A/N: … and 5 years later, the tired writer awakens from her stupor to realise that she really must UPLOAD SOMETHING!
Hi guys...ok so it's been a while since I've posted...well, anything really. Truth is real life SUCKS! Lol. Sorry, had to get it out my system. Anyway, I just want to apologize for the major lack in updates lately. Not only has real life been getting in the way, but I've been stuck in the biggest brain fart ever! I mean, I used to update 3 times a week at one point. I know, hard to believe. Lol. Anyway, guys thank you so much for all of those amazing reviews, and for being EVER so patient in the updates. Hope you enjoy this chapter :o)
Oh, I've also been getting reviews asking how far along Bella is at this point. She's just about to enter her sixth month, and Esme will just be entering her fourth month.
And yeah, the whole 'Goodbye' thing in the last chapter was from 'My Wife and Kids'. The first time I heard that I was like, OMG! What would it be like if my Edward said that? I just had to add it in the end. Lol. I don't know if it's just me, but my Edward sorta reminds me of Jr. From 'My Wife and Kids' crossed over with Ferris Bueller lol :o)
Don't you hate it when the day just creeps in? Well today, ladies and gentlemen was one of those days. I swear I woke up aged 18, but by the time third period finally graced us with its presence I had greying hair and a senior citizens bus pass.
A couple of weeks had passed since the little...misunderstanding in the garage, and to say that life had been a little difficult for me since then would probably be the understatement of the millennium. I mean living with two pregnant women and a father who wants your butt hole to be acquainted with a baseball bat really should be a punishment on its own. But when you throw in a friend that will not forgive you for accidentally leaving him in the trunk of a car for four hours, a girlfriend's father who has literately reserved a jail cell for you and three weeks of being grounded which consists of you cleaning the toilet with what usedto be your toothbrush, then you really do start to wonder who the hell you pissed off in a past life. I swear I must have kicked puppies or something!
The day continued to drag in, a little bit of my sanity being lost with each passing minute...not that anyone would notice or anything. Every period felt like déjà vu as I sat and stared at the clock, mentally chanting for that damn minute hand to move just a little bit faster. The only eventful part of the day being when Mike Newton pissed off Miss Miller, our Geography teacher by asking her how she managed to grow her moustache so quickly. Ha! Poor, poor Mike...He will be missed...I can just see the headlines now 'Local boy killed in a case of mistaken gender' ...Is it bad that I would find that extremely amusing?
It wasn't until the lunch bell rang was I certain that the Big Chief in the sky was looking out for me. If I had to take another minute of Miss Miller's ranting to me about how the capital of a country is not the first letter in its name, I was seriously going to follow Newton's actions in questioning her about her facial hair growth. I mean, what the hell am I going to need Geography for anyway! I have a GPS! Granted, I do tell it to fuck off on a regular basis, but it helps get me from A to B...most of the time anyway. I just wish they made them pocket sized so I could find a quicker route out of her class. The bell had barely stopped ringing before I grabbed Bella and practically dragged her towards the cafeteria.
"Honey..." She giggled as I all but kicked the doors down, racing the rest of the student body to our usual seat "Hungry?"
"Bells." I replied with a smirk "I don't know if you've noticed, but we sit in the front row in Geography. We also have a teacher that sprays when she talks. You do the math."
Again she giggled as she scooted her chair closer to mine, resting her chin on my shoulder.
"So I was thinking." She began with a bright smile "Maybe sometime this weekend we could head over to the house and start picking out colour schemes for the baby's nursery. I'm personally torn between baby pink and rose pink. But then again we could just paint it white and have a blank canvas. Ooh! Or we could go with a nice cheesecake colour. But since it's a girl we really should stick with the whole pink theme. "
"Whoa!" I chuckled, cutting her off "Slow down Bells. Rewind and freeze. Do you really think she'll be able to tell the difference between two different shades of pink? Hell, I can't even tell the difference."
"That's because you're unobservant." She replied with a smirk, sitting back and crossing her arms.
"Nu-uh!" I defended "I am very observant. Like I know that you have that little freckle under your right boob."
"Honey..." Bella smiled, blushing slightly "My breasts are not a good example. You've spent half your teenage life staring at them. But if you think all the way back to yesterday you may remember that you spent half your history period thinking you were in Maths."
"Yes..." I scoffed, trying to hide my embarrassment "But when I observed that I was in fact in history I asked for my algebra homework back immediately."
Shaking her head a little, she laughed, her fingers running through my hair.
"You know, you're a complete idiot." She whispered, leaning up to kiss me "But I love you so much."
"Hmm..." I mumbled between kisses "I love you too."
"And I would love it if you two got a room."
Ah Emmett! Can't live with him, can't kill him.
Pulling back from our kiss, I couldn't help but glare at my burly friend as he collapsed into his usual seat, excitement dancing in his eyes. That look could only mean one of two things. Either he had big news or McDonald's had gone out of business and were giving away free Happy Meals...toy included.
"Guys! I have big news!" Ok, so there goes the Happy Meal "Now this may come as a shock to the two of you, so Bella I apologize in advance if you end up going into early labour, but I have recently come to the conclusion that my Dad is not actually my Dad."
"What!" Bella asked in surprise "When did you find out? Who is your Dad?"
"I found out this morning just before I left for school!" Emmett cried while rummaging through his bag before slamming a picture which looked to be cut out of a magazine down onto the table "This is my Dad!"
Oh dear Father Christmas. The boy has truly lost it.
"Emmett..." Bella spoke, breaking the silence "I...don't really think that's your father."
"Why not?" He asked
"Because that's Denzel Washington." I replied, trying hard to hold back my laugh "Dude...Did you run into the sliding glass door again?"
Hell, it would explain a lot.
"Hey! Those things are very clean and just...sneak up on you sometimes." Emmett bellowed before holding the picture up next to him "But how can you not see the resemblance!? Same curly hair. Same brown eyes. And look! Same cute dimples."
It's like talking to Rainman.
"Oh my gosh, I think my IQ just dropped." Bella mumbled.
"Hey guys." Alice practically sang making her presence known as she took a seat, Jasper and Rose following suit "What'd we miss?"
"Oh, not much." I began, still smirking "I'm soaked with teacher spit; Bella can feel her brain turn to goo and Emmett has made the discovery that his father is an African-American Academy Award winning Actor."
Yeah...say that five times really fast.
"...Ok..." Was all Alice could muster up in the end "Uh...Pretzel anyone?"
Five more seconds! 5...4...3...2...1...Bringggggg! I couldn't help but smile. Who knew that the final bell would be the most beautiful sound ever? Screw hearing your kid giggle for the first time! This! This right here is what I like to call 'music to the ears'. Believe me, if you had just survived a school day that lasted as long as this one, then you would definitely be saying the same thing. I swear, if I had to sit through one more class where the teacher thought that stealing my Cheetos was 'ok' then I would be leaving in handcuffs and they'd be leaving in a body bag.
"Oh good Lord!" Edward cried, taking my hand to lead me through the crowded hallways "Whoever invented school was a sadist!"
"Tell me about it." I giggled, leaning into his side "A day that long should be illegal."
"So..." Edward began, slinging his arm over my shoulder as we walked out into the pouring rain "What are the plans for tonight? We staying at your place?"
"Yeah." I smiled, happy to see the General parked close to the school "I feel like I've not seen my Dad in forever." I chuckled "He's starting to come to terms with the fact that he'll be a Granddaddy in 3 months. I don't think I've ever seen him look so excited and nervous at the same time. I mean the other day there; I walked in on him attempting to knit a pink blanket."
"Attempting?" Edward questioned with his signature smirk.
"Yeah. He was actually doing rather well too...that was until He got his hand ravelled in the wool and started to panic." I laughed "Seriously, I have never seen knitting needles travel across a room so fast in my life."
"Now I would have paid good money to see that!"
I couldn't help but sigh in relief as Edward helped me ease into the car. I had to admit, as much as I liked school...sometimes, and as much as I loved spending time with my friends, I was looking forward to the end of next week. Only one week left and then I would be taking time off in preparation for the baby. Teacher's orders. They only wished that I would take Edward with me.
The journey home was spent mainly in silence. Edward occasionally swearing as he overtook 'slow ass drivers' and me singing along with The Smiths to try and distract myself from his driving. I swear, between his driving and our daughter using my bladder as a squeeze toy, I was surprised that I hadn't peed myself yet. I almost cried out in happiness when we pulled in behind my Dad's cruiser.
"Land!" I yelled, jumping out the car with a giggle.
"Oh c'mon!" He smirked "My driving is not that bad."
"Yeah, compared to the blind dogs down the street..." I smiled, wrapping my arms around his waist and giving him a little peck "But even then it's a toss-up."
"Aw Bells, I feel loved." He replied with fake enthusiasm, only to smile and lean in for another kiss "...Uh Bells..." He mumbled, pulling back all too soon "Who's cars that?"
Turning round I looked to see the car in question. A bright pink mini cooper sat in front of my Dad's cruiser. That car could only belong to one person in the whole world...simply because she was the only person in the whole world that would willingly drive it.
"Oh no!" I all but cried, quickly pulling away from Edward and running into the house "DAD!"
"Bells!" My Dad cried, running out into the hallway with a pained expression that I think was supposed to resemble a smile "...Help me..."
No. No, this couldn't be happening! Not now! Not when everything was becoming semi perfect! Quick Bella! Run! Get Edward out of here while you still have a chance! Turning I began to head back out the door. Maybe she was only staying for a couple of hours! Maybe she wouldn't even see me!
"Bella!" The familiar cry rang from behind.
Oh who was I kidding!? Shamu could do a better job at hiding than I could right now. Sighing silently, I plastered on a grin matching my Dad's before turning to face the last person I knew Edward would want to see right now.
"Mom!" I cried.
This...should be interesting
Ok...what just happened? Do I need a tic-tac or something? I mean one minute I'm kissing Bella and the next she shoots off faster than the Roadrunner on speed. Was it because I cut our little make out session short to point out the rather stupid looking car? I mean, it's only a car. Granted it looks gayer than Elton John in a tutu, and does make the General look like an everyday vehicle, but still...what 'terrible' fate could await us from a pink car? I think someone's a little hormonal.
Chuckling slightly, I took one last look at the eyesore before heading for the house. After a day like today, all I wanted to do was collapse onto man's greatest invention, the sofa. But just as I went to open the door, it flew open to reveal a rather...pained looking Charlie.
"Edward!" He cried, pulling me into a bone crushing hug "How have you been son!? I haven't seen you in forever! Did you get taller!?"
Ok...I think someone's been sniffing a little bit too much gun powder, if you know what I'm saying.
"Uh...Chief..." I replied, patting his back slightly "It's only been a few hours."
Managing to pry myself from his grip, I took a large step back. Hey...Science hasn't proven that 'crazy' isn't contagious yet. I'm just taking the right precautions. To say that Charlie looked a little worked up was like saying Emmett's only a little bit thick. The guy looked like he had just seen his dead Mom or something. Nothing ever good could come from a look like that.
"Are you feeling alright Mr. S? " I asked a little frightened "You seem kinda...jumpy."
"I'm great!" He all but cried "In fact, I'm better than great I am...cool."
Ok, he's lost it...Hmph...and people say I have problems. Assholes.
"Uh...awesome." I said "Anyway, I'm just going to find Bella. We're going to be staying here for a few nights."
"NO! You can't" He bellowed, blocking my way into the house "I...uh...farted! Yeah...you do not want to go in there. Oh well, looks like you guys aren't staying here after all"
Anyone else scarred for life?
"Thanks for the insight Chief." I replied, trying once more to by-pass him "But I think I'll take my chances."
"Oh no son, trust me on this one." He quickly replied, blocking me.
Ok, what the hell is going on with everyone today!? Bella's running from pink cars, Emmett's house is seriously in need of getting it's water system tested and now the Chief of police is filling me in on things that only his doctor should be aware of. I swear, it's like living in the Twilight Zone...unless...unless Mr. S is hiding something...Oh my Gosh! Mr. Swan has a girl in there! That's it! That's the only conclusion! I bet its Sue Clearwater...Ooh, better yet! It's someone famous! Like Reese Witherspoon or Jennifer Aniston or...
"No! Wait!" I heard Bella cry from inside "You can't go out there...Uh...Charlie farted!"
Like father like daughter.
"Oh, Bella. Stop being so melodramatic."
And that's when I saw her. The sight that I'm pretty sure would knock at least fifteen years off of my life. Renée Dwyer.
"Oh..." She spoke, stopping in her tracks as she came face to face with me for the first time in a year "I didn't know you would have company...Hello, Edward."
"Satan." I replied, crossing my arms over my chest. Ok, to say that Renée Dwyer and I didn't really get on was probably the understatement of the millennium. "I see you've upgraded from the broomstick." I smirked, glancing over at her car "Or is that just a cover up so it's easier to lure the little children away to your gingerbread house."
"Nice Edward." She answered, a hand flying to her hip as she glared at me "Come up with that one all by yourself? I see someone's matured over the last year."
"Oh boy." Bella sighed, her hand flying to her forehead.
It was no secret that Renée and I…how do I put this mildly…hated each other with a never-ending passion that would probably one day end in one of our deaths…What? That was mild…To be perfectly honest though, in my opinion she was the immature one. I mean come on! You 'accidently' barbeque her rare tropical fish ONCE and she forever hates you. They tasted great! I don't know why she was so pissed!
"Will you be staying long?" I asked with a forced smile, ignoring her previous comment "Just say the word and I'll clear out Bella's closet so that you have a place to hang upside down and sleep."
"Edward!" Bella cried, Charlie biting his knuckles to stop himself from laughing.
"No, no Honey…" Renée said soothingly to her daughter "Don't worry about him. It's wrong of us to scold the mentally challenged."
"How about…" Charlie interjected with a smirk "We take this inside before somebody gets hurt."
"Or before it starts to rain and somebody melts?" I chimed in.
Hey, I only have her best interest at heart.
"…Always interesting to see you Edward…" Renée mumbled before turning round and heading back into the house, Charlie flashing me a thumbs up before following her.
"Good to see you too Renée!" I shouted back "It's supposed to get a little windy later, I'd keep an eye out for any falling HOUSES!"
"Ah, Edward." She shouted back "There's no place like home!"
This is a nightmare!
Sighing, I ran a hand down my face, Bella coming to my side to give me a comforting hug. How could Bella be the offspring of Countess Von Barf Bag in there!
"Hey, just relax." She said with a small smile "She'll probably be gone in a couple of days' time. Think you could hold out that long?"
"I think I want to rip out my own intestines and hang myself with them." I muttered.
"Just…try to get along with her…" She continued "You never know this could be the year you guys bury the hatchet."
She looked up at me, her big brown eyes resembling that of a puppy dogs. Aww…I hate whenshe does that.
"Fine!" I exclaimed "I'll be nice."
"Yay!" Bella cried in a sing song voice, turning round and following her parents into the house.
"But if I find out that she's draining my blood while I sleep then there'll be hell to pay!"
A/N: I know it's short…but baby steps. At least it's finally been updated lol. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter, it's basically a filler, but thanks to my amazing little sister I think I know where it's going to go again, but I will be honest and say that I don't know when I'll next update, BUT DON'T WORRY…I won't keep you all another 5 years lol. Please review :-)