew irritated at being wet and used his chakra to jump from roof to roof until he'd reached his destination.

He paused under the overhang of the roof and shook off like a dog, hoping no one had seen this uncharacteristic action. Everyone was too preoccupied with the rain to notice.

Inside the building, the few people who were too above rain-catching were walking the corridors, running errands, or simply milling about, chatting with one another.

Gaara made his way to the Staff Room. There, sitting on a counter was a black coffee machine. He pulled a foam cup off of the stack beside the device and poured himself some. He took a sip and shuddered. If I wasn't addicted to caffeine, I'd pour this mess out now.

He risked another sip and was able to repress the tremor that wanted to come along with it. In his current half-awake state, he slouched his way to his office, looking more like a sleep walker, especially with the dark circles around his eyes.

"Morning Gaara!" Everyone told him brightly. Some actually meant it, happy to see that what was once seen as an out of control weapon was now fighting on the good side. Others said it out of fear…though Gaara wasn't wearing his cursed gourd.

"Morn…" Gaara grumbled back, not being able to stand their cheery voices, false or otherwise. And though they should've used the proper title of "Lord Kazekage (Kazekage-sama)," Gaara didn't enforce it unless he was pissed. He was still just a sixteen year-old teenager and didn't want to feel too old because of his status.

Much like his older brother had done earlier, Gaara flopped down in the chair behind his desk. As he continued to drink the bitter contents of the cup, he leafed through the numerous stacks of papers on his desk.

"Missions, missions, missions…oh, look, some village wants me to grace them with my presence at their pre-school graduation…more missions…"

He gave a deep sigh and leaned back in his chair, hands behind his head. It was dull days like these that made him hate being the Kazekage. He had all this power! All this authority! And people were finally starting to respect him! So why was he having these feelings of regret?

I really don't know why the hell Naruto is always going on about him being Hokage… there's nothing interesting about this job. Then Gaara's eyes popped open wide, making him look more crazed than he normally did.

"The Hidden Leaf Village…ugh, the annual meeting of the Kage's…that's coming up…" He flipped through some more sheets spread on the desk until he found what he was looking for. "Tomorrow," he finished quietly. The meeting was to be held in Konoha. And he had less than twenty-four hours to be there.

"Well, at least it's not going to be held in this dehydrated waste-land," Gaara muttered to himself. He had a lot of pride for Sunagakure, but today he was just feeling a bit edgy towards everything.

He reached over to the far edge of the desk and pressed a small button that had been buried under the stacks. A moment later, a young girl around fifteen years old entered.

"Yes, Lord Kazekage?" She asked timidly. She'd been the only person to try out to be his secretary (everyone else was too afraid…and even she herself had been forced to by her mother…) and so thus she had gotten the job.

"Have you picked up my dry cleaning yet?" he asked her. He didn't believe that she was supposed to do his laundry, but Kankuro had snuck and given the girl the order to clean it behind his back.

"What else are secretaries for than to do all your bidding?" his brother had tried to reason with him. "They also make good play mates, if you know what I mean," he'd added, nudging Gaara with an elbow while winking at him. Kankuro was lucky he was related to him or else he would have been sand-coffined a long time ago.

"Yes, my lord, I returned it two weeks ago," the girl said, breaking through his thoughts.

Gaara frowned, then blinked. "Really? I don't remember getting it."

"Oh, your sister took it from me when I stopped by. She said she'd put it on your bed where you'd see it."

Gaara tried to remember back to when the outfit might have been on his bed…


Gaara sat in his room signing papers that he had taken home from the office. The surround-sound stereo system was blaring out some form of heavy metal so he barely heard the pounding on his door.

"Damnit, Gaara! It's ten at night, would you please turn that down?!" Temari screamed on the other side.

Gaara sighed and tried to ignore her, singing along at the top of his lungs as the chorus started playing.

"God damnit Gaara! I swear if you don't turn that shit down…" he drowned her out by fully screaming the lyrics.

"That's it, now I'm pissed!" the girl screamed. She backed up and ran towards the room, pulling out her large fan to break through his door.

As she reached the entrance, she crashed through the room, eyes seeing red as her rage showed itself clearly on her face. She raised her other hand and was about to throw something that looked like a long gown wrapped in clear plastic at her brother when something rough knocked her off her balance. Gaara's sand had come to his rescue without him lifting a finger.

She was thrown back out of the room and down the hallway, her back slamming against the far wall. Shaking off the pain, she said "Alright, fine, forget it! I was just trying to give you your dry cleaning, but I see how it is. See if I ever do anything for you again!"

But this too was drowned out by the music, Gaara not having even noticed his sisters' attempted B&E.

End Flashback

"Huh…so that's why she was walking around with a back brace for a while…" Gaara said to himself.

"Um, I'm not sure about that sir, but the outfit has been returned to you." The secretary said.

"Alright then. You may leave. And tell the staff that I'm going to be out of town for a week. I have some business to handle."

The girl nodded and, using a disappearing jutsu, she vanished from the room.

Isn't that a jounin level technique? He shrugged it off, though making a mental note to check the girl's status when he got back. For right now, he needed to hurry and pack…it wouldn't do to be late for his first big meeting as Kazekage.