What Momma Doesn't Know


Heh, okay, so I know I haven't updated, but I wanted to get this oneshot up first! Sorry, loves, just bear with me a little longer…

Jin: Well, this is her first oneshot, so please don't be so hard.

Yeah, I'll learn. Heh.

DISCLAIMER: blah blah blah, don't own, yada yada yada. If I owned Naruto, Hinata wouldn't be in love with Naruto…


"I don't like it here." He pouted, crossing his arms over his chest stubbornly. "I want to go home."

Mrs. Uchiha laughed in amusement, and he could only stare up in amazement at how angelic his mother was.

"I hate girls." Sasuke scowled, huffing. "They're stupid, and mean, and ugly, and touchy-feely, and they won't leave me alone!"

She bent down until she was eye level with her son, face to face, a grin on her face. "Aww, Sasuke, does that mean you hate me too?"

He blinked, forgetting about his previous anger momentarily. "You're not a girl, Momma,"—he spat out the word 'girl' as though it was made of poison and acid—"You're my momma, duh!"

Laughing, she nodded in agreement and rubbed his hair, one of the only people he allowed to do so. "Right, right, how could I be so stupid?" she said.

Abruptly, he gasped and grabbed a hold of his mother's face, staring at her with wide and intense eyes. "Momma, did you get the Stupid Cooties from those girls?"

Holding in her laughter, she nodded slightly, trying to put on a worried face. "Oh, no…maybe, darling, what do I do if I did? Will I…" She opened her mouth dramatically, touching her forehead with the back of her hand. "…Die?"

"Not my Momma!"

And then he gave her the cootie shot while she watched, trying very hard not to burst out chortling. He had a serious expression on his face, one that resembled someone saving another's life; it was very funny, but she managed not to disrupt his concentration.

Sasuke took a step back and placed his hands on his hips, not before wiping the invisible sweat off his forehead. "All done," he proudly stated.

"Thank you, Sasuke," Mrs. Uchiha smiled and gave her son a big hug. "You saved my life."

"Doctor Sasuke," he corrected. "One day, I'm gonna become a famous doctor!"

His mother smiled and then nodded at him. "Of course, now go on."

Sasuke made a face at her, not budging from his spot. With his crimson eyes, he looked around at the park; there were girls invading the entire place. The disgusting creatures were on the monkey bars, the slides, the grass, near the fountains, underneath the sakura trees and eating mutated food.

It was horrifying.

They were everywhere.

It was like his own personal hell.

She patted his butt, gently pushing him forward.

The little boy looked shocked, hiding his behind from her hand as he covered it, blushing furiously and looking side-to-side as if to make sure no one was watching. "Momma! Not in public!" he whispered through gritted teeth. "You only do that at home, and what happens at home, stays at home!"

"Oh," she placed her hand against her mouth. "Well, I'm sorry. You're just too cute!" Standing up, she ruffled his hair and said, "Momma is gonna go get her hair cut across the street, okay, Sasuke?"

Said boy frowned visibly, but nodded. "Okay…"

"Remember what I told you?"

"Yes: Don't go with anybody funny-looking." Sasuke recited dutifully.


He paused… "And if they touch me, scream 'rape.'"

"That's a good boy," Mrs. Uchiha grinned proudly.

"Momma, what does 'rape' mean?" Sasuke looked up at his mother questioningly, but she merely patted his head and said, "I'll tell you when you're older."

As she walked off, he watched, feeling a strange loneliness while staring at her fading back. He turned around, facing the warzone that was known as "The Park." Scowling in abhorrence, he stuffed his little hands into his pockets and lowered his gaze, kicking a pebble. As he was walking around with no destination in particular, he didn't notice two girls sneak up on him.

"Hi, Sasuke!"

Startled, he jumped and whipped around, hands curled into fists and pulled up, ready for a fight; Sakura Haruno and Ino Yamanaka stared back at him with hearts in their eyes, and he almost cursed aloud—almost, and he desperately wanted to, but his mother told him that it was not very nice to use those words.

"What do you want?" he asked irritably, folding his arms and tapping his foot in impatience.

"You want to play with us, Sasuke?" Sakura asked.

"Yeah," Ino echoed, giggling behind her hands; he noticed that her nails were painted yellow and Sakura's were painted pink.

I hate pink. AND yellow.

"No," Sasuke scoffed. "I don't play with girls."

Sakura shook her hair and smiled at him, showing off her pearly whites; her lips seemed to be oddly pink, too, and sparkly, but Sasuke didn't dwell on that too much.

"We're not 'girls,'" the pink-haired girl said. "We're women!"

Sasuke raised a brow and then walked off. "You're stupid." He never liked Dumb and Dumber; they were just so…dumb. Not to mention the fact that they were beyond annoying; they were infuriating! They followed him everywhere, like his own personal stalkers!

Like they were doing now…

"Wait up, Sasuke!"

He felt them link their arms with his and he growled and yanked himself away, running off with them following close behind.


"Sasuke, wait!" Ino managed to grab onto his shirt, and with Sakura's help, their combined strength managed to drag him toward the mini-house that was built for girls, filled with girls, and covered with cooties!

Knowing that he had to do something before he was doomed, he remembered his mother's words of advice. Glancing back at the girls' faces that were concentrated with the thought of getting him inside that horrible house of horror, he pursed his lips in thought. Well, they were funny-looking, and they were touching him against his will…

Now, there was only one thing to do:

"Someone help me! Rape! RAPE! HELP!"

The girls let go of him in shock and surprise, watching with opened mouths as grownups began to jump up and run toward the source of the cry for help. Just as the adults reached them, Sasuke jumped into the nearest bush and dashed off through the trees while Sakura and Ino were surrounded by questioning and sickened parents.

Before long, he could hear their voices getting fainter and fainter as he lost them, silently thanking his mother for her beautiful piece of guidance.

"Stupid girls," he muttered to himself, pushing through low branches and jumping over roots until he came into an opening.

He stopped, looking around the big meadow; he thought he caught sight of a deer and her child, but he wasn't too sure. There were so many flowers, too, and the wind felt cool against his face. It was peaceful, quiet, something that was unfamiliar to him; when it was quiet at his house, it meant his father was angry. This was a…different kind of silence. It was nice.

As he was walking through the fields, a little bit of sunlight began to seep through the mighty clouds, right onto an angel. He stood there with his eyes widening in shock.

Sasuke tried to be as quiet as possible as he stepped forward, wanting a better look at the angel. His mother had told him that angels were very shy; that was the reason why people couldn't see them. But then, a stick snapped beneath his foot, and in surprise, he looked down to give a glare at his traitorous limb. Just as he raised his eyes, the sunlight was gone, and he was gazing at a little girl with strange, gray eyes.

She looked frightened, dropping the handful of flowers. "U-um…"

"You're not an angel!" Sasuke blurted out.

"N-no…" she said softly; it was almost a whisper. "I-I'm Hinata H-Hyuuga…"

He frowned, kicking the broken twig absentmindedly.

"W-what's y-your n-name?"

"I'm Sasuke Uchiha, and I hate girls." Sasuke was really in no mood to have another crazy fan-girl nutcase on his hands, so he made sure that she understood he hated her.

She bit her lip, sitting down on the grass, picking up her dropped flowers. "O-oh…"

The silence that took place then was not as sweet as the one before; Sasuke glanced behind him. He didn't want to go back and have the two dingalings fight over him or attempt to persuade him to play with their stupid games, but then he didn't want to hang around a future weirdo.


Sakura and Ino, or quiet, angel-impersonating, future stalker…?

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"I-I'm collect-collecting flowers for m-my m-mom." The girl answered gently; she picked a dandelion and then added it to the pile in her hands. "I-I h-heard you s-screaming 'r-rape.'"

He had to think for a second until he figured out what she was talking about. "Oh, yeah, that." He shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly.


"Because Sakura and Ino were being stupid," he answered, scowling at the memory. "And my momma told me to scream 'rape' if anyone touched me. And they kept grabbing me, too; it was gross and icky."

Hinata looked confused at his words and asked, "H-how come t-they k-kept grabbing y-you?"

Again, he had to use up another second to think of an answer, referring to one of his many conversations with his beloved mother. "Well, it's hard being as cute as I am!—At least, that's what Momma told me."

"Y-yeah…you're r-really c-cute." Hinata agreed, and then turned her head away quickly. Sasuke flushed a faint pink, rubbing the back of his neck embarrassedly; everyone always commented on how adorable he was, but that was the first time he felt a funny something when a girl said it.

Then, she added, "A-and S-Sakura and Ino r-really l-like c-cute things."

He said nothing, and instead observed her as another silence took place; he noticed that she was very pale, but it wasn't the unhealthy kind. Actually, it really accentuated the color of her hair and her eyes. Now that he thought about it, Hinata was pretty, a lot prettier than anyone he had ever seen.

Gah! She's not pretty at all! He angrily slapped his head repeatedly, a habit he had developed when he was younger after watching his father do it. She's a girl, and girls are ugly!

Slap! Slap! Slap!

"A-ano…w-what are y-you d-doing?"

Sasuke blinked, pausing in his masochistic onslaught. "…What?"

"W-why are y-you s-slapping yourself?"

"…There was a mosquito."

For a moment, it looked as though she didn't believe him, and Sasuke began fidgeting uncomfortably. Then, she asked worriedly, "D-did you g-get it?"

He had to inwardly smirk at his wonderful acting skills; maybe he could be a famous actor on the offside of his doctor career. "Yeah. It was a big one, too."

Hinata looked impressed, and the boy was just soaking it all up like a plant bathed in sunlight. "Y-you're r-really b-brave, S-Sasuke!" she said.

"It was just a mosquito," Sasuke retorted, trying to downplay his 'achievement' but not managing to get rid of the giddy feeling of pride.

"S-still…" Hinata continued with a shy smile. "I-I could n-never b-be that b-brave."

"Sure you can," Sasuke said, stepping closer until he was no more than half a foot away. He didn't realize it, but that was the closest he'd ever been with a girl willingly.

"B-but…h-how?" She stared at him with such admiring eyes, as if he was some kind of saint that should be idolized.

"First, you gotta stop stuttering."

Hinata nodded, her eyes shining with determination and hope. "O-okay…" Her hands flew to her mouth guiltily.

Sasuke gave her a look. "Oh-kay," he sounded the word out carefully to show her how to correctly say it.


He winced and she cringed, but he encouraged her by saying, "Close enough."

Hinata grinned proudly, and then the funny feeling was back in his stomach.

"Now," he began, getting into a fighting stance. "Punch me."


"Punch me!"

"B-but…" She bit her fingernails nervously. "I-I've never p-punched any-anyone b-before."

He rolled his eyes, not quite understanding what she was going through. He punched people all the time, especially when he went to karate lessons; it was no big deal to him.

"There's a first time for everything," he remarked. "Bring your hands up and clench them into fists."

After gently setting down her flowers in a spot where she'd remember and where they wouldn't get damaged, Hinata did as she was told, though slowly and hesitantly.

"Okay, now punch me!"

"W-what if I—what if y-you g-get hurt?" she said worriedly.

"Please, me? The great Sasuke Uchiha?" He almost laughed at her naivety. "I'm a man. You can't hurt me, so hurry up and give me a good sock."

"A-a sock?" she repeated, bewildered.

"It means 'a punch.'"


She reached out and gently hit him on his chest which earned a scoff from Sasuke; when she tried again, he commented, "I think I felt something that time." After a while, Hinata dropped down onto the grass, breathing heavily from exhaustion.

"T-this—i-is h-hard—work."

Sasuke wasn't as tired as she was; he was tired at all, really, and neither was he damaged from her pathetic "girl punches." But he followed suit and sat down beside her, crossing his legs.

"H-how a-am I d-doing?" Hinata asked him curiously.

Truth be told, she was horrible at fighting, but she was better than the other girls; for one thing, she actually socked him while the others merely complained about how they 'loved' him too much to do so.

But he didn't want to tell her how bad she was; why? Sasuke wasn't sure himself.

"…You're almost there."

She smiled widely, showing how happy she was at his words, and he found himself grinning along with her, forgetting about his "Man Code" and the "Uchiha Rule of Not Smiling at Icky Girls" (shortened to URNSIG).

Then, he felt a hand in his hair, and he turned to stare at the culprit with annoyed eyes. If there was one thing he hated, it was someone touching his hair; he was quite jealous of it, and did not want people's nasty, germy hands messing up his precious, unique hair style. But her hands were so soft and smooth…

Hinata pulled her hand back, looking a bit afraid of his scary glare.

"S-sorry…" she apologized, turning a dark shade of red.

He frowned, turning his gaze up to the clouds and mumbled, "You can touch it…"

"A-are y-you g-going to scream r-rape?"

Well, his mother did say so, but…

"What Momma doesn't know won't hurt her."



Okay, so what'd you think? Hope it wasn't too bad…hehe.

Jin: Well, we love your reviews, so please press that oh-so-lovable button!