This was written two days ago and has been on my computer just as long. I wanted to get the New Year's special up first. I've actually wanted to do this story for a long time, but just never got around to it.
Jazz and Bumblebee both sat bored at Jazz's desk. They were supposed to be doing paperwork, but neither had the motivation to do it. Bumblebee stared into space listening to Evanescence over Jazz's radio, while Jazz stared at the ceiling.
"Hey Bumblebee, did you know that it says "gullible" on the ceiling?" Jazz mumbled.
"Nice try, Jazz. I already checked last time you told me that," Bumblebee replied.
Both of them looked towards the door when they heard someone running down the hall. Someone collided with the door (as it was the one at the very end of the hall at the corner) and began pounding on it.
"Door's unlocked!" Jazz called.
A very panicky Optimus Prime forced the automatic door open when it didn't open fast enough on its own. "She's gonna castrate me!" He screamed, punching the panel to close the door.
Jazz and Bumblebee stared at their leader in confusion as he frantically looked for a place to hide. "Is everything alright, sir?" Bumblebee asked when Optimus took a dive behind the desk.
"Elita's trying to hurt me!" he whimpered.
They both looked towards the door when someone knocked. "Alright, I got this," Jazz volunteered as he stood up.
Elita One waited on the other side of the door in a less than happy mood. "Is my mate in there by any chance?" she asked Jazz when he answered.
"No, he's not," Jazz answered. "See?" He stepped aside so she could see into the room. "It's just me and Bumblebee."
Elita looked around the room. Bumblebee waved at her. She looked back at Jazz. "Alright. But if you see him, let him know that he has to sleep sometime… And the second he lets his guard down, I'll be there… No matter where he is, I'll find him…" She continued on her way down the hall.
Jazz stood frozen as the door slid shut. "That was cheerful…"
"Is she gone?" Optimus asked.
"Yeah, dude. She's gone," Jazz replied.
There was a creaking and a screeching of strained metal as wires and cables snapped, sending the ceiling light that Optimus was clinging to crashing to the floor. "Ow…" Optimus groaned.
"What did you do to piss off Elita so badly?" Jazz asked, poking the dent that had formed in Optimus' armor after the fall. Optimus hissed in pain and slapped his hand away.
"I just said "hi" and she flipped out on me," he answered.
"Anything you could have said or done in the past few days that might have peeved her off?" Bumblebee asked. He swatted Jazz in the head when he saw him reaching out to poke Optimus again.
"Well, she has been kind of moody lately… But I don't know why. I can't think of anything that I might have done to irritate her," Optimus replied.
"Take her to Ratchet. Maybe she has some kind of imbalance," Bumblebee suggested.
"An exorcist actually might be more helpful than a medic," Optimus sighed.
Optimus carefully snuck through the halls of the base, diving around corners and ducking into rooms. He was aware that those who happened to walk past him were thinking that he'd lost it, but he'd rather look paranoid than be caught off guard. He loved Elita One more than anything, but she was capable of harvesting enough rage at a time to power a small sun. He did not want to have to face her if she was still angry.
Worse than that, he wasn't even sure what he'd done to anger her. Had he forgotten an important anniversary? Had he said something stupid and didn't realize it? Or perhaps he'd somehow let it slip about how he'd noticed her sudden slight weight gain around her abdomen? How was he supposed to apologize if he didn't even know what it was that he'd done wrong?"
He felt a pair of arms wrap around his waist and a warm body pressed against his back. Crap… He'd remained in the open for too long…
"Hey, sweetie. Whatcha doing sneaking around the halls for?" Elita asked. At least she didn't seem interested in emasculating him anymore.
Optimus looked at her with confusion. Her finger traced the flame pattern on his armor while she waited for an answer. "Oh… No reason…"
"Come to bed. It's after midnight," she said. She gave him a light kiss and started off in the direction of their quarters.
Optimus stood in the middle of the hall and stared after her as she left. "What the hell just happened here?"
Elita seemed to be in distress when Optimus got back. She looked up at him upon hearing the door close. "Hey Optimus… Do I look like I've been gaining weight to you?"
Optimus stood paralyzed and debated whether he should bother answering or if he should get a head start on fleeing to Canada instead. "No, of course not," he replied.
"Are you lying to me?" she growled. "Because I don't like it when you lie to me…"
"No, no, I'm not lying!" he said defensively. He took a step back towards the door. "I'd never lie to you!" He so hoped she couldn't tell he was lying, because he didn't look forward to sleeping with the moose. Elita continued to glare at him and then made her way back to their berth. Optimus wondered if it was safe to join her, or if it would be better to crash in Jazz's room for the night.
"You coming?" she asked. Her tone once again changed from one of malice to a more friendly one.
He quickly nodded. "Yeah. I'm coming."
"I love you," she smiled as soon as he climbed in next to her.
"I love you too, Elita." Dear Primus, I'm gonna die! She's gonna go all Nightmare on Elm Street on me while I sleep! I'm gonna wake up with my equipment missing!
She seemed so innocent with the way she snuggled up against him. It worried him greatly. "Goodnight."
Goodbye, he shivered.
"So…Violent, sudden mood swings, huh?" Chromia laughed.
"It's not funny! I'm scared to go near her because I'm worried you guys won't be able to find a box big enough to hold all my ashes during the transport to the medbay!" Optimus snapped from his chosen hiding place of under Ironhide's desk.
"Why would we bother transporting you to the medbay? If you're a pile of ashes, there's really not much more we can do for you," Ironhide pointed out. Chromia gently whacked him upside the head.
"I don't even know what's up with her. I'm too scared to ask her to see Ratchet," Optimus sighed.
Chromia wrapped her arms around Ironhide's neck and rested her head against his. "I had some pretty violent mood swings when I was pregnant with Diesel. Ironhide was lucky that he wasn't around for that."
"Chromia, you're a bitch even when you're not expecting," Ironhide teased. Chromia whacked him a little harder this time.
Optimus didn't hear anything after that. He was too preoccupied with what Chromia had said.
Optimus popped his head into Elita One's office. She seemed too preoccupied with the file on her desk to notice that he was there. She figured it out when he tried to sneak up on her and somehow managed to trip over a table, falling into a chair and knocking his mate's drink off the desk and onto his head. He stood up and picked the chair off the floor, shaking some of the energon off his head.
"Well that was graceful," he sighed.
"You could use a few lessons on stealth from Bumblebee," Elita added. "Now what is it that can't wait until I'm done?"
"Um… Well… I was just checking up on you. Is everything alright? You're not feeling sick or anything are you? This isn't high grade you're drinking, is it?"
Elita looked at him curiously for a moment. "Huh… You know, I was feeling kind of nauseous this morning. And no, that's not high grade you're wearing."
"Maybe you should go see Ratchet? Like maybe now?" He tried to suggest this as calmly and casually as possible, but apparently it wasn't calm and casual enough.
"Why, do you think something's wrong with me?" she snapped.
Yes. "No, of course not!"
"You're lying, aren't you?"
Duh. "Why would I lie to you?" Aside from the fact that you're more insane than Jazz and Bumblebee on Halo Night?
"Why do you want me to go see Ratchet then?" she inquired, her optics narrowing.
"Because I love you and want to make sure you're okay," he replied. And you're scaring me… "It's just a precaution," he added when her glare continued. Hmm… Having a beaver for a roommate didn't seem so horrible all of a sudden.
"A precaution against what?" she asked.
Optimus took a deep breath. "Elita… I think you might be pregnant…" Elita made no attempt to respond. She just stared straight ahead in shock. "Elita?"