Okay, okay, I'm currently in the process of re-planning the Stitches story, troublesome though it is. Just for those of you who are interested. So anyway, I was digging around the site and found one or two dialogue fics, and I thought 'hey, I want to try that.' So I have.

Disclaimer: Alas, I soak myself in angst, for they are not mine, and my season 4 DVD set is only about half of the overall season. Hard to get my fix ^-^

"This is great. This is just really fantastic, don't you agree?"

"You know, Donnie-boy, sarcasm really don't suit you."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Raph: I forgot you're the only one of us allowed to be sarcastic. Please forgive me for infringing upon your bad-boy charisma and lone wolf attitude. What on earth was I thinking?"

"You were thinkin' yer way to a grade-A ass-kickin', that's what. Now either shut yer yap or calm down. Or both, if ya wanna get on my good side."

"Calm down? Calm down? Did you hit your head or something when they tossed you in here? Did you land in a position that cut off the circulation to your brain?"

"What're ya talkin' about?"

"Raph: we are tied up."

"I noticed."

"In the back of a truck."

"Yeah, I know, I was there when it happened. Quit talkin' to me like I'm an idiot."

"Why shouldn't I? You're the reason we're in this mess to begin with! If you hadn't jumped into that fight without thinking- as usual- we would be back at the lair right now! But no, you just had to get in there and start throwing punches-"

"Oh, what, I was supposed to sit back and let 'em rob the guy?"

"Yes, if you had to!"

"It's yer heart of gold and love for humanity that truly warm my heart, Einstein. Real touchin' attitude ya got there."

"Don't tell me you think of that as a legitimate line of defense now."


"Saving that man."

"Uh, yeah, that is my defense, Don. I don't go for sittin' on the sidelines when someone could get themselves sliced like a Christmas ham."

"That's besides the point, Raph. Because if I recall correctly, he was one of them. They didn't lay a hand on him!"

"And I was supposed t'know that…How?"

"By stopping to think before you jumped them! By taking the time to observe your surroundings and checking out the scene! If you'd been paying attention you would have noticed that they didn't even touch the guy! But you didn't, because God forbid you consider the possibility of something being a trap, and now we don't even know where we are-"

"I know."

"You do?"



"And what?"

"Do you plan on telling me where we are?"

"You already know."

"I do not. Be serious, will you?"

"Said it yerself: we're tied up in the back of a truck."

"Of course. You know, smart-assed comments aren't going to help anything, Raph."

"Freakin' out won't help us either, will it?"


"Still with me, Brainiac?"

"No, I managed to untie myself and slip out unnoticed while leaving you to learn a valuable lesson. You're listening to a recording right now."

"Fine, next time ya get all quiet when ya were just freakin' out, I won't bother checkin' on you. 'Scuse me fer interruptin' happy hour thinkin' you passed out."

"Stop exaggerating. I wasn't freaking out, I'm still not freaking out, and I wasn't being too quiet. I'm pissed off at you and trying to think of a plan."

"Ya got a plan fer this?"

"Not yet. I'm working on one."

"We don't really need a plan, Don."

"What makes you say that?"

"We're tied up in the back of a parked truck."

"I know that! If you start up with that attitude again, I swear-"

"I'm not startin' anything! How 'bout ya shut up and let me finish!"

"If you're just going to tell me something I already said, why should I bother?"

"Donnie- I'm warnin' ya now, just shut up. I don't care if we're tied up or what, I'll still find a way to beat ya down."

"Whatever. Get to the point."

"Like I was sayin', we're tied up in a truck."

"I got that bit, Raph."

"You an' me."

"Oh, and here I thought the purple chimpanzee sitting on my chest was real."

"Shut it. You an' me, but not Leo an' Mike."


"Took the wind right outta yer little sails, didn't I?"

"Shut up. It's good to know they didn't get dragged in as a result of your recklessness-"

"We been over that already, Don."

"-but we still need a plan. There's no guaranteeing that they'll be able to find us before whoever's behind this decides to jump out of nowhere and drive us into the nearest lake."

"Don't be such a pessimist."

"You're telling me not to be a pessimist?"

"Yeah. So hard ta believe that?"

"Frankly, yes."


"They probly won't kill us."

"Oh, probably. I'm so relieved."

"Right now, they're sittin' somewhere arguin' whether or not they wanna shoot us or drug us or slice us up. Or maybe if they wanna take us to a zoo or a vet or somethin'. Maybe Area 51. Get us dissected by our good bud Bishop."

"You're an expert in the art of reassurance. Have you considered giving classes?"

"Hey, if I wanted ta spend my latest captivity gettin' lectured, I woulda just paired off with Leo tonight. At least he'd do it without the sarcasm."

"What? Me, sarcastic? Don't be ridiculous. That would be infringing upon your patented attitude approach again. I would never. I'm the courteous one, remember? And what could I possibly have to lecture you about? It's not as though this whole thing is your fault."

"It's not. They were the ones settin' traps, not me. What's got your panties in a twist?"

"You do! Have you ever even heard the phrase 'look before you leap'? Have all of Master Splinter's lessons on thinking before acting completely bounced off of your skull?"

"Guess they did."

"That would explain a lot. You really need to consider absorbing them."

"What, so I can be like you an' Leo? No one ever got anythin' done by sittin' around and thinkin' about it. Ya get things done by doin' 'em."

"Not always good things, though."

"Don't get good things done by standin' by when ya should do somethin' either."

"So you should just leap into every situation with both guns blazing. That's your idea of a plan."

"Never mind. Ya don't get it."



"Yer quiet again. Still plannin'?"

"I was."

"…Course ya were. That's what ya do."

"Any particular reason you decided to interrupt?"

"Just checkin'."

"Checking what?"

"Makin' sure ya were awake."

"I am. Would it really matter if I fell asleep, though?"

"Well, I'd get bored pretty fast."

"I see. You sound like Mikey."

"Well you sounded like Leo first. Only fair."

"Of course. Your logic is impeccable."

"Don't I know it. How's that plan comin'?"

"At the risk of taking your place in the position of fill-in for Mikey; it's not."

"Even when yer doin' the thinkin' for Leo?"

"…yeah. Even when I'm thinking for Leo."


"You'd tell me, right?"

"Tell you what?"

"If ya were hurt or somethin'."

"Of course I would. It's not the kind of thing I like to leave in the unknown zone."

"Just thought I'd ask, y'know, since yer playin' Leo here. He'd rather bleed ta death than admit he got sliced open."

"Well, you'll be glad to know I'm not that stubborn. Just a bit bruised. What about you?"

"I'll live."

"That's lovely. Nice way to put me at ease. Not like we're in the dark. Not as though I won't be able to check you over in the near future."

"I'm fine, Don. Don't worry so much."

"I'm being Leo and I'm the only medic. It's a part of the job description."

"Just stick to plannin'."

"I can't think of anything."

"Then don't try. Just wait."

"Yeah, that's going to solve our dilemma. Waiting for Leo and Mikey to magically find us before our untimely deaths. Or, as you so aptly pointed out earlier, our dissection."

"Well, if ya can't think, stop tryin'. Just relax."

"Because this is such a relaxing situation."

"No use drivin' yerself nuts when it won't do us any good."

"No use to you, maybe. Not thinking drives me insane, too, so I'd rather go out with at least the beginnings of a plan in place."

"Suit yerself."


"Wish these guys would get off their asses and just do somethin' with us already."

"Don't say that."

"Why not?"

"Because when they decide to do something to us, it's pretty much guaranteed to end with us being sliced open. I'd rather not be, if it's all the same to you."

"At least we wouldn't be sittin' here waitin'."

"Weren't you the one who was just going on about how Leo and Mikey would find us? You know, the 'stop thinking, start waiting' method you raved about?"

"That was before I got bored with waitin'."

"Ah, of course. I should have guessed."

"Y'know, you get pretty damn pissy when yer aggravated, Don."

"Pardon me for not being so casual about our whereabouts. We can't all take utter helplessness in stride."

"Yeah, it's just my cup o' tea. Tied up, waitin' fer Leo ta save the day and lecture me again."

"You deserve the lecture coming after this little excursion. I know I certainly won't be standing in his way."

"Like ya ever do anyway."

"Well, his lectures are well-earned, that's for sure. And he only does it because he cares."

"Gee, Don, that makes ten minutes of hearin' about how much I screwed up really worthwhile."

"You know, Raph, on a normal day I might just have been sympathetic towards you, but at the moment I'm disinclined towards any pity, because my hands just fell asleep."

"I don't want yer pity. Hate that word, and I hate when it's pointed at me."

"Right, of course. Big, bad Raphael can't have anybody on his side. He has to take care of his problems on his own, because he's the loner."

"Shut up, Donnie."

"And even if you did want somebody to take your side, you wouldn't go so far as to say it out loud. No, you'd throw a tantrum and expect us to be able to translate it. Well, we never can, and tonight, I'm not even trying."

"If I just agree with ya, will ya go back to thinkin'?"

"That depends. If you agree with me, will you mean it?"


"Got a plan yet?"

"No. Not yet. Maybe instead of asking me that every few minutes, you should try making a plan yourself."

"Ha, ha. You know I don't do strategy."

"Oh, and I do?"

"More than me."

"But not as often as Leo does. So it goes to say that you can try, too."

"My plan goes like this: you cook somethin' up, point at what I'm supposed ta hit, then grunt. And I hit it. 'Cause that's what I do."

"As much thought as I'm sure you put into that, I think it needs more work. How are you supposed to hit something if your hands are tied up?"

"Kick, then."

"Ouch! Raph, what the shell was that for?"

"Just demonstratin' my abilities for ya."

"Do you have a backup plan we can go to?"

"Sure do."

"How does it go?"

"We wait for Leo and Mikey to show, let 'em free us, then kick their asses for takin' so long."

"…sounds good to me, if we can't get out on our own. I'll take Mike, and you take Leo."

"No way. We take 'em together or we drop it. I got a plan fer that, too."

"Oh, really?"

"You be the brain, I'll be the muscle. Point 'n grunt, Donnie-boy, point 'n grunt."

"I'm not sure which is less surprising: that you think point and grunt represents a proper plan, or that you think you're that stupid. If you actually tried, we could probably come up with a decent plan between the two of us."

"Who says I'm not tryin'?"

"I do."


"Do you hear something?"

"Like what?"

"If you listen, you'll hear it. Try that."

"Sounds like somethin's on the roof."

"That's what I thought. Maybe it's some kind of bird?"

"Have to be a big damn bird, Don."

"Raph? Donnie? Can you hear me?"

"You think maybe they got drugged or somethin', Leo?"

"We ain't drugged and we hear ya just fine, ya dumbasses! You plan on gettin' us outta this thing sometime today?"

"Raph! Are you okay? Is Donnie with you?"

"I'm right here, Leo! We're both alright, just a little roughed up!"

"We'll have you out in no time, Don, don't worry! Just stay put!"

"Like they expect us to be able to do anything else?"

"See what I live with? This is the way he is every time. Runnin' his mouth off like I'm five or somethin'."

"At least they showed up before we got killed."

"I'll give ya that."

"Oh, and I have a question for you."


"How am I supposed to kick their asses if my hands are asleep?"

"The first definition of ass-kickin' is kickin' ass."

"Okay. I'll work with what I've got, then. Just say the word."

"Point 'n grunt approach?"


That's the end of that. I'm aware it was probably a bit boring. I've never done a dialogue fic before, though, and it was certainly fun to write! I've been looking for something Raph/Don to submit for a while! OOC? Comments? Please, review.