A Rock and a Hard Spot

By Light Catastrophe

Rating: M

Warnings: yaoi, swearing, emo!Sasuke, AU, bad attempts at humor, etc. Pairing: SasuNaru

Summary: Well, in Sasuke's defense, he'd never imagined Naruto to be quite so domineering.

Disclaimer: I own a laptop, a Zen calendar, and not much else.

Babblings: This was written for a Secret Santa exchange over at ochiba . net for kretchet.

Also, the original ideas were mine, but the rest were spoon fed to me by my bestest buddy and muse, Emma (or Em-kun as she likes to be called when I'm using my sexy voice), when I ran out of inspiration. She officially owns my soul now.

Also, also, the italicized section is a flashback.

Also, also, also, this is un-beta-ed. Haha. My bad.


Love teaches even asses to dance.

-French Proverb

For as long as Sasuke could remember, he had always been the best. Teachers loved him; girls adored him; guys looked upon him with respect. His grades topped everyone else's. He had the most money. And, of course, he always looked the best.

Most of all, though, Sasuke had always been the best at running, or, rather, running away.

So when he found himself caught between a rock and a hard place (the rock being a freezing cold brick wall and the hard place being a certain blonde's… well, you understand), what did he do? He shoved the offending blonde off before he lost what remained of his virtue and high-tailed it out of the vicinity as fast as his long legs could carry him.


Because that's what Uchiha Sasuke did best.


Naruto blinked, rubbed his eyes, then blinked again, his confounded brain still trying to process the events of just a few short moments prior. He certainly hadn't meant for anything to happen. But then again he hadn't mentally prepared himself enough to lay eyes upon such an extraordinarily sexy Sasuke.

"Damn it, Sasuke," he muttered, glaring off in the general direction of the Uchiha's dramatic stage exit.

Snow drifted down from purple-tinted clouds, dusting the pavement in a fine layer of white – the year's first snowfall, and just in time for Christmas break. Naruto sighed, rubbing at his arms, trying to create some semblance of warmth. Leave it to Sasuke to make Naruto forget a vital part of his wardrobe: his bright orange coat.

Sasuke had begged Naruto not to by it. If he hadn't been stopped by his inner Uchiha conscience, he would have been rolling on the floor, pleading with Naruto not to buy it. Which is exactly why Naruto had marched right up to the cashier, coat in hand, and paid for it with the credit card he'd stolen from Iruka (with every intention of giving it back).

Naruto gave the retreating Uchiha one last glance before heading inside the school. Everyone was gone already, quickly retreating for the comfort of their own homes, away from school and homework and all the drama that comes with being a teenager. Suddenly, inspiration came to the blonde mess which he liked to call "his noggin" and slow smirk made its way across his face. Oh, yes, Naruto had a plan.


Sasuke was simply being Sasuke one day, as per usual, doing what Sasuke did best: being brilliant.

"Now, class, does anyone remember the capital of Iran?" The teacher, Kakashi-sensei, sat in front of the group of impressionable high school students. One hand was clutching at what appeared to be a porn novel (not that Sasuke knew much about porn, right? Right.), the other spinning a ruler with scarily sharp edges and seemed to be precariously close to slipping completely from his abnormally long fingers. Nonetheless, Sasuke was not perturbed. Immediately, his hand shot in the air.

Kakashi-sensei sighed, but didn't bother to look up from his book. "Yes, Sasuke?"

"The capital of Iran is Baghdad," Sasuke stated, loudly, just because he was so proud of recalling such an obscure fact.

And then – a snort came from the other side of the room and another hand was raised. A very tan hand above a very blonde head. Kakashi even had the grace to lift his head and gaze at Sasuke with a look of curiosity. "Mr. Uchiha, the capital of Iran is in fact not Baghdad."

Sasuke's pulse quickened. What? No. He couldn't have gotten it wrong. He had aced the world capitals test. Kakashi must have said Iraq, because Sasuke never answered a question wrong and… oh, the embarrassment.

"Naruto, do you know the answer?" Kakashi asked.

The blonde head nodded up and down frantically before saying, "It's Tehran."

Sasuke knew that. Sasuke knew that. How could he have answered that wrongly? How did that – WHERE DID THIS IDIOT GET OFF STEALING HIS LIMELIGHT? Oh, yes, he was pissed. But, of course, he hid his ire behind a grin of pure evil. The blonde moron would not last long once Sasuke got to him. Now he only had to wait seven more minutes until the bell rang until he could march over to the other side of the room and strangle the dumbass.

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. TICK. TICK. TICK. TIIICK. TIIIICK. TIIIIICK.

Someone was making the clock's ticking louder and longer just for the hilarity of seeing Sasuke delve deeper and deeper into the realms of insanity. He tapped his fingers on the desk in front of him to the rhythm of the clock, earning him a few well-deserved stares. He tried not to let the stares bother him, however. It wasn't as though he hadn't already received more than a few stares in his lifetime. After all, he was Uchiha Sasuke, King of All That Does and Does Not Move.


He was out of his seat and on the other side of the classroom before the bell even had time to finish its toll. The blonde's shirt was in his grasp. Now all he had to do was slide his hands up that tanned neck and…

The idiot was smiling. No. He wasn't smiling; he was grinning like the Cheshire Cat.

This bump in his plans only stalled Sasuke for a moment. After all, he was a man on a mission. "BITCH, DON'T EVEN THINK YOU CAN BE AS COOL AS ME!"


It was at that moment when Naruto could have used a witty comeback. He should have something extraordinarily smart to throw the raging lion aback. But Sasuke had simply caught him too off his guard.

So what did he do? He did the next best thing that came to mind. He grabbed Sasuke around the scruff of his neck and gave him a head butt that would have made Gaara proud. In fact… he heard a loud thump behind him as said redhead fell out of his desk because he was laughing so hard.

Naruto blinked and blinked again as he tried to make sense of what he saw in front of him. Sasuke was holding his nose as blood dripped from it, trailing down his fingers and splattering on his extremely flattering T-shirt that showed off all his wonderful assets... Surely he couldn't have hit him that hard.

He didn't have time to ride further on that train of thought. The girl-stalkers were on the rampage.

"What did you do to Sasuke-kun??!!"

"How could you do that??!!"

The look in Sasuke's eyes was a look of pure horror, a feeling that matched Naruto's own. He should have known better than to mess with the fan club. One girl stepped forward, a pencil clutched in her fingers, aiming straight for Naruto's heart. "AAAH! THEY ARE GOING TO KILL ME!"

He and Sasuke shared a look of mutual understanding – and then they ran.


They came to a stuttering halt once they were safely on the other side of the school. Sasuke placed his hands on his knees to catch his breath while wallowing in his own self-pity. He'd just made a complete and utter fool of himself.

He was broken out of his reverie by the sound of laughter. Sasuke felt that he could fall in love with that laughter – until he realized it came with the blonde imbecile and all such thoughts were banished from his mind.

"What are you laughing at, dobe?" he demanded.

"Ahahaha," he gasped, choking for air he was chuckling so hard.

Sasuke was not amused. "What?"

"Oh… ha…" Naruto said, his laughter slowing. "It's just that… you look like such a loser."

Sasuke blinked and marched up to the massive trophy case, glaring at his reflection. There was blood everywhere. It had dripped all the way down his nose, trailed down his neck… and splattered all over his brand new shirt; the very one he had bought just the night before that the new, obscure store downtown.

"IDIOT!" he bellowed. "You ruined my new shirt. Do you have any idea how much this thing cost? Have you completely lost your mind? I have every right just to kick your–"

A shirt was shoved in front of his face – a shirt that was attached to an arm which was attached to a naked torso and smelled amazingly, wonderfully masculine. He was giving up his shirt so Sasuke would stop complaining.

"What the hell?" Sasuke stated, oh so eloquently. "It's like negative twenty degrees outside."

People were staring now, slowing down as they walked past to their next class. Naruto ignored them, standing firmly in place with his arm outstretched. "Are you gonna stand there and complain all day or are you gonna take my shirt."

Sasuke didn't like choices. In fact, most of the time, he steered clear of them. However, he couldn't avoid this one. It was either remain in a bloodied shirt all day or take this dumbass's. Somehow the choice didn't seem too hard.

He nabbed the shirt from the other boy's hand and darted off to the nearest bathroom, pointedly ignoring the laughter which had appeared once again.

Needless to say, they were friends from that point onward.


Naruto was ignoring him.

Sasuke didn't take well to being ignored. In fact, being blown off irked him more than most other things because he was Great and Amazing and no one ignored Sasuke. Not even Naruto had that privilege.

And on top of all that, it was snowing again. Snow made him lethargic. It also didn't help that he was staring at his fireplace that was about as real as Paris Hilton's face and drinking hot cocoa, freshly made by his brother. It made him want to crawl under the shag rug and die in his slumber.

Naruto hadn't texted him in two days. Naruto pretended that Sasuke didn't exist when they ran into each other at the mall just the day prior. Naruto obviously didn't care that Sasuke ran away from him. After all, he and his sexy body were arm-in-arm with two very pretty girls. And people said Sasuke was misleading. Obviously, they were very misled.

He was cruelly ripped away from his warm stupor by Itachi kicking him in the shin.

"Fuck you," Sasuke muttered.

"I love you, too, Duck-Butt," Itachi replied, affectionately.


"–is for horses, not ducks, weirdo."

Sasuke gave his brother his best death glare over his mug of steaming hot cocoa. It might have worked, except that Itachi was in a slightly buzzed state of mind and was not easily intimidated.

"G'night, little brother," he said, ruffling Sasuke's hair in a positively annoying manner. "And stop leaking emo. It's not very becoming of you." Itachi was out of the room and behind a locked door before Sasuke had the chance to attack.


"Naruto, what exactly to do you think you're doing?" Gaara asked.

Uh… Naruto would have thought that was pretty obvious. He was currently stuffing his face with ramen – and enjoying every bite of it.

"I'm–" he started after swallowing a gulp of wonderful, delicious noodles.

"I don't mean what are you doing right now. I mean, what are you doing to Sasuke?"

Naruto nearly choked on his food. Gaara knew him all too well after being his friend for so many years. He should have known better than to think that the redhead wouldn't catch on. "I'm not doing anything," he said, innocently.

"Don't feed me that load of crap," Gaara stated, nonchalantly twirling his own noodles with his chopsticks. "I know you better than that."

"Why do you always think I'm up to something? Sometimes, I'm really not doing anything." Naruto decided to take the defensive. Gaara did tend to think that he was always doing something wrong – which he did have every right to considering that Naruto usually was up to something.

Gaara stared at him blankly, not chewing up Naruto's bullshit like he would have wished. "Naruto, I sent Chouji and Shikamaru to check in on Sasuke since we haven't seen him since the beginning of the break. They came back to me and said that they had caught Sasuke curled up in Itachi's giant armchair, snuggling a giant stuffed elephant. Once I heard, I marched in and it was like the entire place was leaking emo and annoying and he refused to get up from his chair. You have to know that this is not normal Sasuke behavior and that he only does this if it is in some way related to you."

The great blonde idiot decided that it was in his best interests to keep his great big mouth shut. He even stopped chewing just in case, because when he opened his mouth stupid was bound and determined to roll out.

"Just go see him and knock some sense into that big fat duck-head of his," Gaara finished.

Naruto took a long moment to think that statement over before shaking his head.


"No," Naruto said, finally.

Gaara let out a long sigh and massaged his aching temples. "Did something happen that I should know about?"

"Um… he… um… ran away from me?" He honestly did mean for that to come out as a question. Honestly.

Eyebrows disappeared beneath the fringe of red hair, Gaara interest and curiosity piqued. "And what exactly were you doing to him when he ran away?"

"I was… um…" His entire face turned a bright red before his friend figured out what he was talking about.

Gaara's forehead made quick contact with the wood of Naruto's kitchen table before he started laughing so hard he was holding his gut, probably in a vain attempt at making his innards… stay his innards.

"What?" Naruto demanded.

"Ha… aha… it's just that…" Gaara breathed out through bouts of laughter, "you have a tendency to be a bit domineering."

Naruto then turned oddly quiet. Maybe Gaara wasn't too far off the mark.

"You'll go talk to him?" Gaara asked after a few moments of contemplative silence.

The blonde looked at him, raised an eyebrow, and laughed. "No."


Most men are not known to be the greatest planners. Gaara, Chouji, and Shikamaru were no great exception to that generalization. To their credit, they did try to get Naruto and Sasuke in the same vicinity as one another, but it ended in (near) disaster every time.

The first time, Gaara told Naruto they were going to a karaoke bar. At first, Naruto jumped on the opportunity, but then his eyes narrowed and he asked, "Is Sasuke going to be there?" And Gaara, who couldn't lie to save his life, had to comply and tell the truth.

On the second occasion, Chouji marched over to Sasuke's house and demanded that they go out bowling. Sasuke didn't much liked be talked down to, so he stepped away from his cookie baking and proceeded to punch Chouji in the nose.

The third try, Gaara tried Sasuke. "Sasuke, you need to get out of the goddamn house. You've been stuck in here since school let out. This place is starting to reek."

Sasuke arched an eyebrow at him, and attempted a glare, though it didn't accomplish much, what with is disheveled hair and all. "Of what?" he inquired.

"You," Gaara stated, bluntly, arms across his chest.

"WHAT?" Sasuke exclaimed.

The redhead stood up straight and even though he was at least a head shorter than Sasuke, at that moment, he seemed like a giant – a giant who wasn't about to back down. "We've all had about enough of you and your never-ending pout. You haven't been out since you saw Naruto at the mall. If you don't come with us, Chouji, Shika, and I are all going to drag you kicking and screaming, and you will end up making a fool out of yourself in front of the general public."

It didn't take Sasuke long to contemplate. "Where are we going?"

Gaara smirked. "A movie. You have ten minutes."

A panicked look came over Sasuke's face. "Ten minutes?" he screeched. "I can't make myself presentable in ten minutes. I've got to have at least…"

"You have ten minutes," Gaara repeated. Sasuke didn't need to be told again. He sprinted to the bathroom in record time.


Naruto thought they were up to something. Not that anything they had planned wasn't going to go exactly according to his plan, but it was still annoying. Naruto didn't especially enjoy being uninformed.

"So we're going to a movie?" he asked his two companions, Shikamaru and Chouji, his vibrant blue eyes lit up with curiosity.

Shikamaru grunted in reply. "I s'pose."

Chouji grinned. "Yeah. We're gonna meet Gaara here somewhere..." The movie theater wasn't in the best of shapes. In fact, it seemed that its "better days" had been some fifty years prior. But it still worked and people still went to it, unsurprisingly. People will do anything to see new movies. Like that one time with that movie with the pretty boy turned evil villain with a hissy voice? People lined up for days to see that. With the strangest looking costumes on.

Suddenly, Naruto had the inexplicable urge to pee.

"Uh, guys?" he said, his knees starting to shake together. "I really need to use the little boy's room."

Both sidekicks gave him a look that said, "Please, go before you pee on the floor."

And then Naruto ran as fast as he could to the room with the little face-less man marking it. Just as he flung open the door, he ran directly into one Uchiha Sasuke and was slightly startled at the wet feeling of something sticky seeping into the fabric of his brand new shirt. All of a sudden, the need to pee left him, lifted into the air by some heavenly angel.

Sasuke gave Naruto his best grumpy face – and all it did was succeed in making Naruto want Sasuke more. "Do you make it your job to run into people all the time?" Sasuke demanded.

"Oh, so you're going to talk to me now?" Naruto asked, amused.

"No, I'm not talking to you. I'm just wondering why you always feel the need to run into me," Sasuke explained.

Naruto felt a grin widen on his face as he pushed Sasuke back into the bathroom with the tip of his long, slender finger. "Listem, Sasuke, this is your fault this time. I'm the one that has soda all over my shirt–"

They stopped and stared – and both burst out in a fit of laughter at the irony of it.

Then, suddenly, in a fit of god-knows-what, Sasuke slapped his friend across the cheek, pulled his shirt over his head and threw it at the offending blonde. "You were bloody ignoring me for the past week and a half," Sasuke fumed.

Oh, God, he was beautiful when he was angry, Naruto mused, and before he could stop himself, he had leaned forward and his lips connected once again with the Uchiha's.

"AHHH!" Sasuked yelled and threw his hands up in the air. "Go the hell away." He stormed out, nearly leaving a blaze of fire behind him.

"Dammit," Naruto muttered to himself, blaming his instincts on his bad timing. But then he realized that he still had Sasuke's beautiful shirt clutched in his hand. If he knew anything about Sasuke after all these years, it was that he would be wanting his shirt back. A wide smirk settled across his features. "Now I have you, Sasuke."


Sasuke wanted his shirt back. That was one of his favorites and he had only thrown it on that day to make himself presentable.

Now, three days later, Sasuke desperately wanted his shirt back and he was going to get it – once he managed to drag himself off the couch and out the door. He could just have one of his many minions go and pick the shirt up for him, but that was probably exactly what the bastard wanted.

"You know you're going to do it," Itachi pointed out to him. Sasuke wasn't entirely sure which part Itachi was talking about, but he was probably right. He was overly protective of his clothes. He didn't just randomly go to the store and buy clothes. No, Sasuke thought about them. And thought and thought and thought and…

"Fine," he stated, standing up and giving in.

Itachi smiled. He knew his brother wouldn't last long.

He took the time to walk the two blocks to Naruto's hpuse in the snow. It wasn't like he was in a hurry or anything, right? Before he knew it, though, Naruto's house stood ominously in front of him. He sighed in a very un-Uchicha-like manner and went up to ring the doorbell.

A few seconds later, after a very rushed scramble of feet, the door opened to reveal a smiling Naruto wearing nothing but a pair of pants. Sasuke gulped at the sight of his friend's toned abs and the gentle hue of his skin and the naughty trail of blonde hair leading straight to…

"I was wondering when you'd be stopping by," Naruto said, stepping aside to let Sasuke in out of the cold. The other willingly complied and shuffled inside.

"I assume you want your shirt back?" Naruto asked, absently, while staring at Sasuke.

Sasuke nodded, finding himself oddly turned on.

"Well, you aren't getting it back until you agree to something."

"Huh? What?" Sasuke murmured, almost silently.

Naruto's dominating lips found their way to Sasuke's again. For once, he didn't run, he didn't hide, he didn't slap anyone. He simply let himself be kissed and had to bite back a moan that had decidedly lodged itself in his throat. Maybe he actually liked being dominated. Now that was a thought.

When the blonde finally pulled back, Sasuke's lips were red and tender, but he wanted to scream at Naruto for more. He didn't, however. He still had his Uchiha pride.

"Date me," Naruto whispered in Sasuke's ear, sending tremors through his body. "And you'll get your shirt back."

Sasuke glowered at the other man and pretended to pout and huff, but in the end he finally gave a grudging, "Okay. But if you ever run into me again, I won't hesitate to all out punch you."

Naruto let out a scream of delight and did a strange little dance that almost made Sasuke regret his decision. But then they were kissing again and all protest was gone from his lips.

Besides, in Sasuke's defense, he'd never imagined Naruto to be quite so domineering.


Babblings: -dies- Gawd, I'm so sorry that was so horrible. But it was fun to write. Please tell me what you rhought, even if you completely hated it.

We all know Sasuke is a sucker for romance.