So, Im not sure if I can even do this well. So please review and tell me what you think. After reading a lot of Bella fanfics, I decided I would like to try my hand and writing my very first FanFic.
I absolutely love Twilight! The series had basically taken over my life from when I was introduced to it in August. However if I could change one thing about the book, I would be Jacob Black. I am 100% team Edward and new Moon is a very difficult thing for me to read, I hate that Bella gets closer to him and that Edward is gone for the majority of the book.
So here is my version. Like I said, I am no Stephanie Meyer, but I do worship her for the creation of these characters!
Edwards – POV
As I sat on Bella's bed with her beautifully frail body curled into mine I began to think. I had told her I was thinking about right and wrong and I knew by the reaction of her heart that she knew what that meant. She was the most important thing in my world, the most important thing ever and I was just a selfish creature leading this perfection into damnation.
I bit back a growl as I imagined what her life would be like if I hadn't complicated it. She would have had a normal boyfriend, she would have married, had children and lived a long fruitful life. If I stayed I would take all of that away from her, if I stayed the only thing left for her would be death!
I traced my cold finger over the bandage on Bellas arm. I could still smell a faint aroma of her blood on her newest scar, another scar caused by me. I know jasper didn't mean to, he just lost control, only with Bella would a paper cut mean impending doom. NO! tThat was a lie, it was because of me that a paper cut meant impending doom! I couldn't even stay in the room without thinking about killing her. When all of her blood spilled on the floor I stopped breathing but my heart nearly broke as she lay there looking at my completely blood crazed
family. She was terrified, and I couldn't even comfort her, all I could do was try and protect her, all the while knowing that it was my fault.
I tightened Bella closer to my chest, I had made my decision. It would kill me to leave her, but she would be alive and that is what mattered most. If I had to leave her to protect her then I would do it. It was impossible to think about leaving her, but painful to think about what would happen to her if I stayed. If I could cry I would be sobbing. My dead heart had broken itself into a million pieces; pieces I wanted her soft warm hands put together again but that was wrong. What was right was to get out of her life before…… ah I couldn't even think about the alternative.
Bella sighed and her face contorted in what could only be deemed as discomfort. Her arm must be really hurting and the aspirin I gave her was probably wearing off. I picked up her injured arm and placed it on mine hoping that the cold would help sooth the pain a tiny bit. It was the least I could do to since she was in pain… because of me and the monster I was.
Her lips parted slightly as she smiled and I knew that even in her dreams she sensed that I was there. She sighed and held herself closer to me and spoke the words that broke my already fractured heart into a million pieces more. "Edward, don't leave me….. I love you….. don't go." It killed me to not give her what she wanted, but her life was more valuable, more precious, to perfect to be ruined by me. I leaned down to kiss her forehead and whispered "I have to…for you". At that her arms tightened around me, I knew she was still sleeping, her breathing was still steady and her heart rate even, but even in sleep she whispered "no".
I held her close to me, burying my face in her hair. The lack of tears that I knew I should be producing right now was just another reason why the beautiful creature in my arms was not meant to be mine. I would allow myself this on night, holding her close to me, breathing in her scent. Tomorrow night I would talk to my family and we would prepare to leave; to save Bella…..my angel….. my life.
When I woke up my head was killing me and my arm did not feel too much better. On the plus side I did wake up with strong arms wrapped around me, that was a good sign. I was scared to turn and look at him, I hated the fact that I was a human, that I had to waste precious time in sleep last night. He was thinking about right and wrong, meaning he was thinking about leaving me or staying. The thought almost sent me into hysterics. "Bella?" The arms around me tightened. I sighed and turned around in his arms to face him, I still couldn't meet his eyes so I just leaned my head against his cold chest, which surprisingly made my head feel a bit better. "Whats wrong?"
I knew he wouldn't by my lie, but I told it anyway. "Nothing Edward, I was just surprised when I woke up, I don't remember falling asleep." Clearly he didn't buy that, and I heard him release his breath in huff. Surprisingly he just hugged me closer and asked me the question I was dreading, "how are you feeling? Does your arm hurt?" There was no way he was going to let me off with my lie this time, but I tried anyway. "I feel fine" I looked up at him and tried to smile, but the look on his face made my breath hitch in my throat, and my eyes widen. He did not look like Edward at all, his eyes were emotionless despite his concerned question. I almost started to cry, but I knew that I had to give him time. The increase in my heart rate did not help either, the pounding of my blood went straight to my head increasing the pain in my forehead. I winced.
At this Edward got out of my bed and walked towards my door. "Where are you going?" he turned and smiled at me, it was not the smile I loved, not my smile. It did not touch his eyes and it looked forced. "I'm getting you another aspirin and then I'm going home to change for school." I leaned back, and closed my eyes, what was he thinking? Why couldn't I be the mind reader? Just for a couple minutes. All I wanted to do was make it better, but something told me that if I tried to talk to him about last night that it would just make things worse. A cold hand touched my forehead and I opened my eyes. I sat up as Edward handed me an aspirin and a glass of water. He leaned down and kissed my forehead before he jumped out my window to head home.
I was scared. More scared than I was in the presence of james and much more than last night when jasper lost control. I had to talk to him, I just didn't know how or when to do it.
Poor jasper. He felt terrible about last night! We went hunting and I had just watched him glut himself on three bears and a few elk. I didn't need to have his ability to feel what he was feeling, he was ashamed. He was the newest to join our "vegetarian" lifestyle; he had always had a difficult time but he had never slipped up, we were always there to help him in hard times. But this was different, this was Bella, the best friend of his wife, the love of his brother, he had tried to kill her. I knew it was an action he couldn't control and I didn't blame him, neither did Bella, and even worse Edward didn't either, no Edward saved the blame all for himself.
And now the future was blurry. I had no clue which path my family was on. It kept changing, however there was one thing that was for sure, in every blurry vision I could not see Bella.
Why? "Alice? Whats wrong? I could feel your anxiety across the forest". Jaspers arms wrapped around my waist when I didn't respond. "Bella" was the only thing I could choke out "she's leaving us." Jaspers arms tightened around me and his head dropped to rest on my shoulder "I'm so sorry."
"Jasper! This is not your fault!" I turned around and latched my arms around his neck. He lifted me off the ground and held me closer. "She is Edwards true love and your best friend. My action last night have scared her, I don't blame her for wanting to be as far away from us as possible." Jaspers head slumped as he put me down on my feet and he walked away.
Just then a picture started to weave its way into my vision. Edward was standing in Bellas backyard with Bella in front of him. She looked like she was going to pass out, and Edward looked like, well…. Nothing. No emotion no nothing. Bella looked up at Edward with tears falling down her face "you don't want me anymore?" she sobbed, and Edward shook his head "your not good for me Bella."
I gasped! Immediately jasper turned around and rushed towards me. "What is it Alice? What did you see?" I looked at jasper, I knew he could feel my despair and I couldn't keep it from him regardless. "You were wrong" I said. "its not Bella who is going to leave us…… its us who are going to leave Bella." I could hear the sadness in my own voice and I knew that jasper could not only hear it he could feel it much worse than it was hitting me. I didn't want to leave her, and I knew Edward didn't either, why was he making this decision? I had to talk to Edward.
School with Bella, was excruciating! She was in pain, that much was easy to tell. Of course she was in physical pain, she had been attacked, she had stitches up her arm. She was wincing at every sound made around her, so it was quite clear that she had a headache. But it wasn't her physical pain that was killing me, it was the look in her eyes. She knew something was wrong, and it was killing her not to talk to me about it, I could tell that she was worried for my answer to her unasked question. All I wanted to do was hold her in my arms, kiss her, make her pain go away, all of her pain. I wanted to tell her everything was going to be okay, to never let her go. But I had made my decision, I was not good for Bella, I had been selfish, I had put her in danger so I could be happy. I had sacrificed her, I was a terrible person… monster… and she deserved so much more.
Bella groaned by my side touching her hands to her head, instinctively I leaned forward to cradle her to my side, but I stopped myself before I touched her. I had said my goodbyes, I would never touch her again. The thought gripped me from my insides and threatened to tear my heart out of my chest and I knew that if I could cry, tears would be falling down my face in waves right now. I stood up and Bella turned to look at me with fearful eyes. "Where are you going?" She looked seconds from tears, I was hurting her again, my angel was suffering by me staying around her, I had to give her a clean break, I had to let her go. I straightened my shoulders and looked over her head, knowing that if I looked in her eyes my plans would crumble at the sight of her emotion. "I'm going home, the sun is going to come out after lunch."
"Will you come over later? I have to work at Newton's but I'm done at 9." She sounded as if she expected my answer and she was already dejected before I spoke it aloud. "I can't, not tonight Bella. Ill see you at school tomorrow." I didn't lean down to kiss her, I merely smiled and turned to walk away. As I walked three mumbled words sent me spiraling down in a deep pool of despair, "I love you" she whispered". My voice was so low that no one heard me as I mumbled "not as much as I love you." That was true, I loved her enough to leave her, even though I knew it was going to kill me. I loved her enough to save her from me, I would never hurt Bella again. Never.