Gaara of the Delusional

Gaara would say that he was a person that loved an adventure. But as he prepared to leave Konoha, he couldn't have been any happier. One day, one little day was all that he'd stayed for and yet the drama that he'd encountered was more than most people ever went through.

"Make sure you write!" Naruto called as the sand ninja stood ready to climb onto his sand cloud. Well, Kankuro was ready with Tamari actually being late. A small group of the leaf ninja had also come to see them off.

"Where the hell is she?" Gaara muttered, checking his watch. They'd scheduled their departure for five that afternoon; it was now 5:02. Yeah…Gaara had shorter patience than Sasori.

Suddenly they saw her, strolling along casually, a smirk on her face. She still had out her large fan, propping it against a shoulder as she walked. Then from behind her, a stumbling Shikamaru followed after her, looking worse for wear. She stopped next to her brothers, her aura of self-satisfaction nearly a tangible thing with its strength. Shikamaru on the other hand wobbled next to Kiba, the other boy reaching out to hold him steady.

"Just what the hell did you do to him?" Kankuro asked his sister.

"Taught him a lesson he shouldn't soon be forgetting," Temari said, not looking at him but at her victim. "That'll teach him to 'accidentally' fall asleep with his head placed oh-so-conveniently in my chest."

Ordinarily, any other boy would be pissed and ready to fight a person who dared do such a thing to their sister. But…well, Gaara and Kankuro had long learned that Temari could handle her own. Shikamaru wouldn't have even been standing had it not been for Kiba.

"He has hair like Spongebob's house," Gaara snickered as they climbed on his cloud.

"It's called a pineapple," Kankuro said. "And who the hell wears fishnets?"

Temari threw him a glare.

"Oh. Sorry about that. Okay, what guy wears fishnets?"

Gaara pulled back the sleeve of the Kazekage gown he was wearing to show his arm. The shirt he was wearing had a fishnet pattern.

Kankuro narrowed his eyes. "Fine! Why the hell do people wear fishnets?! Last time I checked, that was a style only adopted by the hookers! And not the sexy ones either, the ones you find out on the street at like three in the morning and who take you to some overly sleazy hotel and as things progress, you're not sure if this is really a woman at all but you're too far gone in your hormones to really want to truly find out and thus when it's all said and over and you've somehow made it back to your equally sleazy apartment, you lay there wondering if perhaps that you as a guy just screwed another guy named Cherry!"

…The look on everyone's faces was a classic "WTF?!" expression.

"Er, nevermind," Kankuro muttered. "Up and away, Gaara!"

"Don't come back," Sasuke said just as they started to rise.

Temari started forward, but her brothers held her back. "No, let me at him! That cocky sonovabitch should've been six feet under by now!"

"Remember what your therapist said," Gaara soothed. "You're not to solve your conflicts with aggression."

"This time," Temari concluded for him, nodding. Gaara nodded with her, confirming she had the words right.

"Hey, how come I don't have a therapist?" Kankuro asked.

"We're your therapist," Temari said. They were now high above Konoha, steadily making their way home.

"If that's the case, I need a new one!" her oldest brother said.

We need some serious family counseling, Gaara thought. Well, at least in a few hours (actually, not so few…) they would be back in Suna. The thought of it made him pour on the speed. But…he never factored in his choice of apparel to go home in. The gown was billowy, large sleeves and even a white wrap of some sort around the neck that perhaps could double as a hood. Or was just an attempt by the makers to make sure he had a popped collar, making him smile that he had indeed won the little argument between himself and Sasuke.

But there was no time to ponder much upon that. The wind caught in his clothes and immediately he was blown backwards off the cloud.

"Remember meeeee!" he called after his siblings as he disappeared behind them. A faint twinkling like a star marked that Gaara had disappeared.

…Of course though Gaara did have chakra. And now that he wasn't as tired as he was upon his arrival to Konoha, he could utilize it. He formed another cloud in midair, the grains gathering together and forming a solid surface just moments before he became one with the ground.

"Yeah! I betcha Harry Potter couldn't even pull off something that cool in a Quidditch match!"

He quickly caught back up with his brother and sister, throwing them a look. "You were just going to let me fly off like that?!"

"Please, if you couldn't save yourself then you don't need to be a ninja," Temari told him coldly.

Ouch! Bitch! Gaara mentally spat. He hopped from his cloud to theirs, letting the grains of sand from the second one enter his gourd.

"Away, flying Nimbus!" He commanded, taking control.

And thus they flew off into the sunset, a picture perfect ending to a not so picture perfect day. Tomorrow Gaara would have to deal with nagging secretaries, giving a graduation speech for a preschool and also constantly remember the multiple words of his therapists as he tried not to kill anyone over the broken coffee machine in the break room.

But for now, he was content with just being Gaara, boy extraordinaire.

…At least in his mind.


Thanks for reading!

~ A. D. Williams