Disclaimer: I do not own Shin Megami Tensei.

A/N: Some things here are quite sexual, so please...deal with it. You got some raunchy, M-rated weird humor right here.


Secret Lovers:

"Wow, thanks for the ice cream, Namatame-san!" Yukiko exclaimed as she walked alongside the older man.

He smiled sheepishly and replied, "Ah heh heh...you're welcome, Yukiko-chan..."

Holding hands, the two of them stopped at a cross-road intersection...and they saw Adachi and Naoto walking towards them, talking excitedly while carrying grocery bags full to the brim with cabbages. The blue-haired girl and the police officer both froze in their tracks the moment they saw Yukiko and Namatame.

The four of them just stared at one another for a while...and then Souji came running by, carrying Izanami on his back like a piggy-back ride.

"NONE OF YOU...SAW ANYTHING," Souji ordered before he continued to run off into the distance.

Yukiko and Naoto decided to follow that rule, and kept walking with their secret lovers without saying another word...


JESUS CHRIST, IT'S A BEAR!!!

Teddie was hopping around on the sidewalk, wearing his bear suit, when a police car stopped in front of him. Two rather drunk-looking officers stepped out, and started opening fire on the poor bear. Obviously, the bullets had no effect, but it started to piss Teddie off when they kept shooting even AFTER they ran out of ammo.

"JESUS CHRIST, IT'S A BEAR!! GET IN THE CAR!!!" cried one of the officers in a slurred tone, and they quickly climbed back into the car and drove off down the wrong side of the road.

Teddie blinked a few times, and then flipped them the middle finger before skipping off.


The True Violence-Lover:

"OH GOD YES, TEAR OFF ITS ARMS!!! TEAR 'EM OFF AND EAT 'EM!!!" Rise screamed over the intercom(?) as Yosuke dug his blades into the enemy.

"OHHH...I WISH I COULD FEEL ITS PAIN RIGHT NOW!!! OOOOOOOOOOOH!!!" Rise moaned as Souji sliced another Shadow in half with his sword.

"KICK IT!! KILL IT!!! SMASH IT!!! PUNCH IT!!!! MAKE IT FEEL LIVING HELL!!! MAKE ME FEEL LIVING HELL!!! OH GOD, I'M COMING ALL OVER THE FLOOR, AND NAOTO'S LICKING IT UP!!!! FUUUUUCK YEAH..." Rise roared as Kanji bashed a Shadow over the head with a metal chair.

Souji turned to Kanji. "I think she likes violence alot more than you..."

"I concur," Kanji replied.


Naoto's Nightmare:

Sitting up in bed, Naoto let out a yawn, and glanced to her side; Souji Seta, her husband of 9 years, was still sleeping peacefully beside her.

Naoto smiled to herself, and climbed out of bed. As she did, she began to think of what to make the kids for breakfast that morning.

"Ah, I love my life..." she muttered to herself with a happy sigh.

---

"HOLY SHIT!!!" Naoto woke up with a start, and breathed heavily. She was in her own bed, still young, and not married.

'Oh god...what a nightmare I just had...I don't even know if I can go back to sleep now...ugh...I feel sick...'


Teddie Watched Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged:

"YOUR MOTHER PLAYS CARD GAMES IN HELL!!!"

"GASP! TEDDIE, HOW DARE YOU!!"

"...Well, it's true..."


JEALOUS:

"You're so cute, Nanako-chan!" Chie cooed.

"Aww, you're so sweet, Nanako-chan!" Yukiko exclaimed.

"You're so adorable, Nanako-chan..." Naoto purred.

"I love you so much in a friendly sort of way, Nanako-chan!" Rise cried.

"I'M GONNA MAKE YOU WISH YOU WERE NEVER EVEN BORN, NANAKO-CHAN, FOR BEING CUTER THAN ME..." Teddie snarled.