A/N: I own nothing here. I have used some of the dialogue from Nesting Dolls and Committed.

If I did own them we would have a much different past year and a half. And there would be more smut and real kisses.

Please let me know what you think. I love reviews.


It was not the first time he came to her. He wanted an explanation for her behavior. She was angry and he wanted to know why. She resisted; he pushed; she told him. It came out in a jumble of memories and flashes. He anguished for her, with her.

"Do you think there's a murder gene?" Sara asked.

"I don't believe that genes are a predictor of violent behavior" Grissom winced at her question.

"You wouldn't know that in my house. The fights, the yelling, the trips to the hospital. I thought it was the way that everybody lived. When my mother killed my father, I found out that it wasn't."

She cried. He held her hand. His heart broke with hers. He pulled her to him and held her while she cried. He swore silently that he would protect her. She had never been protected. His vow was to see that she was never hurt again. He knew he had hurt her. He would change. He would do it for her.

The next time he came to her was after he asked Sophia out for dinner. He had promised to not hurt her any more. She'd been hurt by that. He came to explain.

She opened the door but her expression was unreadable. That was not good. He was always able to read her. She wore her emotions on her sleeve. This was not good at all.

He began, "Sara, I'm sorry."

"For what, you don't owe me anything."

He winced at that. He did owe her. He owed her everything.

"I want to explain about Sophia."

She spat back, "Really, don't."

"I want to. I owe you that."

She glared at him. Her eyes could burn holes in him.

"She was going to leave the lab. I took her out to dinner to get her to stay. That was it."

"Gee, all I got was a plant."

That plant still sat on her window sill. She had nurtured it over the years. It was tangible proof that he cared about her. She was tempted to throw it at him now.

Grissom sighed. "Sara, please don't be angry. I can't stand to see you so upset."

Upset! He thinks I'm upset, she thought to herself. The tears stung behind her eyes as she fought them. She turned around. She didn't want him to see her cry again.


She took a step away from him. She just wanted him to leave so she could have a good cry. He closed the gap between them. She could feel him breathing.

"Just go, Grissom. Thanks for explaining."

"Sara" His voice was low and soft. He reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. She flinched at his touch.

"Grissom, I can't keep doing this."


"This….between us."

She turned to face him, no longer able to hide the tears. He wiped away the tears that were on her cheeks and pulled her into him. She resisted. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close and she relaxed.

"Sara, please, don't be angry." He whispered in her ear. He could smell her hair. He held her as she cried. He knew he'd hurt her again. Damn it he thought. He felt her tears soak the front of his shirt.

He held her for a long time. When she pulled away her eyes were puffy and red.

"Sara, I'm sorry."

"Do you want some coffee or something?"

"How about I make you some tea and something to eat?"

She started to resist, but changed her mind.


She decided that if he wanted to be here she would let him. It was the start of a change between them. He was more attentive and more careful. He asked her how she was. He brought her tea or a trinket he thought she might like. He was trying to make her feel better. He tried to make sure he worked with her on every case, at least as much as possible. He even invited her to breakfast a couple of times. They were slipping into an easy routine.

Then came the case that changed it all.

They were called to a mental hospital. Sara was uncomfortable the moment she walked in the place. Grissom could see that. He was sorry he'd brought her. He was so concerned about keeping her close that he didn't think about her being in that hospital. He didn't think about what happened to her mother. He made sure to be with her while she was there. He only walked away for a moment. It only took a moment for Adam Trent to trap her in the nurse's station. She tried to fight back. He held the clay shard to her neck and pressed. Grissom watched helplessly from the window.

"Oh, dear God." Grissom whispered. Sara.

Adam Trent was crying, "Do you think I'm right?"

Grissom pleads with the orderly, "Open the door."

His eyes never leave Sara's.

Adam called out again, "You do?"

The orderly could not find the key to the door. "I can't. I don't have the right key."

Grissom whispered again, "Just open it…..Please open the door."

He tried not to panic.

Adam Trent said, "Don't you move a muscle. I will grind you, you bitch. You hear me?"

Sara nodded her head and averted her eyes from Grissom's.

Adam threatened her again, "Do not look at them!"

Sara whispered, "Okay."

He pushed the blade against her throat again, pushing even harder, "Keep your eyes on the floor."

Panic began to overtake Grissom. Nurse McKay showed up and the door opened. Sara ran like a trapped animal. She ran until she could go no further. The barred window prevented her from leaving. She couldn't breathe. Grissom watched her run. He turned to see that Trent was contained before he followed Sara. He found her still at the window panting.


She still had that wild, trapped look. He was afraid to touch her. She just looked at Grissom, her eyes wide with fear still. He reached out to touch her cheek.

"Sara, it's ok. He's in custody. You're ok."

She could only nod her head. It took her about five minutes to calm down enough to talk.

Sara tells Grissom why she's so freaked out by this place. His heart went out to her again. He asked her if she wanted off the case. She said no. She needed to finish this case. When Nurse McKay came to reprimand them, Grissom took a protective posture in front of Sara. He hadn't protected her before, but now he would. He stood between them. Later at the station he went in the interrogation room with her. He would be there to protect her again. When she got up to leave, Grissom remained for just a moment then followed her out of the room. They watched as Nurse McKay was read her rights and was taken into custody.

Sara and Grissom left the police station.

"Sara, are you OK?" He reached out and put his hand in the small of her back as they walked out of the station.

"No. I really don't want to be alone right now. Do you want to get something to eat?"

Grissom had heard her ask this question two years ago. His answer then was no, but he has come to realize that he could not stand to lose Sara. He loved her like nobody else in his life. He simply could not fight it any longer. Almost losing her in that hospital had opened his eyes to that fact. He'd fought it for years. There had been other women, Terri, Heather, but none of them were Sara. She captivated him. She understood him. She didn't judge him. She.......she was his one and only.

"Sure. Where do you want to go?"

"Well, how about...." Sara thought for a moment. Grissom answered before she could think of something.

"My place? I could cook for you."

"You cook?"She joked.

Grissom smiled and answered, "Sure. I make a mean Pasta with Asparagus."

"OK, I really don't want to be in a crowd, but I don't want to be alone either."

Grissom whispered to her, "You don't have to be alone."

"Let's get out of here."

They had driven to the station together so they got in Grissom's Denali and drove to the Lab to get their cars. All the way back he gave her sideways glances to check on her. He fought the urge to take her hand and hold it.

Grissom stated, "I need to go to the store to get the stuff for dinner."

Sara stared at the lights going by as she answered, "I will meet you at your place in a while."

"Sounds great."

She couldn't believe that Grissom had said yes and then invited her to his house. She had waited six years for this. She had felt them growing closer in the past few months. She had told him about her past and he had been so supportive and positive. He had held her all night and listened to her talk and cry and get out what had happened to her. He didn't judge, he just listened. Things were better between them after that. Grissom was so much more attentive. He asked her how she was doing and really seemed interested. She was so close to getting what she wanted....Gil.

Grissom was thinking what have I done? I don't care anymore. I love her and I want to be with her, consequences be damned. He needed to be with her. He couldn't fight that any longer. I almost lost her and she wasn't even mine. I want her to know how I feel about her. I need to know how I feel about her. I just need her.