WOW i'm updating sooner thank normal here ! i must love you all :D

I gotta say it now before i get flamed - all characters are very OOC, just because they had to be for me to write this.

Also i am major Team Edward - so don't expect too much Jacob lovin' - i lost my love for him in eclipse ( i had a major fangirl moment and threw the book at my wall in frustration - that kiss GRRRR !!!)

So read on ...............


A La Emmett - Renesmee

Jake dropped me off outside the house, but didn't move to come in with me. I sighed, Dad was still hostile towards Jake, which I wasn't appreciative of at all. We were in the middle of a enthusiastic (mind-blowing, amazing, spell binding, I could go on forever!) goodbye, when a sharp soprano voice broke s apart, "Ahem" I looked around through the glass to see Aunt Alice stood on the porch, looking angry. Uh Oh.

"Nessie, get inside, your dads getting ready to pounce. Jacob I suggest you go home. Quickly. I'm trying to see what Jasper's getting me for our anniversary but you making me blind." she growled softly. Aunt Alice hated being 'blind'. I smiled wryly at Jacob before leaving the car and entering the house.

My family were sat in the front room, watching a movie, or least pretending to watch. I could tell my dad wasn't paying it an ounce of thought as his hands kept twitching, along with his eyes, to the front door. I hoped that Jacob had already left, otherwise my dad would have no qualms pulverizing him on the front lawn.

I sighed and called out, "Hey you guys, I'm home," maybe a little louder than needed, with my families perfect hearing.

"Yeah we heard" Okay Dad's already in a bad mood. Just play it cool and act normal.

"Renesmee , how was your night?" I love my Mom. Her voice was strained though, as if she was trying to say something else also. I tried to control my thoughts as I thought up an appropriate answer, one that wouldn't cause Dad to kill Jake in the most painful way possible. Believe me, I've heard some of them, My dad is a regular psycho. My train of thought though took a more pleasant path though as I began to think back to exactly how wonderful my night had been. Jake and me had the house to ourselves, no parents, no pack, we could do whatever we wanted. And we did.

I heard a feral growl from in front of me and saw that my dad was on his feet, and heading for the door. Mom grabbed him quickly and pulled him to a stop. His eyed flickered between us both, before he took off up the stairs, muttering something that sounded suspiciously like ' gonna neuter the bastard mutt'.

I groaned and sat down next to Mom, leaning against her shoulder. She wrapped an arm around me, kissing my forehead, "he'll be okay" she whispered against my hair.

Rosalie leaned over and patted my knee smiling reassuringly. I knew she was probably as angry as Dad, as she hated Jake with a passion, but she controlled it better, which I was grateful for.

We sat in silence for a few more minutes before we were joined by Jasper and Alice. Jasper looked disappointed, while Alice was bouncing around as usual. I raised my eyebrows at Mom, but soon saw that she had her eyes closed and was concentrating deeply. Probably telling Dad to stop planning Jake's painful castration.

I turned back to Alice and Jasper. She was sat on his lap smiling down at him, while whispering,

"Don't worry, I love it anyway!" Ahhh so she had seen her present. Sometimes I secretly wonder if Jasper likes having the pack around, when shopping for his wife. I know that I found it handy around Christmas.

While thinking this, I noticed Alice's head snap up, in Emmett's direction. Before she could open her mouth though, he had begun,

"So Nessie, how's the dog breeding going?" he better not start with me, I will hurt him.

"I don't know what you mean" I tried innocent, but I knew my face was a brilliant shade of red by now, thanks to my Mothers brilliant genetic material.

" 'course you don't midget. Anyway I was watching animal planet the other day and I saw this great programme about interspecies breeding," I was glowing red by now. I really, really hope he wasn't saying what I think he was saying. I looked at Mom for support, but saw she still had her eyes closed still. I turned to my two aunts instead; Alice was glaring at Emmett, while Rosalie was fighting a smile. Even Jasper was struggling to maintain his composure.

"Anyway," Emmett turned to face me fully now, resting his elbows on his knees, looking at me inquisitively, " I was hoping you could shine some light on a few things. Say if ….. I don't know….a dog for example wanted to mate with…… say something really different….unique even…like…..ohhh …the Loch Ness Monster….. How would that happen?" he looked at me expectantly, but I heard someone growl slightly behind me. I looked around to see Dad or maybe even Alice, but instead Esme and Carlisle were stood in the doorway.

"Emmett, don't you dare ask your niece those kind of questions!" Esme was fuming, and it wasn't at me for breaking something - I was happy.

"But Es-" She held up a hand,

"Emmett, do you really think she wants to talk about this ? Not to mention the fact that her father can hear everything she's thinking" Now I was worried. What could Emmett say to me that I wouldn't want my dad to hear?

"Trust me. There are many things" I heard my fathers voice from upstairs, making me smile and groan at the same time. He was listening.

"It doesn't matter Emmett, your not doing this. Carlisle?" she looked to her husband for support, but to both our surprise saw him looking at his shoes, "Carlisle?"

"Well…erm…he may have a point….." he trailed of sheepishly, still insistent with his appraisal of the floor.

"WHAT ???" Alice, Esme and I all screamed at once.

"Well….she's half vampire….and half human…so well she can get …erm pregnant and Jacob is a werewolf….so it would be interesting to see the er…product of them both." He mumbled, a very unusual trait for my normally very eloquent grandfather.

My very eloquent grandfather who had just admitted his curiosity into what my mutant offspring would be like.

Have I mentioned how much I love my family.

"EXACTLY!" Emmett jumped up from his seat, going over to clap Carlisle on the back, "See the old man gets where I'm coming from" he looked at me, smiling, dimples and all. "Come on, don't say you never thought of what the vampire puppies would be like !" he looked around us all incredulously;

Me, stood still, mouth opening and closing like a fish (just another characteristic to give to my mutant spawn) ; Rosalie, trying to reign in her laughter on the couch; Alice glaring furiously at her brother. I was only now that I realised that, sometime during this exchange, my mother had disappeared. Great, even my Mom wasn't going to save me.

"Emmett. Listen to me. Very. Closely." I said through gritted teeth, "Don't you. EVER, try to talk to me about this. EVER."

"Ahhh my dear little Nessie. Trust me, a day will come, when you - and that furry boyfriend- will thank me for this." he threw his arm around me, and squeezed gently.

"Nuh uh, Never. No offence Em but I don't think I want to take advice from my Uncle about sex. that's just weird" It really was. It was bad enough with Mom.

"Ness, I am exactly the person you want to come to. Trust me"

Ughhh , I had had enough. I shook off his arm and went up to my room, slamming the door, trying to drown out the sound of Emmett's booming laughter. I turned my music on, and flopped down onto my bed. It was only then did I realise there was something on there. A small square packet and a large box that weirdly resembled a treasure chest., underneath each one had a note.

I opened the smaller one first, only to find a box of Magnums. I blushed deep red and more laughter could be heard from downstairs. Alice was probably filling them all in. Damn her power !

The note read,

Dear Nessie,

As much as we love you, I don't think any of us want puppies any time soon

Use wisely

Alice x

Again DAMN !

I scanned the note again, realising only then, that there was a p.s

p.s - you might want to try these on some of the goods in the chest first x

I really did not want to know what was in that box. Really. Maybe I could find a way to sneak it out and burn it.

"No chance!" called Alice. Grrrrrrr.

I groaned and opened the lid to the box and groaned immediately. Inside was more condoms. But not only that. No that would be too easy for my uncle.

No, inside we had a vast amount of sexual party favours, including furry handcuffs, KY jelly, a blindfold and various other pieces of paraphernalia that I couldn't name. I was full on blushing by now.

But what really got me was what I found at the bottom of the chest.

A bunch of bananas.

Now I was confused. I really will never understand Emmett.

I read the note hoping to gain some clarity,

Practice Makes Perfect

Em x

He didn't mean what I thought he did, did he ?

I didn't have time to ponder this though as my dad stormed into my room and grabbed the chest out of my hands without a word, and storming back out of the room.

Did I mention how much I love my family ?


It is about half four in the morning over here - so if there any mistakes then review and tell me, i'll proof read tomorrow

I just wanted to get this up for you all :D must be love

Reviewers get Emmett Treasure Chests !

Over and Out

Ms. Nixxii C

x x