"Jacob" I yelled from across the kitchen. The door at the Black house was opened and I could see the rabbit in the front yard so I knew he was home.
I called out his name again and I faintly heard a raspy voice coming from inside his bedroom. 'Jacob?' It sounded like him, but not him at the same time. He sounded sick.
I ran the rest of the way down the hall towards his bedroom, careful not to trip over. I carefully opened the door and there laid Jacob wrapped up three wool blankets, looking paler than I had ever seen him and perspiration dripping off his face.
I tried to conceal my shock as I went to sit by his bed. He smiled weakly at me and grabbed my hand with all of his strength yet it felt like he was barely squeezing.
"What happened? Are you sick?"
His face looked heart broken for a minute before he took a deep breath and looked me directly in the eye.
"Bella I need to tell you something and please don't get mad at me for not telling you sooner." I could feel tears forming, already knowing that this was going to be bad.
"I have terminal cancer and im not gonna last much longer" Jake whispered to me.
"What?" I asked breathlessly.
"Look I wanted to tell you months ago but Charlie sai--"
I didn't hear the rest of his sentence because I was running out the door faster than I had ever moved.
He couldn't could he? How could he have known something like this for months without telling me? I barely registered the road as I made my way over to the house of the one person that I felt that I could actually trust anymore. Both Jacob and Charlie knew. How could they not think that I should know that Jake, my best friend in the entire world probably only had a few months left to live?
I couldn't think straight as I made my way to his front porch. I knocked on the door and waited for what seemed like only a second before Edward appeared with an expression of mixed horror and confusion when he saw my face.
I could only imagine what I looked like to him right now.
"Bella, what they hell happened to you?" he asked me, not giving me anytime to explain as he pulled me into his arms and cradled me into his bedroom.
I was suddenly too ashamed to even look him in the eye. How couldn't I have seen it? I watched Billy rot away before my eyes and I didn't see the obvious signs that Jake had the same thing that tore our family apart not only a year ago.
"Bella" I was brought back to reality when I saw the confused expression on my boyfriend's face staring back at me. "What happened?" he asked me again with the same sympathised expression.
He was so good to me and I sure as hell did not deserve him. He looked at me as if I was the only girl in the world.
How could he look at me with such love and adoration when I was so hideously selfish, that I did not register that the person most important to me in the entire world was going to die in a matter of months?
The mere thought of losing him brought an new onslaught of tears to my eyes.
"He-- and I—he, oh my god" I cried into his hold. I couldn't stop the tears even if I tried. I could hear Edward whispering to me that it was going to be okay, that we would find some way to fix whatever was bothering me. I clung to him even more as the devastation washed over me.
I could practically feel the pain in Edward's eyes as he brought my face level with him with his hands. He was hands down the most beautiful person I knew. Not only because of his looks but the fact that he cared so much about a disgusting person like me.
I almost felt guilty that he had taken such a liking to me because a guy like Edward deserved someone so much better than the monster that I am.
Even though I was so disgusted with myself at that very moment,
I realised that I was in-love with him.
The way he was looking at me with those bright green eyes with his eyebrows pulled together, no doubt trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me, I could tell that he truly cared about me. He was looking at me the way I had seen Jasper look at Alice a thousand times.
Suddenly the thought of letting someone into my heart didn't terrify me like it used to.
"I love you" I said looking him in the eye. I think some small part of me had always known that in the past few months that I have been here that I felt this strongly for him. But seeing him like this, caring so much about me when most guys would run at the sight of a girl crying made me realise what I had secretly known all along.
"Ohh fuck." I whispered into my pillow. I could picture her face as I moved my hand faster and faster, looking up above me as she moaned in pleasure and screaming my name.
"Bella" I quietly groaned as I stroked myself, trying to be quite so my mom wouldn't hear what I was doing.
I could feel my release coming as I pumped harder, all the while thinking of the girl of my dreams that I fortuitously got to call my girlfriend. "Edward" she screamed into my ear in my little fantasy as she reached her climax in pure bliss. I could feel it building as I watched her face in my mind and the next thing I knew, I was coming into my own hand "Fuuuckk" I groaned, biting down on my pillow to keep from screaming.
I returned from the shower a few minutes later in my favourite jersey and a pair of worn jeans. Getting ready to start on the paper that was due tomorrow that had been lying on my desk for the past two weeks.
I turned when I heard a knock coming from the front door, knowing that my mom was too busy involved in her soaps to notice, I jogged down the hall to open the door. The girl I was thinking about not ten minutes ago, standing in front of me with unshed tears in her eyes and a devastated expression on her face. I couldn't help but think that even with mascara running down her face; she still made me catch my breath every time I saw her.
Shaking my head at my corny thoughts, I remembered that said girl of my fantasies was standing before me in what I could only describe as pure agony.
"Bella, what the hell happened to you?" Nice words jackass. I didn't wait for her answer before I pulled her into my arms and cradled her to my chest. I helped her down the hall and into my bedroom, closing the door behind me.
She was staring at the carpet, I don't think she had even registered that we were sitting down on my bed. "What happened?" trying to get her attention.
She looked up at me with those gorgeous brown eyes and for a second I could have sworn that she looked ashamed. "He-- and I—he, oh my god" she cried into my arms.
God, what the hell happened to this perfect girl that she was crying her eyes out?
I wanted to shake her. Demand her to tell me what happened. That's she wasn't hurt in anyway.
I settled for whispering sweet nothings in her ear in an attempt to comfort her. It seemed like it was working because when I cradled her beautiful face with my hands she stared at me for a moment with an expression I couldn't quite grasp.
"I love you." She whispered to me.
She said it so quietly that If I wasn't huddled against her I wouldn't have heard. But I did hear her.
I love you, I love you, I love you. It was as if she had screamed it at the top of her lungs. I could barely register that I was staring at her with my mouth agape.
This perfect brown haired beauty loved me. The girl that I haven't been able to stop thinking about since she moved to town months ago loved me.
I didn't expect that if anyone would ever say that to me, that I would feel happy. Overjoyed would probably be a better word for it.
I think I stared at her for a good minute, watching her calm expression while I basically went into shock. Are you going to respond, or are you just going to sit their watching her like an idiot? The voice inside of my head screamed at me.
"Bella, I--" suddenly my lips were very busy. I could feel her tongue trying to force its way into my mouth as she straddled my lap. Her hands wove through my hair and tugged. I realised then that she was trying to get a reaction from me.
She moaned when I started to kiss her back with as much force as she had. Our tongues fought for dominance, neither one of us wanting to give up first.
I regrettably pulled away to get some air, but it didn't stop her from moving from my mouth and down my neck and collarbone. I vaguely realised that we shouldn't be doing this. She was upset and obviously wasn't thinking clearly.
"Wait" I said trying to pull her off of me. My move only made her more determined and began to suck at the pleasure point at my neck. I moaned quietly in her ear, already feeling my member harden with pleasure and excitement.
She sat up for a minute and for a second I thought that she was stopping, but when she pulled her t-shirt over her head and revealed her perfect chest I knew that she was doing anything but.
I stared at her like a man dying with thirst. I watched the perfect creamy skin of her breasts move each time she breathed. Her plain black bra only made her more enticing. I was rock now and I was certain that she could feel it. She rocked back and forth on her hips and I had to shut my eyes in concentration in not taking her right this second.
I was pulled out my thoughts when I noticed the blush starting to form on her cheeks. She probably felt self conscious that I was just ogling her for the past two minutes.
She pulled off my shirt and immediately started to rake her fingers down my chest. Her nails scraped over the taught muscles of my stomach and I could feel them jump under her touch. Her mouth followed her fingers and as she started kissing down my torso, I felt her trying to unfasten my belt from my extremely tight jeans and at that second I knew that I couldn't let this go any further.
I gently pushed her hands away, my mind screaming at me to stop whilst another part of my body was begging me to continue.
I felt his hands stop me when I tried to unbutton his jeans. I looked up into his eyes and could see the regret.
Maybe I had read him wrong. He obviously didn't want me like that or he wouldn't have pushed me away.
"We have to stop. You're upset" Edward whispered to me. I almost smiled at the expression on his face. I probably would have if I wasn't so distressed. It wasn't that he didn't want me; the obvious bulge in his jeans answered that for me. It was that I was upset and he didn't want to take advantage of me.
I ignored him and unbuttoned his pants, leaving him in only his boxers. I stroked him with my hand and watched with a smirk when his head fell back and he let out a groan. I continued to pump him while I watched him make quite noises of pleasure. His body was something to drool over. I could not see what ounce of fat in his entire body. Thank god for the gym.
I watched the muscles in his stomach clench with each breath he took. His hips started to move against my hand unconsciously and I slipped my hand in between his boxers to get a better feel of him. God he feels big.
I heard him moan loudly above me when I teased the head of his penis with my thumb and finger. His face was scrunched up in pleasure, but before I could go back to the task at hand, his strong arms were pulling me up.
"Bella if you we don't stop now, I don't think that I will be able to"
"So don't stop then." I said, surprising both myself and him.
"Are you sure, cause I won--"
I cut him off by reattaching my lips to his. I peeled off the remainder of both our clothing and straddled his lap again. I could feel his hands everywhere.
My shoulders. My stomach. My breasts. He cupped my left breast with one hand and placed his mouth over my other nipple.
"Edward" I whispered in pleasure. The friction was started to become unbearable. I felt a pull in my core and I needed to do something before I exploded.
He noticed and moved my hips so they were placed directly above his member. I glanced at the size of him and was truly worried that he might not fit.
"Have you ever done this before?" he asked me. I shook my head in embarrassment and was surprised when he smiled warmly at me. "Don't worry baby, I'll show you what to do"
He placed his member at my entrance and moved my hips so they were slowly sinking down on him. I whimpered at the instant pain that I felt. He whispered to me to go down slowly and take as much time as I needed.
Over the next minute or so, I sunk down a little further, each time feeling myself ripping apart. The pain was worse than I thought it would be, but when I looked down at his face and watched his pleasure filled features, biting his lip from concentration. No doubt trying not to pressure me to go faster even though it looked like it was killing him. I knew that that I had to go faster or this would be all over before it really began.
I breathed in deeply and took him in completely. I couldn't help the whimper from both pleasure and pain. He groaned beneath me and leaned his head against my shoulder.
With a shaky breath, I began to rock on op of him. His hands stayed glued on my hips and helped me move above him. Soon we had a steady rhythm going and after a little while the pain started to fade and a new feeling started to arise.
It got more powerful, the faster and harder that I moved. Suddenly I was moaning from the absolute pleasure and heard his groan in return.
"So tight. God" I could barely make out his consistent mumbling from beneath me as we moved together. I couldn't keep myself from moaning his name from above him. I had no idea that it would feel like this. This constant feeling of euphoria that only got better as time went on.
Edward continued mumbling beneath me. The occasional grunt, with words like god, fuck and so tight, coming from his mouth every so often. His mouth moved from where it had been sucking at my neck and moved so it was directly on my left nipple. He sucked and swirled his tongue in time of my thrusts which made the feeling even better.
After five minutes of constant pleasure, I could feel him starting to lose his head.
"Baby, I need you to come. I can't hold out much longer" he groaned out. I moaned at the mere thought that he was enjoying this as much as I was.
Suddenly his hand cupped my mound whilst I rocked even faster above him. His mouth sucked my nipple while he started thumbing my clit and inserted two fingers inside of me.
I could feel something building inside of me and I screamed at the feel of it. I worked harder and harder until I could feel myself reaching my end.
"Edwaaaarrd" I screamed his name all the while shaking above him. He groaned at the feeling of me clenching around him and a second later, he too was groaning my name into the silent room.
It was 3.30 in the morning and I laid awake in Edwards's bed wearing only his jersey and a pair of underwear. I could hear him quietly snoring beside me and I almost smiled at the sound.
The anger had worn off and I was now feeling the overwhelming sadness the Jake was going to die. Soon. I was practically choking, trying to hold in my tears so Edward wouldn't hear me from behind me.
I felt the arm that was wrapped around my stomach tighten and I turned around to see Edward watching me with his usual concerned expression.
"Bella?" his sleepy voice asked me with confusion.
"What's wrong? I didn't hurt you did I. If I did, I'm so sor--"
I shook my head, not wanting him to get the wrong idea. He visibly relaxed beside me and was silent for a moment before sighing deeply.
"Bella tell me what happened." He simply stated. I whimpered quietly at the thought of losing him, it was unbearable.
"Bella w-" "Jake has terminal cancer" I whispered, fresh tears pouring down my face.
I heard him exhale and could see the shock on his face. "I-wow-im so sorry baby."
"He has known for months. Months. Everyone knew except me. Even Charlie knew"
I felt so betrayed. We were like family and he didn't even feel the need to tell me that he wouldn't be hear soon enough. What, did he think that I wouldn't notice?
God, I hated myself now more than ever.
Terminal cancer. Shit! My pressing anger and jealousy towards Jacob Black went right out through the window at that very moment. I cant believe that I have held my tongue for so long about her best friend being so obviously in-love with her, feeling this hatred that I didn't even realize I had inside of me, when all the while the poor guy was dying on the inside.
Well I feel like a grade a dick!
"Maybe they were just trying to protect you. They didn't want you to have to worry when you had mid-terms and settling into a new school." I consoled her. Anything to make this beautiful angel wrapped up in my arms stop crying. It just wasn't right for someone so perfect to be in this much unbearable pain.
"He's going to die Edward! I think that is just a little more important than saving me some pain." Bella cried angrily.
I couldn't do anything but rock her back and forth in my arms. She was mumbling something that I couldn't make out because she was crying so hard. I knew that she was feeling disgusted in herself for not figuring it out sooner, but she had to realise that this wasn't her fault in any way. Charlie made the choice to not say anything, so he should be the one that feels like shit, not poor Bella!
I realized at that moment that whatever I said to her would do nothing. She was going to hate herself regardless of what anyone else said to her.
Jacob was going to die and Bella was going to be devastated. Jesus, they were practically family!
No matter what happens, Bella was going to get hurt. And that thought alone was worse than anyone, myself included could possibly imagine.