disclaimer: I don't own Paranoia agent.
A;N: This is Lil' Sluggers P.O.V
In my short life, I had been created from rumor. Everything down to my skates didn't belong to my own imagination. The only thing that was ever mine were my golden eyes. Those glinting orbs were the only things that were ever truly mine. It's not like I chose to exist this way. My, well, I guess she's sort of my mother, created me when she was younger. She was the first to give me my initial being. For ten years, I was a mere phantasm in her drawings. Even then, I knew my body wasn't my own. But my eyes? Those were mine. My eyes eventually gained the ability to turn completely red. I don't know if that was because of a rumor or not.
That stupid woman thought I actually enjoyed hurting people who were emotionally cornered. She was right to an extent, I did enjoy it. I enjoyed almost every bit of it. But being me is a lonely existence. Well, who do you think would hang out with a murderous kid that swung at people with a bent metal bat? You'd be wrong if you thought I never made a friend. It's been fifteen years since she's seen me, but she existed. We've both grown now. Matter of fact, at the moment, I'm watching her. Call it stalking if you want. I have no intention of letting her get hurt. There's alot of thugs in Japan. She visits here every summer. Only, now she comes with her husband and baby. I'd love to thwack the guy on his head and take that lucky prick's place. It would be easy for me to make myself look exactly like him but then there would be a sudden dissapearance of Lil' Slugger and she would probably make that connection herself. I wanted to be the one to share a bundle of joy with her. But no, she goes off and gets married. It's my fault though, I'm the one who suggested it. He's kissing her on the lips now, off to work he goes. Today is the day I tell her. I want to tell her she's mine, not his and that she has to come and stay with me and forget him. But no, that's not what I'm here to tell her.
She's looking at me now. It's the first time she's seen me in fifteen years. I'm taller and leaner, I look more like I'm in my twenties now. It's the form I want her to see me in. "Hello again," I tell her with a half-hearted smirk. "Is she mine?" Is one of the questions I want to ask. I know the answer because she and I never did anything that could lead to a child. "It's been a while," she tells me while she tries to see the past in my eyes. I can't take it much longer...it's hurting what might be my heart to tell her what I need to.
"Come with me," I blurt. That's not what I meant to say. "I can't," she answers immediately. "We, I, you...I can be a good father too!" Now I'm crying. I want to share my life with her. Who cares if Lil' Slugger dissapears? I didn't really help that much anyway. "I can't" She repeats just as firmly. "Don't you remember? When you and I and Cuddles..?" I knew the sentence was a fragment. There wasn't a need to say anything more. "You promised!" I lied. She never made a promise to stay with me. Now she was crying, on her knees, but still safely cradeling her baby. "I want to hold her," I said through clenched teeth.
My breaking heart melted as the child cuddled up to my hoodie. She was hugging a sleeping Mr. Cuddles closely to her body. "Hello there," I said; crying happy tears now. I guess it was a delusion..but for a minute it felt like I had the thing I wanted. It felt like I was part of a loving family. I felt like I was the father of a happy child and married to the woman of my dreams. My delusion ended quickly...the husband returned to pick up something he forgot. I stood there, holding his child and clenching my teeth as he kissed who should've been my girl on the cheek. "Bye, it's nice to meet you." He tells me like I'm an after-thought. "Bye honey," he says to her and kisses her one more time on the cheek. Every second he was in my presence, the more I wanted to take his place. The person had never done anything to me, but I was jealous. I admitt every bit to it. I was completely jealous of someone I didn't know. I'd seen him with her alot; I was there the night they had first tried to have a baby. I'm a stalker not a pervert, I skated away before I could see anything that night; In tears mind you. Next to this, it was one of the saddest days of my life. I was at the movies when the two shared their first kiss. I was even at their wedding, hiding in the shadows, and forcing myself not to stop her from marrying him. "Goodbye hunny," she called out to her husband; dragging me from her thoughts.
Goodbye was the reason I had come to visit her. How could it be so easy for her? Life isn't fair. Mine isn't at least. I was still holding her baby in my arms. "I can be a good father too." My last attempt at having this family. "I love him," she answered my unasked question. "I'll get rid of him," I threatened. "No, you won't." She knew me too well.
"I won't" I admitted. "You want to," she stated; it wasn't a question. "I want to with ever fiber of my being. I want to pummel him to the ground and claim you as my own. I don't care that he's the real father. I can be a good one too!" I yelled the last two sentences. The tears were streaming down my face now. "You can't be," those three words cut into me. "Can you take her to school?" No, I couldn't. "Can you be there on parent's day?" Probably not. "Can you give her a good education?" No, I couldn't. "Can you take her to the park?" No, I wouldn't be able to. "STOP IT! I don't want to hear this! Tell me it's a dream! Tell me I'm going to wake up and you're going to be sleeping on my lap! That we'll still be two teenage kids that met by chance! Tell me that we grow old together and that I'm the real father! Anything but the truth!" I cried. I've layed the girl in her crib already and I'm kneeling on the ground; balling my eyes out.
Well, at least I still had my golden eyes. One of the two things that were ever truly mine. "Goodbye," I said after I collected myself. I looked over to the crib and smirked. "You'll make a good mother," I told her before dissapearing back into the shadows. It wasn't until' I was near the exist that I saw the child had now grinned just like me; showing her pearly whites to the world while she slept. It hurt me all the more. "Goodbye," I said to her as well. "bye daddy," I heard her say in her sleep. I know she had me confused with her real father, but I smiled as I left anyway.
Whoa, it's been such a long time since I've made anything for this series. At any rate, if you think I should continue this and not keep it as a oneshot, then please review.