Disclaimer: Alexander the Great belongs to history. The characters belong to Oliver Stone and Mary Renault and… Well they're not mine.


Sometimes I'm disgusted at myself.

The sun is shining bright this morning, but that does nothing to warm the crisp morning air. I sit up slowly, reveling in the heat of my fur blankets. The cold air hits my chest, and I surpress a grimace. What would people think if they knew the great Mecedonian king was afraid of the cold?

My eyes drifted to the sleeping form faced away from me, and at first I thought it was Hephaistion, but at closer look confirms that it was Bagoas. The lithe Persian boy had found a place in my bed many nights this week. I can't help myself- he's so willing and exotic, a true piece of art. I remembered last night's events hazily, my memory blurred from the fact that I had had far too much alchohol. However I did remember the way the long-haired boy's back arched so perfectly, and the way his thighs felt against my hips.

Well, hello down there! A certain part of my body had begun to wake up.

I remembered how cold it was last night. It was so unusually cold that I had to wear furs. But after I drank, all I could feel was heat.

I smiled lazily, drinking in the moment. My hand moved on its own accord, caressing Bagoas' hair, wondering how in the world it got to be such a deep crow black. He stirred slightly, but did not wake.

It was still rather early, and I had a slight headache from last night. I'm so used to drinking that hangovers don't bother me very much anymore.

My thoughts wandered to Hephaistion, and here I am, wondering when was the last time we'd made love.

I honestly couldn't remember, and it wasn't just because of my headache.

Oh, gods, what have I done?

Again I stole a look at Bagoas, sleeping peacefully, sharing his body heat, and I thought about how cold Hephaistion must've been last night as he lay in his bed alone.

I imagined him shaking under his furs, and reaching out towards something that wasn't there on the other side of his bed. Something, someone that should've been there.

The tears of guilt came without my permission, and soon I was trembling. My breath started to hitch, and I hurridly wiped away the tears that threatened to fall.

"Als'kander?" I heard Bagoas' soft breath of a voice behind me. "Are you alright?" I felt a hand on my shaking shoulder.

"Yes," I replied with as much strength I could muster. "It's just… Very cold. That's all."

Sometimes I'm disgusted at myself.

-x- End –x-

Yay! I wrote a fic that has nothing to do with Anime! I thought it wasn't possible!

Well anyways, I've always been intruiged by Alexander's relationship with Hephaistion… And you must admit there's a lot of conflict between Alexander, Bagoas and Hephaistion. Hope you guys all enjoyed this! Please leave a review and tell me what you think!