Pheromones — a word derived from science but rooted, by every effect, in emotion. The word pheromone is from the Greek pherein, meaning to carry and hormōn, meaning to stir up or rouse. The etymology of the word made it easy to see how I had been unconsciously affected by him. He was almost always close enough where that scent was able to carry and I had always assumed it was just that particular brand of cologne that stirred up my olfactory pathways.
I had, up until recently, never associated his scent as his. That was until last night's date with the Orthopaedic surgeon. When my date had greeted me with a kiss on my cheek, I had immediately recognized the cologne as the one Booth wore, but had been surprised by the lack of…stirrings. I had always been conscious of that subtle, clean and sexy spiciness. That smell had interfered with my concentration on more than one frustrating occasion. It was never as dangerous to my composure as after Booth's underground fight in Las Vegas. Holding his body upright, that intoxicating aroma had surrounded me as securely as his arms had and I had to remind myself that Booth was hurt and required a different sort of attention than my racing hormones demanded.
My puzzlement distracted me the entire evening, so I was not surprised when my date had not even attempted to prolong the evening. I knew I would not hear from him again. When I finally arrived back home, I immediately began researching odor, which lead me to pheromones. It was actually quite fascinating how many different types of pheromones are present in the animal kingdom. In general, a pheromone is a chemical substance that serves as a stimulus to others of the same species for one or more behavioral responses, from sex to defense to providing information. In any of these uses, I was unable to deny my intense physical attraction to Booth.
The sex pheromone was obvious, as I desperately wanted to feel him deep inside, fused to my own heat. Booth put out a powerful pheromone according to my body's continuous physical responses. His chemical output alone concluded he would be a more than adequate bedmate, but combined with his physique, symmetry, observational skills, intelligence and heart and I felt hard pressed to rationalize why he could not be a mate. His body is exceptional and would account for my body being prepared with the needed lubrication at a moment's notice. He has an almost psychic ability to know exactly what I need and I must confess my skin tingles at the thought of that perception being focused onto my sexual appetite. Lastly, Booth's heart would ensure I felt loved and wanted—more than as a biological imperative for a short span of time.
But in that question was the eternal answer and reason for my distress. He did not want me in return. The line of professionalism effectively kept him from my reach. All I needed to do was remember that line to cloak my arousal and need and throw him off my scent. Yes, Booth flirted with me occasionally. And yes, he constantly assured me that any man would be lucky to be with me, even when he also claimed the majority would not be good enough. Both facts demonstrated two other very desirable traits for a possible mate—playfulness and loyalty. And yet…
I reviewed my notes on territorial and aggregation pheromones. Territorial pheromones mark the boundaries of what is perceived as ones claimed domain, while aggregation pheromones function in defense against predators and mate selection. I always detected trouble when he started asking leading questions about my dates. He had not known about tonight's disaster, which in this case was unlucky as he would have helped it end earlier. While it is unclear whether the men I dated—those who had met Booth—actually smelled a specific chemical that their brains registered as a warning; his physical posturing and intimidation tactics certainly forced them to keep their distance. I supposed it was endearing how he looked out for me, even when I am clearly in control of the situation. It is very pleasant to feel cared for and special.
But even those men, whom I invited back to my apartment to assist in stress relief, encountered his presence. Booth repeatedly left indicators of a male occupancy in my life. He is very absent-minded for such an organized person. I am always finding his ties, jackets, cell phone or watch in various rooms. Actually, this could be an example of information pheromones, where an animal will deposit chemicals to serve as a warning to others about the existence of said animal within the already established territory. I did not like having to explain who the owner is to my dates, of the obviously male items. I felt at war each time I returned the belongings to my partner. I get upset with him for invading my space and love that he is there.
Now I am confused by a different train of thought. He drew his line and yet is upset when I accept a date with another man. He on the other hand can date whomever he wants without fear of backlash from me because I have never learned of his dates beforehand. He pushed me to be more open with my past experiences and present feelings and yet he hoards all personal information regarding his own life. He protected me from countless bad guys but raged at me anytime I attempted to guard his back in return. The man is a complete hypocrite.
My shoulders slumped in defeat and fatigue. I am exhausted by the endless circles in my arguments. I can only determine conclusions based upon solid facts.
Fact: I am attracted to Booth.
Fact: I want Booth sexually.
Fact: Booth makes me feel special.
Fact: I want more than just sex with Booth.
Fact: I have no insights into why Booth is so inconsistent with his behavior towards me.
Fact: Booth only sees me as a friend.
As I finally began to fall asleep, my last thought was my conclusions 'stink'.
A/N 1: Thank you for reading. Please feel free to let me know of any typos, grammar problems, difficulties following the sentence structures, problems with holding true to Brennan's character and speech patterns or other concerns. Please believe me when I say this type of feedback is even more helpful and encouraging than a pat on the back "Good job"or "I liked it." Either way, I do hope you enjoyed it.
A/N 2: I have a Booth POV and a dialogue-based one-shot to continue onwards.