Alright here's story two… again I have to thank my friend because hell she helped me with this. I got this idea from an ICP song… anyways here's another one! Enjoy and I'm shocked some people are actually reading this lol.
The Dating Game
"Welcome to the dating game! I'm your host Dick Butkis." said the host. "Now today we have a dashing young lady... She's fine; she's smart and has a passion for Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream! Rachel Dawes."
"How are you doing Rachel?" asked the Host.
"Pretty good." said Rachel with a nod sitting in the heart shaped chair. "I'm happy to be here."
"Of course you are!" he replied. "There's no better place then to find true love... then on TV! Ask Bret and Tila... speaking of which, watch Bret's third show is on every Sunday. Anyways! Let's meet the contestants."
A man randomly walks across the stage with a potted plant in his hands and exits at the other end. Everyone is silent... The light shines on Harvey Dent, who gives a smile to the crowd. He waves and is supporting an awkward pink wind suite. (Who wears those?)
"Contestant number one, He's a man who knows his way around the court room. He has a high sense of fashion..." The host pauses and looks Dent over, and shakes his head. "Riiiight. He's got a unique chin. He's got a steady income and has a passion for going to the driving rang every Saturday night. You sly dog!" Dent just smiles.
"Hmmm, he sounds pretty good." said Rachel with a smile.
"Don't make your choice just yet; we still have two more men that want to, in contestant number one's words... Drive you every Saturday night." He laughs at his lame joke, and the room is silent except for the occasional cricket. "Anyways let's meet our next contestant.
The same man from before walks across the stage going the opposite way, with a two foot tree in his hands and exits. The light shines down on the Joker, who is playing with a rubrics-cube. He solves the puzzle in two seconds and throws it into the crowd. It struck some lady in the head, and she inhales the hotdog she was eating and falls to the floor.
"HA!" said the Joker and points.
"Alight, contestant number two.... He's a man that's all about smiles. He enjoys a good laugh... at anything! He has a high sense of humor, and is an agent of chaos. He's got a sharp mind and a knife collection to match! He's got power and also a good sense of color! He loves pudding cups and juice boxes! Along with a passion to put a smile on everyone's faces." said the host with a smile.
"Ooo he sounds fun." said Rachel. The Joker nods slyly and has an evil smirk on his face.
"Slow your gears down girl." said the host. "We have one more contestant left."
The light shines on Bruce Wayne, who is wearing a red fur coat and matching top hat. He's holding a gold pimp cup and wearing bright pink sunglasses. He smiled at the crowd and gives a wave.
"Contestant number three... He's a man that's all about the booty shake. He enjoys a great girl with a fine booty that be can bring home to meet his butler. He has money and knows how to play the fame game. He's a true pimpin playa that is down with the jeezy and slaps bitches in the heezy. His passions are long struts on the catwalk and pink feathers." said the host.
"He sounds unique." said Rachel.
"More like a fag to me." said the Joker under his breath.
"Hey, don't make me bust a cap." said Bruce pointing to the Joker.
"Bring it Busta Rhymes!" snapped the Joker.
"Alight men settle down." said the host.
The man walks across the front of the stage, with a six foot tall tree and exits. The three contestants look at each other and shrug.
"Alright Rachel, your going to ask each of these men a question." said the Host. "And we'll see who is going to make you a lucky lady. Let's play the dating game!!!!" said the host. "Good luck."
"You'll need it." Harvey said to the Joker snapping his collar.
"Look who's talking Fabio." snapped the Joker.
"Shut up, you... freakin grape!" replied Harvey.
"Grape? Are you kidding me you fucking lemonade." replied the Joker.
"Gentlemen... please." said the Host breaking them up. "Go ahead Rachel."
"Alright, contestant number one... If I took you home to meet my parents... how would you impress them and me? First impressions are important." asked Rachel.
"Well, I'd be a pure gentleman. Pull out chairs for the ladies... help out if I needed to. Get to know your father, get on his good side with a few sports topics I'm guessing. It be fun." said Harvey. "Maybe if your mother would like... I could show her my nine iron and she could hit my balls around." The crowd claps and cheers and Rachel laughs.
"Friendly." she replied. "Contestant number two... same question."
The Joker lets out a sigh and thinks. "First off... I'd uh, make them smile with a few jokes. Make small talk with your father... Though I wouldn't be paying attention to him... I'd be too occupied with your mother's ass as she made macaroni and cheese in the kitchen. After a shitty meal I'd introduce them to my knife collection and I'd show you a uh... magic trick." The crowd clapped and cheered loudly and Rachel eyed them with wide eyes.
"Kind of a bad boy that one." said Rachel with a laugh. "Alright contestant number three same question."
"First I'd go in there and get on their good side, hand out some gifts. Like my album that is about to drop." Bruce held up his CD. "It's called, 'Gotham Playa' It hits on the 1st."
"Gotham Playa?" asked Harvey.
"Got a problem with that Homes?" asked Bruce.
"Nope." said Harvey with a laugh.
"Anyway with my answer... I'd teach your parents the 'Wayne-Jive'." he gets up and does the running man and the crowd cheers.
"That's the running man dip shit." said the Joker.
"I'll do the running man on your face Bozo." said Bruce.
"Bitch." said the Joker getting to his feet.
"What now!!!" said Bruce as a small security guard holds him back. "Oh you wanna go! Come on!"
"Bring it!" shouted the Joker.
"It's already been brought in." said Bruce.
"Damn right!" said the Joker then turned to Harvey. "Hold me back!"
Harvey gets up and grabs the Joker's arm. "You're lucky the Flamingo is holding me back other wise shit would go down!"
"Alright enough." said the host. "Please." The Joker and Bruce sit back down in their seats. "Finish your answer."
"Alright... We'd have a good Chicken Dinner and afterwards uh... I'd take you out and we'd go clubbing at the Hilton." said Bruce and the Joker rolled his eyes.
"Fun!" said Rachel.
"Alright Rachel, these guys are certainly fighting for you love so ask another question." said the host.
"Alright. Contestant number 1... Where would we go on our first date?" asked Rachel.
"Well... I'd take you to a movie, I hear 'Blood Blood Blood' is pretty good." said Harvey and Rachel raised a brow. "Then go get a nice supper, McDonalds is open till midnight. We'd hit the drive through... Then being a Saturday night we'd go to the driving range and I'd teach you how to handle the good ol' Putter." He winked to the camera.
"Very friendly." said Rachel with a blush. "Contestant number 2?"
"Fuck the movie. Fuck the dinner. Fuck the whole hitting balls with clubs. Alright... That's boring. I for one would take you out on the town and uh, do what I do best. I'd show you a good time that you would never forget." said the Joker and the crowd mumbled in curiosity.
"What would we do?" asked Rachel with interest.
"Lets just say uh the night would get blown out of proportion and you'd liiiiiike it." he growled and the crowd cheered for him.
"I LOVE YOU!" screamed a random girl in the back. The Joker lightly waved.
"Ooo he's aggressive." said Rachel fanning her face with the latest
issue of 'Li-po and You'. "Contestant number 3?"
"Babe, we'd cruse the town in my 57' Ford Truck." said Bruce. "We'd hit all the hot spots so I could show you off to all my homies down at Office Max and Staples. You'd have a good time and I'd look damn good on your arm baby! OW OW! Chicka Chicka Yay!" He jumped up and tried to do a brake dance move but failed and sat back in his seat and the crowd clapped.
"Adventurous." said Rachel with a laugh.
"Alright Rachel will ask her final question and make her discussion right after the break!" said the host.
"CLEAR!" yelled the Camera Guy.
"Good, I need a shot of Jack." said the Host going off stage.
"I got the girl eating out of the palm of my hand." said Bruce waving at the crowd.
"Like the clown is eating out of your goblet?" asked Harvey.
"It's not a goblet it's a-." he cut off look down at the Joker who was eating Lucky Charms out of the Pimp Cup. "PIMP CUP!" Bruce yelled and reached for his cup.
"More like a device to eat cereal out of." said the Joker pulling out of his reach and finishing his cereal.
"You jerk!" said Bruce grabbing the cup from him.
"Hey, you could write a song about this." said the Joker. "Call 'I'm a dirty lil bitch that got owned by the clown!'"
"Yeah!" said Harvey.
"Can it." said the Joker and one of his goons came up behind Harvey and slammed a garbage can over his head. "HAHA!" the Joker burst into laughter.
"You're NOT funny." said Bruce in a snobbish tone.
"You're NOT straight." said the Joker not paying attention.
"Alright punk it's going down!" said Bruce taking off his fur coat. He was wearing a pink tank top that said 'Legalize'. "Come on Ronald!"
The Joker turned slowly to face Bruce who was jumping up and down like a boxer. The Joker bit at his scars and walked forward slowly getting closer to Bruce. The Joker stopped in front of him and Bruce was waiting for him to make the first move. The Joker eyed him and suddenly poked him in the eye. Bruce grabbed his face and sunk to the floor crying like a little girl. The Joker turned away and sat in his seat.
"Five seconds." yelled the camera man.
"Come on Bodagit!" said the Joker as Bruce sat in his seat still crying.
"You're a bully!" hissed Harvey.
"You're a woman in disguise." said the Joker linking his hands together on his belly.
"WE ARE BACK TO THE DATING GAME!" said the host.
A man walked in front of the stage holding a tree that was now two stories tall. He walked from one end of the stage to the other and disappeared. The Joker raised a brow and looked uneasy.
"Alright Rachel it's time for your last question." said the Host.
"I have a question." said the Joker loudly. "What the hell is up with the guy and the damn trees?"
"What the hell is up with you and you PMS attitude?" asked Harvey.
"Listen Hoagie." said the Joker.
"Harvey." said Harvey correcting him.
"Harold... Shut up." said the Joker. "What I say... is NONE of your business so shut up before I go all Judo on your ass."
"AHHHHHHH!" yelled Bruce tackling the Joker from behind.
The two men fall onto the floor and the crowd is cheering the two roll on the floor and hit each other. The host is standing in shock and Rachel has no idea what is going on because she can't see past the barrier. Security is holding back the crowd but not taking care of the fight. (dorks) The Joker sits on Bruce's stomach and gives him a Wet Willy and slaps him on the face.
"Stop!" said Harvey hitting the Joker on the back with a peacock feather. "Stop it!"
"I don't need to ask my last question." said Rachel looking at the host. "I know who I want to pick." The host looks at her in shock. "I MADE MY CHOICE!"
The fight stops and the Joker and Bruce get to their feet. The Joker straightens his suite and Bruce rubs rug burns on his arms. The three men stand in a line waiting for Rachel to make her choice.
"You're a real jerk." hissed Bruce.
"You're a tool." said the Joker.
"My choice was pretty easy." said Rachel. "One of you came on a bit too strong. And I can tell by your movements that you're wearing a wind suite and.... that made me judge your sexuality. Sorry I want a man that will think I'm hot in my clothes, and not think he's hot in MY clothes. Contestant Number One I don't pick you."
"Let's see contestant number one!" yelled the host. Harvey comes from behind the wall and Rachel eyes him. He goes to shake her hand but he pulls away.
"Bitch please... you know I'm hot." said Harvey. "By the way, love the shoes, love the dress and the hair!" He smiles and walks off stage.
"Any regrets?" asked the Host.
"No... I was worried his chin would eat me!" said Rachel. "Anyways, the other one I'm going to have to get rid of.... Hmmm... One of you seemed a bit, dominate... Well you tried to act like it. However we all know that you're just a little lap dog that would ask permission from your women to use the bathroom. Also, you think you're the shizznit and... your not. Contestant number three... I don't pick you."
"Let's see contestant number three!" yelled the host.
Bruce comes out with his red fur coat in one hand and his pimp cup in the other. His glasses are broken and his eye is black and blue. Plus he has tears on his face and looks at Rachel.
"Please pick me." he cried.
"No." said Rachel.
"Pleeeaaaase!!" he cried and fell to his knees.
"I'm sorry you're not my type." said Rachel.
"Please!! I'll do anything." he cried. "See!" he gave himself a rough titty twister. "AHHHHHHH! This is for you!" Rachel eyed him in shock. "AHHHHHHH!" He screamed as he continued. "I wish I knew how to quit you!!!" Security came and drug him off.
"Wow." said Rachel. "Anyways, contestant number two. I think your very confident... you seem to know what to say to keep a girl wondering. Plus you're aggressive and I love aggression. I guess what I'm saying is I'd love to be the one you tie down and fondle. I pick you."
"Let's see contestant number two!" said the Host.
The Joker comes out with a skip in his seat and the crowd cheers for him. Rachel smiles and quickly runs up to him and tackles him to the ground.
"I guess some CAN find true love on TV." said the host.
"Show me you're amazing... magic trick!" she said.
"Alright." said the Joker laughing in the back of his throat and smiled at the camera.
Read and Review!