Wow. Final chapter! I was getting a sickly feeling about this one. This chapter will hopefully be the best since it explains much of unanswered answers and wraps up romantic relationships. I found this chapter utterly exciting, but also a little difficult. I had fun adding the angst in Cecaniah in this chapter and her neverending emoness. Happy endings are oh so awesome, but sad endings are of the best I can think of. Cliffhangers suck ass. Soooo I expect negative reviews and maybe some positive.
Be. Happy. Dammit. I'm not going to rewrite it over. Ja, Oyasumi Nasai and Sayanora. Oh also!!! I didn't fail this semester of grade 8!!!!! YaY!
I don't own Code Geass.
I lay here waiting patiently on a brick floor. Moisture and leaks inhabit the cracks of the prison cell I am, but none of this matters. I rest my head on the dirty stone floor which presses its cold material against me. I do no stir. I do not even cry. Instead I lay there, waiting. Waiting for what? I did not know. I did not deserve to be saved. If this was my destiny, living in a small barred room with meals served to me once a day, I gladly accept it. Living with Marianna as she made my life hell? I encouraged it. It was the only way to repent for having Shirley's blood on my hands.
Thinking of Shirley makes my heart wretch and my eyes moisten with that cursed liquid substance. If I had let her go to the dance with Lelouch, she could've been safe. If I had not wished her dead she wouldn't be. It ached so much. Just the thought of her bright and beautiful hair soaked in blood while her hands and face paled to the color of snow, choked me. I had witnessed more deaths before, brought more even. This one however made a scar in my life.
Whenever I thought of her, I grabbed broken glass and slashed my wrists. Sometimes even my neck, but not enough so I could die. I had taken on a masochistic behavior for you Shirley. That still is not enough. It will never be enough to make up for the life you could of had which I took from you. I took your life, dammit and it's killing me. Killing me inside. My blood which I forced out of my body with sharp objects was less pain than thinking of you.
My hair is greasy and straw like, for my captors only allowed me one shower a week. In cold stinging water while the males snickered as I screamed when the water hit my skin. My dress is ragged and smells of rats. My arms are bony and my ribs are showing. I feel to fatigued to get up. I do not sleep on a bed, instead I sleep on this cold floor.
Marianna visited me daily and chuckled at the sight of my demise. Then she would take out a whip and give me a lashing that left purpley red marks engraved in my skin. She did not today and sounded rather facetious as she said. "You look so beautiful today darling." I barely lifted my eyes and kept them staring blankly at a crack in the wall. She didn't like this, but continued on with her remarks. "You could be a princess for all we know." She smirks at the thought and shakes her head in dismay.
"Cecaniah, you have quite a talent. That geass of yours is remarkable." My geass. I had not used it since me and Lelouch's last mission before prom. Pondering on Lelouch made me slightly happy. I let the though seep into me until I was almost glowing of memories of him. Then I felt sadness all seep through me because I thought of how much I missed him.
"It's a curse." I murmur.
"A useful curse. A curse that could take over the world."
My eyes traveled to hers in question. I didn't know what she meant and it was just of me to find answers unanswered provocative.
"I have a deal to make with you." She smiled. "A deal you can't refuse."
I do not answer. This was probably one of her trickery. Just an act to make me more pained. I was broken beyond repair I would try to convince myself. I knew better though. She could break me down til there was nothing left and the only thing I could do was endure it. This fact only made me more doleful.
"What if I promised you a way out of here? What if I said I could let you live in luxury for the rest of your life?"
"No." I reply blandly.
"You haven't even heard my proposal." She retorts in spite.
"I...don't need to." I reply dryly. I dwell on Shirley. "I deserve to.... be unhappy."
She grips my hair tightly. "I could end your life here and now girl."
I pause. With hesitation I sigh and say. "Take it." I had no right to a life. My life was just a nuisance and brought suffering to all those around me. The only generous thing I could do for the suffered was to end my life. A selfless act that would forever keep them in a morsel of protection.
She quickly heads down to the corridor in a huff and turns her head for a final glare. She was angry which did not bring pleasure, but a sense of pride. I had stood up to her, but also had let her see I was not tremulous of the thought of dying. My eyes cross to the other side of this barred cage and notice a man slumping in his own prison cell. Like me, he is malnourished, deprived of any euphoria, and utterly depressed. His hair is greasy like mine and is brown and short while his skin is fairer than mine. His eyes are purple like lilacs, but sent shivers down my spine. Not because they were frightening, but because they looked at me intensely in a way I didn't understand.
"I would have taken her offer." He says to me as he chews on a leaf. "Any things better than this hell hole."
"That is your opinion. I can think of far worse." I say coldly. I hug my knees together and stare impatiently as he chews more on his leaf and nibbles on its green substance. This habit of his irks me to no end.
"I'm Rollo." He says finally.
I sigh. "I'm..." I downcast my eyes. I think of what the student council and Nunnally used to say to me. "I'm C.C."
"Initials?" He asks while tilting his head.
"Yeah." I look at him as though to say 'you got a problem with it?'. He doesn't flinch, though I see him feel nervous. "Why are you here?"
"Why everyone else is here." He stands up and nods his head in different directions of different cells.
I was confused. Was I the only one who didn't fit in here? "And that would be?"
"Were all Geass wielders." My mind shuts down. I stand up which is nearly hard to do and cling to the bars as I scan the area. There were almost fifty people here. I don't quite get it. Why would Marianna keep so many Geass wielders? Why was she going through all the trouble to capture these people?
"What geass do you have?" Rollo asks. I feel barely conscious of the question. "I make people stop what their doing. Of course my geass also affects me by slowing down my heart rate so I never use it."
"I..." I choke. "I can make anyone fall in love with me."
I fall still. Why didn't this make sense? It seemed as though I had all the puzzle peices, but I couldn't fit them together. Was I placing them in the wrong places? I take a breath inwardly and fall backwards. My world goes black and my mind turns off. It left me to sweet dreams of me and Lelouch and nightmares of Shirleys death. Guilty as sin I was and yet I induldged in my own sweet thoughts of love.
I was called to the main council room of the Brittanian area by Marianna along with a few other geass weilders. Rollo being one. We all hunched over glumly and walked as though expecting a beating. Normally my heart would race at any conceptualization of what they may do like whippings. I, however, felt to weary to make any trivialities.
When I walked it was as though weights were attached to my shoulders and my head was made of legs. My eyes even felt to tired to move quickly and gaze at our surrounding. All I had gathered that the once stone cracked floor beneath me was now replaced with elegant tiles with a honeycomb color. I just want to sleep ad rest my head on the cold stone floor. I want to feel the bitter pain of guilt seep into me as I would press my body and let it go numb.
There are to people beside me, one who is just as gloomy as I, and one who is shaking in hysterics. The persons fear makes me chuckle lightly, for I could no longer understand his fear. I had endured enough fear to where fear did not exist.
We enter a room filled with other prisoners and before us lay Marianna and someone with white judge like hair who was bigger than most. I suspected he was a suitor of Marianna for he pressed close to her in a sultry way. I felt the yearning to be with Lelouch in that way. I missed his haughty ways and his silken hair and his amethyst eyes as they would pierce into me as though my whole world was being revealed to him. A tear escaped my eye and before I knew it I was sobbing into my hand. I desiderata him. The truth of my longing only made me weep more.
I listened half heartedly as Marianna gave a speech on the greatness of Brittania. My ears had felt like a thick covering of plastic or some sort of layer closed them off. The only real sound I could hear clearly was the echo of my own cries. Marianna then told us why we were here.
"Have you all endured torture? Sadness?" She asked. Most nodded, few were still in a schizophrenic state. "Do you just want it to go away? To feel control?"
I felt myself nodding too. I loathed this feeling that resided in my heart. It tore away my whole life and everything that could mean importance to me. It led me to a life of isolation and a malnutrition and deprived of human interaction. I needed this feeling to go away like a starving person needed food.
"I could give you that." She had said. "I could make you feel as though everything is in your hands."
"You can live in happiness. You can finally feel the freedom of life without strings pulling you back. Does it tire you? The way you're different and don't fit in? I can make you feel as though you're special and of value." Marianna lifted her arms in a weird pose. "All you have to do is join us."
Gasps were heard as well as my own. I thought that the reason I was here was to only torment me more, but to join them? Doing what?
"We have been building an army." My eyes opened widely. In a Black Knight meeting we had gone over the chances of Brittania building an secret army. I tasted to the brink of surprise melt on my lips. Marianna continued with much more frightening valor. "We the Brittanian empire seek power, but who doesn't? We can't do it without you and with your geass powers we can achieve it. The whole world will bow down before you and love you for the miracle you will create."
My lips went dry. I had noticed something finally that I had not noticed before. "H-how..." People turned towards me and Marianna once again displayed her mocking glare. "How did you know we all went through torment? How did you know we were all suffering?"
Murmurs flew around the room and Marianna's smile had turned into a frown.
'My brother died mysteriously, recently. How could they have known? His death was covered up by a lie of him transferring!'
'My father just became an alcoholic about three years ago and started to...'
'The girls at my school had one day just suddenly started to pick on me! They were never like that until a couple years ago...'
"You abused me!" I shouted. "And then you broke Lelouchs sisters legs! Your the one making us suffer!" I gripped my shoulders until it bled, closed my eyes and screamed. "Why do you want to hurt us so much?!" My lips quivered. "I never....I don't even know you!" People had stopped talking and were now surrounding me with their eyes giving me that shared pain look. "Why did you make make our lives hell? WHY!?" I stopped talking and grasped my throat. My anger had been released and momentary sorrow in my words and I felt as though a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. The feeling of the lifted weight made me feel stronger and I stood up straight to express it.
Marianna only laughed. Everyone turned towards her as she feel into hysterics as she released laughs that were throaty and dreadful. The man beside her soon joined her and they laughed together in a course. In an indignated voice I said: "What the hell is wrong with you?"
Marianna smiled. "We....Heh...Hah...Needed to break you. Don't you see you moronic girl? Would you have joined us if you had led a happy life? Would you have joined us if you had a reason to live besides this purpose? I think not!" Realization hit me and it felt like a blow to my chest. As though a bullet had shot through my heart and was pumping furiously at the reacted bullet. "I geassed your mother and consumed her body! I beat you thinking of how I could use you in the future! Killing that citrus girl, Shirley, was just a bonus on how to crush you! I let my husband break my daughters legs and let him 'kill' me so that I could one day have my son be an accomplice in our goal...our dream! I don't want just a small empire! I want the world, and with you I can make it the best world man has ever stepped on!"
"No!" I shreiked. I wouldn't become a monster. I wouldn't become what she anticipated for me to be. I did not thirst for power. I thirsted for the loving embrace of someone who could understand me and accept me as the tainted girl I am. I had that. I had Lelouch, yet I still let myself keep on believing I was alone and no one had come close to the trauma of my life experience. But I was never alone. I always had someone beside me watching my every step. Lelouch!
Now I understood, and I had taken advantage of the good life I had developed. Dread had not fallen on me, but quite the opposite. I was blithed that I had the experience of happiness in my life. Even if it would end now I would die with a smile, for I lived a considerate happy life. So in a way Marianna, I thank you. I owe you my deepest gratitude, for you made my life through sorrow and pain find my love.
"Thank you." I had whispered. No one had understood why I was crying now and why I was thanking her. Not even Marianna knew why I was grateful of her existence.
Just then the walls had caved in and the elegant tiles beneath me had been stained with dirt and chunks of the wall. Many had screamed many had just stared, but I had smiled for I felt the presence of Lelouch here. Sure enough Lelouch was in a Knightmare with Kallen right beside him. And Suzaku. Suzaku, the traitor. I did not care for his presence as much as I did Lelouch.
"Lelouch!" I had screamed.
His knightmare opened and out came Lelouch who was staring at me with relief. "Cecaniah!" The way he had said my name made me go light hearted and the world only consisted of me and him. He had not changed much as I recalled, but he was skinnier and bags were under his eyes. He still held the handsome face I fell in love with. We ran to each other dodging over people and wall chunks as thogh those obstacles were meaningless. Soon enough we had caught up to each other and fell into an embrace. His warm skin burned me with the passion I desired for weeks. I tugged onto him as he did to me.
"Why didn't you come earlier?" I had demanded as I sniffled and sobbed.
He didn't reply, but only held me closer. I had heard the clashing of knightmares in the background. That didn't matter though for I had all I needed in my arms. He smelt pleasantly and the aroma of his skin, something like Lilacs, made me inhale him and let my lips lightly touch his neck and then his hair.
Suzaku interrupted the scene which made me sullen. My happy moment was ruined, but at the same time I was relieve to see him. I had pined for him too. Not in a romantic way, but in a way that made me feel as though a part in my life was being ripped from my body.
Lelouch held his cavalier attitude. He still held me, but glanced at Suzaku then at Marianna whose face was blank. "Let me get Cecaniah to a safe place for a while. Please take care of my mother for now."
"No the deal was to save Cecaniah. I'll take her. Then I'll kill you."
The final sentence made me go limp. Kill Lelouch? After I just got him back? That would be unbearable and I had the urge to protect him like a mother protects her newborn child. I stepped in between him and Suzaku and said. "I won't let you. If you kill him it's like your killing me."
Suzaku stared at me. Anguish evident in his eyes. "Cecaniah..." He replied. "He's a killer."
"I don't care." I felt stronger. Stronger than ever before. "I love him."
We stared at each other unblinking until his eyes closed and he sighed gloomily. "I love you." I coukdn't see Lelouch's reaction, but mine was astonished. I had not realized Suzaku to have these feelings for me. The thought of it made my heart stop and my head feel like a waterfall was pouring water up there. My head felt dizzy and heavy and I had to look down and close my eyes.
"I know you don't love me in that way." He utters sadly.
A loud clapping sound fills my ears and I turn to Marianna whose clapping her hands and in a very disturbed effervescent voice vocalizes: "How very dramatic! Two thumbs up!"
"Mother!" Lelouch yells. I see anger rise in him and it reminds me of a song I had once listened to. Colors by crossfade and Lelouch was emitting the color of hate. Black.
"Hello, Lelouch." She is not unnerved by him.
He takes out his gun without hesitance aims, but does not shoot. Instead he stares at her with tears leaking from his eyes. She looks as though she's welcoming death. For this fact makes him almost melancholic. His mother who he had loved, nursed him, and probably reassured him when he was afraid was going to be staining her blood on his hands. Not only that, but my mother would go with his.
Urgency had entered me like a swift wind. My mother was still in there. Somewhere in the blackness of her consumed heart was she there awaiting for her death so I could live a better life. I didn't want her to die for me! I loved her so much. When she had held me and told me I was so beautiful. When she had kissed my forehead before I was asleep and hugged me randomly throughout the day.
It would al be gone. Forever.
I grabbed the gun from Lelouch and threw it on the floor. He gave me a surprised look. "Cecaniah..."
"No..." I uttered. "My mother! She's still in there!" I gripped his shoulders and began to shake him back and forth. "Do you understand me? My mothers still in there!"
"Cecaniah." He gives me a pained look. The look only makes me feel more urgent to stop him.
Marianna chuckles. Her boyfriend, the white haired judge looking guy, has fled and left his woman behind to share her insanity with us. "That's right. Even right now do I hear her speaking to me. She's saying 'Don't put one hand on my precious Cecaniah!'" Marianna shakes her head. "It's quite pitiful. You're mother still looking out for you."
Suzaku shakes his head quickly. "Give her mother back to us!"
My mind spins with possible solutions. How could I bring back my mother? Was it even possible? Was there no hope. Thinking of how there would be no hope or no way of saving her from Mariaanas clutches made me drown in despair. I am naturally a cynical and pessimistic person. Now, I wished that I could believe there was hope. To be sanguine. Optimistic. A believer. My geass could not help me this time. But wait...Lelouch....
"Lelouch!" I said. He turned towards me. His face blank. "Have you ever used you're geass on you're mother?"
"No. That won't work still. My geass doesn't work on you so it probably doesn't work on..."
"Lelouch." I said looking down. "Your geass won't work on me not because I'm also a geass weilder, but because sometime in the future your geass knew I would do every thing you told me to do without question. My geass wouldn't work on you because sometime in the future you would fall in love with me. Without my geass."
"It can be true."
His face is grim, but his features relax in an almost pleasant form. "I'll try." (A/N: This is where everyone goes WTF?)
His eyes glowed blood red. Marianna stepped backwards. Then, like a bird it flew swiftly into her eyes. The next thing that happened was beautiful and unbelievable. A soul in the shape of my mothers natural form had become crystal white. A soul that was black that represented Marianna had began to diminish into nothing, but tiny sparkles. My mothers soul smiled at me. Her smile made me grow lukewarm. Then she stepped back into her own body and disappeared.
I walked up to my mother. Every step I took I felt like a different person. The woman who would continually haunt me, now lay as nothing, while the woman who I loved so deeply and cared for me with the correct devotion of a mother, was right where she was supposed to be.
Her eyes opened and they were moist with tears. I did not see the look of animosity of loathing, but the look of love.
My life did have a happy ending. I was forever with Lelouch and my mother side by side. My life was filled with pleasentries only dreamed about in a fairy tale. The princess got her prince, her pride, and a happy ending. I was not allowed to continue my work in the Black Knights organization due to my moms worrisome habits.
It's fine. I wouldn't have it any other way.
Lelouch still attempts to kill his father. Now he has someone he can be open with about to his plans. Someone he could act like himself around. I lost contact with Suzaku a month ago. Since then I have feared for Lelouch's life.
As I walk with him on our first date I stop to stare at the blue sky. I no longer stare at it with resentment of a pure passion of hatred. Instead I cherish it's every cloud and shade of blue that hang over the horizon.
"Where should we go?" Lelouch asks. I see his eyes wander to the sky too.
"Pizza Hut." I smile. "Unless you want to go to the beach to see some half naked girls."
He frowns. Apparently my sense of humor never changes.
Instead he grabs my hips and pulls me closer to him. "Let's go to Pizza Hut."
Most people would like to hear more. Of how I conquer Brittania alongside Lelouch. But the ending of the story is normally the happy ending and this is my happy ending. This is where I have crossed over to bliss.
The end. (Sucky huh?)