100 Things I Cannot Do in Pokémon:

1. Pants Misty, then tell her that's why she should have kept her suspenders.

2. Ask Brock if he's blind, or ask him "How many fingers am I holding up?" to prove it.

3. Pikachu does not like to be poked, especially in its cheeks.

4. "Diglet Den" is not the poké parallel to "Meerkat Manor"

5. I will not chop off Jessie's hair in her sleep, even if it does grow back instantly.

6. Spraying Misty in the face with a water gun is not anger management.

7. Calling Ash "Ashley" loses its charm fairly quickly.

8. Dressing up as an articuno and challenging James the Flaming Moltres to a battle may not be against League rules, but that doesn't make it right.

9. I may not refer to myself as "The Icy Goddess Articuno"

10. I may not refer to the actual articuno as the "Icy Bitch Articuno".

11. When Ash talks about becoming a Pokémon Master, I'm not supposed to ask him, "What exactly does that job, position, or title entail?" just to watch him freak out.

12. If Max says he has no pokémon, the appropriate answer is not "Then I challenge you to the pokémon battle!"

13. We do not ask how a skitty and a wailord can breed, no matter how funny it is.

14. My superpower is not jumping through plotholes.

15. My superpower is not pointing out plotholes.

16. My superpower is not discovering horcruxes, because that is the "wrong fandom"

17. A price scanner is not the same thing as a pokedex.

18. Submitting data of MissingNo to Professor Oak is not valid.

19. Even if it fits, I cannot plug a gameshark into my pokedex.

20. Ask Brock if he sold his soul to Satan to resurrect his mother.

21. Ask Brock if he plans to do the same for Ash's vanished father.

22. Ask Misty if she was a mistake.

23. Ask Ash if he was a mistake.

24. Tell Max he was definitely a mistake.

25. Sing-a-longs are not a fun way to pass travel time with the pokémon crew.

26. The Pocket Monsters crew is cool with it, as long as you sing in Japanese.

27. Ash, Misty, and Brock do not speak Japanese.

28. Satoshi, Kasumi, and Takeshi do not speak English.

29. There is no excuse for pushing Ash off a cliff, even though everyone knows he can't really die.

30. Tell Max he's the Scrappy Doo of Pokémon.

31. …kill Ash Ketchum. I will not kill Ash Ketchum. I will not…

32. Tell Dawn her hair looks fine, except for that one she really ought to fix and watch her go haywire.

33. Ask Ash if he's a poke, ability, advance, pearl or pallet shipper.

34. Tell the boys Daisy's upstairs in nothing but a red ribbon.

35. Ask Gary: "What the hell kind of line is 'friends to the end'?" No matter how valid a question it is.

36. Refer to Max as Mini-Brock

37. Bitch slap May when she listens to Harley.

38. Scream "The voice is back!" when the narrator speaks.

39. Introduce the group to Robin, Harry Potter, Zuko and Saskue for angst lessons.

40. Stock up on ultra balls and catch a Legendary.

41. Consistently ask Kurt: "Have you opened the GS ball yet, have you?"

42. Ask Drew if he dyes his hair.

43. Prompt him to dye his hair so he looks "normal".

44. Scatter anger management pamphlets throughout the Cerulean Gym.

45. Slip Playboys into Brock's bag.

46. Ask James if he's ever looked up Jessie's skirt while blasting off.

47. Ask James if there's a specific reason why he hasn't.

48. Beg Team Rocket to let me join their motto.

49. When Pikachu comes in all flushed and nervous ask, "What's that, Lassie? Timmy's stuck in a well?"

50. Give Misty black and green streaks, realistic looking Henna tattoos, change all her clothes to black, and inform her that, since Ash ditched her, she must now fulfill the role of "Angst Character Number One"

51. Poke Drew, Gary, or Paul.

52. Especially not Paul.

53. Kick Ash in the groin (thus invoking the wrath of the Legendaries because he's supposed to make Chosen One babies and the like).

54. Without Ash knowing, steal a pokeball from him, then attempt to battle him with his own pokémon.

55. Ask Misty, May and Dawn if they have Tramp Stamps or Hoe Tags.

56. Teach Misty, May and Dawn the meaning of Tramp Stamp and Hoe Tag.

57. Introduce the gang to the only other mouse more corporate than Pikachu: Mickey Mouse.

58. Ask characters: Boxers or Briefs?

59. Ask female characters: Thongs, or the four thousand other kinds of female underwear there are?

60. Call May "May-bee", Drew "Drew-bee"

61. Sing "Diglett dig, diglett dig, trio, trio, trio" over and over and over again.

62. Challenge Dawn's cheerleading skills by screaming, "Dance off!" during Ash's gym battle (mostly because I can't dance).

63. Ask Dawn if she's ever seen Tang in her life.

64. Scream at her for being the very model of rich, corporate money whores because she has no idea what Tang is.

65. Introduce Ash to the phrase "Bitch, please!"

66. Join Team Rocket (for the black uniform)

67. Hit a pokémon (they hit back)

68. Give Ash a card that says "To keep an idiot entertained, flip this card over" on both sides.

69. Replace water with liquor.

70. Tell Ash he never would have made it anywhere if Gary hadn't dropped out.

71. Introduce Misty to Katara and have them compete for the title of "Water Master". Since Katara is fulfilling the role of a pokémon, she has to take the attacks. Only fair.

72. Introduce Ash to Jeri from the third season of Digimon, scary puppet and all, to prove that he has the ability to make friends with anyone.

73. Ask Nurse Joy where the real doctor is.

74. If injured, kill Chansey for being cheerful whilst I'm in pain.

75. Blast humidity at Dawn during the day and giggle when her hair frizzes.

76. Ask Misty what happened to her parents.

77. Set up the "Klodike Bar" challenge.

78. Bring in characters from other shows, thus breaking the innocence of the characters and plunging them into a realistic world where it's discovered that pokémon battling is a hideous thing and hormones run rampant.

79. Breed selectively to require shinies.

80. Search for what's in hamburgers.

81. Ask Officer Jenny where the real cop is.

82. Set up long, elaborate pranks to trick Professor Oak into believing he's going senile.

83. Attempt to find undeniable proof of eldershipping.

84. Attempt to figure out what the hell Mrs. Ketchum does all day if she doesn't clean and appears to always be home.

85. Use the unedited, uncut Japanese version of pokémon to prove eldershipping…and many other shippings that were all, ahem, consummated.

86. Take on the Elite Four.

87. Become the world's best eevee breeder. Even if I'm really, really good at it.

88. Try and discover if pokémon breed as we know it (thanks to that whole skitty/wailord debacle) or do some kind of strange ritual where an egg beams down from the heavens.

89. Figure out why nobody actually knows how pokémon eggs get there, because, apparently, no one has ever seen a pokémon lay an egg or breed.

90. Hold a sex ed class.

91. Hold a home economics class (complete with child)

92. Attempt to dominate the world using legal skill and propaganda the likes of which the pokémon world has ever seen, especially since all it takes it a fake mustache and a wig to trick people.

93. Inform Harley his cookies suck.

94. Drive Anabel crazy, considering she's probably only a hop, skip and a jump away, just like most psychics.

95. On his eleventh birthday, send Ash a letter from Hogwarts thus giving him dreams.

96. The day after Ash's eleventh birthday, tell Ash Hogwarts isn't real, thus crushing his dreams.

97. Decide that the show should be more like the manga and include loads more blood, then create scenarios in which this would happen.

98. Bring in Brendan for love triangle lulz.

99. Write a Mary Sue.

And one hundred: Rape the Canon.


Moral of the Story: List fics aren't allowed. ;)

So, as for closing comments, I just wanted to say that canon is subjective. Maybe you're going by the Japanese version, or the American version, or you're partial to the manga. Maybe you've been watching the show from the beginning, maybe you started somewhere in the middle. Maybe your canon doesn't include anything past Misty leaving, or even past the first season, or perhaps you like to pretend the beginning of the show never happened. The point is, it's subjective, in the end. Subjective doesn't mean you can do whatever you want, but it means as long as you have proof of whatever personality trait you're trying to pull off, you'll be fine. Take advice, always be open to new ideas, and remember that one well rounded critique is worth four hundred and ninety two "OMG, totally awesome"s.

Hugs and love,
Natty