Title: Melancholy



Alice/Jasper, Carlisle/Esme, Edward/Bella, Rosalie/Emmett

Summary: Edward discovers Carlisle's secret – he knows way more about Alice than he was willing to let anybody know – especially her. AU. Carlisle/Alice & canon pairings. Summary sucks, but try for me anyway? Not a one-shot! Carlisle's POV.

Warnings: Not entirely sure, but expect the usual – violence, swearing (maybe), sexual references, drug use and references, fluff, smut… maybe a lemon? *winks* you tell me.

Rating: NC-17 to be safe, but if you think you're mature enough, by all means.

Timeline: Long before Twilight – circa 1920s.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight! Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer! I only own LOADS of Twilight stuff – books, t-shirts, posters – many of each. No profit is being made from this story.

Notes: Since I'm not entirely sure when Alice was changed, I'll guess since she was born in 1901 and was changed in the 1920s, I assume it's 19. I think that's right. And bear in mind, I don't think I've ever really written a story that's entirely in a male's POV, and since I'm a girl, you'll have to bear with me there too.

Author: I love Carlisle/Alice as a pairing – Peter Facinelli and Ashley Greene make a hot pairing. :D I'm surprised no one else has thought so and written a story – so here I go. Wish me luck. Read, review, and tell me what you think! Yay 2009!


"I would just like to rub it in, just a little bit. The answer was there all along, and I was so afraid Edward would see that and ruin my fun. It happened once, oh, ages ago. The one and only time my prey escaped me.

"You see, the vampire who was so stupidly fond of this little victim made the choice that your Edward was too weak to make. The old one knew I was after his little friend, he stole her from the asylum where he worked – I will never understand the obsession some vampires seem to form with you humans – and as soon as he freed her he made her safe. She didn't even seem to notice the pain, poor little creature. She'd been stuck in that black hole of a cell for so long. A hundred years earlier and she would have been burned at the stake for her visions. In the nineteen-twenties it was the asylum and shock treatments. When she opened her eyes, strong with her fresh youth, it was like she'd never seen the sun before. The old vampire made her a strong new vampire and there was no reason for me to touch her then." He sighed. "I destroyed the old one in vengeance."

"Alice," I breathed, astonished.

James & Bella, Twilight, pgs 390-391


James lied.


Chapter 1, Confession

Present Day.

I carefully turned the dirty, somewhat damaged page of the large volume I was reading, as I heard the thunder suddenly crack outside. I barely noticed it, however. I was too intrigued by the writing before me to notice much else. That's why it actually surprised me when I looked up and saw Edward standing in my office, leaning against one of my bookcases, looking at me, expressionlessly.

"Edward." I acknowledged him pleasantly, smiling, leaning back in my chair.

"Carlisle." He spoke back to me in a hard voice, coming forward. My smile faded a little. His tone surprised me. He hardly, if ever, spoke to me in that tone. I knew immediately this wasn't simply a social call. There was something on his mind.

I didn't speak as he brought himself forward, sitting in the chair opposite my desk. He sat forward, crouched, his hands clamped in front of him as he stared at me with the same expression, his eyes burning. I just waited patiently for him to speak, but then I realized he must've wanted me to speak first.

Yes? I questioned him.

"Is there something you want to discuss with me, Carlisle?" His tone now had a new, splitting edge to it. He sounded furious. And I was perplexed. Why would he suddenly be so angry with me? Had I done something?

"You tell me." He answered my thoughts.

"I honestly don't know what the problem is, Edward." And I didn't. I wasn't lying.

"Are you sure about that?"

Edward. I took a firmer "tone" with him. I wasn't appreciating this impertinence.

"Sorry." His expression relaxed a little, but his position didn't. "But… something you were thinking about before… well, it disturbs me. I don't know whether you were just playing with thoughts or if… you're keeping something from us."

I stiffened in my seat. I quickly scanned my mind for anything I might've thought that would've offended my son in some way. Everything inside my body froze in horror as I realized that I had been thinking something earlier that I shouldn't have been.

I… I didn't even think Edward would be paying attention to my thoughts. He never usually did. Usually, he tried to ignore us out of politeness. He felt intrusive listening in on other people's private thoughts.

"That is true, and I do." Edward agreed. "Unfortunately, it's just you and I home Carlisle. And I slip up sometimes, you know that. And I heard what you were thinking… about Alice."

"Edward…" I began.

"No." He said quickly in that same solid tone as before. "You're going to tell me what that was about. You – you said – you were thinking – remembering? – something. You were thinking of Alice in straight jacket, crying, screaming your name. It was too vivid to be a mere thought; it has to be a memory. And then you were… you were holding her, whispering things to her – and then you … you and her…"

"Enough." I silenced him, closing my eyes. I raked my fingers through my hair, something I did quite often at the hospital when something was frustrating me. It was the reason my hair looked the way it did.

"I saw you bite her, Carlisle!" Edward was definitely livid now. "It wasn't a thought, or an illusion, it was a memory!"

I was mentally cursing myself. How could I have been so stupid? I shouldn't have slipped up, now for a second. I'd always been very guarded of these… these memories, careful not to let anyone else know. I didn't want anyone else to know. And now it was too late.

"What aren't you telling us, Carlisle?!"

I opened my eyes, and looked at Edward. His jaw was clenched, and his eyes were dancing gold flames. He was beyond furious. And as I thought about it, I felt the same way. At myself. I locked my jaw in place and leaned forward in my chair, so I was looking Edward in the eyes.

"There's… there's something I need to tell you, Edward. It wasn't exactly something I had any intention of telling anyone, ever, or at least not for a long while. It's not something I'm exactly proud of, you see. It was a reckless thing to do, yet at the time, it seemed like the right thing. For me… and for Alice."

I paused.

"What I'm going to tell you now, Edward, has to stay between us. It's bad enough you know now as it is, but I'm not ready for anyone else to know. Is that understood?"

Edward thought about this for a moment, his eyes flickering to the floor, before he looked back to me, and he nodded.

"You have my word." He said solemnly.

I nodded, comforted a little by the thought that it was still a secret, a secret kept from the person who could never hear it. Not until I thought she was ready, at least. I wished I could be cowardly and keep it from her forever, but I knew that eventually, she would have the right to know.

I sighed, exasperated and leaned back in my chair, as I began telling my story.


January 14th, Biloxi, Mississippi, 1920.

Gulf Oaks Hospital

"I really want to thank you again, ." Nurse Whitney was thanking me again in the same fluttery, dazed voice. I just nodded and smiled my thanks again. "I know it's not exactly an ideal job, checking up on mental patients – and it was on such short notice, but Dr. Janice dropped out at the last minute – sick, the poor thing, and it's customary that all the patients get checked up on the same day every month. Something about their behavioral patterns, I'm not really sure."

"Oh, it's no trouble at all." I put on another smile again. "Any way I can be of help."

Finally, we came to the last ward. After working a forty hour shift, everyone was amazed that I still had enough stamina to keep going. Of course, I had to pretend back at the hospital that I went home for an hour or so to take a rest, but really, I went hunting. Made it easier to deal with patients that way, if I hunted regularly, especially if I was working forty hour shifts.

I wanted to go home and see my Esme and Edward. Forty hours wasn't really a long time to be away from them, but I craved their company too much, after spending centuries alone. If I had my way, I'd spend every single second of my existence with them. But I knew I had to be reasonable and even my time out. But I missed them sorely every second I was away from them.

"Almost done." Nurse Whitney murmured under her breath, obviously not wanting me to hear. She sounded relieved. Obviously taking care of mentally ill patients wasn't exactly ideal for a pretty girl like herself, but this irritated me a little bit. I loved my work – I loved saving human lives, or helping them in any way I possibly could. It was the greatest pleasure to me, and this girl thought of it as more of a job that was forced upon her. I fought a grimace.

We came to another metal door. On the front, was a laminated card, stuck to the door with duct tape. Mary Alice Brandon was printed in bold italics on the white paper, and beneath it were her details. Her age, the year she was born, her-next-of-kin – it surprised me that her next of kin was empty. I frowned slightly.

"Why isn't Mary listed with a next of kin?" I asked the Nurse, not taking my eyes off of the card.

She shrugged indifferently.

"Some patient's family members can't deal with their illnesses, so they just abandon them here. Especially if they're serious. Some people don't want their social reputations tarnished so they dump them here and pretend they went to go live with another relative."

I sighed in disappointment. What was happening to the world? The lack of compassion was saddening. I read further. Brown hair, blue eyes – she was a tiny thing, apparently – only 4'10. And finally, it came to her diagnosis. The reason she was in here.

"Hallucinations, Schizophrenia and Paranoia." I read them out loud, and tsked. "That's awful. Poor girl – she's only twenty."

"Mary Alice?" The Nurse repeated. "Oh, it gets a lot worse than that. Her family dumped her in here when she was fourteen."

"She's been in this place for six years?" I repeated, shocked. And then I became angry. What kind of family were the Brandon's that they'd just abandon their daughter just because she had an illness that wasn't her fault? It made me sick. This time, I did grimace. This place was a hell hole – there was no doubt about it. At least at the hospital, there was hope. People went there to get better, to come out healthy and fine again – but here, people were left to rot in their own insanity. I shuddered.

Nurse Whitney nodded, her red hair bouncing.

"Her brother dragged her in here by her arms, and just threw her at the doctors. She was crying and begging him not to leave her here – but he ignored her. Her parents visited for about a year, but that was it. They haven't been here in five years; they don't even call up and ask how she's doing. She doesn't get any family visitors – only a man every now and again. But all he does is watch her. He's some sort of freak, I think."


Nurse Whitney took out her keys from her pockets; spent a minute looking for the right key, before placing it in the keyhole, turning it and opening the large metal door with a metallic squeak.

Inside was fairly clean, but without personality. There was a desk, but no books. There was a bed with white sheets and two white pillows, a toilet in the corner beside the door, and that was all. Sitting on the bed, curled up against the pillows, holding a teddy bear beside her tiny body was Mary Alice.

I felt the worst pang of sympathy as I looked at her. She was absolutely divine in her looks, that was for sure. Her inky black hair was cropped short – it fell straight and lank at her mouth. Her blue eyes, wide and innocent, seemed frightened as we entered. She rocked herself back and forth, holding the bear close to her heart, her shoulders shuddering with each breath she took.

My heart twisted so painfully I felt the urge to clutch it. She smelt beautiful, too. It spiked my senses, and two hundred years ago, this would've made me rabid, or make me stiff and hostile and unable to work on her, but now, it was barely noticeable.

"I'll leave you to it, Dr. Cullen. Just knock when you're finished." The Nurse reluctantly stepped out of the room, shutting the door behind her. I stood by the door still, not sure whether or not my approaching would alarm her or frighten her.

Her expression seemed to relax once we were alone.

"You're not going to give me a needle." It wasn't a question. She had a lovely voice. It raspy, like she was sick, but other than that, it was sugary. Sweet and innocent. I smiled a little bit.

"No, I'm not, Mary." I assured her, as I stepped forward slowly. She didn't seem troubled by my approach.

"Alice." She corrected me in a firm tone that almost made me laugh. "I hate being called Mary. I've asked them time and time again to change that stupid card but they won't listen to me…"

"Well, I'll see if I can get them to change it for you." And I was going to. Alice seemed to sense this. She smiled largely, as I sat down beside her on the bed. She came out from flinching into the wall – she seemed completely comfortable sitting closer to me. Again, this notion made me smile.

I set my bag down beside me, and I spent a second fishing around for my stethoscope and my small torch. I set them aside at first, before I swiveled around to face her. Alice put her bear aside, and brushed her hair behind her ears. I looked at her humorously. She obviously knew what I was going to do first. This amused me for some reason.

"Alright, you don't sound too well Alice. Have you been sick?" I leaned forwards a little, my hands coming forward. I gently probed along the sides of her neck. I noticed, the places I touched her, she seemed to flush and burn in the places I felt, despite my arctic skin.

Alice shuddered.

"Your hands are so cold." She commented. "But it's nice. It gets… very hot in this room. I don't like the heat." She shook her head fiercely, and I chuckled. "And I think I had a cold, I can't really be sure. Nobody bothers to really make sure if you're okay in this place. They're too afraid to get close to you."

"Well, you don't seem dangerous to me." I smiled reassuringly. "In fact, I don't see why you're in here at all."

Her expression saddened a little.

"I frighten people. I… I see things – things people don't understand. I know when something is going to happen. It's – it's like a dream, or a hallucination, but it's so much more vivid. I'm not crazy." She added in quickly.

I looked at her for a moment, dropping my hands from her neck.

"You see things?" I repeated. "What kind of things?"

Her lips came together in a hard line as she looked at me with her large blue eyes.

"Like…when you came in here, I knew what your intentions were. I knew you didn't want to hurt me, like some of the other doctors. They're always jamming needles into me. I don't like it at all."

"You see things before they happen." I spoke softly. "You have… premonitions. Visions of the future?"

"I'm not crazy!" she said rapidly, a hysterical edge to her voice. She gripped onto my arm. "Really, I'm not! People just don't understand! Any… any time I mention it…" she started to choke up. "T-They give me stick me on that awful electrical machine! P-Please d-d-don't t-tell them I s-said anything to y-you… Please Carlisle-"

She was openly crying now. Her eyes were dilated, full of torture and despair. Through that, I remembered that she knew my name. I didn't even tell her that. I looked at her, awe-struck. Carefully, I wiped one of her tears away, and tilted her chin up to look at me.

"I won't say anything, Alice. I promise you." My eyes burned with the sincerity of my statement. She seemed to calm down immediately. She shuddered and sucked back a few more tears, sniffing, before she nodded.

"T-Thank you." She whispered, wiping the rest of her tears away. "I don't like it here."

"I wouldn't either." I replied sadly. "Turn around for me, Alice?"

She obeyed. I carefully lifted up her hospital gown, and probed the back of her neck, and her sides, and carefully down her spine. Again, I felt the heat, the blood pulse beneath wherever I touched her. As I ran my hand down her spine, I felt her shiver and goose bumps followed my fingers.

"Face me again." I asked her politely, and again, she did as I said. I took my stethoscope from beside me, and put it in my ears. "So Nurse Whitney tells me a man visits you frequently. He's your only visitor. Who is he?"

"I don't really know." Was her response. "He just comes in and looks at me. He touches my cheek sometimes, and he's cold, like you."

I became stiff; rigid. I froze.

"Cold like me?" I echoed. "Just like me, or a bit warmer?"

"Just like you." Alice shook her head. "He looks at me funny. And his smile sends awful shivers down my spine. I don't like him at all."

My face became stony as I placed the end of the stethoscope on her heart. Even though that was unnecessary, I could hear her heart just fine without the object, but I figured it might be strange if I gave her an evaluation on her heart without using the stethoscope.

"I'll make sure the nurses don't let him in next time, okay Alice? If he makes you uncomfortable."

She just nodded, and closed her eyes as I checked her heart beat. It was a lot louder through this stethoscope. But I could tell it picked up the pace quite noticeably when I pressed it against her chest. I cleared my throat, uneasy. I usually got this reaction from female patients, it wasn't uncommon at all. In fact, I'd grown used to it. But it was the way that Alice was reacting to my touch – it wasn't a fluttering nervousness or constant giggling. It was sensual. That's what made me so uneasy.

I removed the stethoscope quickly and threw it in my bag. Alice's eyes opened and she looked at me with large blue eyes.

"I'm sorry." She apologized. "It's just… it's nice, you know? Not to be touched in a way one would touch something poisonous."

I chuckled at that.

"It's quite alright, Alice." I reassured her, picking up my light and clicking it on. I held up my pale index finger. "Look here."

She did as I said as I flickered the light right to left.

"Well, everything seems to be fine with you Alice. Except for your throat. I'll prescribe something for you. Lozenges, perhaps. The cold itself seems to have passed." I put the rest of my things back in my bag.

"Will you come visit me again, ?" she smiled up at me, taking a hold of her bear and hugging it against her chest again. Despite the fact she looked happier now than she did last time she was doing this same action, I felt my heart twist inside my chest. Agony pounded at my ribcage. I looked at her innocent face, so sad and sweet at the same time. Melancholy. I couldn't say no.

"If you'd like to see me again, Alice, then I will drop by." I smiled at her. A large smile broke out across her face, and the happiness in her eyes made me want to jump with joy. And that was saying something, considering I barely felt that emotion while I was working.

"Will you come back tomorrow?" she urged, leaning forward slightly, her face so full of hope it was heartbreaking.

"Yes." I answered when I found my voice. "If that's what you'd like."

"I'd like that very much." She confirmed, the large smile still on her face.

I grinned back. Hesitantly, I reached out and stroked her head with my hand in one quick motion. She seemed startled, but pleasantly so, by the touch. I bit back the excess venom that flowed into my mouth. My throat ached, but all this was easily ignored.

I shocked myself when I did this. I never comforted my patients in an intimate way. And the pat – or the touch – I gave her was certainly so. I quickly got up and headed over to the door, rapping on it quickly.

"See you tomorrow, ." Alice called happily from behind me, leaning against her pillows with the teddy bear clutched close to her.

I turned around and smiled again.

"See you tomorrow, Alice." I whispered. At that moment, the door opened, and I hastily stepped out of the room. I didn't look at Nurse Whitney again, as I moved towards the other rooms to check on the other patients. I was anxious to get home. I wanted to see Esme and Edward. I forebode myself to look forward to seeing Alice tomorrow. It would be an obligation, to make a sad girl happy again, even if just for a while. I couldn't grow attached to a patient.

I sighed sadly as I remembered her face, her beautiful eyes, the way she smiled, and the way she smelled. The way she acted, the way she spoke…

This was going to be harder than I thought.


Okay, okay! I know I'm supposed to be writing Averse Entwine, b-but! After seeing Twilight for the millionth time again (I kid you not) I had to write an Alice/Carlisle fic. Please lemme know what you think!