A/N: I literally wrote this entire fic in just one day. It's only like three chapters though so I guess it's not that shocking. Really, I only wrote this on a whim and to be honest I'm quite proud of it. Sorry, if I had messed up any hospital terms or anything (I'm no good with those). Eek. Oh, and I apologize for any mis-spells or anything. Just a warning, there will be supernatural/fantasy in like the last chapter.
Disclaimer: I do not own That 70's Show nor do I own the song Pain by Three Days Grace.
Pain without Love
Pain, I like it rough, 'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.
Pain. It was the only thing Jackie Burkhart had felt for the past month. However, now it was different. It wasn't just pain in the heart; it was pain all over her body.
She never saw that car coming when she crossed the street. She never thought her life would be put in danger in a split second.
Jackie looked up at the paramedics as they strapped her onto the cot. They were talking to her. They were saying that it was a miracle that she was even conscious right now. She tried opening her mouth to speak but it was as if she were paralyzed. She couldn't do anything.
Take me home. Was what she wanted to say.
Of course she wasn't thinking straight. She wouldn't know where her home was even if they asked her. She doesn't have a home. She doesn't have friends. She doesn't have a boyfriend. She doesn't have anything. Not anymore.
She was now beginning to feel the drowsiness. She was now beginning to feel numb. Slowly the pain was going away and for the first time in a month she felt… happy. Was it wrong to feel after happy after you've just been hit by a car? Well, of course it was but as said before Jackie isn't exactly in her right mind right now.
Make all the pain go away. She whispered in her mind happily as her eyes rolled into the back of her head.
She never thought darkness would be such a beautiful sight.
Jackie gasped when she woke up. She immediately knew that her surroundings were not ones that she was used to seeing. She wasn't at her apartment. She wasn't at the Forman house. Where the hell was she?
And that's when she felt it. All the pain came rushing back to her swiftly and without mercy. She cried out and moved a hand to her side. She quickly noticed the I.V. connected to her arm. She stared at it in confusion. She looked around the room and saw the machines that she was connected to. She saw her right leg patched up in a cast hoisted up on a sling. She now realized where she was.
She was in a hospital.
But why? Just then a nurse came rushing into the room.
"You're up, how are you feeling?" The middle aged nurse asked her kindly. Jackie stared up at her; confusion was still in her mind.
"Pain." Was all she ended up saying. It was the only thing she felt…
"Of course you are, honey. Would you like me to get you more drugs?" The nurse asked.
"What happened to me?" Jackie asked instead of answering the question.
"Oh, honey, you were hit by a car." She replied sympathetically.
Just then Jackie remembered everything. She remembered leaving her apartment on the way to go job hunting. She remembered that blue car rushing towards her but not realizing it until it was too late. She remembered the excruciating pain. She remembered the numbness. She remembered how happy she felt. She suddenly wished that she could feel that numbness again and now this nurse was offering to relieve the pain for her. So, she was surprised when she said-
"I don't want any drugs." The nurse seemed just as shocked as she was.
"But I thought you just said you were in pain?" She asked in confusion.
"I don't want any drugs." Jackie stated again but this time with much more firmness.
The nurse was silent a moment, as if thinking it over. Probably wondering if I'm crazy. She thought bitterly. Maybe I am.
She hadn't noticed the nurse nod and then leave until it was too late.
Jackie sighed deeply. Her quick and obviously not thought out decision to just deal with the pain was going to be difficult, and she knew that. But she's been dealing with pain for awhile now. In fact she's been dealing with it her entire life. Sure, she must have seemed like some pampered rich girl, but the fact was being rich did not make a person happy. She watched on in jealously at people who had the love of their parents. Jackie Burkhart did not have the love of either of her parents. Her mom completely resented her saying that Jackie had nearly destroyed her body when giving birth to her. Her father… yes, he gave her gifts, many gifts, but he never actually told her he loved her. In fact she had rarely ever seen her father before he went to jail.
She used to think she was extremely lucky to have her friends. She had considered them her real family. Now she didn't even have them. Of course, it was actually she who stopped going to the basement and talking to everyone. However, she felt so betrayed by them. She was betrayed by their decision to just accept the fact that the man she loved was leaving her to be with some stripper. They didn't care. None of them cared about how it would affect her. So, she decided that she wouldn't care about them either. Fair is fair.
Shifting slightly, Jackie tried to make herself comfortable. It was no use. It was hard to be comfortable when it felt like your ribs were crushed and your leg was broken. Not to mention her head was pounding. She could just imagine her head bouncing off the concrete when she hit the ground after being pummeled by that truck.
"This really sucks." She said to herself after she gave up on trying to make herself comfortable.
Jackie hoped that her 'accident' wasn't such big news around Point Place. She didn't want anyone from the gang finding out what happened to her. She didn't want any of them feeling sorry for her… mostly because right now she hated all of them.
Exhaustion was hitting her quickly. She allowed her eyes to droop shut while she completely forgot that Kitty Forman was a nurse in this hospital.
The Forman basement gang hasn't been the same since Jackie left. None of them would admit to it, but they missed the small brunette. They were all about to be treated with a very big and not so wonderful surprise.
Kitty Forman walked into her home solemnly. For a change, the gang was hanging out in the living room watching a movie. Red was in the room with them. However, the sad aura that the elderly women brought into the house was too hard for them to ignore.
"Mom, what's wrong?" Eric asked lowering the volume on the TV.
Kitty looked at all of them. Her expression was almost surprised. It was like she hadn't even seen they were in there when she walked in.
"Oh… um, I have some bad news." She said taking a deep breath.
Kitty looked at her son and his friends with tear filled eyes. "Jackie was admitted into the hospital today." She said with a raw throat. "She was hit by a truck."
The room was completely silent. For a moment, no one knew what to say. After what seemed like an eternity, someone spoke.
"Is she… is she all right?" Donna asked hesitantly. She too felt tears beginning to burn from the back of her eyes.
"Her doctor said that she'll live. She has two broken ribs, her right leg is broken, both of her wrists are sprained, and he also said that there was a bit of brain swelling in the beginning but they have that under control." Kitty replied sadly. "He says that she'll be in pain for a long time."
Donna suddenly stood up and walked into the kitchen. Tears were flowing down her cheeks. All the guilt and worry was hitting her too quickly. All she kept thinking about was how could she betray her best friend? How could she turn her back on their years of friendship? She honestly had no idea, but right now she knew that she was going to do whatever it takes to make it up to Jackie.
Eric stood up and followed Donna into the kitchen. He knew what his girlfriend was feeling and he wanted nothing more than to comfort her right now.
"Mrs. Kitty," Fez suddenly spoke up with a shaky voice. "Can we see Jackie?"
"Oh, not now, sweetie. Tomorrow you can though. Visiting hours start at three in the afternoon." Kitty told the foreign boy as sweet as she could in her sad state.
"I need to leave." Hyde suddenly said standing up. His fists were clenched and his jaw was set tightly.
He busted out of the Forman house slamming the door behind him.
Red took this time to stand up and bring his distraught wife into his arms. He whispered sweet comforting words into her ear. They both knew that it wasn't going to help though.
"Kelso, are you crying?" Fez suddenly asked.
Kitty and Red both turned to see the Michael Kelso was in fact crying his eyes out.
"Of course, I'm crying!" The man yelled not even bothering to hide it. "All of us should be crying. Poor Jackie."
"It is true." Fez said bowing his head and soon he was crying too. "Ai, my poor sweet goddess!" He wailed causing Red to groan in annoyance.
"Will you two stop it!" He demanded. "Crying is not going to make this situation any better."
"But this is my entire fault, Red." Kelso said, his face wet with tears. "If I had never told Hyde that Jackie and me did it then he never would have stayed with the stripper and they would be together and happy right now. She would be safe right now!"
Fez seemed to have thought about this. "Oh my god! This is all your fault!" He shouted as if he just had a revelation. "Jackie wouldn't be hurt right now if you weren't such a horny bastard. You son of a bitch!" Fez was about to lunge at the crying man but then Kitty spoke.
"That is enough!" The elder woman yelled. "This is no ones fault. There's no need to blame each other. You're both friends."
The two men merely nodded in agreement.
Hyde drove the El Camino as carefully as he could. He felt that at any moment he would snap and then crash. He wanted nothing more than to hit something right now. He wanted to let out his anger and frustration.
The thought of Jackie being in pain for a long time was almost unbearable. He knew that he caused her pain as well, but this was different. This was physical pain that she would be in. The difference was that there was no way that he could make it better for her. There was no way he could apologize and say that he didn't mean it. There was no way that he could beg for forgiveness. There was no way he could do any of those things because he didn't cause her this pain.
He suddenly slammed on the break, stopping the car short. Luckily, there were no cars behind him.
"Fuck!" He shouted punching the steering wheel.
His breathing suddenly quickened. He felt an onslaught of emotions that he never wanted to feel. With all his might he tried to hold them back, but soon enough tears were rolling down his cheeks.
He ran a hand through his hair roughly as he tried to get a hold of himself.
Hyde was glad that Sam hadn't been home tonight. He knew that she wouldn't be too pleased with his reaction to Jackie's condition. Plus, she would probably end up saying something insulting about the small brunette, which would have caused him to completely snap and perhaps even hurt his wife.
It was obvious that Hyde didn't love Sam. So, why he stayed with her instead of Jackie was a mystery to most, sometimes even to him. He knew he stayed with the slutty blonde because he knew that she could never hurt him due to the fact that he had no feelings for her whatsoever. He felt like a fool that it took him now to realize that he destroyed his and perhaps even Jackie's life because he didn't want to get hurt.
How could he be so selfish? He had no idea.
Jackie woke up coughing up blood. A different nurse came in to clean her up and take care of her. This nurse was young and blonde. Jackie instantly hated her.
It's not that the nurse wasn't nice, in fact she was really nice. But she was also a mixture of two things that had broke Jackie's heart. First, the nurse that Hyde had cheated on her with. Second, the blonde stripper that Hyde left her for.
Jackie would forever hate young nurses and blonde women.
It was inevitable really. She was bound to hate the things that had destroyed her relationship with the man that she was so desperately in love with.
"Okay, you're all clean." The nurse said smiling softly at her. "I'll be back soon to check up on you." She said and Jackie glared at her as she walked out of her room.
Jackie leaned back into the hospital bed and sighed heavily. She knew that this whole situation was going to change her. She could already feel herself becoming more and more bitter with each moment. She despised the thought of becoming something that she hated; a future angry old woman. She knew it was going to happen though. She was so angry. She was so angry with everything; with the world.
She couldn't help but wish that her life would have been taken when the car hit her. But no, her little heart just had to keep beating. She wanted more than anything to feel that numbness forever. She never wanted to feel heartbreak again. Jackie felt that she could deal with physical, but pain of the heart was something that she could no longer bear.
Dealing with cheating boyfriends and boyfriends who left her for strippers was just too much for this brunette. She didn't want to deal with that stuff anymore. She wanted to be free. She wanted to be happy, but it seemed like life was against her.
It seemed like the world wanted her to be in pain.
That may just be her paranoia making her think that, but either way it made her angry.
"Fuck you." She whispered looking up at the ceiling. She felt as if she were talking to God. She wanted him to hear this. "Are you happy? Are you happy about all this pain I'm in?" She asked bitterly. "What kind of sick bastard are you? You know what I think? I think that you enjoy seeing your children miserable." She spat out feeling her nails dig into the skin of her palms. "Steven is just like you. He loves to see me in pain."
Jackie didn't realize she was crying until she felt the warm tears sliding down her cold cheeks. She felt her body begin to shake with sobs. You're so disgusting. She thought bitterly of herself.
"I hate you. I hate both of you. I hate all of you." She was saying not even sure if she was making any sense at all. "I hate you because you make me hate myself. I want to be dead right now. Does that make you happy?"
She was coughing up blood again. Jackie took this as a bad sign. He is happy about this. She thought coughing up blood all over her hospital gown. She watched all of it happen with pure disgust and embarrassment.
She didn't call for the nurse. No, she hated the nurse, but soon enough the young blonde came rushing into the room to help her with a worried expression. Jackie tried to glare at her but she felt more blood rise in her throat.
I hate my life. She thought after she finished coughing and now the nurse was changing her into a new gown.
Unconsciously, more tears fell from her eyes. The nurse noticed.
"Oh, hun." She said softly before bring Jackie into her loving arms.
Having not been shown this sort of kindness in awhile, Jackie fell into the embrace no matter how much reminded her of the things that had destroyed her life. She sobbed into the nurse's shoulder. It hurt to do so but she needed this. She needed to cry more than anything right now. It was helping her.
The nurse rubbed soothing circles on Jackie's back.
"Shh, it's going to be okay, hun. The pain will go away soon." She spoke in a knowing tone, however Jackie didn't notice.
She was too distracted by the sobs that wrecked her body.
A few moments later, Jackie calmed down a decent amount. The nurse continued to pat her back, but soon she pulled away.
"Feel any better?" She asked brushing some hair away from Jackie's face.
"I'm sorry." Jackie said abruptly. The nurse seemed confused over this.
"Why would you be?" She asked curiously.
"I'm sorry, but I hate you." Jackie said bluntly. The nurse raised an eyebrow.
"May I ask why?" She asked once again curious.
"Because you remind me of people who had hurt me." Jackie replied not making eye contact with her.
"Oh…" The nurse said in a low tone. "Well, that saddens me."
Jackie's head bowed almost in shame. "I'm sorry." She said again.
"Don't apologize. It saddens me because I've upset you. So, I'm sorry." The nurse said and Jackie looked up at her.
"It's nothing that you did. You're really kind. It's because you're a nurse and you have blonde hair." She said with a light sigh.
This caused the nurse to laugh. "Oh." She said in a merry tone. "Would it be rude if I asked why nurses and blondes offend you so much?"
Jackie chewed on her bottom lip momentarily. "It's because the man I love once cheated on me with a nurse and just recently left me for a blonde stripper." She admitted sadly.
"I'm very sorry to hear that." The nurse said, laughter no longer in her tone.
"So am I." Jackie said feeling tears filling her eyes again. "Uhk! I hate crying over him. I've wasted so many of my precious tears over him. He's not worth it!" She said hatefully as she rubbed the tears away from her eyes.
"If you really do love him then maybe he is worth it." The nurse said putting her hand on Jackie's shoulder.
"How can I still love him? How can a man who's hurt me so much be worth all the tears?" She asked the nurse seriously.
"Love works in very mysterious and sometimes very cruel ways." The nurse replied almost shamefully. Jackie sighed and shook her head.
"It doesn't matter." She said crestfallen. "He's married now and I'm no home wrecker."
"Darling, if anyone's the home wrecker it would be the stripper not you." The nurse said hoping to lift Jackie's spirits. It didn't work.
"Whatever." Jackie said feeling very much Zen at the moment. She hated it.
The nurse smiled at her softly. "I think it's time you go back to sleep. Your body needs a lot of rest right now." She said pushing Jackie back down into the cushions gently. "I'll see you tomorrow, Miss Burkhart."
"See ya." Jackie replied feeling sleep wash over her quickly.
Steven Hyde didn't go back home until three-thirty in the morning. He walked into the basement with his shoulders slumped. He just wanted to go to sleep right now.
"Where the hell have you been?"
He was surprised to see Sam rise from the couch and storm over to him. For a while, he completely forgot that he even had a wife. He wanted her to go away. He wanted all of this to go away forever. He just wanted Jackie.
"What are you talking about?" He asked tiredly.
"What am I talking about!" Sam screeched making him wince. He hated her voice.
"Lower your voice." He demanded and she ignored him.
"You don't come home until three-thirty AM and you ask what I'm talking about." She yelled pointing an accusing finger at him. "Okay, Hyde, who is it?"
"Who is what?" He asked annoyed. All I want is sleep, damn it!
"Who are you cheating on me with? I want to know right now." She demanded furiously. "Is it that bitchy ex-girlfriend of yours?"
Ohh, she shouldn't have said that. "Shut your goddamn mouth, Sam! You don't know what the fuck you're talking about!" He shouted at her not caring if he woke anyone up. "I'm going to bed." He announced then walked to his room locking the door behind him. He didn't care where Sam slept just as long as it wasn't with him.
Hyde fell down onto his bed. Sleep didn't take him right away. He was trying to imagine that Jackie was laying next to him and asking him what was wrong. She would call him puddin' pop and he act as if he hated it when in truth he secretly loved it when she called him by his pet name. It was the name that she made especially for him.
He loved it and he loved her.
I am the biggest screw up ever. He thought gripping onto his bed sheets tightly.
The only thing he wanted to do right now was go down to that hospital and beg Jackie for forgiveness. He would tell her that he would do anything in the world to make it up to her. He would do whatever she wanted to do. If she wanted it, then he would bust her out of that hospital and marry her. He would tell her that he wanted so desperately to marry her and that he wanted her to have his children. He wanted her to be his future.
As his eyes began to droop, he decided that tomorrow he would do exactly that.
Donna lay naked in her bed with Eric. Her guilt was now increased tenfold. She didn't know how she could have sex with Eric while her best friend was in the hospital suffering. She truly hated herself right now. She hated what she had done to Jackie. Sure, the girl could be bossy, selfish, and sometimes mean but what Donna did was a thousand times worse than anything Jackie had ever done to her. Jackie never betrayed their friendship, Donna did. Donna was the bitchy friend in the relationship. She did the worse thing ever. She befriended the bitch who stole her best friend's man. Why she did it? Donna would say she did it to keep the peace. But maybe it was really because she was trying to get back at Jackie for all the times she made fun of her hair, or her clothes, or her make-up, or her taste in men.
It was unfair, Donna knew that and there was no way that she could justify herself.
I'm a bad person. She thought sadly, holding onto Eric tighter.
"Donna, why aren't you sleeping?" Eric suddenly asked startling her.
"Well, why aren't you?" She asked in return.
"Because you have stuck in some kung fu grip." The thin man replied causing his former redheaded girlfriend to blush and loosen her grip.
"I'm sorry." She mumbled softly.
"What's wrong?" Eric asked petting her hair. She didn't answer. "Are you still upset about Jackie?"
"Eric… I betrayed her." Donna said sadly. "I'm her best friend and I betrayed her because of childish reasons. I'm better than that, I know I am." She said almost frustrated.
"Donna, I think we all betrayed her." Eric said just as sadly.
"I just… I just wish that I could take it all back. I wish I could go back in time, comfort Jackie and then kick Hyde's ass for doing that to her. That's what best friends do." Donna said becoming more and more frustrated with herself.
"Calm down, babe." Eric said soothingly. "You're not the only one who wishes they could go back in time because of all of this."
"I know, but-"
"I mean, seriously, I heard Kelso and Fez crying together."
"Yeah, I know but—wait! What?" Donna asked in shock causing Eric to grin slightly. It was hard to grin completely at times like this.
"Yep. Kelso was blaming himself for all of this and Fez was crying for his, and I quote this, 'poor innocent flower dumpling'." He said feeling a bubble of laughter in him but he couldn't bring himself to actually laugh. Neither could Donna but she managed to smile a bit.
"We really are a wreck with our Jackie." She said, her smile turning into a sad one.
"Yeah…. I guess we are. I wonder how Hyde is taking all of this." He said and once again Donna's grip on him tightened making him wince slightly.
"Who cares what that bastard thinks?" She asked angrily.
"No, don't tell me to calm down. He's a complete and total jackass. He broke Jackie's heart and then he treated her like shit afterwards." She said now really wanting to hurt something.
That something right now was Eric though. "Ow, you're hurting me." He whined.
"Oh, sorry." Donna said softly loosening her grip again.
Eric sighed in relief and exhaustion. "Come on, babe. Let's go to sleep. Tomorrow we have a lot of groveling to do."
Donna winced lightly at the thought of seeing Jackie tomorrow. She really wanted to but she was also afraid of her small friend's reaction. Jackie was known for holding grudges. Maybe with a shit load of groveling and begging the brunette would come around.
For now, Eric's warmth was making her tired.
A/N: What do you think? Review and let me know.