Author's Note: At long last, The Maxwell Progeny is up and ready for your consuming purposes. For those of you who have read The Maxwell Project, go on ahead and read to your hearts' content. You may want to read TMP1 first to refresh your memory about what was going on when we left off but other than that, enjoy. For those that haven't read The Maxwell Project, read that first before you read this. Otherwise, it won't make any since TMP2 picks up where TMP1 left off. Hell, most of you probably won't even understand this chapter but it is only a prologue that will serve to set up future chapters so pay attention to it! Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing.
Warning: religious overtones
The Maxwell Progeny
Entry of a Forgotten Soul
Journal Entry 10415:
How long has it been since I first began waiting for this day? I know I have been expecting it for some time but I guess I could say I gave up on it long ago. Now it has finally come to pass and I find myself at a loss.
It's funny. Here I am, the person responsible for so much misery, and I am cowering in the face of that which I brought forth into this world. I really am a coward, may God forgive me for that weakness. I've always had trouble coming to terms with my actions.
Sometimes, I wish I hadn't had such a vivid imagination, that I was just as dull and simple minded as the rest of the country's population. Then I wouldn't be stuck in this mess in the first place. How I rue the day I first met that young man who expressed to me so much interest in my work. If only I had known that he had been a devil in expensive clothing then maybe, just maybe…
But what's the point in thinking about might-have-beens and possible alternative realities? It's not as if I could go back into time and change everything. No, I believe that I will have to deal with this but can I be blamed if I drag my feet while doing so? It wouldn't do anything to effect the whole scheme of things, would it? Knowing my luck, it will.
Why couldn't I have been more like John? That man, I swear, has to be blessed, blessed by God or some higher power up there that seems to think I am not worth His time. Perhaps I am not worth anybody's time. I wouldn't be opposed to it if they decided to kill me for all the suffering that I may or may not have inadvertently placed on them.
Even now as I sit here, writing this all down, I can hear them. I can hear their movements as they walk down the hallways, walk into the house of worship. I can hear the one with a mouth so bad that only sailors would be proud of him. I can hear the meekest one padding around, trailing after the one with the foul mouth like a lost puppy and when he's not doing that he sticks to John and Helen like glue. I can hear the quiet one who seems so cool headed, taking charge of the other two, asking questions about some girl that he might have feelings for.
Funny, I always thought, and had been told, that they wouldn't be able to experience emotion but from those curses I heard earlier, if there is one thing they are not lacking, it is passion. It sings to my heart that they are not mindless robots; perhaps then something can be done.
God Almighty, what am I thinking? It was this kind of thinking that led to this in the first place. Why would I want to get any more involved than I already am? Look at where it's gotten me. I am an exile in my own country, I am hiding out in a church, I am isolating myself into this room to avoid what? The truth of what my imagination has wrought? I really am going to Hell, no matter how many Hail Mary's I do or how many times I go to confession to admit my sins.
My sins are one too many to count.
I am unredeemable.
But isn't this my chance to fix things, to try and atone for all that I have done? The Lord Almighty works in mysterious ways, so John tells me. By the way, that reminds me, he tried using that "God only helps those who help themselves" bit on me the other day. It wasn't the Son that said those words but Benjamin Franklin! Now there was a good laugh when he found out I was speaking the truth.
Where was I again? Oh yes, atonement. I am no better than that man who came to me, willing to take the risk that I offered that all others like the Winners and Romafellor weren't willing to take. Perhaps they were right in refusing me. But I was just so mad that I was being so dismissed so easily, as if my ideas were nothing but fantasy but when really I was so close to making it a reality. Accepting the first offer made to me was the gravest mistake I have ever made and will ever.
Or maybe it won't be if I don't act soon. They want to leave as soon as possible and my time is running out. I may not be able to do something about the past but they sure can do something about the future. I must take advantage of this God-given opportunity before it slips through my fingers and is crushed under that lunatic's shoe just like everything else.
Okay, take a deep breath James. You can do this. All you're doing is telling them that you are responsible for~~~~~~~~
Oh what the hell am I saying? They're going to kill me once I tell them. Then again, would that be such a bad thing? When all is said and done, all blame rests with me, I suppose. I really am such a coward. So many have suffered already and that includes not just those who are alive but those who have also died because of it and there are a lot of dead bodies, their blood on my hands.
For example, there's Helen, poor sweet Helen. She just had to catch the attention of the wrong person. Unfortunately, I found out too late what had happened and only after I had made my escape. She did not do anything to deserve such a fate. Why has God allowed this twisted…game to continue? We're stealing people's humanities away, something that can never be retrieved, just like Adam and Eve's loss of innocence back in Paradise. Just like the innocence of all those children who have consumed by Project Maxwell.
May God take pity on me and have mercy on my soul.
I'm going in.