Disclaimer: I don't own Left 4 Dead, or any of it's characters or places and whatnot. I'm writing this for my own amusement.

A/N: Okay, first non-Death Note fanfiction ever. I'm hoping it doesn't suck too much.

I was just thinking about the fact that no one ever seems too surprised to see their once-dead comrade pop out from a nearby closet. And then I realized. Helicopters don't have closets. What would they do then? So I wrote this stupid little thing. If you hate it, then whatever. If you like it, then hurray for you! So, in the hopes that this isn't a complete and total fail-train, here it is.

"Oh my God..." Zoey breathed, holding back tears as she stared at Bill's lifeless corpse. "Bill's dead!"

"No way! The old man was in 'Nam! He can't be dead!" Francis growled, limping over to check. Unfortunately, Zoey was correct. In the Boomer attack that had blinded all four of them and caused Francis to nearly get his throat torn out by a Hunter, none of them had really been watching too closely. It was only just now that they noticed that they'd lost one of their members.

"Ah, hell!" Louis exclaimed, cringing at the bloody mess of their friend's body. "Why did he have to go like this?"

Zoey sniffled a bit, then held back her tears and stood tall. As much as she wanted to sit back and mourn, they couldn't risk another horde. "We have to go, guys," she choked out, silent tears running down her face.

The two living men nodded in agreement, and the three survivors limped off towards their next destination. They walked down the street and passed the alarmed car with no worry (there were no zombies left after the Boomer incident, so the walk was fairly simple) before continuing down the flight of stairs and into the lower area where they spotted the red door of the first safe room on their journey to Mercy Hospital.

Being the healthiest one left, Zoey politely held the door open for her wounded pals before following them in and closing the door behind them.

They all let out a long deep sigh while Francis and Louis patched themselves up with the first aid kits found on the table.

"It just won't be the same without Bill..." Zoey said, holding a hand over her heart and lowering her head.

"Well, it's a good thing I'm here then!" announced an elderly voice that was far too cheerful for the situation. All three survivors whipped around to face the door they'd just come through only to find none other than their dead comrade!

"Bill!" Zoey yelled, running over and wrapping him in a hug. "We thought you had died!"

"I did die!" Bill proclaimed, confusing the hell out of everyone in the room. "But it turns out, when you die here, you reappear in a nearby closet or safe house!"

"It's like some divine force from above wants you to stick with us!" Louis said with a grin.

"Like a movie director replacing a dead actor to keep his character in the movie!" Zoey added.

"I hate movie directors," Francis grumbled, earning a glare from the rest of the team.

"Well, should we keep going?" Bill said, cheering up the mood with a bright smile. Zoey and Louis cheered before grabbing their weapons and running out the safe room door, while Francis and Bill followed.

The rest of their journey went without much worry at all. They all knew now that if they died, it would only be a short time before they would be rescued. Smoker strangled Louis? Open the closet door! Boomer zombies got Zoey? Check the closet! Hunter finally got his vengeance on Francis? Just wait 'till the next closet! Tank punched Bill into next Thursday? Closet door!

Finally, they managed to make it to Mercy Hospital roof, and they could hear the helicopter flying towards them. However, at that moment, a guttural roar that quite literally shook the floors emanated from below them. All four survivors looked at each other with worry. Louis was fine, but Zoey and Francis had some minor wounds and Bill was living off the bottle of pills that he's managed to swallow all at once without dying.

"Run like hell?" Francis suggested, staring specifically at Zoey.

The lone female rolled her eyes at the use of her own words. "Yes. Run like hell."

So the four of them took off for the helipad, Louis running at the front, Zoey and Francis following behind him, and Bill trailing at the back. The helicopter arrived just as the first of many zombies stumbled out onto the roof. The horde began to flow in along with a monstrous Tank just as Louis jumped about the helicopter. He pulled Zoey aboard first, then reached out to help Francis onto the helicopter. Finally, Bill limped his way up and reached out his good arm to be pulled aboard.

Just as Louis was about to grasp Bill's hand, the Tank raged forward from the left and punched Bill right in the bleeding flesh wound. The three survivors watched in sheer horror as Bill flew like a paper airplane off the ramp and right off the roof of Mercy Hospital. The old man's screams rang out for an entire minute before he had to stop and take a breath, and then they continued for another thirty seconds before there was an audible splat that caused all of the survivors as well as the 'copter piolet to cringe. (The Tank, however, found this hilarious and let out a roar of triumph before giving a nearby Hunter a high five. Unfortunately, this high five sent the unfortunate Hunter flying off the building as well.)

The helicopter left with three sad survivors (and one scared piolet) moments later, fleeing from the celebrating Tank.


One week later, Zoey was sitting in the room of an apartment in southern Canada, a building that had been secured and guarded from the infection and housed the evacuated survivors. She sighed, staring at the TV in her room that was currently playing her favorite movie of all time. She'd watched it five times, but it still hadn't cheered her up at all. Bill's unfortunate demise had gotten to her, and she couldn't seem to get out of the funk.

However, like a lightbulb over the head of a cartoon character, Zoey was suddenly struck by inspiration. They had gotten their deceased teammates out of closets so many times before...Would it work here, even though their 'movie' was over?

It was worth a shot.

She walked over to the walk-in closet that her room had come with. She hadn't gotten new clothes yet, and hadn't yet opened it to look inside. She grabbed the doorknob with a shaking hand, then swallowed her fear and threw the door open.

The wooden door slammed against the wall, but didn't fly back hard enough to close again. Zoey stared flabbergasted as the one and only Bill stepped out of her closet and brushed off his jacket.

"Bill!" she exclaimed, tears of joy running down her face. She grabbed his wrist and dragged him over towards her door, intending to run down the hall and show Louis and Francis.

However, when she opened her front door, Louis was already standing there with a grin on his face.

The both of them stopped smiling when they each looked behind each other.

Behind Louis was Bill. The exact same Bill that was standing behind Zoey. A Bill clone.

"What the hell?" Louis exclaimed. "I just came by because I'd checked my closet to see if Bill was there, and..."

"I was just on my way to see you, because I'd found Bill in my closet!" Zoey replied.

There was a moment of silence as they both realized something.

"Francis!" they yelled in unison, hoping to hell that their third teammate hadn't opened his closet.

"No need to yell, you two!" came Francis' voice from around the corner. "I'm right here! And you'll never guess who I found in my closet!"